


He Always Wakes Up Late On Sunday.

by Nicolasgrimshaw



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Artist Harry, Asexual Character, Asexual/Sexual relationship, Asexuality, Breaking Up & Making Up, Brief talk of depression and being suicidal, Chaptered, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, No Smut, Self-Discovery, Sexual Humor, True Love, Work In Progress, v small aspect of this fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-13
Updated: 2018-08-08
Packaged: 2018-09-08 07:37:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 96,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8835958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nicolasgrimshaw/pseuds/Nicolasgrimshaw
Summary: Panromantic Harry loves painting, life, and most importantly Louis. However, he does not love physical contact, his friends always making everything about sex, and being singled out because he doesn't desire sex. Bisexual Louis loves hugs, holding hands, kisses, cuddling, and most importantly Harry. However, he does not love the fact that he hasn't gotten laid in over two years, Harry's refusal to comprise, and his resistance to even talk about their intimate future.What is asexuality?





	1. Chapter 1

It was October 17th. The air was getting colder with each passing sun and the moon was waking up earlier and earlier to meet the night. Louis and Harry were on their way to Zayn and Liam's flat from the grocery store. Louis was happily holding his 'prized' pumpkin in his lap instead of placing it in the trunk because 'it could get damaged'. Harry wasn't going to object to that because a happy Louis made for a happy life. 

"You know," Louis started and Harry glanced at him quickly before focusing his attention on the road. "I still think we should've gone to the pumpkin patch to get our pumpkins. These pumpkins just aren't as authentic as they could be if we had gotten them from the patch!" Harry laughed. 

"Okay, well, the pumpkin patch closes at 6, its currently 7:15 and we were supposed to be at Zayn and Liam's fifteen minutes ago." He smiled thinly and Louis just blew air through his nose. He crossed his arms across his lower chest. 

"It was open yesterday and the day before and the day before-"

"And each time I suggested going you said you were too busy or too tired or you had to work or I to work and you said we could just go the next day and here we are with mediocre pumpkins from the grocery store."

"Don't you dare say anything insulting about Dexter." Louis told him dismissively. Harry waited until he was fully stopped at the traffic light to give Louis a patronizing smirk because of course he named his pumpkin. 

"Did you seriously name your pumpkin?" Louis nodded proudly. 

"S'got to have some personality, Harold!"

"Wouldn't it make it easier to carve if it didn't have a name?" Louis shrugged. 

"Last year I named my pumpkin Robert."

"Why are all your pumpkins male? Should I be jealous?" The traffic light changed and Harry turned back to the road. Louis just sighed contently then shrugged again, placing his hands on his pumpkin. 

"I don't know, but the year before that I named it Eleanor after Ellie. She got so pissed at me and I don't even know why, she should've felt honored." Louis snickered happily at the memory. 

"That was the year we met." Every year, at least for the past three years, Zayn and Liam would have a little pumpkin carving contest in their flat. Granted things tended to get a little messy, it was where Louis and Harry first met each other and now they were about to celebrate their 2 year anniversary on the 31st. 

"Duh," Harry laughed softly. 

"God, that was probably one of the best nights of my life." Louis glanced at Harry and Harry kept his eyes trained on the road so he couldn't make out Louis's fond little gaze. "You were so eccentric and energetic, it's one of the reasons I fell in love with you."

"Oh, you fell in love with me in one night?" Harry laughed. 

"No, I fell in love with you as a whole person over time. I fell in love with your eccentricity and energy pretty quick though." He teased. "I remember you kept teasing Eleanor by threatening to throw the pumpkin guts in her hair." 

"I do that every year." Louis and Harry both laughed together. "And each year she says she's going to kill me, but she never does." 

"Maybe this year will be the year." Louis sighed contently then turned and gazed out the window. 

"You know our 2 year anniversary is coming up." Harry grinned happily. 

"I know." Louis smiled. 

"So are we actually going to do something to celebrate?" He asked turning to him. Harry finally pulled into the parking lot of Zayn and Liam's flat complex and pulled into a parking spot facing the building. He turned off the car and turned to Louis. 

"We'll see how the day goes." He shrugged nonchalantly. Louis crossed his arms and gave him an unamused look. "I'm kidding! I got it all planned out-"

"What if I have something planned?"

"Do you? Because you asked if we were doing anything leading me to believe you didn't have anything planned." A small, almost guilty, smile spread across his lips.

"I don't."

"Well lucky for you, I do." Louis's gazed turned a little condescending with one eyebrow furrowed and the other quirked up. Harry mocked him teasingly. 

"Hey, cut it out." He reached out and hit his arm. Harry broke character, laughing sweetly. 

"Okay, before we go up lets get some things cleared away." He started. Louis sighed, nodding. "You are not allowed to threaten to throw the pumpkin guts in Eleanor's hair." Louis crossed his arms, rolling his eyes at him. 

"You're not the boss of me." Harry just laughed dryly. 

"And we're leaving at midnight." He stated. 

"Oh come on, tomorrow is literally Sunday, we don't have anything to do!" Louis exclaimed uncrossing his arms and rolling his shoulders forward in a slump. 

"Yeah, well, I usually don't like going to bed past 10:30 and I have to work tomorrow afternoon." Harry trailed off and finished with a shrug. 

"Okay, well, I can just stay later-"

"No, you should come home with me. What's so unreasonable about midnight?" 

"You do not tell me what I should do." Louis told him sternly. Harry inhaled slowly.

"Okay then, I'll tell you what I want you to do and I want you to come home with me around midnight. I wouldn't want you traveling home alone at whatever hour of the night. It wouldn't be safe." Louis took a deep breath. 

"Let's just see how the night goes and what's going on when midnight comes. Okay?" He suggest. Harry nodded. 

"Okay." This is where a typical couple would maybe share a sweet short kiss before climbing out of the car, but no. Harry turned and climbed out of the car while Louis just sat there and sighed heavily. He turned and opened his door before getting out and picking up his pumpkin. 

Harry grabbed his own little pumpkin out of the back seat then locked the car. They walked up to the door leading into the complex. They pressed the buzzer under Zayn and Liam's last names and waited for the door to click unlocked. 

When it did they headed straight up the stairs to the second floor and marched down the hallway to Zayn and Liam's door. Harry knocked and Zayn opened it with a chipper smile on his face. 

"Where the hell have you two been? You're twenty minutes late!" Louis rolled his eyes. 

"Well since someone procrastinated so much, we were at the store picking out pumpkins." Harry answered making Zayn laugh. 

"Well come in, everyone's already here. We were waiting for you to start!" They walked in to the little foyer and kicked off their shoes into the pile of various shoes. Zayn was already in the living room again. The living room was made of hardwood floors and the few pieces of furniture they had had been moved out of the way and a layers and layers of newspaper masked the hardwood. 

Sitting around the edges was Zayn, Liam, Niall, Eleanor, Sophia, Luke, Danielle, and Perrie. Louis and Harry settled down on the floor in the open space. 

"Oh, hi Ellie, how are you?" Louis asked obnoxiously as he settled down beside her. Eleanor groaned softly, rolling her eyes, then scooted closer to Niall away from Louis. "Wow, I ask a simple question and all you do is roll your eyes." Louis tsked. 

"If you even threaten to put the pumpkin insides in my hair I will push you out the window." 

"Yikes." He smiled. "Don't worry, I would never make that threat! What kind of friend am I?" Eleanor cracked a small smile and rolled her eyes again. 

"Okay!" Liam clapped his hands together. "You all know the rules. Everyone has what they need?" 

"Um, we don't." Louis spoke up gesturing to him and Harry. "Unless you expect us to use our fingers to carve our fucking pumpkins." Liam laughed before standing up. 

"Maybe if you weren't so late...," He trailed off before waltzing off into the kitchen. "Even though I don't know if I'd trust you with a sharp knife." He added and Louis laughed loudly. 

"Hey, I've been good for two years!" 

"Just bring him a spoon!" Eleanor called out and they could all hear Liam laugh from inside the kitchen. 

"How the hell do you carve a pumpkin with a spoon?" Liam walked back into the living room holding two knives in one hand and a bundle of sharpies in the other. He handed Louis and Harry each a knife then took a pen and handed the rest to Harry who took one and they passed them around the circle. 

"I'm sure you'd find a way." Louis smirked at him then flipped him off. 

"I say we disqualify Harry right away since he's an art student-"

"I'm getting a degree in art and education to become an art teacher. I'm not technically an art student." Harry interjected twirling his sharpie around his fingers.  

"Oh, shut up, last year you carved the fucking Starry Night into your pumpkin." Louis drawled making Harry just smile modestly. 

"What's this year going to be? The Mona Lisa?" Luke asked teasingly. Harry just waved them off. 

"We'll see." He joked lightly. 

"But Louis," Liam started. "No profanity." Louis sighed loudly in exaggeration and rolled his eyes. 

"Why are you telling that to me directly?" He asked crossing his arms. 

"Because you're the one who carved out the words 'fuck you' in your pumpkin last year." Louis snickered then just shrugged. 

"We'll see." Everyone started to cut off the tops of their pumpkins and pulled them off so they scoop out the insides. 

"Has anyone else seen that video about a guy fucking a pumpkin?" Luke asked pulling out of gob of the pumpkin guts and dropping it to the side. 

"What kind of porn do you watch?" Eleanor asked incredulously and Luke laughed. 

"It wasn't porn, it was just a video I found on the Internet." He retorted defensively.

"Sounds fucked up." Zayn commented. 

"It was."

"This is your cue to stop talking about." Sophia added making them laugh. 

"So, Louis, what's your pumpkins name this year?" Eleanor asked him and Louis smiled happily.

"It's Dalton." He pulled out a glob of the pumpkins guts and threw it down on the newspaper. 

"You said it was Dexter-"

"I can change it if I want to and I think Dalton suits him more." 

"Why are you such a child?" Eleanor teased and Louis just shrugged. 

"Why are you such a bitch?" Eleanor scoffed. 

"Why are you such a bastard?"

"I will throw this in your hair if you don't shut up-"

"Why the fuck are you two sitting next to each other?" Zayn asked. Eleanor just rolled her eyes then turned to talk to Sophia who was one spot over. 

"We just love each other so much, but we're too shy to admit it." Louis exclaimed in feign despair. 

"You wish."

"Just because I'm bisexual doesn't mean I wish." He remarked sarcastically.

"Okay, who wants a drink? All we have is beer so if you want something else speak now." Liam asked hastily as he scrambled to his feet. Louis rose his hand along with everyone except Harry, Danielle, and Sophia. 

"I'll take some water." Eleanor requested politely. Liam nodded. 

"Harry? You don't want a beer or anything?" Harry shook his head. 

"I'm driving tonight, but thank you." Liam nodded again. He walked back into the kitchen before returning with an armful of beers he passed out then handed a water bottle to Eleanor. 

Soon the floor was full of pumpkin guts and paper towels and people were beginning to design their pumpkins. Louis sat there stumped. He couldn't think of a single idea!

"I have no idea what to carve into my pumpkin!" He whined. He sighed loudly and leaned over to Harry, resting his head on his shoulder. Harry that the cap of his pen between his teeth and was sketching out what he planned to carve. "What the fuck are you doing?"

"The Scream by Picasso."

"Why must you be an over achiever?" Louis teased him and Harry smiled. 

"Why must you be an under achiever?" Louis scoffed. "Just do a face or something."

"But that is so boring and cliché."

"Then do the Adidas logo since that's the only thing you like to wear." Louis sat up straight. 

"That's actually a really good idea. Thanks!" He leaned in and kissed his cheek before picking up his pen. Harry smiled to himself and actually felt himself blush. His cheek was warm where Louis kissed it. 

"Aw, is Harry Styles getting a little flustered over there?" Luke taunted from across the room. Harry just laughed softly. 

"Shut up." He rolled his eyes at his pumpkin without looking up. 

"I have a real problem, though, guys." Luke announced making everyone's side conversations halt. "I haven't had sex in two weeks, I think I'm going to explode." Everyone just rolled their eyes at him, making him laugh. 

"No one cares, Luke." Harry grumbled before sighing. 

"Oh, come off it, you are the only one here who does not like sex." Luke retorted and Harry grit his teeth. 

"It's not about liking or disliking it, I just don't care for it." He replied curtly. 

"I'm sure Louis appreciates that." Luke snickered and Harry grit his teeth even harder. 

"Everyone has their own opinions, please respect mine as I respect yours." Harry put the cap back on his pen then placed it down and picked up the knife. 

"I respect your opinion, I'm just saying-"

"Therefore disrespecting it and me. Let's just drop it, this is petty and unnecessary." He kept his eyes trained on his pumpkin and Luke gave him a patronizing stare from across the room. He scoffed a laugh. 

"My god, you sound so pretentious right now." Harry just rolled his eyes and started to carve away into his pumpkins carefully. To be frank, Harry couldn't stand Luke, but because of their mutual friends they were in each other presence quite often. It was quite unfortunate. Luke was a complete pig. All he did was talk about sex, and the people he slept with, and made perverted jokes regarding girls (and guys considering he was bisexual), and Harry really just could not stand him. 

Plus he always caught him checking Louis out! Like, always. He shamelessly flirted with him regardless of knowing he was already with Harry. Louis obviously never flirted back, or at least Harry would like to hope so since he wasn't always with Louis when he was with Luke. But he trusted Louis. He knew he had no real reason to be jealous, but it was still an inevitable feeling.

"And you sound ignorant." 

"So! Anyone have any fun Halloween plans?" Zayn exclaimed. 

"Louis and I are celebrating our two year anniversary." Harry replied nonchalantly in the string of replies from everyone else. That made Louis turn to him with a fond little smile that Harry didn't even see because he was still only focused on his pumpkin. 

"Aw, that's so sweet, congratulations!" Sophia gushed merrily. Louis and Harry both smiled. 

"Thank you." They both said in unison. 

"More like barf, who actually wants to be tied down in uni? Uni is about going out and partying and experimenting with different people. When are we ever going to be presented with this opportunity?" Luke sneered as he pushed the knife into his pumpkin. Louis turned and watched Harry closely as he actually looked up from his pumpkin because it was the first time he had actually looked up after having started to carve. 

Harry usually didn't get mad easily, but when he was mad then he was mad and it usually wasn't pretty. 

"Opportunity?" He repeated in a low tone, his expression stern. Louis swallowed thickly. 

"Harry," He whispered softly and Harry turned to look at him. "Just let it go, it's not worth getting angry over." Harry just grit his teeth before sighing. 

"Fine." He turned back to his pumpkin.

"Damn, has he got you whipped." Luke exclaimed in a joking manner, but...

"If you don't fucking shut the hell up-"

"Harry." Louis interrupted giving him a discrete look to stop talking and just let it go because he knew Harry didn't like Luke and that Luke liked to stir shit up just for the fun of it. Harry took a deep breath and stared down at his pumpkin. 

He didn't say anything, he just continued with his carving despite the fact that his blood was still boiling and not even the ice in Louis's eyes could calm that. Louis reached over and patted his knee before picking up his knife again. 

The tension that had been created mellowed with time and the rest of the night was filled with laughter, conversation, and music. Once everyone had finished their pumpkins and Harry was crowned to of had the best pumpkin, they all took a group picture and then separate pictures before cleaning up and setting the pumpkins on the balcony. They moved the furniture back before all settling down and even ordered pizza even if it was 9:30 at night. 

"Let's play a game." Luke announced. 

"You always come up with the most fucked up games, no." Danielle stated and Luke just flipped her off while everyone laughed. Louis, Liam, Sophia, and Niall were seated on the couch, Zayn and Eleanor were on the love seat, Harry was in the armchair, and Luke was on the floor with Danielle and Perrie. 

"No, this is a fun game. So, like, someone asks someone else a question that requires the person to pick someone else in the room who who they think would, like, do whatever the question is. Then we flip a coin and if it's heads then they don't reveal what the question was, but it's tails then we do. It's called Paranoia." 

"Um, can you give an example?" Liam asked. 

"Okay, pretend I asked Eleanor who she'd rather be chained to for the rest of her life, I whisper that in her ear so only she knows the question and then she'd say out loud whoever she chooses, probably Louis." He joked and she flipped him off. "Then if we flip a tails she'd said "Oh, it was who I'd want to be chained too," but if not then we'd sit here wondering what it was." Everyone seemed a bit skeptical. 

"Sounds like you're just asking for stir up trouble." Harry said softly. 

"Oh, piss off you killjoy." Luke snapped rolling his eyes dismissively at Harry. "So is everyone in? C'mon, it'd be fun!" 

"I guess." Liam shrugged and slowly everyone agreed. 

"Okay, I'll start off!" Luke exclaimed. He strode over to Eleanor then bent down to whisper in her ear. "Who would you vote to kill off first if we stranded on an island and needed food?" Eleanor looked up at him with wide eyes as he snickered and sauntered back to his spot on the floor. 

"How the hell am I supposed to answer that?" She asked and Luke just gave her a guilty smile before shrugging. 

"It's supposed to be funny and all!"

"That's not funny, that's gross."

"Just answer."

"Oh God...," She looked around meekly. "Probably...Louis." 

"Oh God, what was the question?" 

"Anyone have a quarter on them?" Liam reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. He withdrew a quarter and tossed it to him. Luke flipped it up in the air then caught it and turned t over on his wrist. 

"Sorry bud, it's heads. Guess who won't know." He taunted and Louis rolled his eyes. 

"How do you decide who goes next?"

"I don't know, I guess just whoever wants to or has a question." Luke shrugged. 

"I'll go." Eleanor said raising her hand. She stood up and walked over behind the couch before leaning down to Liam. "Who would be the one to cheat on their partner when in a relationship?" She smirked smugly before trotting back to her seat on the couch. 

"Yikes, I don't know if I want to play this anymore...," Liam said shaking his head. 

"Oh, come on! We might not even find out what she asked unless she goes and blabs it afterwards." 

"Well, I'd say you then, Luke." Luke smirked. 

"This better be a fucking tails then." He said flipping the quarter up before catching it and slapping it over on his wrist. "Fuck." 

"Oh well," Eleanor shrugged nonchalantly, an evil smirk on her pink lips. 

"I'll go next." Zayn stated then stood up. He walked over to Harry. "Who do you think here is a moon goddess?" He asked with a smirk before going to sit down again. Harry looked at him in utter confusion.

"What the hell is a moon goddess?" 

"Ugh, Harry! You gave it away!" Luke exclaimed is utter dismay, but Harry didn't care. 

"I don't care, I have no idea what that is, how am I supposed to answer it?"

"You seriously have no idea what a moon goddess is?" Luke patronized and Harry nodded. 

"It's a person who's, like, really nice and caring, but hot and sexy at the same time and really good in bed." Zayn answered and Harry still looked confused. He shook his head. 

"That's a derogatory term." He simply stated. 

"Here comes Killjoy Styles." Luke remarked under his breath. Harry choose to ignore him and held his head high. 

"Moving on," Liam stated. 

"I have another question then." Zayn stated standing up again. He walked over to Luke then leaned down. "Who would you fuck in this room if there wouldn't be any repercussions?" He whispered making Luke smirk. 

"Louis." He answered without a single hesitation. Harry grit his teeth. Luke flipped the coin and slapped it over on his wrist. "Oh fuck, it's tails." He reddened. "Okay, well he asked me who I'd fuck without any repercussions." Louis immediately turned bright red and Harry glared furiously down at Luke. Luke turned and looked up at him before laughing. "Oh, calm down, it's just a game." Harry rolled his eyes at him. His patience was slowly giving away. 

"I actually have a question." Luke said standing up before waltzing over to Louis. "Who in this room would die a virgin?" A proud little smirk graced his lips as he sat back down and Louis looked around uneasily. He knew that the only person who was still actually a virgin was Harry so saying someone else would be impractical. 

"Um...," Luke gave him a knowing smirk, knowing and expecting his answer to be Harry. "Ha...Harry." He answered uneasily which really unsettled Harrys nerves. Luke flipped the coin. 

"Uh-oh, it's tails." He announced sounding rather happy. Everyone turned to Louis with rapt attention. 

"It was...who would die a virgin." He admitted softly. Harry scoffed. Luke snickered. 

"Why are you so fucking obsessed with sex?" He exclaimed standing up furiously and Luke looked directly up at him. 

"Why are you so fucking not? I mean, c'mon man, you're missing out." He answered coolly. Harry clenched his fists. 

"I am not missing out on anything, I'd really appreciate it if you'd just respect my own opinions regarding sex and all because believe it or not not everyone is as enthused by sex as you are. Make all the fucking jokes you want, but I'm getting really sick and tired of you constantly making everything sexual and singling me out simply because I have no desire for sex and being sexually active. It's not the center of the universe, okay? I have way more important things to worry about then if I've gotten laid recently or whatever other shit it is you worry about because it seems like you care more about your sex life than being a decent human being." Harry swallowed thickly. "You're disgusting, you're perverted, and I've quite honestly had enough of you telling me that I'm missing out or that I'm the only one who doesn't care about sex. Why do you care so much about what I think? Can't you accept that people have different feelings and opinions?" Everyone was silent, even Luke. He wasn't smirking anymore. "This night has been a real fucking blast, thanks for inviting me, but I'm leaving. See you guys whenever." Harry stormed out of the living room and a moment after putting his shoes on the front door was slamming behind him. The room was silent. 

Slowly, Louis stood up and quickly made his way into the foyer. He didn't even put on his shoes, he just picked them up and hurried out of the flat to make sure Harry wouldn't actually just leave without him. 

He didn't. The car was running and Harry was just sitting behind the wheel. Louis opened the passenger door and climbed in before leaning down to pull on his shoes. It was quiet. Louis sat up then looked at Harry. 

"Are you gonna go?"

"Are you buckled up?"

"It's a five minute drive-"

"And accidents happen in five seconds. I know it's a short drive, but it's better to be safe then sorry. I want you to always be safe." Louis reached over his shoulder and pulled over his seatbelt before locking it in. 

Harry put the car in reverse and sped out of the parking lot. The drive was awkwardly tense. The radio was off and they just sat in silence during the whole drive. Once they were parked outside their own flat complex they both headed upstairs to the top third floor where their little home was. Harry still looked angry, or hostile. 

Harry walked in and threw his keys on the kitchen counter before maneuvering into their bedroom. He tossed his jacket onto the little armchair in the corner then tore off his shirt, tossing it over into the hamper. He did the same with his jeans before he went to the dresser and pulled out a pair of grey joggers. 

After slipping then on he left the room and walked into the bathroom. Louis changed out of his own clothes and into a flannel shirt he always wore for bed before going to the bathroom as well and leaning against the doorway. Harry was brushing his teeth and Louis watched him intently. 

"Are you mad?" He asked softly. Harry didn't try to say anything or even nod or shake his head to answer. He just kept brushing his teeth. "Harry." Louis whined stepping into the bathroom moving in front of Harry between him and the sink. "Are you mad at me?" He asked looking up at him. Harry shook his head. "Are you upset that I said your name for who would die a virgin?" He asked meekly. 

Harry took the tooth brush out of his mouth and leaned over Louis's shoulder to spit in the sink. Louis turned his face towards Harry's neck and inhaled softly. He smelled so good. 

"I don't care that you said my name, I care that everything was made about sex." He stated standing back up. "I mean, who's a moon goddess? Who would you fuck? Who's going to die a virgin? Why the hell does everything have to be about sex? One way or another, there's always some sort of sexual innuendo and it pisses me off." Louis stepped aside as Harry turned on the sink to rinse his brush. 

"Well, usually things aren't made about sex, I mean the last time we hung out with Liam and Zayn everything was fine."

"Yeah, but whenever Luke is around everything is automatically twisted into something perverted, then he makes fun of me when I ask him to stop talking about those things. 

"C'mon Haz, it's harmless, it's all just fun and games-"

"Fun and games? What's so funny about everything being turned into something sexual? That's not fun and games, that's annoying and irritating." 

"I'll tell him to stop-"

"It's not just him, it's everyone!" Harry exclaimed furiously, catching Louis off guard by his sudden rage. "It doesn't matter who says what because someone, one way or another, turns it into something sexual and I'm fucking done with it. I'm done with them. I'm done with being singled out. I'm just done with it all. You think I like being known as 'killjoy styles'? I don't. It really hurts my feelings, actually, but no body gives a flying shit about what someone says unless it has to do with sex, right?"

"Harry," Louis reached up and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. Harry gently shrugged it off, taking a deep breath as he turned his head down. 

"I'm sorry, I'm just...really irritated right now." Louis just smiled up at him. "But seriously, why are you friends with Luke? I know you're good friends, but he's a complete jackass." 

"Well," Louis shrugged. "I don't know, we've been friends since primary school, he's really a good guy, he just has a rough exterior." Louis said softly and Harry scoffed. 

"Too rough." He placed his tooth brush in the toothbrush holder then brushed passed Louis as he walked down the hallway into the living room. Louis followed after him and paused at the corner as he watched Harry turned on the air conditioner."

"Why are you turning on the air conditioner?"

"Because you like to be cool when you sleep and I don't feel like having you kick me in the side to turn it on in the middle of the night because you're too warm." Harry replied without looking back. Louis smiled. He took what Harry said with endearment because he knew Harry meant it in a loving way. 

Harry turned back around and saw Louis smiling which made him smile which made Louis smile even bigger then start to laugh. 

"Don't forget to brush your teeth before you go to bed, wouldn't want that beautiful smile of yours full of cavities." Harry teased walking over to him. Louis just laughed softly, rolling his eyes at him. They walked down the hallway before parting paths as Louis went into the bathroom and Harry to the bedroom. 

Harry turned down the sheets and turned out the overhead light so that the room was dark. He climbed under the covers and nestled down against his pillow before Louis waltzed into the room, keeping the door open. He flopped down on the bed, pulling the blankets up to his shoulders. 

"I'm sorry if I ruined the night for you." Harry said softly. Louis shook his head, turning on his side to face him. 

"No, it was fine. Luke was just acting like a bigger dick than usual. I don't blame you for leaving." Harry just pursed his lips together.

"Yes, well, goodnight, sleep well sweetheart." Harry wished softly and Louis smiled. 

"You too." Louis leaned over and kissed Harry's cheek softly. "Good night." Harry smiled as Louis laid back down. He would've liked it if maybe he and Harry would actually share a goodnight kiss and say they loved each other, but the night had already been stressful enough and he knew trying to kiss Harry or getting him to say "I love you" would just cause more strife and stress. 

He didn't know why it would cause strife, but he just knew it would because 'why do I have to remind you that I love you everyday when you already know it?'. It kind of pissed him off, but he was used to it. That was the problem, though.


	2. Chapter 2

When Louis woke up the next morning he was greeted by the image of Harry wearing his glasses while reading quietly with their kitten Scooter curled up in his lap. They had adopted him shortly after they moved into their flat together. It was just something to pull it all together. 

Scooter was an eight week old grey Siberian kitten. Louis had insisted on naming him Scooter simply because he thought it was a cute name for a pet and all of Harrys suggestions were not right. 

"Good morning." Louis greeted softly before curling back into his pillow and closing his eyes. The bed was warm and cozy. Brilliant sunlight filtered in through the window making the white walls and sheets come alive. 

"Good morning, sweetheart." Harry glanced away from his book and smiled down at Louis. "How'd you sleep?" 

"I slept well." Louis smiled against his pillow contently. He yawned loudly then stretched his arms and neck before turning over on his back. He was still sheltered under the white covers. Harry laughed softly before turning back to his book. "How'd you sleep?"

"Well." 

"And how did you sleep, Scooter?" Louis leaned over, practically putting his head in Harrys lap. He kissed the top of Scooters head before retiring back to his own pillow. 

"He said he was sleeping fine until you do rudely awakened him." Harry teased. 

"Animals can't talk, Harold." Harry just smirked before he rolled his eyes. He placed his bookmark between the pages then turned to place his book on his nightstand. 

"They can if you use your imagination." He picked Scooter up and gently moved to the open space between them. He was practically swallowed by the comforter and all they could see were the tips of his ears and his back. Harry laid down on his side. He smiled at Louis. 

"I love it when you wear your glasses." 

"I love it when I get to wake up beside you." Louis smiled back at him, his cheeks reddening in a blush. 

"You sap." Louis turned his face into his pillow, laughing. The thing was Harry could be a sap. He could be the sappiest sap out there and shower Louis with words of praise and admiration. That was great. But sometimes Louis wished Harry wouldn't talk so much and just show him. He wanted Harry to cuddle him, kiss him, hold his hand, and maybe even just make love to him. Was that too much to ask for?

-

On the 31st, Louis woke up alone in bed at 9:30 in the morning. He sighed passively to himself then turned on his side and picked up his phone. 

harry: good morning, sweetheart! I hope you slept well, I'll be home at 6 to take you out, so be ready then! 

Louis pursed his lips together. Not even a 'Happy Anniversary'? Louis just placed his phone down. He rubbed his eyes then sat up. Swinging his legs over the edge of his bed, he stood up. He was practically half asleep still and stumbled out of their room. He strolled into the kitchen then paused because sitting on top of dining table was a large bouquet of black roses in a beautiful crystal vase. Leaning against the base of vase was a little envelope with Louis' name written across it. 

Louis hadn't even realized how big he was smiling until his face began to hurt and he hadn't even read the card yet. He walked through the kitchen to the table and picked up the envelope giddily. 

Dear Louis,  
Happy Anniversary! I'm terribly sorry I have to work two shifts today instead of getting to spend time with you :( But I will be home around 6 o'clock so be ready then and when I get home I'll change real quick and then I'm taking you out to a nice dinner to celebrate. And I know what you're thinking, black roses? Really Harold? Well you said you black roses were your favorite once so you aren't allowed to think that.   
Just kidding, I love you.   
Love,   
Harry and Scooter because he kept meowing at me while I was trying to write this and just stopped now that I wrote his name and he tried to eat one of your flowers. 

Louis couldn't contain his happiness. He held the card against his chest and beamed down at the flowers. They were stunning. Louis quickly turned back and ran back to his room to grab his phone. 

Harry worked as a waiter for The Ledbury which was a pretty classy restaurant in London. He often brought home quite a few tips and would argue that it wasn't just because he was so good looking. Louis would argue that was. 

Louis dialed Harrys number in hopes of catching him before he started his shift, but he was unsure of when his shift even started. He figured it'd start at 11, but maybe it didn't. 

"Hello?" Harry answered making Louis smile again. He sat down on the edge of the bed, still holding the card in his other hand. 

"I just saw the flowers and they are absolutely gorgeous, thank you so much. It made my complete morning." On the other end of the line Harry smiled. 

"I'm glad you like them, and if you find one in the trash that was the one Scooter was trying to eat." He joked lightly and Louis was feeling so loose and happy he just couldn't contain his laughter. 

"I'm not taking you away from your work, am I?" 

"No, my shift starts in ten minutes. I just arrived. You must've woken up right after I left." Louis pouted. 

"I don't know if I can wait until six to see you." He joked softly making Harry laugh beautifully into the phone. "Do you have a break in between shifts?" 

"3 o'clock to 3:15 I'll have a break." Harry told him. "Maybe you could stop by or I could stop home...," He suggested trailing off. 

"I could stop by the restaurant. The time it'd take you to come all the way back to the flat then make sure you got back to the restaurant on time would leave you or a short amount of time to actually have a break." 

"Okay, baby, I'll see you then." Louis smiled. 

"See you, and happy anniversary."

"Happy anniversary, sweetie." They both hung up and Louis flopped back on the bed. So he frittered the day away doing...nothing. He moved the roses to the table behind the couch right beside the dining table. He placed the card in his nightstand then took a shower. 

At 2:50 he got in his car and started over to The Ledbury. He pulled up to the street and Harry was standing outside the building. When Louis got out of his car, he walked over to Harry and greeted him with a hug. 

"Hey, sweetie, how are you?" 

"I'm well, how's work going so far?" Harry smiled then shrugged. 

"Alright. Care to walk around the block with me?" He asked politely and Louis nodded. They turned and started down the sidewalk. "You really did like the roses, right? Because I do remember you saying black roses were your favorite, but then I felt like they were impractical for an anniversary and like I should've gotten red instead." 

"Oh, no, they're absolutely gorgeous. I really do love them, I can't even believe you remembered me saying that black roses were my favorite." Harry smiled modestly. 

"Well, I just remember random things." He joked and Louis nudged him in the arm playfully. 

"I got you flowers too, but they haven't arrived yet." Harry nodded. 

"Well gee, there goes the surprise." Harry exclaimed sarcastically and Louis laughed infectiously. 

"You don't know what kind of flowers they are." He teased. 

"Did you get my favorite?" Louis nodded. "So you got Marigolds then." Louis' entire face dropped when Harry said 'marigolds' because he knew for a fact that those weren't Harrys favorite flower. Harrys favorite flower was birds of paradise. "I'm just teasing, Lou!" Harry exclaimed and relief just washed over Louis like a wave. "Birds of paradise?"

"Birds of paradise." Louis could breathe again. "But thanks for the heart attack, you prick!" He punched him in the arm. Harry flinched, covering his hand protectively over his arm. 

"It was a joke!" He laughed infectiously and Louis just sighed, shaking his head. The sun was high in a cloudless sky and the air was cool, but warm. The sidewalks weren't crowded and Louis and Harry walked shoulder to shoulder. 

"It was a mean joke." Harry just snickered. 

"I'm sorry, baby." Louis smiled up at him then he glanced down at the empty space between them. 

"Will you hold my hand?" He asked softly looking back up at Harry. Harry shrugged, actually shoving his hands into his pockets. Louis pressed his lips together and looked down. 

"I haven't washed my hands yet, since the start of my shift." 

"Like I give a fuck, it's not like you're going to transmit some deadly disease to me." Harry just exhaled. He took his one hand out of his pocket and held it out in the space between them. Louis shook his head. "Forget it, if you don't want to hold hands then you don't want too. I don't want you to feel like you have too."

"It's not that I don't want to, I just...I don't know, I don't like it." Harry said putting his hand back in his pocket. 

"It's not like you're a germaphobe or anything-"

"Can we please not argue about this today?" Louis sighed passively. 

"So where are we going for dinner tonight?" He asked glancing up at Harry as they continued to walk down the sidewalk. 

"I was thinking Jinjuu, are you alright with that?" Harry asked him with a smile and Louis nodded. 

"Fancying Korean tonight?" Harry laughed. 

"I figured it'd be a nice choice since you said it was one of your favorites." Louis smiled up at him. They reached the corner of the street before just pivoting around and starting their little walk back to The Ledbury. 

"You're sweet, you know that?" Harry nodded without hesitation making Louis laugh. 

"Sweet people deserve sweet things to keep them sweet." He said making Louis laugh even louder and it was such a beautiful sound that just filled the air around them. 

"Given by even sweeter people." He added on and Harry just kept his cute little grin on his lips, nodding in agreement. 

"Gemmas wedding," He randomly stated then looked down at Louis. "Did you want to stay over or just make it a day trip and drive back in the night?" Louis shrugged. 

"'Should probably stay over, I thought we were planning on going up to Manchester the day before, plus I assume there'll be alcohol consumption at the reception which means neither of us should drive." Harry nodded. 

"Oh, true. I forgot you wanted to go the day before." 

"What do you want to do?" Louis asked him softly. Harry thought for a moment before shrugging. 

"I quite honestly have no preference. Weddings were never my thing. It probably would be easier if we did go up the night before instead of racing around here the day of getting ready and rushing over or vice versa. I can make reservations." Louis nodded. 

"Okay." 

"I can't believe she's getting married." Harry mumbled with a little smile. Louis admired his smile, but he always tried to contain it which Louis didn't like because sometimes he just wanted Harry to smile without trying to hold it back. Why did he try to hold it back?

"Neither can I. I can't wait to see her dress! I always loved looking at wedding dresses when I was little." 

"Gay." Harry teased before snickering and Louis scoffed, punching him in the arm. "Hey! I was just teasing!" Harry exclaimed defensively and cover his arm. "Don't have to go and break my arm." He faked a pout and Louis just smirked, rolling his eyes at him. "I'm excited, though, too. My parents will finally get to meet you." Louis got butterflies. "So will Gems. She made sure I was bringing you. She literally called me and said, "Now you better not show up to my wedding alone. You are bringing Louis and I am finally going to meet him." She even threatened to change the date if you couldn't make it." Louis laughed infectiously and Harry smile in endearment. 

"Why is your family so eager to meet me?" He asked, but he was kind of excited and nervous as the same time. What if Harrys family didn't like him? What if he made a fool of himself? What if he said something totally offensive? He had never "met the parents" before with any of his relationships, he was completely new to this. 

"I don't know," Louis could see Harry was blushing. "You're my longest relationship. With all my past relationships we always broke up before they met my family." 

"How many past relationships have you had?" Louis asked curiously.

"I don't know, four? They were all short and at the beginning of uni so it's no surprise nothing lasted until I met you." Louis smiled. 

"How long was your second longest relationship?" Harry shrugged again. 

"Five months?" He questioned. "They just wanted to have sex or get blow jobs or give them and I just didn't want to have a relationship centered around sex. So when I wouldn't give them what they wanted they said "Adios," and left." 

"That's so shallow." Louis whispered. 

"Not really, if you think about it. It's considered shallow when you won't give in because apparently in a relationship you have an obligation to fulfill whatever your partners needs are and when they can't get them fulfilled they go find someone who will." Louis swallowed thickly. "I've been cheated on twice simply because of that." 

"Oh my god, that's horrible." Louis gasped and Harry shrugged. 

"It can be traumatic for some people, it's turned a joke today, though, with guys joking about their "side chicks." It's annoying, but I guess the thing that did it for me when I found out was that I wasn't really devastated. So it made it easier to accept that someone else was out there...even if it happened twice." Harry was quiet a moment. "I'm sorry I turned that into all about me, this isn't really a good conversation topic on an anniversary." He then said light heartedly and flashed Louis a smile. 

"No, it's okay, if you want to talk about then we can talk, or I can just listen." 

"It's fine, really, my past is insignificant when I get to celebrate two wonderful years with you today." Louis beamed down at the ground before bumping shoulders with Harry. 

"Stop being so goddamn sweet, you're going to get a cavity." He teased. 

"You're worth all the cavities in the world." 

"Your teeth might fall out then." 

"I can live with that." They stopped out the restaurant and turned to face each other. "This has been a splendid walk, I will see at home at six and then we'll be off to Jinjuu." 

"I cannot wait." Harry gave him a small smile. He stepped forward, giving him a hug, then stepped back. 

"I'll see you then." Louis waited eagerly for Harry to hopefully kiss him, but that kiss, along with many, never came. Harry stepped passed him and started walking back into the restaurant. Louis sighed to himself passively before walking over to his car. 

He went back to the flat and spent most of his time just playing FIFA and entertaining himself with Scooter. He was dressed and ready for dinner by 5:56 and at 6:07 Harry arrived back home, changed out of his work clothes into something nicer, and then they were off. 

Jinjuu was a rather nice restaurant. It wasn't 5 star dining where all the celebrities ate, but it was nice and one of Louis' favorites places. 

"Welcome to Jinjuu, my name is Cicely and I'll be your server, can I start you guys with something to drink?" Harry glanced over the menu. 

"I'll take a glass of Pinot Noir, please." He said looking up at her with a smile. 

"I'll have the same." Louis added. 

"And are you ready to order or do you need a few minutes?" Harry glanced at Louis. 

"I'll have the Jap Chae with sautéed prawns, please." The waitress wrote it down on her little pad before glancing at Harry. 

"And I'll have the Bibimbap bowl with sautéed prawns as well and the crispy marinated tofu, thank you." He closed his menu and they both handed them to the waitress who assured their food would be out soon and walked off. 

"So how was work?" Louis asked softly and Harry made a distasteful face. 

"Horrible. People are bitchy and complain about everything they don't find perfect. It's nice to have someone else wait on me for a change." He joked making Louis smile. 

"I bet." The waitress walked back out and set their glasses down before asking if they needed anything else. When she walked away they each picked up their glass. 

"Cheers?" Harry held his glass out. Louis smiled then reached over and they clinked glasses. "Happy anniversary, sweetheart." 

"Happy anniversary, pipsqueak." They brought their glasses to their lips and took a sip. 

"Haven't heard pipsqueak in awhile." Harry laughed setting his glass down and Louis smiled in feign innocence. 

"I think I might start calling you it again, it really suits you." 

"Pipsqueak is something I'd call you since you're so little." Harry taunted and Louis gave him a thin lipped smirk. 

"Don't even start with the 'little' shit, just because you're basically a giant does not make me little. I am 5'9." Harry sighed contently. 

"I remember when I was 5'9." Louis scoffed at him. "I think I was 17? Maybe 18." He smiled guiltily at Louis who flipped him off. "Hey now, that's naughty." Louis laughed. 

"There are naughtier things in life." Harry nodded, rolling his eyes. 

"How are things at the office?"

"Absolutely fantastic. Next week I get go in every morning at six am just to release a weather balloon into the air." 

"6 am?!" Harry repeated and Louis nodded. Whereas Harry was getting his degree in art and education to become an art teacher, Louis was determined to get his degree in meteorology, or atmospheric science. He wanted to be a meteorologist, and not the ones you saw on TV pointing to a green screen. 

He wanted to be an actual meteorologist. He had started working at the local weather office for NOAA as an intern. It wasn't the best job considering he didn't actually do much, but he loved the weather, he loved science, what more then to put the two together? 

"Sadly." They both laughed. "How many more hours in a classroom do you need?" Harry exhaled and thought for a moment. 

"I need 24 observational hours in the high school, then I'm going to go to the other high school and do some more hours, then I have to write up some report, then after the new year and all, when we come back, then I'm actually going to be assigned to the teacher or classroom where I'll actually learn with the class and all and actually do some student teaching." He smiled happily making Louis smile. 

"I can't believe it's already our last year of uni. Well, technically it's not my last year since I'm getting my masters degree." 

"I'll still be at your graduation, cheering your name loudly." Louis felt himself blush. A master degree was going to be two more years. Would him and Harry still be together then? Four years is a long time. Anything can change! 

"And I'll probably be face planting it as I walk off stage." He joked. "I'll probably do that at both, I'm such a klutz."

"That's probably why you've gone through four phones in the last two years-"

"Those were not my fault! Okay, the one time I literally just plugged my phone into the charger and somehow the battery expanded, cracking the screen on the inside. It wasn't my fault!" Harry nodded condescendingly. 

"Of course, sweetheart-"

"It was not my fault!" Harry laughed. 

"Okay, okay, it wasn't your fault." Louis just huffed, rolling his eyes at him, and took a gulp of his wine. The rest of the night was pure bliss. The food was magnificent, the atmosphere was quiet and sophisticated, and Louis couldn't of been happier. 

When they arrived home they were drunk on love and high on affection. They tipped off their shoes in the foyer. 

"I have a present for you, actually." Louis stated looking at Harry softly. 

"What a shocker, I have one for you too." Harry joked and Louis laughed with him. "It's in my nightstand." Harry stepped past Louis and moved into the room. When he exited he held a very tiny gift bag. "Want to sit in the living room?" Louis nodded. 

They both turned and walked out into the living. He didn't know why, but he was jittering with nerves. He had no idea as to what Harry had gotten him and he didn't want him to think what he had gotten Harry was stupid.

They sat down on the couch, facing each other. Louis pulled out the small velvet box from his pocket he had kept it in all night and handed it to Harry who took it looking sort of stunned. 

"I really hope you don't think this is too stupid." Louis mumbled bashfully as Harry opened up the box and took out a ring. It was a black ring made with ceramic and black carbon fiber. It was smooth, and sleek, and very sophisticated looking. 

Engraved on the inside of the ring were the words "Louis + Harry". 

"This is perfect, I love it." Harry beamed up at Louis then glanced down at the ring again. It was beautiful. 

"I wasn't sure if you were going to think the engraving was stupid or not because I thought just a plain ring was boring and stupid and at first I was just going to engrave my name in it, but that just seemed weird to me so I did both our names, but then I didn't know if you were going to like that or not."

"No, Lou, I love it. It's perfect. It's absolutely perfect. Thank you so much." Louis grinned bashfully. Harry slid the ring onto his finger. 

"Does it fit okay? Because it can't be resized due to the nature of the ceramic so I'm really hoping I got the right size."

"You did. It fits absolutely perfectly. Thank you so much." Louis blushed at him. He still got butterflies around Harry. "Now, I wasn't sure if you were going to think what I got you was stupid or not too." Harry picked up a tiny little gift bag from his lap and handed it to him. 

"Nothing you could get me would ever be stupid." Louis took the bag and pulled out the tissue paper before pulling out a small, rectangular, leather card. He looked down at it unsurely. There was a message imprinted into the leather. 

Louis,  
I hope this little note always makes you happy. No matter where you are you'll always be in my heart. I love you  
Always, Harry.

"It's a little card to put in your wallet." Harry spoke up. "So that way it's always with you." Louis looked up at him, his eyes teary. "Or you could put it wherever, but it's made for a wallet." 

"This is perfect, thank you so much." Louis smiled at him and Harry smiled back at him sweetly. They both stood up then stepped around the table, rushing into each other's arms. "I love you." Louis whispered. His head was tucked over his shoulder cozily and Harry held him tightly. 

"And I love you." Harry leaned back and smiled down at Louis. Everything in Louis' body was screaming for Harry to kiss him, but nothing happened and no one made the move. "Happy anniversary." He stepped back then turned to the table. He picked up the tissue paper and little gift bag before turning and tossing them in the garbage. He picked up the ring box and placed it in his pocket before brushing passed Louis and started down the hallway. 

"Harry," Louis started after him and grabbed his jacket cuff. Harry turned over his shoulder to face him then before he could even register what was happening Louis was tip toeing up and pressing his lips to Harrys. Harrys eyes widened in surprise, but then he just kissed him back sweetly before pulling away and smiling down at him. 

Harry turned back, Louis letting go of his jacket, and he sighed. 

"Don't you maybe want to do something else?" Harry turned back around and looked at Louis with his eyebrows furrowed. He could tell by his tone that Louis was hinting at something, but Harry wasn't sure what that was supposed to be.

"Do you want to watch a movie?" He was really just taking a leap of faith. He crashed to the ground when Louis sighed solemnly. 

"No, something else." He said putting even more emphasis on 'else'. Harry was still pretty lost. 

"Do you want to cuddle for a bit?" Louis exhaled loudly. 

"Do you want to have sex?" He asked bluntly and Harrys eyes widened. "I mean...I don't mean right now, but, like, the general idea, after having been together for over two years now don't you ever want to be physically intimate with me?" Harry stood there like a deer in the headlights before rubbing the back of his neck. 

"Um...not really." 

"Can I ask why?"

"You kind of just did." Harry smiled and Louis gave him an unamused, but still soft, look. "I don't know, I just don't think or care about sex or physical intimacy. I mean, we live together, I'd like to consider this our home together, is that not enough?"

"It's not about being enough," Louis replied softly. "When I was in high school I took family living and one of the things we talked about was relationships and how to show your partner that you love them because everybody is different when it comes to what your partner can do to show you that they love you-"

"Well then tell me how I can show you that I love you since apparently I'm not doing a very good job now."

"I've been telling you for the past two years!" Louis burst out then took a deep breath. "When I ask to hold hands? When I try to give you a kiss? Yeah, that was me telling you. I've even flat out asked you, like today."

"Oh." Louis nodded. "So you want to have sex or something?" Harry asked as if it were something so casual and carefree. 

"I don't want to have sex or something. I mean, I would like to think we've reached the stage in our relationship where we are ready to be physically intimate because I love you and...I don't know, it's not just about sex. I'd like if you'd maybe kiss me more often, just show me affection-"

"I just gave you a kiss." Harry argued back indignantly. Louis sighed then took a deep breath, pinching the bridge of his nose. 

"Yeah, and the time before that was on Valentine's Day which was eight fucking months ago!" Harry grit his teeth.

"Who gives a shit about how often I kiss you?"

"I do! Is there some reason you only kiss me on my birthday, Valentine's Day, and our anniversary? Do I just repulse you so much you never want to even share a kiss?"

"Louis, you know I don't really like touching and all. Why on earth would you think you repulse me?"

"Because you never want to hold hands, or kiss, or anything!" Louis yelled at him. 

"How I feel about physical displays of affection in no way reflect how I feel about you! Kissing is an act! Sex is an act! You are a person! Plus I've already told you that I do not fucking like physical contact all that much!" Louis grit his teeth, he was quiet a moment. 

"Well...," His throat was tight. "That's how you can show me that you love me. I know you don't like it, or desire it, whatever, but that's how you can show me you love me, okay? At least just tell me that you love me-"

"I've already told you that I loved you. If anything ever changed, I'd let you know." Louis' anger boiled over and he clenched his fists at his sides. He opened his mouth to speak before screwing his jaw shut. 

"I am going to take a shower then I am going to go to bed." He announced in a clipped tone before brushing past Harry into their room. He grabbed a change of sleepwear then went into the bathroom. He got so fucking frustrated arguing with Harry sometimes because he was goddamn oblivious and resistant to change! 

Not that Louis wanted him to change. He just wanted exactly what he told him, for him to show a bit physical affection. After all, that was the best way for a person to show Louis that they loved him. 

His shower was relatively quick. He just wanted to sleep. Leave it to him to start a petty argument on their anniversary. When he got out of the shower the air conditioning was running and the light had been turned out. He walked into their bedroom and closed the door. 

"If you close the door, then open the window because you're blocking out the air conditioning from getting into the room." Harry said. He was sitting up on his side of the bed. Leave it to him to act like the argument never happened. The overhead light was out and Harrys nightstand light was the only thing providing light as he read. 

Louis didn't say anything. He dropped his clothes in the hamper then turned and opened the bedroom door. Exhausted, both physically, mentally, and emotionally, he walked over to the bed and climbed in under the toasty blanket. 

"When you get up tomorrow the dishes in the dishwasher will still be dirty. I meant to run it while we were at dinner, but forgot and I'd run it now, but I know how you hate how loud it is so I don't want it disturbing you while you're trying to sleep." Louis was quiet. "I'll run it tomorrow morning." 

"Okay." Louis just stayed on his side, his back to Harry, and closed it eyes. A few moments later Harry was closing his book and turning out his light. Louis yawned then Harry leaned over and kissed his cheek taking Louis by complete surprise. 

"Goodnight, I hope you sleep well." Harry moved back and laid down. Louis smiled a bit. 

"Goodnight, I hope you sleep well too." And he did actually sleep quite soundly despite his loud heart.


	3. Chapter 3

When Louis woke up he was on his stomach facing Harry. Harry was awake and on his stomach as well, watching him. Louis smiled at him softly before laughing. 

"What are you doing?" He asked groggily and Harry shrugged. 

"Watching you sleep." 

"Why?" 

"Because you look so docile and peaceful, it's relaxing." Louis smiled at him then closed his eyes. He sighed. 

"I'm sorry about our argument last night." He whispered. "It was petty and unnecessary, I'm sorry if I ruined the night." 

"What? You didn't ruin the night." Harry replied. "But I'm sorry as well. I'm not the best compromiser, I'm kind of stubborn sometimes." Louis smiled, nodding in agreement. "Happy November, by the way." Louis laughed and Harry turned over on his back before sitting up. 

"My god, I can not believe it's already November. Wasn't it just March?" Louis asked rolling over on his back. He pressed his hands to his forehead and sighed loudly. 

"It sure feels that way." They both laughed. 

"You doin' anything today?" Louis looked over at him. 

"I have to take a shower, run to the donut shop because I want donuts," Louis snickered making Harry laugh. "Then I have to make the hotel reservations for Gemmas wedding which is in less than two fucking weeks-oh my god, we need suits! Shit, okay, we need to do that today." Harry stood up and hastily and marched out of the room before marching straight back in. "Chop, chop! Get up! We need to go suit shopping!" He clapped his hands together before leaving the room again. He went straight to the bathroom to take a shower. 

After his shower, he reentered the room with a towel around his waist and his dirty clothes in his hand, which he tossed into the hamper. Louis was still lying in bed on his phone. 

"Louis! We have to get going!"

"It's 11:25!" Louis exclaimed. 

"Exactly! Half the day is already gone!" Harry walked to the closet and opened the door. He pulled out a pair of jeans and a blue flannel shirt. He went to the dresser and pulled out a clean pair of underwear. He dropped his towel and got dressed. Louis watched him in amusement. 

"Maybe I'll just wear jeans and a tee shirt to her wedding-"

"Absolutely not. It's black tie, Louis!" Louis just laughed and sat up. 

"I'm just kidding, don't worry." Harry smiled at him and started to button up his shirt. 

"You getting up, or not?" Louis smiled and stood up. He got up out of the bed and began to get ready. While he got dressed Harry brushed his teeth and while Louis brushed his teeth and fixed his hair Harry waited impatiently by the front door. 

"We're still going to the donut shop, right?" Louis asked as they walked down to the parking lot. Harry nodded. "What a healthy lunch." He joked and Harry laughed. They drove to the donut shop singing along loudly to all their favorite songs on the radio. They strode inside the little donut shop which was conveniently uninhabited. A lady behind the cash register smiled at them kindly.

"Good morning, welcome to Bearscat, how may I help you?" They both stepped back and glanced at the display window full of donuts. 

"I will take two of the chocolate sprinkle, one chocolate unsprinkled, and one of the bear skat." Louis started laughing and turned to Harry. Harry glanced back down at him. "What? I'm hungry." 

"So you need four donuts?" Harry smiled back, nodding. Louis just reached up and wrapped his hand around Harry's bicep, squeezing it gently. He glanced at the cashier, letting go of Harry's arm quickly because if it wasn't obvious Harry was not one for physical touch. 

"I'll just have one of the chocolate sprinkled ones." He requested politely.

"Make it two." Harry added. 

"Why two?"

"Because I'm not letting you steal any of my donuts." He teased slightly and Louis rolled his eyes at him. 

"You're buying four donuts!" He exclaimed making Harry smile. 

"This is my breakfast and lunch." The cashier was laughing softly listening to them as she carefully picked out the donuts and placed them in a small box. 

"That'll be 7 dollars." She told them sweetly. Louis and Harry both pulled out their wallets. 

"Hey, no, you paid last time." Louis said elbowing him. Harry elbowed him back playfully. 

"Yeah, but you're only getting two donuts, show off." Louis just laughed softly, elbowing him back again before handing the cashier a ten before Harry could. Harry elbowed him back yet again before just shoving his wallet into his pocket. The cashier handed Louis his change then the box of donuts. Louis took it with a smile. He and Harry turned then took a seat at a table. 

"How are you going to put away four donuts?" 

"Simple, I'm hungry." Harry teased picking up a chocolate donut. Louis just smiled at him fondly, pulling out a stack of napkins from the dispenser. 

"Well don't get your fingers all dirty or else your going to get all the suits at the warehouse dirty." He teased back. He fanned out the napkin before picking up his donut and placing it down. The bell above the door rang as it was opened. Louis and Harry both turned and watched Luke stroll in. 

"Hey!" He exclaimed cheerfully. Harry just turned back to the table. Louis smiled and laughed. Luke went up to the counter and ordered a donut then invited himself over to Louis' and Harry's table. "What's up my peeps?" He greeted cheerfully. 

"Just having brunch." Louis joked. "What are you doing?" 

"Was going to just pick up a donut then run to the mall to pick up a birthday present for my mum, but then I saw you guys." He explained with a smile. "What are you guys up to?"

"Well, like I said, having brunch, then going scouting for suits for Harry's sister wedding. Fun, fun." Luke smiled, laughing softly. 

"I didn't know your sister was getting hitched." He said and Harry just nodded. 

"Yep, she is." 

"Let me know if she's hot-"

"Excuse me?" Harry interrupted making Luke laugh. 

"I'm only joking!" He exclaimed insincerely. Harry just rolled his eyes then reached for another donut. "But hey, guess who got laid last night." Luke announced joyfully as he sat back in the chair. Harry immediately tuned him out, turning his head to the side. 

"Um, Liam?" Louis joked.

"No, me!" He exclaimed. Louis smirked. "God, I went to DTD and met this super hot guy and ended up taking him back to my apartment. We fucked three times. God, it was fucking amazing." 

"Go on," Louis joked further, and they both laughed together. Harry just rolled his eyes. 

"Oh, fuck off Harry." Luke sneered.

"Why don't you shut the fuck up." Harry snapped in annoyance. "You think everyone wants to hear about your sex life? Spare us the details and fucking shut the hell up." 

"Why don't you just fucking go away if you don't want to listen."

"Or how about you just shut up. We were sitting here first-"

"Anyway, you should've seen this guys ass. If we ever see him on campus I'll point him out, but really. He might've even had a better ass than you and that says a lot-"

"I fucking swear to God, why would you say that?" Harry interrupted.

"God, how can you be with someone with such a large stick up their ass?" Luke asked towards Louis, who gave him a patronizing look. 

"C'mon Luke, knock it off." He replied and Luke just sighed. 

"I don't know how you've done it, gone 2 years without sex. I fucking go nuts after a week." He said before taking a bite of his donut. Harry rolled his eyes, sighing internally. 

"Can you please stop talking about sex?" He asked. Luke just looked at him. 

"Why?" 

"Because I asked." 

"I guess." He said with a shrug and Louis smiled softly. "I actually better get to the mall to grab something for my mom." Like then said glancing at his watch. "I'll see you guys later. Have fun suit shopping!" He stood up from the chair and kicked it in. 

"Have fun." Louis joked. Luke just smirked. Harry thought it looked rather flirtatious, but ignored it as he walked away. Harry looked at Louis. 

"You know I already have a suit I could wear." Louis said with a little grin. Harry cracked a smile in return. 

"Well then you can watch me try on suits then." He teased making Louis laugh. 

"I would love that." Louis and Harry both finished their donuts before leaving and heading to the Men's Warehouse where Harry picked up a suit jacket, a bow tie, suspenders, slacks, and dress shirt. After that they headed back to their flat. 

"I'll make reservations at the hotel." Harry said after having tossed his bags on the bed in their bedroom. 

"Okay, sounds good." 

And so Harry made reservations and then a week later, the day before the wedding, they packed up their stuff, and drove up to Manchester. 

"God, I fucking hate driving." Louis announce throwing his suitcase down on the bed. 

"You weren't even the one driving." Harry teased laughing as he lifting his suitcase up and placed it beside Louis'. 

"I still don't like it. I hate sitting there, I get antsy." Harry grinned at him and watched as Louis flopped down on the bed on his stomach beside the suitcases. He huffed. "Goodnight."

"It's 4 o'clock." 

"And bedtime." Louis flopped over on her back, beaming up at Harry. 

"Well then goodnight, sweetheart." He teased giving him a patronizing smile. Louis laughed and Harry picked up the suitcase, moving it over to the wall under the window. He moved Louis' as well. "I'll hang up your suit for you." Harry picked up the garment bags and zipped open Louis', moving over to the closet to hang it up. And he did. Then he hung his up and folded the garment bags before placing them on the floor. Louis sat up and went to his suitcase, opening it up so he could pull out his sleep clothes. 

"What time are we waking up tomorrow for the wedding?" 

"Well, it's at four, I have to be at some park for photos at noon, so I guess whenever you'd want to wake up you can. I'd like for you to come with for the photos, but if you don't want to I'd understand." Louis gave him a surprised smile. 

"You want me to come along for the photos?" He asked softly. Harry looked down at him, nodding. 

"If you'd be up for it." He replied with a smile. Louis nodded slowly. 

"I'd love to." Harry smiled back. 

"Good." Louis laughed before stepping into the bathroom. When he stepped back out in his pajamas he noticed Harry was changed too and already turning down the bed. "I'm setting an alarm for 9-"

"9?" Louis whined stuffing his clothes back into his suitcase. Harry chuckled, nodding. 

"Yes, because I know that no matter what time I set it you will lie in bed for almost an hour after it's gone off, so instead of setting it at 10 where you wouldn't get out of bed until 11, thus giving you thirty minutes to get ready, I am thinking ahead and setting it for earlier than anticipated. I'm doing us both a favor." Louis smiled at him.

"You know me too well." 

"Well we've been dating for two years, I'd hope so." Harry teased back. Louis crawled on top of the bed and slid under the covers. Harry turned out the lights, except for the nightstand one. "So the alarm is set, I am ready to sleep, I will see you on the flip side." Harry said teasingly as he turned out the last light. Louis laughed, making Harry laugh softly. "Goodnight hun." Harry said setting down under the covers. Louis turned on his stomach, propping up to look down at Harry. 

"What are your thoughts on marriage?" He asked out of curiosity. Harry looked over at him. 

"I don't know, why?" Louis took a deep breath. 

"I mean, do you want to get married?" Harry's eyes widened at him before Louis had realized the way he worded his question was not conveying what he was actually trying to ask. His eyes widened too and his jaw dropped. "No, no, I'm not asking you to marry you, I'm not proposing!" He exclaimed frantically and Harry laughed with relief. "I meant to ask like, in the future would you ever want to get married? Like, to anyone?" 

"I don't know, I've never really thought about marriage." Harry admitted. "You know, the idea of devoting your life to being spent with one person and one person only is kind of scary. That's a long time and...and it's not as if everyone has the only one person they're meant to be with. There could be plenty of people out there you could be compatible for marriage with, it just depends on when you meet them." Louis' heart slowly sunk. "And it depends on maturity too. Like, yeah, marriage can be a beautiful thing, but it can also fuck up a persons life." Louis pressed his lips together. 

"So you don't ever want to get married?" 

"Well, no." Harry said. "Why?" Harry turned on his side, a smirk gracing his lips. "Are you thinking about us ever getting married?" Louis blushed. 

"You mean you've never thought about us getting married?" He asked. 

"I mean, not really." Harry admitted. Louis pursed his lips together. 

"Really?" 

"I mean, I don't know, I don't really think about the future. I have thought about it, not to an extent though." 

"Then why are we dating?" 

"Because I love you-"

"But if we aren't dating for marriage then what are we doing?" Louis asked sternly. 

"Are you saying you want to get married?" Harry asked questionably. 

"I mean, not right now obviously. But I'd like to think that is the ultimate goal for both of us and I'd like for us to be able to have a casual, open dialogue about marriage." 

"Okay then, we can have that." Harry replied with a nod. Louis was quiet for a moment. 

"Can we have black roses at our wedding?" He teased with a small smile. A slow grin spread across Harry's lips before he nodded. 

"Of course." Louis couldn't help but smile even wider. "And we aren't wearing white tuxes. Black is much more classier. White is tacky." 

"I agree, I like black." 

"I'm glad we're in agreement." They both smiled at each other before laughing. "Goodnight babe, we have an early day tomorrow!" Louis smiled, laying down again. Harry nestled down, pulling the blanket up to his shoulder. And then they fell asleep. 

When they woke up Harry hopped out of bed bright eyed and bushy tailed, whereas Louis just pulled the blanket up over his face after the light had been turned on. 

"It's too early." He groaned. Harry just laughed, walking to the bathroom. 

"Well it's time to get up and get ready!" And surprisingly enough Louis got himself out of bed and was ready to take on the day. So he and Harry got prettied up and dressed in their suits before the hour of noon came upon them and they were in the car, driving to the park. 

When they parked they could already see Gemma and her fiancé posing for pics under a pretty willow tree while her bridesmaids, his groomsmen, and family waiting off to the side, all holding separate conversations. They walked down from the parking lot to the pasture. 

"Oh my goodness, Harry!" His mother gasped before rushing over to them in excitement. "And Louis! Oh my goodness, Louis, it is so fantastic to meet you! How are you doing?" She grabbed his hand, shaking it excitedly. Harry laughed. 

"Lou, this is my mum Anne. And mum, this is my boyfriend Louis." Harry introduced with a happy little smile, still chuckling. Anne's face lit up like the fucking sun with just so much excitement. Part of it had have been from excitement of the wedding, certainly she couldn't have been that excited just to meet him. Right? 

"It's so great to finally meet you! You are even cuter than the pictures!" She gushed pulling him in for a tight hug. Louis was a bit caught off guard, he wasn't used to hugging others, mainly because Harry was never touchy-feely, like his mother obviously was. Usually he shook hands with people, but Harrys mum seemed so welcoming and warm. It made him feel very welcomed, but then that just made him all the more nervous about making a bad lasting impression. 

Louis smiled, hugging her tightly before they both leaned back. Louis glanced at Harry, smirking. 

"Pictures?" Harrys cheeks reddened and he turned his head down shyly, smiling as he shrugged. 

"Oh, Harry texts me pictures of the two of you all the time. It's nice to finally meet you!" She exclaimed. Now Louis had red cheeks too. 

"It nice to meet you too, Harry talks about you a lot." He said which made Anne smile happily. 

"He's a bit a mommas boy." She teased and Harry rolled his eyes. 

"Thanks mum." Anne laughed, nudging him in the arm playfully. 

"Oh, I'm only teasing you." She replied lovingly. "So, how's uni going for you? What are you studying?" She then asked curiously as she turned back to Louis. 

"I am majoring in atmospheric science, more formally known as meteorology." He smiled humbly. 

"He wants to be a weatherman on TV." Harry teased.

"I do not! I want to work for the actual weather service." Louis retorted quickly and Anne laughed. 

"I can not believe we're finally meeting after what? Two years? Why haven't we met sooner?" She asked rhetorically. Louis just laughed, shrugging his shoulders. 

"Ask Harry." He joked. Before he knew it Gemma was approaching them with a joyful smile. Louis smiled happily. 

"Hi! You must be Louis, I'm Gemma, Harry's sister." She stuck out his hand. 

"Hi, you look absolutely gorgeous. I love your dress, it's stunning." She smiled happily. 

"Thank you, I really appreciate it. You both look amazing as well." 

"Gemma, please, your fiancé is right there." Harry joked making her laugh. 

"Well c'mon, we have pics to take." She grabbed Harry's arm and pulled him away. His mother smiled at Louis once again. 

"It was so great to meet you, well have to actually sit down and talk at the reception." She said before walking off the way Gemma and Harry did. Louis stood back and watched as Anne, Harry, and Gemma began to pose for pictures. He glanced at the others standing behind where he was. He felt awkward now. He only knew Harry and everyone around him knew each other extensively. 

"Louis." Louis looked over at Harry who had called his name then was waving him over. Gemma and Anne walked away and Harry snaked his arm around Louis' waist, pulling him close. "Smile." Louis felt a warm sensation in his stomach. He couldn't remember the last time Harry had ever put his arm around his waist. In fact, it might've even been the first time ever they Harry put his arm around him! 

They both smiled for the camera as the photographer snapped a few shots. Afterwards they watched some more photos get taken, stood in in a few group shots, and then they were heading back to the church for the ceremony. 

And the ceremony was gorgeous. Absolutely beautiful. Louis might've even gotten a bit teary eyed towards the end. He couldn't wait for the day he was to get married. And he couldn't wait for that day to be with Harry. 

After the ceremony they all headed over to the hotel the reception was being held at. Louis an Harry were sitting at a table with Anne, her parents, and some other family members. The meals were brought out. Louis' turned over to the waiter. 

"Is there anyway I could get the steak instead of the fish?" He asked quietly and politely. The waiter pursed his lips together before shaking his head. 

"I'm sorry, sir, all meals were cooked and counted for before hand." He apologized. Louis sighed then nodded. 

"Okay, I understand, thank you anyway." The waiter smiled kindly before walking away and Louis slumped back in his chair, sighing. 

"Here, just switch with me." Harry picked up his plate with one hand and Louis' with his other then switched them around before Louis could even anything. He looked at Harry with a certain admiration and Harry smiled at him. 

"Are you sure? I mean, I can just deal with it." He said sitting up and Harry shook his head. 

"It's fine, I don't really care for one more than the other." He objected.   

"Thank you, love." Harry smiled, picking up his knife and fork. They ate and talked idly, he was becoming quite fond of Harry's mum. He wished his own mother could be like Harry's. So warm and inviting. 

It was later on, toasts had been made, Gemma and her husband shared their first dance while everyone watched then everyone was invited to the dance floor. Harry was off talking to some friends while Louis was still sat at their table, sipping a glass of Chardonnay while talking to Anne. 

"Does he really send you pics of us?" Louis asked and Anne nodded, a gleeful smile gracing her lips. 

"Oh yes, he's quite fond of you." Louis smiled bashfully. "It's a shame your family couldn't make it." Louis furrowed his eyebrows together and looked at her questionably. 

"My family? You invited my family to the wedding?" 

"Of course, I mean, I figured they would more than likely not prefer to come, but I didn't want to leave them out, it would've given us a chance to meet." She smiled enthusiastically. "Plus Harry told me you have four younger sisters, I figured if they did come they might have a little fun." 

"Oh, well that was very sweet of you." Louis honestly had no idea, he would've never guessed an invitation to the wedding was sent to his family. "I...I don't really know what to say." 

"There's nothing to say, it's all in good heart." When was she not smiling? Louis just tried to smile kindly then nodded. He placed his glass down. 

"If you'll just excuse me for a moment." Anne smiled, nodding, then Louis stood up. He walked away from the table, scanning the crowd of people for Harry. He spotted him at another table. Louis marched up to him. "Did you know your mother sent a wedding invitation to my parents?" He inquired sitting down promptly. Harry placed his glass down and nodded. 

"Where do you think she got the address?" Louis hit his arm. 

"Why didn't you tell me she invited my parents!" He whispered fiercely, leaning in close to Harry. 

"I didn't think it was a big deal?" He answered questionably. 

"Oh my gosh, your mum probably thinks my parents are completely rude or standoffish now! If you had told me then I would've made sure they actually came! I-"

"Louis, it's fine, okay? She figured there was a greater chance of them not coming-"

"But did they actually respond with that they couldn't come or did they just not say anything at all?" Louis asked frantically. 

"I don't know, and who cares?"

"I do! Because it makes my family look bad-"

"Lou, hun, my mum is not going to think your parents are rude or standoffish or think they're bad people simply because they didn't come or respond to the invite. She's going to think something came up to distract them, she's not going to blame them for their actions. Okay? My mum doesn't dislike anyone, trust me. She's somehow manages to see the good in everyone." Louis took a deep breath. 

"I just feel so bad, though! I can't imagine it's easy planning a reception and everything not knowing if some of the guests are coming or not." 

"Lou, it's fine." Harry leaned over and kissed his forehead. "Don't worry about it, just have fun. Let's dance." Harry stood up from his chair then looked down at Louis who was giving him a surprised look. 

"You want to dance?" Harry nodded. 

"Yeah, c'mon. The next one is a request by me." He told him with a proud smile. Louis cracked a grin then stood up. They strolled over onto the dance floor, finding a vacant spot as the song currently playing ended. Harry lifted up his hand and Louis grabbed it. The next song started playing and after recognizing the first few chords his eyes lit up and he grinned at Harry. 

"Hey, this is our song." Harry smiled humbly, nodding as he placed his hand on Louis' waist and pulled him close. 

"It is." 

"And we're actually dancing." Louis added joyfully. Louis just couldn't stop smiling. He and Harry were actually dancing. They were dancing to their song. Their song that Harry had requested to be played. 'So Much In Love' by The Tymes, he absolutely loved the song. They danced together slowly, getting lost in each other's eyes. Louis couldn't have been more in love with Harry. 

After the song ended they left the dance floor. Harry went over to a group of old friends and Louis left the reception room, stepping into a hallway as he pulled his phone out. 

"Hello Louis," His mother greeted formally. Louis stuck his tongue into his cheek. 

"Did you receive a wedding invitations to Harry's sisters wedding?" He immediately asked. It was quiet a moment. 

"Possibly." 

"That's a yes. Did you respond to it?"

"Your father just threw it I presume." Louis pinched the bridge of his nose. 

"Why the hell didn't you at least respond to say you weren't coming?"

"We figured it was a wrong delivery."

"If you thought it was meant for someone else, even though it should've had both your names on it, then why did you throw it out? Do you realize how disrespectful it is to not even have the decency to tell them you couldn't come?"

"Look Louis, I don't even know why we were invited in the first place-"

"Because Anne is actually nice and wanted to include you guys because she thought it would be a chance to meet and let the girls have some fun."

"It's not a big deal-"

"It is, though! Because it makes you and me look bad!" 

"Louis, you're overreacting dear. Let it go. It's not a big deal." Louis couldn't stand how patronizing his mother was. 

"I want you to apologize-"

"That's not happening." Louis ground his teeth together. 

"Fine, whatever, hope you're happy about being a jerk." He hung up the phone and shoved it back in his pocket. He went back into the room. He found Harry talking to a guy he didn't recognize him. 

"Hey babe," The guy eyed Louis over. 

"Who's the hottie, Haz?" He asked earning himself a austere glare from Harry. Louis forced an uncomfortable smile before looking away. 

"This is my boyfriend, Nick." He replied sternly. "And I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't ask questions like that that dehumanize them to a single physical quality."

"I wasn't dehumanizing him. I was simply…recognizing his good looks." Nick teased with a smirk. 

"Well if you would've acted civilly then you'd realize he's more than his looks." Harry retorted looking away. Then he turned and walked away. Louis watched him walk away from turning looking up at Nick awkwardly. 

"Is he always such a hard ass?" He asked. Louis just rolled his eyes before walking after Harry. 

"Haz." Louis reached out and grabbed his shoulder before Harry jerked it away. 

"Please don't touch me." He asked softly, turning around to face Louis. 

"I'm sorry." Louis stuck his hands in his pockets. "I think I'm just gonna head back up to the room. I'm tired and really want to lie down." 

"Do you want me to come with you?" Louis shook his head. 

"No, stay. I mean, unless you want to, but don't leave because of me." Harry smiled softly, nodding. 

"Okay." 

"I'm gonna say goodnight to your mum and Gemma first, though." 

"Okay, I'll see you later then." Louis smiled at Harry who smiled back before they both turned and walked separate ways. So Louis said goodbye and congratulations to Gemma and her husband before saying goodnight to Harry's mother. Then he went up to his and Harry's hotel room. It was probably two more hours before Harry returned to the room. The lights were on as he kicked off his shoes. 

"Lou?" He glanced over at him sitting at the desk. "What are you doing?" 

"I am writing your mother an apology note for my parents ignorant behavior." Louis retorted continuing to write. Harry loosened his tie and removed his jacket, dropping it on the bed. 

"Where did you even get that card?" He asked walking over to him. 

"I bought it at the store." Harry laughed softly.

"Louis, I already told you it was fine. Just come to bed-"

"It's not fine to me. I'll come to bed once I finish this." Harry nodded, turning and walking back towards the bed. He grabbed his pajamas then went into the bathroom. He took a shower and dressed down. When he left the bathroom Louis was already in bed with the lights turned out. 

"Did you brush your teeth, babe?" Louis shook his head. 

"I'll brush tomorrow." He said waving Harry off. Harry just laughed, before crawling under the covers on his side of the bed. "You know," Louis turned on his side, facing Harry. "Your mother is so nice, and welcoming, and just…warm. I feel like I've known her my whole life. And my parents are so cold and patronizing. I mean, they can be nice, but compared to your mother—"

"Lou, you know, everyone is different. Everyone has gone through different things that have shaped them to be the way they are so it's impossible to compare two people together!" He exclaimed. "So don't compare my mother to yours. I'm sure your mother is a lovely person, and if I ever get to meet her than I can't wait for the day." Louis smiled. 

"You most definitely are your mothers son." He teased making Harry smile in return. "Except she is a lot for touchy-feely than you are. So is your sister."

"Oh yeah, it was a lot of fun growing up with that." Harry joked dryly. Louis just stared at him intently. 

"Why is it, again, that you don't like…touching and being touched by others?" He asked softly making Harry sigh. 

"I don't know, it just makes me uncomfortable. I just don't like it." He answered which didn't answer any of Louis' questions. But he was used to that. He just nodded. 

"Okay." Harry looked at him, smiling softly. 

"I know you don't feel the same. And I'm trying to work on it." He replied quietly, making Louis smile back. 

"Thank you." Harry nestled a little closer to Louis before they were both resting their heads down, and falling asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

They were back home from their extravagant wedding weekend and back to their regular, normal routines. They attended their classes, worked at their jobs, and took care of their kitten. Typical. 

"I fucking hate calculus. Who's bright idea was it for me to take Calculus 4?" Harry laughed softly, dragging the soapy bath puff across Louis' back. 

"Your major." He teased. 

"I'm gonna switch majors." 

"You're not being serious, are you?" Harry asked. Louis shook his head, turning around to face Harry. The shower stream beat against his back, washing the suds away.  

"Of course I'm not." He said with a smile. "Which reminds me, I have to take notes tonight, I have a quiz tomorrow." 

"There's blue pens in the kitchen drawer in case you need one." Louis smiled up at him. "Because heaven forbid you take your notes in a different color pen." Harry teased smiling back down at him. Louis laughed softly before taking the bath puff from Harry's hands, turning around to rinse it out in the water stream. 

"I can't help it if I love my blue pens." 

"I know, sweetheart." Harry replied. "It's one of the reasons why I love you." Louis bit back his smile. Of course he loved hearing that. He loved hearing Harry say that he loved him. Of course, it was only once in a blue moon that he said it. Or let it slip somehow. 

"I love you too." He whispered back. It was so soft, though, that it got lost over the sound of the shower, and Louis wasn't sure if he was glad about that or not. "So, when are we finishing season five of Grey's Anatomy? I know a huge spoiler that happens on the last episode-"

"What is it?" 

"I can't tell you, it's a spoiler!" Louis exclaimed turning around to face Harry again, after hanging up the bath puff. 

"But you already know! I asked!" Louis sighed, smiled. 

"George gets hit by a bus and dies in the following episode." Harry's jaw dropped. 

"But he's my favorite!" 

"I know, babe. I know." He said sarcastically. Harry simply scoffed again. 

"This is blasphemy. He's the best character." 

"Alex is mine." Louis replied sweetly, a little smile gracing his lips. 

"You only think he's cute." Harry teased with a grin. Louis just batted his eyelashes at Harry in feign innocence before shrugging. 

"If anyone's cute, it's Mark. Wouldn't mind me some Mark." He joked turning his back to Harry again to turn of the water. Harry pulled back the shower curtain before reaching for the towels hanging from the towel rack. He handed one to Louis. 

"So what's on your schedule for today?" Louis hopped out of the tub and began to dry himself off. 

"Got my lab today, then I work from 11 to 5:30 and that's about it. Lazy day. You?" 

"I have to stop by the union and go to financial aid office because on my campus connection it says I owe, like, 8,000 dollars and I don't know why, then I actually have advanced printmaking so maybe I'll stop by and say hi to you." Louis worked on campus in the fine arts building working as a secretary for the department of art and design. "And I work from 6 to close so I won't be home till late." Louis pouted at him, folding the towel over the rack again. 

"Dinner for one tonight." Harry chuckled softly, stepping out of the tub. 

"We'll have an extravagant dinner tomorrow." Louis grinned, nodding. 

"Okay. Scooters gonna want a Fancy Feast then." 

"We'll give him one then." They left the bathroom and went to their room to get dressed before they finished getting ready for the day. At 9 o'clock Louis left for his astronomy lab. Harry dawdled around for a bit before leaving for the student union. 

After figuring out the deal with his financial aid, he settled down on the bottom floor to study a bit before his printmaking class. He was just seated at a tall table with his art history book in front of him. It wasn't too crowded. That's why he preferred the basement, but still, after twenty minutes, someone was pulling out the chair across from him and sitting down. He looked up and saw Luke. He rolled his eyes. 

"How was the wedding?" 

"Good." Luke smiled at him. It looked mischievous, though. Not reassuring. 

"Was it really?"

"Really really." He replied flatly, turning the page. 

"Isn't marriage beautiful?" 

"For some people." 

"Not you?" 

"Don't know." Luke was quiet, forcing Harry to look up at him. Luke just smirked at him. He was sitting quite close to the table, practically leaning on it with his arms. "You?" 

"Well, you know, the idea of devoting your life to being spent with one person and one person only is kind of scary. That's a long time." Harry furrowed his eyebrows at him. Luke just smiled wide enough that Harry could see all his teeth.   
"Do you think you and Louis will ever get married?" He asked teasingly. Harry rolled his eyes. 

"Fuck off." 

"I'm just saying, you don't even tell him you love him, or kiss him, or even touch him-"

"You don't know a motherfuckin' thing about our relationship, so stick your nose in someone else's business." 

"Oh, don't I? Louis is my best friend, he shares everything with me." 

"I'm sure he doesn't share everything." 

"Oh, he tells me things you don't even know." Harry grit his teeth, swallowing thickly. 

"About me and our relationship?" Luke nodded a little too eagerly and it was pissing Harry off. 

"Yeah. Like, how he thinks you guys don't have a future-"

"He said that?" Luke nodded. 

"Yeah, he's not too happy with you. At least, he's not happy with how you don't like touching him-"

"It's got nothing to do with him." 

"He seems to think otherwise, but I see his point. If my boyfriend or girlfriend didn't ever want to be intimate or even simply hold my hand, or even tell me they love me if we ever got to that point, I'd be pretty pissed too. Do you know he still has his Tinder and uses it? We rate guys and girls on their together sometimes. He's got some conversations going on too with some real nice looking people, I'd watch out if I were you." 

"Are just making shit up to spite me?" Luke gave him a smug expression. 

"You think I'm making this all up?" He asked slowly. Harry felt like he was about to burst a blood vessel. He shut his book. He shoved it back into his backpack before standing up and shoving the chair. Then he stormed off to the building of fine arts. Even if he was going to be an hour and half early for class, he couldn't just not talk to Louis. But maybe he couldn't waited because he was fucking pissed and when he was pissed he did not talk lightly or think straight. But he didn't wait. 

He stormed into the office where Louis was sitting behind a desk typing away on a computer. He glanced at Harry before smiling, turning his chair to face him. 

"Oh hey-"

"Do you talk to Luke about us?" Harry asked him sternly. Louis just gawked up at him. 

"Um, I mean, you know...regular stuff any friends would share-"

"No, I don't think so, because he was all up in my face telling me shit that you have supposedly said that I don't even know you're thinking and doing. If you have a fucking problem then talk to me about it, not your jackass best friend. Do you know it makes me feel when I have to hear from some asshole that you're not happy in our relationship-"

"I am happy!"

"Sure has hell didn't sound like it from what Luke said!" 

"What did he say? You're really gonna trust him?" 

"Well apparently you don't see us having a future?" Louis swallowed thickly. 

"I just...I said that when I was angry, it was literally, like, four months into dating! I was mad and it just came out." 

"Well apparently a lot of other stuff has come out to him and not me when it should be the other fucking way around. Even then, some of it shouldn't even be fucking going on. Like, are you using Tinder?" Oh god, Louis paled. He was going to fucking slaughter Luke. 

"No-"

"Do not fucking lie to me-"

"Okay, yes, but just because Luke and I like to see who's on there and, like, make fun of bios and pictures and all." 

"Can I see it on your phone?" Louis just stared up at him. He shook his head. "Why not?" 

"Because it's my phone. It's my privacy-"

"Then just answer me this, are you talking to people on there?" Louis hesitated once again. He wanted to burst into tears. 

"A few, just as friends-"

"Just as friends? You shouldn't be talking to anyone on fucking Tinder of all apps! What the hell, Louis? This is not okay. Why can't you just use Luke's Tinder to see who's on there and make fun of people? Do you realize how...shitty that makes me feel and makes you look knowing you redownloaded fucking Tinder?" 

"It was purely innocent." 

"Nothing on Tinder is innocent."

"Some people actually say they're just looking for friends in their bios." 

"Oh yeah? And what does your bio say?" Harry asked harshly. "Does it say you're in a two year long relationship? Does it say my boyfriend doesn't even know I'm on here? Does it say we live together?" 

"Harry, please, you're yelling-"

"Because I'm fucking pissed!" He shouted. Louis just looked up at him frightened. Harry took a deep breath, shaking his head to himself. "I am going to go calm down and then I'm going to go to class and then after work you and I are going to talk-"

"You'll be home at midnight-"

"We're talking because I'm not sleeping on this. I don't want to go to bed angry. They say not to do that so I don't care how late it is, we're talking tonight." Louis just nodded. "Also, I am your boyfriend. Not Luke. If you have a problem or aren't happy about something then you talk to me. Not Luke. Have I made myself fucking clear?" Louis just swallowed thickly before nodding again. Harry huffed wth anger before taking a breath. Then he pivoted around and walked away. 

Louis spent the rest of the day replaying the whole scene and what Harry had said in his head. He also spent it screaming at Luke over text. Harry spent the rest of the day fuming. He was so steamed up he actually slipped and cut his palm with his gouge in class. 

He started to simmer down once he got to work. He was just trying to play over in his head everything he had said as well, and tried to process his feelings so he could adequately describe them to Louis so he didn't come off as a big, screaming jerk. He was just hurt. 

When he got home it was 12:38 and all the lights in the flat were out except the one in the living room. Harry kicked off his shoes and hung up his coat before walking over to the living room. Louis was sitting on the couch with the coffee table pulled close to him. His laptop was out, as well as his textbook, and in his lap was his notebook. Louis looked up at him. 

"I have no blue pens left and this one is running out of ink." Harry managed a soft, small smile before he walked back into the kitchen and pulled open a drawer. 

"I told you in the shower there were some blue pens in here." He replied softly before returning to the living room with one. He handed it to Louis before taking a seat on the couch. Louis swallowed thickly, placing his notebook down. "I am sorry for confronting you at your place of work so inappropriately and abruptly. I...shouldn't have done that. I should've waited for my anger to pass and given myself time to think before I even said anything, but...I didn't and I made a mistake. It was a mistake." Louis just looked at him softly, listening intently. "I felt hurt, though, to hear that you had told Luke you didn't see a future for us and that you aren't happy that I don't touch you and that you still use Tinder and are talking to people on there. It makes me feel like Luke is more important than me. Almost like...he's the boyfriend and I'm just the best friend." 

"Harry," Louis sighed. "I don't want to hurt you. I did at one time say I didn't think we had a future, but that was a long ass time ago, like, before our one year anniversary. But look at us now. It's been two years, we live together, we have a kitten, and I'm so happy with you. So happy." He reached over and grabbed Harry's hand, squeezing it reassuringly. "One problem I do have, and we've already talked about this, but it's important to me; I know you don't like touching me, or even having me touch you, but a huge thing you could do to show me you love me is touch me. I know it makes you uncomfortable so I am just asking you to work on this with me. Please." Harry just looked up at him hesitantly. "One of the reasons I downloaded Tinder again was because I liked the little rush I feel when I see that I matched with somebody. It just...It makes me feel wanted and I feel like you don't want me." 

"Louis, if I didn't want you I can guarantee we wouldn't be together." Louis smiled. 

"I know, it kind of coincides with the touching, and all." Harry just nodded. "I already deleted the account and the app. It was unfair to you that I was even using it. I shouldn't have. Like, I'd be pretty pissed too if I found out you were using Tinder and all." Harry just forced a small smile. "Is there anything else you want to talk about? Are you okay with, like, working on being a bit more physical?" Harry just nodded. 

"Please don't share intimate details about our relationship with Luke." He requested softly. "I know you're best friends and best friends share things, but I really don't like him quoting things I have said back to me." Louis gave him a peculiar look. "I know you told him what I said about how I felt about marriage because when I asked him how he felt he said exactly what I told you." Louis smiled shyly. 

"I promise I won't tell him stuff." Harry smiled back. 

"Okay." He squeezed Louis' hand, fighting the urge to pull his hand back. 

"How was work?" Louis asked sweetly. 

"It was good. Little chaotic during the dinner rush, but overall good. Made some good tips." 

"It's because you're so cute." Louis teased. Harry just smiled modestly, his cheeks turning red. 

"You're cuter." He teased back. "I'm gonna get ready for bed." Harry started leaning forward before pausing and slightly jerking back, but then leaned in and kissed Louis' forehead. They let go of each other's hands. Harry got up and went down the hall, and Louis returned to his studying.

Harry took his shower, freshened up for bed, and turned down the sheets of the bed. He was turning over in his mind all he and Louis had talked about. Might not have been a lot that was said, but that was not important. He stepped out into the hallway and paused. He pressed his hand against the wall, feeling he subtle texture of the wall underneath his palm. 

He stepped forward down the hallway until he came to the intersection where the living room was. His hand was still pressed against the wall and Louis looked up from his textbook, glancing over at Harry. 

"Would you...maybe want to, like, cuddle for a little bit? Like, I mean, unless you want to continue studying for your quiz tomorrow, I was just...I don't know. Thinking. When I was younger my mother always went to bed a lot earlier than my dad so he would always go in to their room and they'd cuddle for a little bit, and then my dad would come back out to the living room to work and my mom would go to bed." A slow smile spread across Louis' face. 

"I'd love to." Louis practically leaped off of the couch, making Harry laugh. Harry turned and walked back down the hallway with Louis trailing happily behind him. They both walked into the room. Harry was only in a pair of joggers, and before he could even get in the bed Louis was tearing off all his clothes until he was in his underwear and jumping in the bed. 

Harry laughed softly, pulling the blanket up to his waist. Louis nestled in close to Harry before turning on his side. He reached around grabbed Harry's arm, guiding it around his body. So fighting that tic his brain he wrapped his other arm around Louis, pressing his chest and abdomen against Louis' back. Louis smiled to himself, loving how warm Harry was and just loving that they were actually cuddling! Harry was actually touching him, he was holding him! Louis had his arm placed overtop Harry's, locking their fingers together. God, it felt good to be held. 

But while Louis was enjoying what he considered the most intimate moment in their entire relationship, Harry was fighting the war he didn't even know he was fighting. God, he fucking wished he could've been like Louis and enjoyed touching and want to be intimate, but no. But he just...he didn't. He didn't like the annoying itch to pull away whenever someone touched him or he touched someone else. There were some instances he was okay with, but not much. 

There was another huge problem he was dealing with and that was the idea of being intimate. It wasn't even just that he didn't like to be touched or touch others. It was simply that he didn't want to do it. He didn't want to have sex. Why was sex even important? It wasn't. It was pointless. Absolutely pointless. He had absolutely no desire to have sex. 

But God, he almost wished he had the desire! Everyone else did. What was wrong with him? He was so fucking sick and tired of everyone, all his friends, taunting him about it. And especially Luke. He fucking hated Luke. And he fucking hated how Louis wanted them so badly to have sex. He didn't understand why Louis cared so much about sex! He almost hated himself. In fact, he did hate himself. He just...he had no idea what was wrong with him. He felt as if he didn't know himself. At all. And he didn't. 

"So how's your studying going?" Harry asked softly, his soft voice tickling the inside of Louis' ear. Louis smiled. 

"Good. I still fucking hate Calculus." They both chuckled. "How was your day?" 

"Alright. I cut my hand with my gouge today in printmaking, though." Harry let go of Louis' hand and displayed his palm. 

"Aw, poor baby." Louis teased. He traced the tip of his finger across Harry's Star Wars themed bandaid. "You don't even like Star Wars." 

"It was either this or minions." Harry replied, linking their hands together again. 

"Oh God, I might've had to break up with you if you had choose minions." Louis joked back. Harry simply smiled, nestling his temple against the side of Louis' head. 

"I know, that's why I didn't choose them." He joked back. Louis smiled, nestling back against Harry cozily. Harry brushed his thumb against the back of Louis' hand, taking a deep breath. "I know I don't say it a lot, but you mean a lot to me." He whispered softly. 

"I know." Louis replied in a soft voice. After that it was quiet. They just laid in bed together, actually cuddling for once. They started to laugh when they heard meowing come from the floor beside their bed, and soon Scooter had joined them for their cuddle sesh. 

Louis had the full intention of going back out into the living room to finishing studying and taking notes for Calc, but he just felt so fucking warm and cozy being in his arms that he couldn't will himself to get out of bed. He just couldn't! Who knew when this opportunity would arise again?

So he fell asleep. And when Harry realized he fell asleep he smiled to himself. Louis was so adorable. But soon after Louis had started snoring Harry climbed out of bed to turn out the living room lights and turn down the heat. When he tiptoed back into the room and crawled under the blanket he put his arm back around Louis. If acts of physical touch were the one way to show Louis he loved him then goddamnit he was going to try. 

The next day was nothing short of eventful. They followed their daily routines and Louis had a nice chat with Luke in the biology building. 

"You fucking jackass, why'd you tell Harry all that shit? You do realize I had said I didn't see a future with him when we had only been together for four months? Why'd you tell him that as if I had just told you yesterday? And why the hell did you tell him about my Tinder?" Luke snickered. Louis just looked at him angrily, slumping down against the bench. 

"You're just upset cause you already miss Tobias." Louis glared at him before slapping him in the arm. 

"Shut up-"

"He was willing to fuck you too-"

"I don't give a shit, I love Harry." 

"Even though he doesn't even touch you?" Luke taunted. Louis groaned, closing his eyes. 

"There's more to relationships than fucking." Luke just smiled, shrugging.

"I was just doing you a favor. Trying to tell him that he's got to step up his game or you're leaving him." 

"You had no place doing that." Louis said sternly. 

"Oh come on, don't you remember the good old days?" 

"You mean freshmen year when you'd fuck three people a day?" 

"Correction, we would fuck three people a day. Remember that one time you got fucked in the study room?" Louis cracked a small smile, laughing softly as he nodded making Luke smile. 

"Remember that one time you were on the bottom bunk with some girl and I was on the top bunk with her brother?" 

"Iconic." Luke said through his laughter. "And that contest we had."

"Of course you won." Louis teased. "But things are different now." He said turning serious again. "That was three years ago. We're seniors now." 

"You're such a stick in the mud now." Luke said rolling his eyes. 

"Well we all have to grow up at some point, Luke. Soon we're going to be graduated and getting jobs and just...becoming adults. It's time to start acting like one." 

"Oh, of course, of course." Louis eyed him narrowly before sighing and rolling his eyes. 

"Seriously, stay out of our relationship." Luke nodded. 

"In my defense I never wriggled my way in." He replied. "I had a simple chat with a friend-"

"You know Harry can't stand you." Louis pointed out. 

"Like I give a fuck about what killjoy Styles things about me. I can't stand him either, he's got a giant stick up his ass-"

"He does not." 

"He kind of does. He gets all pissy if I say anything that's even vaguely sexual." 

"Well sometimes you do get a little vulgar, you could tone it down a bit." Luke just gawked at him. 

"Oh my god, he's getting to you. Louis, can you hear? Are you still in there? Don't worry, I can help corrupt you." Luke said loudly sarcastic, leaning in close to look Louis in the eyes. Louis laughed softly, shoving Luke back by the shoulder, who was cracking a smile. 

"Shut up." 

"He's still a virgin, though?" Louis shrugged. 

"I think so."

"Maybe he just needs a little experience, then. Trust me, I bet if he had his first time then he'd understand what all the hype is about and want to do it 24/7." Louis shook his head, making Luke roll his eyes. 

"I don't think that's the case."

"Then what is the case?"

"The case is that he doesn't want to do it because he doesn't have a desire to. He thinks sex is pointless."

"But Lou-"

"It's mute, Luke." Luke gave him the expression of a cranky toddler. Louis laughed at him, shaking his head gently. Topics changed and they kept talking idly while across town Harry was sitting in a stark white doctors office twiddling his thumbs and humming to himself as he waited for the doctor. 

"Everything's fine." The doctor said as soon as the door closed behind her. "Your hormone levels are normal, nothing out of the ordinary. I'd say you're more than healthy." Harry frowned. He was almost hoping there would've been something wrong. He just wanted something to tell Louis, but the doctor had given him absolutely nothing. Nothing! 

"Then how come I have, like, zero sex drive? There has to be, like, something wrong with my hormones." The doctor gave him a sympathetic look before simply shrugging. 

"But nothing is." She replied. Harry sighed, biting the inside of his cheek as he shook his head.

"Can't you just say something is?" He asked meekly. 

"Is everything alright?" The doctor asked softly. 

"No, everything is not alright. I was expecting to come here and hear that my hormone levels were really low and that's why I have a low sex drive, but apparently that's not the case and now I have no idea what I'm supposed to tell my boyfriend who's so fucking adamant about being intimate and I don't want to be." The doctor offered a friendly smile. 

"Well things change when it's something you want or don't want." She said. "Simply not wanting to have sex doesn't mean your hormones have to be out of line. Sure, it is an indicator of it, but people want different things. They desire different things. Not everyone enjoys sex. Some people are sex repulsed and remain virgins their whole life." She said in the hopes of sounding reassuring. Harry just looked at her. 

"But a good majority of my relationship is riding on this. I'm afraid that if we don't have sex then he's going to break up with me." 

"Then why don't you have sex?"

"Because I don't want to." Harry answered. "It's gross and weird and I don't like being touched or touching other people, even my boyfriend. Plus what's the point in sex? I don't get why everyone's so obsessed with it or why it is even necessary." The doctor simply laughed. Harry frowned indignantly.  

"Everyone is different. I wish I could be of more help, but...if your whole relationship is riding on sex then is that really a relationship you want to be in?" Harry looked away, sighing. 

"Am I free to go now?" The doctor nodded. "Have a good day." 

"You as well. If you have any questions feel free to call." Harry just nodded as he got up from his chair then left the room. He went out into the parking lot, got in his car, then just sat there, staring at the steering wheel. 

"Motherfucker!" He slammed his hand against the steering wheel before yanking it back in pain. Now he was just more lost than ever. He had reached a fork in the road and there wasn't any sign guiding him on where to go, which road to take. He was lost. So fucking lost and he wanted to scream. But he didn't. He bottled it down and started the car, driving home.


	5. Chapter 5

Harry was sitting in his little makeshift art studio he had turned a second bedroom into. Well, he and Louis turned into. In front of him was his easel with a canvas he had started, yet never finished. He swiveled himself back and forth in his stool, his paintbrush in his hand, but no thought as to where to start. There was a gentle knock on the door before Louis was poking his head in. 

"Hey, hey," He greeted in a soft voice. Smiling wide, he strode into the room. Harry spun around, smiling back at Louis. 

"Hey, babe." 

"How's the painting going?" 

"I'm stuck in a rut." Harry said frowning at his canvas. Louis stood behind Harry, his hands folded behind his back. 

"So," Louis was already grinning and Harry looked up at him curiously. Louis stepped around in front of Harry then sat down on his lap. Harry smiled at him, chuckling. 

"What?" Harry asked him suspiciously and Louis just grinned and laughed giddily. 

"I was wondering if you'd maybe want to come up to Donny with me over Christmas break. Maybe spend a few days there, you could meet my family, I could show you all the hot spots...," He trailed off laughing making Harry smile. 

"What days?" 

"Well that's up for negotiation, I assume you probably want to go visit your own family for Christmas, but I do want to spend at least maybe Christmas Eve day with you, or my birthday, because sometimes my family can get a little unbearable." 

"I'd like that." Louis smiled happily. "Maybe you could come up to visit my mum and sister with me too, I know they've both been dying to see you again." Louis laughed.

"We can figure it out later when it gets closer to time." 

"Yay! I'm so excited now." Louis exclaimed making Harry smile. 

"I'm nervous. What if your parents don't like me?" He then asked. Louis smiled softly, giving Harry a rather condescending look, like what he said was an absolutely ridiculous question to even ponder. 

"Are you joking? Of course they're going to like you, why wouldn't they?" 

"Uh, because I'm your boyfriend and isn't it basically a stereotype that parents don't like the significant other?"

"Hey, your mother loves me." Harry chuckled, nodding in agreement. 

"My mother loves everyone, Louis." 

"Are you saying I'm not special?" Louis asked in feign disbelief. Harry smirked softly, shaking his head. He wrapped his arm around Louis' waist. He was still trying to work on what he promised, he may still not enjoy being touched or touching others, but Louis had been remarkably happier and he had no doubt that was because of him. 

"Of course you're special." 

"Speaking of which, I have to go call my mother so I will leave you to your painting." Louis gave Harry a quick kiss on the cheek before hopping up off his lap. Harry forced a small smile, turning over his shoulder as he watched Louis leave the room. 

Once Louis had closed the door he pulled out his phone and pulled up his mothers contact name. He pressed the button to call her then pressed the phone to his ear. He took a deep breath to mentally prepare himself because calling his mother was always a painful experience. 

"Hello darling, how are you?" Louis forced a smile, even though he was only one the phone! He felt like his mother was still watching him. 

"I'm well, and you?" He replied sitting down on the couch. 

"Fit as a fiddle." She joked lightly. 

"So I was just calling to talk about holiday plans since Christmas break is in less than four weeks." 

"What's there to discuss? You will be coming home, won't you?" Louis sighed. 

"Of course, but I was wondering how you'd feel if I brought Harry home to meet you guys for a few days." 

"Who's Harry again?" His mother asked and Louis wanted to just punch her through the phone. She wasn't even joking! 

"My boyfriend, mum. He's my boyfriend. I've talked about him and sent you pictures before." 

"Oh right, him." She said with a certain disdain hidden in her tone. "I mean, I guess you could invite him, but do you really want him here for a family holiday? I'm afraid he'll feel out of place." 

"Mum, trust me, he'll be fine. You never know, he might actually be family someday." He heard his mother scoff a laugh before sighing contently. 

"Oh Louis, you've always been so funny." Louis just looked to the side as if he were on The Office then cleared his throat. 

"Okay, sounds good, I'll text you with more details as we get closer to finals and all. Love you." He hung up the phone and put it in his pocket before walking out to the kitchen to have a drink. He took out a bottle of beer then popped off the cap. He settled on the couch, turned on the TV, and got comfy. 

After a few episodes of The Office, Harry wandered out into the kitchen to wash his brushes. Louis turned his head over his shoulder. 

"Done painting?" 

"For now." Harry replied with a laugh. 

"Do you want to go ice skating tonight? Liam invited us." Harry chuckled. 

"I don't ice skate."

"Well then you can sit on the sidelines and kiss my boo boos when I fall." Louis teased with a smile. Harry smiled at him before looking back down at his brushes. 

"I mean, I'll come along, but I'm not ice skating." 

"Sounds like a plan." So Harry finished washing his brushes and Louis continued to dawdle around watching The Office. After dinner they drove over to the ice skating rink where they met Liam, Zayn, and Luke. Harry just went and took a seat on the sidelines because he had never ice skated before and he had in intentions of breaking his neck anytime soon. He cycled through the apps on his phone before Louis, Zayn, Liam, and Luke were making their way onto the ice. 

It was an indoor rink, they were just at the local hockey arena. Louis skated over to the wall that was in front of Harry. Harry smiled up at him. Louis smiled back. 

"Please come out and ice skate. It's fun!" He exclaimed. Harry gave him a tip lipped smile then shook his head. 

"I don't even know how to and I don't feel like breaking my neck." He replied. 

"Killjoy Styles comin' in for the kill." Luke, who was beside him, mumbled, skating away. Harry rolled his eyes and Louis frowned a bit. 

"What if I help you?" He asked smiling again. Harry sighed, shaking his head again. 

"I don't want to ice skate, Louis." He said in a soft tone. Louis pouted at him, then sighed. 

"Okay." Louis pushed himself away from the wall and skated off, catching up with Luke. 

"Still don't know how you fuckin' put up with him." Luke said shaking his head. Louis sighed, shoving him in the arm gently. 

"Shut up, he's my boyfriend and I love him." 

"Why do you love him?" Luke questioned seriously. "What about him do you love?" Louis gave him a patronizing glare before rolling his eyes. He sighed again. 

"I love him because I wouldn't have spent two years with him if I didn't. I love his kindness, I love that he makes me laugh and still feel loved even if he doesn't say it that often, I love how when I wake up he's usually already awake and just staring at me because he said I look cute when I'm asleep and it's peaceful. I don't have to justify myself to you, but those are just a few things." 

"But you don't love that he doesn't like touching you, having you touch him, kiss you, hold your hand, basically do anything remotely physically intimate two regular people in a relationship already do-"

"What is your fucking aim here, Luke?" Louis asked him sternly. 

"I just think you could do a lot better then that fucking unemotional robot named Harry fucking Styles."

"He's not unemotional-"

"He literally shows no fucking emotion-"

"Yeah, well you're not in a relationship and live with him. Plus, he hates you." Louis added with a small laugh. Luke cracked a small smile, then just rolled his eyes. 

"I just think you deserve someone who will make you happy. I know you say you're happy now with him, but you're not as happy as you could be. He's holding you back from being happy, Louis. And you can say it doesn't matter, but it does. No one wants to be 60% happy. Everyone wants to be as happy as they can be, but you'll never be truly happy until you either leave him or he gets his fucking act together." Louis looked at him uneasily. He had a point. A really good fucking point and Louis didn't like it. Not one bit. 

"I don't want to talk about this anymore." Luke smiled. 

"Because you know I'm right." 

"It's moot, Luke." Louis told him sternly. 

"No, it's not. But I'll shut up." Luke replied. Louis rolled his eyes, feeling utterly annoyed with Luke. Meanwhile, Liam took a break off to the side and sat with Harry. Well, Liam was talking and Harry was tuning him out. He was preoccupied with glaring at Luke with Louis. 

"How is Louis even friends with Luke?" Harry asked turning to Liam. Liam gave him a questionable look. 

"Have you been listening to me at all?" Harry rolled his eyes. "Why do you even give a shit about Luke?"

"Because I think it's obvious he is into him and it pisses me the fuck off." Liam cracked a grin, chuckling. Harry was not amused at all. He inhaled deeply before exhaling slowly. 

"Louis' crazy about you." 

"But I'm sure he conveys his feelings of dismay about how I don't like physical contact with you." Liam just pressed his lips together, shrugging. 

"You know, you prefer one thing, he prefers another. You're both going to have to understand that, but still be willing to compromise so you're both satisfied and content with your relationship." Harry side-eyed him. 

"But he wants us to cuddle in bed, and for me kiss him, like, five times a day, and tell him I love him everyday, and to want to have sex with him." 

"And why don't you already do those things?" 

"Because I don't fucking like physical contact. It makes me uncomfortable." Harry told him through the grit of his teeth. 

"And what about it makes you uncomfortable?" 

"I don't know, I just don't like it. I just feel an itch to pull away whenever someone really touches me. I do not have to justify myself." 

"Well, why do you feel an itch pull away?" Liam asked. Harry groaned, rolling his eyes again. He shrugged his shoulders. 

"I wish I fucking knew." He muttered shaking his head. 

"Does it make you uncomfortable telling him you love him?" 

"No, I just don't understand why he has to hear it twenty times a day. If anything ever changed, I'd let him know." Harry scoffed. 

"Everybody is different. Louis probably just likes the reassurance." Harry just blew air through his nose, pressing his lips together tightly. 

"I mean, I try to work on this stuff, but it doesn't come as a natural reflex, you know? And then I forgot that I'm supposed to be, like, trying and so I don't do it and then he gets all pissy. I don't want to have to be constantly consciously thinking about when I should be holding his hand, or giving him a kiss, or all that shit." 

"Well, maybe the longer you try consciously thinking about it, the easier it'll get in the long run so that soon it will come as a natural reflex." 

"Is it a natural reflex for you?" Liam thought for a moment. He half shrugged, half nodded. 

"I mean, I guess so. Saying it's a natural reflex sounds a little odd, but I don't really have to give much of a conscious effort to remind myself to hold my girlfriends hand or kiss her. Most of the time if we're walking together I just grab her hand without thinking, or when I see her I usually give her a kiss without mentally planning it in my head. That's just me, though. Everyone is different." 

"It doesn't seem like it. It feels like everyone is the same and I'm the odd one out." Liam gave Harry a sympathetic look. It was quiet between them. Liam wasn't sure what to say, or if he should even say anything at all. 

"But you don't know everyone." Liam told him with a smile, trying to lighten the mood. Harry looked at him before smiling back. "Maybe, what you and Louis both need, is for you to go out and meet everyone." Harry furrowed his eyebrows together in confusion. 

"Are you saying that I should meet someone more similar to me?" Liam's expression wasn't exactly reassuring, and he didn't immediately say anything. He just shrugged. 

"Sometimes you just have to do what's best for you both. Even if it's hard." Harry simply shook his head. 

"I love him." He stated. "I'm not breaking up with him." Liam just smiled again. 

"Then it's settled." He said teasingly. Harry rolled his eyes, cracking a smile in return. "Hey Harry,"

"What?" Harry asked with a small laugh. 

"I love you." Liam teased, grinning wide. Harry looked at him, laughing. 

"I love you too, man." Liam pat his back gently before standing up. 

"I'm gonna hit the ice." 

"Don't break your neck." Liam laughed affectionately as he stepped back onto the ice. Harry just watched him with a forced, content smile. Around 45 minutes later they were returning their skates and standing by the entrance. Louis turned to Harry. 

"Hey, Luke and I are going to go out for a drink, I'll see you at home." Harry simply nodded. 

"Okay, if you need a ride home just text me." Louis smiled, nodding back. 

"I will." So Harry trotted off to his car, Louis went with Luke to his, and Liam and Zayn left together as well. Luke and Louis showed up to one of their favorite bars, or more like clubs. They were standing at the bar counter in the club 441 Main, trying to talk over the loud music. 

"Don't look now, but this guy sitting in one of the reserved booths is totally checking you out." Luke said glancing across the room. Louis pressed his lips into a smile, circling his finger around the rim of his glass. 

"What are you doing for Christmas break?" Luke gawked at him. 

"Didn't you just hear me?" 

"Luke." Luke exhaled, turning his attention back to Louis. 

"I'm going to Florida to visit family, and tan on the beach, and fuck every girl and guy I see." He answered with a proud smile. Louis laughed. "What are you doing? You should hide in my suitcase so I don't have to spend the entire three weeks with all my extended family." Louis laughed. 

"I'd love to, but I'm going home with Harry so he can meet my parents, and then we're going to go visit his mother." Luke eyed him with a grin. 

"Ooh, meeting the parents already? Has he met them before?" Louis shook his head. 

"I'm so fucking nervous." He admitted. 

"Does he know your parents are God fearing Catholics who think bisexuality means you're basically straight and are still trying to set you up with a girl?" Louis shook his head. 

"Nope, want to know what my mum said when I called her and told her I was bringing Harry home?" 

"Who's Harry?" Luke mocked and they both burst into laughter, hanging onto the edge of the counter. Louis sighed contently before nodding. 

"She literally said that! I was so pissed. I swear, a part of me is thinking that bringing Harry home will be an utter disaster, but a part of me is hoping they'll see just how serious I am about Harry and support it-"

"Louis, your parents haven't taken any of your relationships seriously unless it was with a girl. And every same sex relationship you have had has not stopped them from trying to set you up with that one girl…what's her name? Danielle?" Louis giggled tipsily, nodding. He took a swig of his whiskey sour. 

"Remember fucking Briana?" 

"She was such a bitch!" Luke hollered through his laughter. 

"She had a kid!" Luke's jaw dropped. 

"She did not."

"She fucking did." Louis told him grinning. "And my parents still fucking want me to meet up with her over break!" 

"Oh no, how will Danielle feel?" Luke asked sarcastically. 

"Maybe I should bring home Dani and just be like, 'well it's Danielle!'" Louis exclaimed. 

"Or you and Harry could just fuck in front of her—oh wait, I forgot Harry doesn't want to fuck you." Luke replied. Louis scowled at him scornfully. 

"Luke, knock it off." 

"Just saying." Luke stuck his straw in his mouth, looking away with a feigned look of innocence. Louis rolled his eyes. 

"If you were a real friend you wouldn't treat me like that."

"If you were a real man you wouldn't let Harry get away with his shit. Your relationship doesn't revolve around him and all he wants or doesn't want." Luke told him sternly. Louis rolled his eyes. 

"Why do you give such a shit about my relationship with Harry?" 

"Because I'm a real friend and I want you to be happy." Luke deadpanned. "And I know you. You don't like confrontation, you let people walk over you. Don't let Harry do that." 

"I'm not letting him walk over me. It's a complicated situation because what I want for him to do is stuff that apparently makes him uncomfortable and I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable."

"Then maybe you need to find someone who is comfortable with physical contact, like every other person on this planet, and be with them." Louis shook his head. "Speaking of which, that guy from before has totally been eye fucking you this whole time." Louis did smile, but rolled his eyes as well. 

"Too bad I'm taken." He replied staring down at the counter, tapping his finger against his glass. 

"Well you might want to rethink that because he's coming over here right now." Louis exhaled before glancing over where sure enough a guy around their age was stepping up beside them and placing a glass down. 

"Hi," He greeted with a smile. Louis just smiled kindly. 

"Hi." 

"I'm Tom." He introduced himself. 

"I'm Louis, it's nice to meet you." Tom grinned, nodding. 

"The pleasure is all mine." God, Louis could feel himself blushing. Blushing! 

"He could use a little more pleasure in his life, though, if you know what I'm saying." Luke piped up, making his presence known. Louis turned and hit him in the chest, while Tom just chuckled in amusement. "I'm serious, he's stuck in a dead relationship and just doesn't know how, or when, to end it. He also hasn't gotten fucked in over two years. Sad, I know. Think you have what it takes to give him the night of his life he's been longing for for two years?" Louis' jaw dropped open. He turned to Luke again, hitting him in the arm. Luke only laughed. 

"Oh my God, please ignore him. He's full of shit." Louis said turning back to Tom. "But...I am in a relationship, actually. Just so you know." Tom nodded. 

"Well that's a shame, you're very good looking. Whoever it is must be a lucky guy." Louis smiled happily. 

"He is." He joked. 

"I, on the other hand, am single as fuck and wouldn't mind taking you for a spin." Luke said with a proud smirk. 

"Oh, is that so?" Tom asked smirking back. Louis shook his head to himself before stepping back. 

"I'm going to run to the bathroom." He excused himself politely before walking away. He figured leaving Luke alone was probably a bad idea, but he didn't want to sit there will Luke worked his magic. In the bathroom, Louis just stepped up to the sink and turned on the faucet. He rinsed his hands before splashing his face with cool water. He looked at himself in the mirror. He looked tired. He sighed to himself before turning away to dry his hands.   
He walked back out to the bar. 

"Hey," Luke greeted him. "So, I'm gonna go." He told him with a smirk. "You okay with that?" Louis just nodded, he wasn't surprised. 

"Have fun and be safe." He told him. Luke just smirked and nodded before trotting off with Tom and disappearing within a crowd. Louis pushed his whiskey sour glass forward before stepping over in front of a bartender, ordering a shot. Or two. Or five. 

-

Louis fumbled around trying to get the key in the lock. Once he finally was able to unlock the door, he walked inside. He kicked off his shoes, hung up his keys, then went to his and Harry's room. Harry was sitting up in the bed, reading a book. The overhead light was off, but the lamp on Harry's nightstand provided a good amount of light. 

"Hey, did you have a good time?" Louis just blinked at him, placing his hands on his hips. 

"I want to have sex!" He shouted indignantly. Harry's eyes widened and his jaw dropped open as he gawked up at Louis in shock. "I want to get laid. I want you to just shove your bloody cock up my ass and fuck me already! I need to get fucked! It's been over two fucking years!" Harry just seemed distraught by Louis' outburst. 

"I have...absolutely no desire to do that. That seems gross." Louis sighed, dropping his arms to his sides. 

"I know you don't." He replied in annoyance. "And I don't want to force you to do something you don't want to do, but I want you to want to have sex with me!" He rose his voice again. "Is it me? Is it something about me? Am I just not physically attractive enough for you?" Harry gawked at him even more before shaking his head. 

"No, it's got nothing to do with you-"

"Then what is it?" Louis asked stomping his foot in anger. Harry closed his book, placing it hastily on his nightstand. 

"How much did you have to drink?" 

"That doesn't answer my fucking question!" Louis whined, stomping his foot again. Harry guessed "a lot" was the answer. "It obviously has to be me, right? What else could it be? You have no desire to have sex with me because I just don't turn you on. It's me, right?"

"Louis, it's not fucking you." Harry replied in a sterner tone. 

"Then what the hell is it?" He shouted back. 

"Can we have this conversation when you're sober?" Harry asked softly. 

"No, I want to have it now!" Louis stomped his foot a third time. "If it ain't me then what could it be? You can't just simply not want to have sex, we are sexual human beings. Any God fearing Catholic will tell you we were put here on earth to procreate, and how do you procreate? By having sex. It's in our nature, Harry. You can't defy God." Harry couldn't help but try and stifle his laugh. Louis wasn't amused. He glared at Harry harshly, annoyed. 

"Louis, let's have this conversation tomorrow." Harry told him calmly. "You've obviously had a bit too much to drink, we can talk tomorrow-"

"But we're always talking about it because you never explain yourself!" Louis exclaimed loudly. "And when you say you'll try and work on it you only do that for, like, two days before you just go back to your old self!" Harry bit the inside of his cheek. 

"Goodnight, Louis." Harry turned and clicked off the lamp. 

"Don't goodnight me!" Louis turned on the overhead light then stomped over to the bed, climbing up on it on his knees. He ripped the blanket off of Harry. "Do you love me?" Harry looked up at him stunned.

"I would take a fucking bullet for you, Louis. Just because I don't hold your hand often, or kiss you often, or want to have sex does not mean I don't love you. Why do you think that it does?" He replied in a stern, but calm, tone. 

"Because those are the things you can do to show me you love me! How many fucking times do I have to tell you that!" 

"Maybe so, but that still doesn't mean I don't because I don't love you." Louis just looked furious. Harry could practically see the steam rolling out of his ears. His eyes were bloodshot, like he had been crying, and it broke Harry's heart. 

"Well you need to get your fucking shit together or else this relationship will never last." 

"This relationship doesn't revolve around you, Louis. This relationship is about us. Not just you. You need to get your shit together as well if you want us to last." Harry told him seriously. "You have to realize that the things you're asking me to do make me uncomfortable and it's going to take a fucking lot for me to try and work on it." 

"I just want you to love me." Louis' voice was choked up and he just sounded so sad, Harry felt like bursting into tears himself. 

"I love you very much." 

"At least tell me that more often." Harry nodded. 

"I will." Louis sat down, exhaling deeply. He moved back to the edge then stood up. 

"I'm sleeping on the couch." He grabbed his pillow. 

"Louis-"

"The couch!" He slammed the door behind him. Harry gave a resigned sigh before resting his head down on his own pillow. He waited thirty minutes before venturing out into the living room where Louis was passed out on his back on the couch. Harry turned him on his side then fanned a blanket over him. He went to the kitchen and got a cup of water, which he set on the coffee table. Next to it he placed two pills of Aleve for the inevitable headache Louis would wake up with. Then he trotted back to their room and went to bed.


	6. Chapter 6

When Harry woke up it was 10 in the morning and Louis was sitting up on the couch, holding his head like one of those guys in the ads they have to promote safe drinking. Harry got himself a cup of water before venturing out into the living room where an inevitable argument awaited him. 

"How are you feeling?" He noticed the two Aleve he had set out were gone. 

"Like I've been run over by a truck." Louis answered honestly. 

"Remember much from last night?" Louis just blinked at the floor slowly. 

"You mean to tell me that wasn't a dream?" Harry shook his head. He stepped around from the back of the couch and took a seat next to Louis. 

"Nope."

"Well, I only remember bits and pieces." Louis admitted. "And even that is still fuzzy." 

"How'd you get home? I imagine Luke was just as trashed, if not even more."

"Uber." Harry just glanced at him, not sure what to even say next. Where was he supposed to start? "Um, so like I said last night is in fragments for me and very fuzzy, but I know...I kind of, like, was yelling at you because of...stuff, and I'm sorry. I just...I drank too much. I shouldn't have. I'm sincerely sorry." 

"Do you remember what you said?"

"Well, I probably said how I wanted us to have sex and something else similar to that." Louis stated. Harry just nodded. 

"Yeah, yep, you did." He replied quietly. "You also told me I needed to get my shit together or else our relationship would never last." Louis looked over at him meekly before sighing and looking away again. 

"I'm so sorry-" 

"I feel like you've been saying that a lot lately." Louis sat there motionless. He furrowed his eyebrows together, feeling his anger start to bubble up. He turned to Harry. 

"What's that supposed to mean?" Harry looked like he didn't know what to say, he had no idea where he was going with this. "I feel like you haven't been trying a lot lately, even though you said you would. And I thought you were actually going through with it for once after that one night you asked me if we wanted to cuddle, but that was a one time thing and naive little me thought maybe, just once, you would actually ask me again because you want to be just as close to me as I want to be to you." 

"Why do you think my lack of enjoyment in physical contact means that I don't want to be close to you or love you as much as you love me?" Harry asked him sternly. "We live together, we eat dinner together, we sleep in the same bed every night together, I drive home to you every night from work. How could you possibly think I don't want to be close to you?" 

"Because how many times have I told you that what you can do to show me you love me is kiss me, hold my hand, do those sorts of things?" 

"How many times have I told you I don't like a lot of physical contact? That touching others and all actually makes me uncomfortable?"

"How many times are you going to say that then do nothing about it?" Louis asked raising his voice. "Go see a fucking counselor or something-"

"Don't speak to me like that. The difference between you and me is that you see a problem with it and I do not-"

"Obviously!" Louis interrupted. "But don't you want to try and get past it? Don't you want us to be even closer with each other?"

"I'm content." Harry told him honestly. Louis exhaled, frowning slightly. 

"I'm not content." He replied. Harry looked down at his lap, swallowing thickly. "So, maybe we just need to see other people-"

"What? No." Harry cut in. He felt his eyes well with tears because he never thought he and Louis would reach a point where breaking up was an actual consideration. Louis looked up at him, his expression disconsolate. "I-I don't think we should see other people, Louis. I love you very much, I—I promise I will actually start working on our relationship and all." Louis gave him a look of doubt. Harry chewed the inside of his cheek nervously. 

"Really?" Harry nodded. "How am I supposed to believe that after you've already promised so many times before?" Harry sat back, shrugging his shoulders. 

"Well, why don't we have the talk." Louis froze. 

"The talk?" Harry nodded.

"No, I'm talking about...sex." He said rather distastefully. Louis nodded, pleasantly surprised, then turned his body so he was facing Harry more. 

"Oh, you're going to tell me about the birds and bees?" He teased softly. Harry shook his head.

"I wish." Harry joked back. "No, I'm talking about, like, talking about our history's, and sexual values, and how we're going to protect ourselves when the time comes, assuming it'll happen." 

"Oh." Louis' eyes widened and Harry nodded. 

"You asked me how you could believe me. I know it might seem awkward and maybe a little uncomfortable, but if we aren't mature enough to have this conversation then we probably aren't mature enough to even take our relationship to that level." 

"Okay." Louis took a deep breath. 

"So, this is probably already obvious, but I'm still a virgin and...I have literally never done anything sexual, but I know that's maybe not the case for you, which is completely fine, your past isn't going to sway my feelings for you, I just...want to know."

"Yeah, I lost my virginity when I was 17." Louis remarked casually. "I-I kind of regret that, though." He then added sheepishly. 

"That's fine." Harry said before clearing his throat. "So...how many other people have you been with physically?" Louis shrugged. 

"I honestly can't count." He mumbled before turning bright red. 

"Lou, you don't have to be embarrassed or anything." Harry said taking notice to his red cheeks. He felt endeared, though, and reached over to grab his hand gently. 

"I know, I just feel bad when you're sitting here without having done anything at all!" He exclaimed. 

"Hey, everyone's different, it's totally fine." Louis just sighed. Harry brushed his thumb against the back of Louis' hand. "Would you be alright with maybe going to the clinic to get tested for STI's and HIV?" 

"I always used protection-"

"Are you absolutely, 100%, without a single doubt sure of that?" Harry asked him seriously and Louis hesitated.

"I mean, I'm pretty sure. I always remember there being a condom-"

"But you also can't remember how many people you've even been with, and I'm not using that against you or anything, I just want to make sure we're both the safest we can be and condoms aren't always 100% effective, so if by the off chance you contracted something from someone who doesn't even know they're infected their self then it's better to know now instead of later." Louis shook his head. 

"No, I'm perfectly fine."

"Some STI's don't have symptoms that show up for years." Harry replied calmly. Louis was quiet. "If you're so sure you're clean then what's the big deal with just getting it done anyway for both our reassurance?" 

"Because what if it doesn't come back clean or negative?"

"Then it'd be a really good fucking thing that you'd of went in!" Harry exclaimed. 

"I don't want to go in!"

"If you are not mature enough to just go in and get tested for the sake of both our healths and safety then we are not mature enough to be physically intimate!"

"Who gives a shit! You hardly kiss me enough as it is! Am I actually supposed to believe that sometime after this talk you'd actually want to make love with me after you've repeatedly turned me away? And even when I've tried to have this exact discussion with you, you just shut me down!"

"I'm just trying to compromise here. Maybe I wasn't ready then-"

"Then why didn't you just fucking tell me so I didn't feel like a complete idiot?" 

"Because I don't know what I feel!" Harry yelled. "When it comes to sex and physical contact, that is. I just don't care about it! I do not like it! It's not because I'm a virgin, it's not because I'm scared, it's not because I'm waiting for marriage, and it's not because I'm afraid of getting an STI. I just have no desire for it, no urge, no attraction to do anything of the sort. My first reaction when we're walking together isn't to hold your hand. I don't think about whether or not I've given you a good-morning or goodnight kiss. It all just seems pointless to me...I just...I don't fucking know!" Harry took a deep breath and ran his fingers through his hair. "I thought maybe it was hormonal thing at first, not desiring sex, so I went to see a doctor and he said everything was fine. Other than that, I don't know why I feel the way I do. I've gone through four relationships now because they all thought sex was necessary for a relationship, but I didn't so when I said no they broke up with me and you are the only one whose actually stayed around, but I can feel your patience slipping with me so I'm just trying to compromise here!" Louis watched him intently. 

"Well if you don't even have any attraction to me physically or, like, sexually then why would I want to have sex with you?" 

"Sex isn't just about finding your partner sexually attractive, Louis. I find you physically attractive, that's pretty much the same thing." 

"Um, no it's not." Louis stated. "Physical attraction is thinking, 'Wow, my partner or this person is so beautiful and handsome, but I don't think I want to sleep with them,' and sexual is attraction is thinking, 'Wow, my partner or this person is so hot and sexy, I really want to fuck them.' So they're not the same thing, there's actually a pretty big difference." 

"Oh." Louis nodded with a patronizing expression. "Well...who cares. I mean, I still find you very handsome and beautiful and cute, so what's the big deal?" 

"The big deal is that I don't want you to find me handsome or beautiful or cute if we're in bed." Louis said before waltzing up directly in front of him. Harry looked down at him. "I want you to find me hot, and sexy, and feel like you can't keep your hands off of me." He smiled a bit. "I want you to want me. I just...want to feel wanted." Louis whispered looking up at him, his eyes big and blue and his expression soft. 

"I do want you...just not in the way you're talking about." Louis sighed. 

"I know." Harry ran his fingers through his hair then rubbed the back of his neck. 

"Lou...I'm trying real hard right now-"

"It doesn't seem like you. It doesn't seem like you ever are. It's been two years, Harry." 

"I'm just trying to figure out who I am." Harry whispered softly. "Obviously I'm different then...everyone, it seems."

"You're not different-"

"You have told me that I am." Harry accused taking a step back. "This entire time you've complained about me not kissing you or showing you affection, but you don't seem too concerned with the affection you show me."

"Are you kidding?" Louis asked slowly as his eyebrows creased forward indignantly. "I try to show you my affection every single day. Every time I try to kiss you I'm trying to show you affection, every time I try to hold your hand, or cuddle with you in bed, or even tell you that I love you. And what do you do? Absolutely nothing." 

"Absolutely nothing?" Harry repeated in a low tone and Louis took a step back because whenever Harry repeated his words in a low and slow tone, an eruption was to follow. "Are you fucking kidding me?!" He hollered. "Is that seriously what you think I do for you? Absolutely nothing? Well I'm sorry if I didn't know the only way love can be shown is through a kiss or a hand hold, apparently I didn't get the fucking memo that everything else means absolute shit!" 

"Harry-"

"Don't even fucking 'Harry' me right now. I am sick and tired of you constantly whining about me kissing you or having sex with you or holding your fucking hand. I fucking get it! I'm a terrible boyfriend who doesn't do fucking shit for you! If you honestly think I don't do anything to show you my love or affection then you're in for a real surprise because guess what? I do things every single fucking day to show you I love you! 

"I scrape your car windshield for you in the winter when it's frosted over before I head to my classes so that way you don't have to when you leave for your classes, I go to a store almost forty minutes away because it's the closest one that carries the shampoo I know you like, I buy Puffs tissues with Aloe because I know the generic kind irritate your nose when you have a cold or allergies in the spring. At night I make sure to open the window because I know you like to wake up to sound of the birds chirping in the spring and summer time, I know you like daffodils so in the spring I buy a potted plant from the store to keep in the flat because I know you enjoy watching them grow and think they brighten up the place even though I always thought you were enough to brighten it up, I know you don't like wearing socks, but I also know wearing your Vans without socks irritates your feet so I buy you socks anyway.

"I know you don't like sleeping when it's too warm so I always make sure to turn on the air conditioning, or open the window, before I go to bed so you'll be cool while you sleep even though it's the winter, I buy the crunchy peanut butter because I know you like it, but I don't and we can't really afford to buy two different kinds of peanut butter. I always make sure we have extra blue pens on hand because you can't take your notes in anything else but a blue ballpoint pen, but you also have a habit of losing them.

"I always make sure to run the dishwasher in the afternoon because I know you hate how loud and annoying it is at night when you're trying to sleep, especially when it's on a pots and pans cycle. I know you're really bad at keeping track of your earphones so I just give you mine because when you can't listen to music you get very snappy, I know you hate your birthday because everyone puts Christmas first so I make sure that your birthday always came first and Christmas second even if you still hate it, I play football with you in the park because you love it so so much even though I have two left feet and put David Beckham to shame. I know you love scary movies, but you also hate it when they're bloody or graphic so I always make sure to look up whatever movie we watch to make sure it's safe so you don't get upset. 

"I always made sure we had aloe and solarcaine because you think sunscreen makes you feel all sticky and gross, but you also burn very easily. I know you have a habit of dropping your phone so I bought you a screen protector and protective case so that way you wouldn't need a fourth new phone. I always made sure I had your trust and that you knew you had my trust, I gave you complete access to my phone because I never had anything to hide except my photo album full of pictures of you you never knew I took." Louis was silent. Harry glared at him. "So you want to keep talking about how I never show you I love you? I know they're small, practical things, but I still do them because I love you and I thought it was a way to show you that." Louis swallowed thickly and rubbed his eyes. 

"I don't know what to say." His voice was hoarse, like he was trying not to cry. "I really appreciate that you do those things, I really do," He wiped his eyes. "But what I've been trying to get across to you is that if you want to show me that you truly love me then hold my hand when we're out together, kiss me when you wake up, before you go to bed, when you're happy, actually tell me that you love me and that you want to be physically intimate with me and maybe carry out those actions." Harry grit his teeth, his eyes watering with tears because he felt that everything he did he did for no one. 

"You...," He paused. "Need a more compassionate heart." 

"What? Harry...," Louis sniffled then wiped his eyes again. Harry just swallowed thickly. "I was just saying, that's all I've ever been trying to say, and those things you said you do to show me is love me is wonderful, I've never felt more special, but what I said was how to show me that you truly love me. I mean, everyone's different!" He exclaimed then took a deep breath. "How can I show you that I love you too?"

"You already do." He replied without a single hesitation. 

"You were just saying that I don't seem too concerned about the affection I show you." Harry inhaled softly and turned his head down, sniffling. 

"I was just trying to place the blame on someone else." He replied softly. 

"I'm not blaming you for anything-"

"You are blaming me for not showing you enough affection."

"I'm not blaming you, though. I'm just saying...saying...saying that I want you to show more affection!" Harry was quiet. "I was never trying to blame you."

"It felt like blame."  

"Harry...," Louis reached up and placed his hands on Harry's shoulders, rubbing his arms gently. "We need to find a common ground so we're both happy and we're both comfortable in our relationship and so we're both getting the most of what we want." Harry nodded. "I think we both have things we need to work on both separately and together." 

"I know." 

"I...will go to the clinic to get tested." Louis whispered. "That doesn't mean we'll be obligated to have sex or anything, but if the moment were to ever happen when we were ready then that way we'd be safe." Harry nodded. "So...are you willing to, you know, work out our differences to find a common ground?" Harry nodded again.

"That's the whole reason I started this conversation, isn't it?" He asked softly, a small, timid smile gracing his lips. Louis smiled back up at him. 

"I do love you. Like, so fucking much." He told him in a quiet, gentle voice. Harry nodded, grinning down at him. 

"I love you so fucking much too." 

"I'm going to go take a nap now because my head is killing me and I'm exhausted." Louis said taking a step back. 

"If you need anything just let me know." Louis smiled softly before nodding. He didn't say anything, he just turned and walked down the hallway to their room. Harry went to the kitchen where he saw Scooter sitting in the middle of the floor. Harry smiled to himself. He wasn't sure if he and Louis had actually gotten anywhere with their little discussion, but he hoped they had made it somewhere. 

He picked up Scooter in his arms then walked over to the hallway, stepping into their bedroom. Louis was dropping his clothes into the hamper when Harry walked in. Louis hopped on the bed, crawling under the covers. Harry turned out the light then closed the blinds before climbing in bed with Louis and Scooter. 

"Gonna take a nap with me?" Louis asked teasingly. Harry laughed softly. 

"Maybe. Just thought Scooter would like his cuddle buddy." He said pulling the blanket up. Louis smiled before snuggling up close to Harry. Harry took a deep breath then nestled down under the blanket, gently touching Louis' forehead with his own. He watched a happy smile spread across Louis' lips. He closed his eyes before drifting off to a peaceful sleep. 

Harry wasn't sure what time it was when Louis gently nudged him awake. The room was still dark. Harry made a noise of annoyance and moved his arm away from Louis' hand. 

"Haz." 

"Hm?" Louis glared down at Harry softly, annoyed that he wasn't giving him the attention he wanted. He hadn't even opened his eyes! Louis pushed himself closer, laying his head on Harry's shoulder gently. 

"I had a bad dream." Harry just nodded and wrapped his arm around Louis' neck, pulling him a little closer. The warmth of his embrace gave Louis a sense of security. A feeling he thought no one else could give him. Feeling brave, he draped his arm over Harry's stomach, cupping his hand around his side. 

"What happened in it?" Harry's voice was low and groggy from still being half asleep. Louis loved it. He sighed heavily. 

"I dreamt that I was drowning and everyone I knew was just standing on land watching me and no one tried to save me." He explained with a little sniffle. 

"It's okay, we don't live near any major bodies of water." Louis pinched his side, rolling his eyes and it just made Harry laugh. "Don't worry, I wouldn't hesitate to jump in and save you." 

"Oh thanks, I appreciate it." Louis laughed softly. Harry just held him close, fighting that annoying little itch in the back of his head. He just pushed it further and further away until it was hidden deep in the cavern of his brain, where he'd hopefully ever have to deal with it again. 

-

"I really think he means it this time." Luke gave Louis a condescending look before rolling his eyes. They were sitting in the waiting room of a clinic, waiting for Louis  to get called back so he could get tested for any STI's or HIV. Like he had promised. 

"Didn't you say that last time? And the time before that?" Louis rolled his eyes back at him. 

"Shove off." 

"Hey, I can leave right now-"

"Don't." Louis interrupted making Luke laugh. 

"Why don't you just tell him you went and that everything was clear? How's he going to know if you actually got checked?"

"Because it's important to him, plus it's probably a smart idea that I get this check up considering I never have." 

"And I never will." Louis looked at him. 

"You should, Luke. Your sexual health is important." Luke scoffed. 

"I'm healthy." Louis started laughing, earning himself a stern and unamused look from Luke. 

"What if someone you sleep with isn't? Protection isn't always enough, Luke. Being scared isn't an excuse to not get checked up." 

"I'm not scared." 

"Then get checked with me right now." Louis gave him a smug look. Luke crossed his arms, shaking his head. 

"No."

"C'mon, Luke. Don't you want to know?"

"Not really." 

"What if someone you sleep with asks you?" 

"Then I tell them, 'oh yeah, I got checked last week and I was fine,'. It's real simple, Louis-"

"That's lying, Luke."

"Gee, really?" Luke patronized. Louis sighed to himself. 

"Get checked."

"The only reason you're getting checked is because Harry is making you." Luke retorted. 

"If I really didn't want to then I wouldn't. But I want the reassurance." Louis replied calmly. "And you should too. It's important that you keep up on this stuff since you have some sort of sexual encounter literally everyday almost." Luke stifled his laugh. "It's not a laughing matter, you're getting checked." 

"Louis Tomlinson?" They both looked over at the nurse who was holding open a door and holding a clipboard in her hand. Louis stood up then looked down at Luke over his shoulder. Luke glared up at him softly before groaning, rolling his eyes, and standing up. Louis smiled triumphantly as they walked over to the nurse, then back into the hallway. 

Harry, who was sitting outside The Ledbury on his break, took in the scenery, while his work friend Olivia talked about Grey's Anatomy. He only half listened, though. The other half of him was daydreaming about being somewhere warm, like on a beach. 

"I just don't get why Owen is so hung up over Christina's abortion. Like, he knew how she felt about kids and not wanting them. Why was so surprised? How-"

"Wait, Christina gets pregnant?" Harry asked in shock, gawking at her. Liv smiled and nodded. 

"Yeah. Then she gets an abortion."

"In what season?"

"Season 8. What season are you on?" 

"5 still. Louis and I have been too busy too watch recently." Harry said lackadaisically. 

"How's Louis doing?" 

"He's doing well." He answered with a smile. "He's looking forward to Christmas break."

"Aren't all of us." Olivia joked. They both laughed together before sighing contently. 

"What are your plans?"

"I am going to go to Scotland to visit some family I have up there. Other than that, though, I'm not doing much. What about you? Do you and Louis have any plans?" Harry nodded. 

"Yeah, we're going to drive up to Donny around the 20th and stay with his folks through Christmas morning, then we're going to go to Cheshire and stay with my mum for a few days before heading home." 

"Well that sounds like fun." Olivia gave him a big smile and Harry just smiled shyly, shrugging. 

"I've never met his parents before and I'm scared shitless." Olivia laughed loudly. Harry forced a soft laugh before rubbing the back of his neck. He was terrified for winter break. 

"Oh, don't be! I'm sure his parents are wonderful." She reassured. 

"What if they aren't?"

"They raised Louis, didn't they?"

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean shit." Olivia chuckled. 

"Don't be nervous. I'm sure it'll all be fine, trust me." She glanced at her watch. "Time to head back in, ready?" 

"When am I ever ready?" Harry joked standing up. 

"Hey, you make the most tips out of anyone here, don't complain." She teased. Harry just smiled as he opened the back door and held it for her. He trotted in behind her before mentally preparing himself for the rest of his shift. 

Across town Louis and Luke were sitting outside a pharmacy. Louis was just staring at Luke who was staring at the steering wheel. 

"I told you it was a good idea." 

"That was fucking stupid."

"You have fucking Trichomoniasis. Aren't you glad you found that out?" Louis asked him seriously. 

"No, I can't have sex for one week now!" Luke exclaimed in frustration. Louis just laughed softly to himself. "Hey, don't laugh. I should've gotten the clean bill of health, not you."

"And why the fuck is that? I haven't had sex in over two years! This is the only good thing to come out of that!" Luke huffed in anger. He gripped the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles were turning white. "Just go in and get your antibiotics so we can go." 

"I fucking hate you. I could've carried on with my merry way, but no. You just had to make me go get tested-"

"At least it's curable."

"Well then I could've cured it years from now when I wanted to."

"After infecting how many more people, Luke?" Luke rolled his eyes. "Go in and get your damn medicine." Luke groaned loudly in annoyance before getting out of the car and slamming the door shut. Louis smirked with pride as he watched Luke walk into the CVS with a scowl on his face and steam coming out of his ears. Twenty minutes later Luke was hopping back into the car and throwing the white paper bag with his pills into the back seat carelessly. 

"So, what to go out tonight?" Louis laughed. 

"You can't have sex or drink on the medication." 

"So then I'll just sip coke and think about what could've been." He replied sarcastically. 

"I think I'm just going to stay in tonight." Louis told him. Luke started the car then pulled out of the parking lot. 

"Have a wild, crazy night with Killjoy Styles?" He teased. 

"No, stop calling him that." Louis reprimanded. 

"Why? That's his name. What else am I supposed to call him?" 

"I'm serious, Luke." Luke just rolled his eyes subtly, so Louis wouldn't see him, then focused on his driving. Louis exhaled softly to himself. He turned and looked out the window, watching all the building pass by in the blink of eye which somehow reminded him of his life with Harry.


	7. Chapter 7

"Okay, so since I'm still just a graduate student I do record my sessions and my mentor reviews them." The man set a sheet of paper on the desk Harry was sitting beside. "By signing this I have your consent to record our sessions, if you'd rather I not that's completely fine. Just let me know." Harry simply picked up a pen from the jar and sighed the paper. "Great." The man took the paper and filed it away. "So, why don't you tell me about why you came here." Harry was currently sitting in an office at the counseling center that was offered on campus. He didn't want to be there, but it was free and he figured maybe he might get something out of it. 

"I don't know." He sighed. "I've dealt with depression for four years, but it got better for a little while, but I've just been feeling down lately, been having some relationship problems, thought I'd come here." He said with a shrug. 

"What kind of relationship problems?" Harry sighed again. 

"So I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years, we live together, and I love him a lot, but he's really into holding hands, and kissing, and he wants us to have sex, but I don't like that stuff. I don't like physical contact and so we end up fighting a lot about it because he doesn't get it, and all my friends are, like, sexual people too and his best friend makes fun of me all the time and...I just feel like something is wrong with me, but I don't know what. He asks me why physical contact makes me uncomfortable and I just don't know. It just does. And he thinks I don't want to have sex because he doesn't turn me on, but that's not the case. I just don't want to have sex. I don't get why sex is such a big deal, it seems gross to me really and unnecessary. He doesn't seem to think that love can exist without sex, but if sex can exist without love then why can't it go the other way? I'm just so sick and tired of everything always being about sex. It pisses me off." 

"Has physical contact always made you uncomfortable?" 

"Yep." Harry nodded. The graduate student, Andy, just looked at him, a neutral expression on his face. 

"Tell me about how you've been feeling down lately." He then said. Harry inhaled slowly. He shrugged.

"I don't know, I just feel...I guess wouldn't say down. I just feel nothing it seems like. I've noticed myself losing interest in painting and I've been in love with art my whole life, I'm going to school to become an art teacher." He exclaimed. Andy nodded sympathetically. 

"How long have you been feeling nothing?" 

"Few years, maybe?" Harry guessed. "It kind of started when I started dating people. Before Louis I had four relationships that all ended because they thought sex and stuff was necessary for a relationship, but I didn't. I feel like I don't know myself. I feel like...I'm broken, like there's something wrong with me, but I don't know what it is. I just get so tired thinking about it all and trying to figure it out. Sometimes I think everything would be easier if I just wasn't here." 

"Are you suicidal?" Andy asked him seriously. Harry bit the inside of his cheek, shrugging. 

"I don't know, I used to be last year. I guess I still kind of am, I just...don't want to be here. I don't want to exist." 

"Have you ever attempted suicide?" Harry shook his head. "Made plans to?" He shook his head again. "Have you ever talked to anyone else about this?" Harry shook his head a third time. 

"I've thought about talking to Louis about it, but he just doesn't understand and I don't want to cause unnecessary discord." He explained somberly. "I just feel like I'm hurting, but no one would understand because they don't get why I don't like physical contact. I've talked about it with my friends before and they just don't understand, but they try to be nice and tell me that there are other people that are like that too, but I have yet to meet one person who would understand me. I feel like they just say that to humor me, to be nice. I feel like they all talk behind my back, especially Louis' best friend Luke, who's a dick. He calls me Killjoy Styles and I hate it." 

"Have you ever talked to him about him not calling you that?" Harry nodded. 

"He doesn't listen. And Louis tells him, like, everything about our relationship, it's annoying. I mean, I asked him to stop, but I still feel like he does." 

"Are you maybe a little bit jealous of Louis' relationship with Luke?" 

"Uh, yeah. 'Cause Luke is the most sexually active human being I know and he hates me, he taunts me about not desiring sex, makes sexually explicit jokes around me even after I ask him to stop, and is just a dick. I don't get how Louis is even friends with him. I'm afraid at some point Luke is going to try to sleep with him, or something, because it's so obvious he is into Louis-"

"And you're afraid Louis is going to cheat on you." Harry bit the inside of his cheek, glancing down at his lap. 

"Apparently he was pretty sexually active too until we started dating. Now he hasn't had sex in two years and...I'm afraid that if I can't, or won't, give him what he wants he's going to get fed up enough to find it elsewhere." 

"So do you trust him?" 

"Of course I trust him, I just...feel like he might break up with me because I don't want to have sex, or kiss him, or hold his hand, but apparently those are the things he said I can do to show him I love him, so I try and work on it. Like, I try to hold his hand more, or give him a kiss or two, and just push myself outside my comfort zone, but then I get so caught up in wondering why my comfort zone is set where it's at that I regress back to my old habits and then he gets fed up, we fight, I promise to try, and it just turns into this cycle. I need help. I need...I need help because I'm struggling." Andy smiled. 

"Well I'm here to help you." He said softly. "Before we go any further or devise a course a treatment, I am going to have to go through a formality of questions. It can get a little long, but it should just take today." He explained moving the computer mouse then bringing up a screen. Harry simply nodded. So Harry ended up answering a shit load of questions, such as what his sexuality was, three words to describe his mother and father, what type of discipline he grew up with, and some other oddballs. After 30 minutes their session ended, Harry scheduled his next one, then left the building. 

After a long day of classes and work, for the both of them, they settled down at their little dining room table for dinner and ate. 

"Guess what." Harry gave Louis a questionable look. Louis smiled back at him proudly. 

"What?" 

"Luke has Trichomoniasis." He told him with a laugh. "It's an STI." Louis clarified after Harry still looked confused. His eyes widened. 

"Really?" Louis nodded. 

"Yeah, it's treatable, though. He has antibiotics he has to take." Harry simply nodded. They were eating Chicken Piccata for dinner, one of Louis' favorites. "And I myself am clean. Got a clean bill of health yesterday." Harry looked up at him. Louis expected to see a smile, or something that showed he was happy, or content. Instead Harry just nodded his head. 

"That's good. Thank you for doing that, I appreciate it." He said sounding so monotonous that it struck apprehension into Louis' heart. He watched intently as Harry just turned his head back down and stirred his noodles around with his fork. 

"Is something wrong?" Louis asked softly. Harry looked up again, shaking his head. "You seem off. Did you have a bad day?" Harry shook his head again. 

"I just had a long day. I'm exhausted." Louis got the feeling it was more than that, but he didn't want to push Harry. So he let it be. 

"If I can do anything to help you, like, relax or make you feel better just let me know." Harry only nodded again. He continued to just stare down at the table somberly, gently scraping his fork against the ceramic plate. Louis watched him. Something was off, he knew it. He knew when Harry had had a long day and when he hadn't. Something else had happened. 

Even after they finished and the table had been cleared, Louis watched Harry closely. Louis offered to wash the dishes, which Harry was appreciative of. After finishing the dishes Louis found Harry lying down on their bed with his eyes closed. He looked down at him. 

"Are you sure you're alright? You're acting out of your norm." Louis spoke up softly. 

"I'm fine." Harry replied flatly, keeping his eyes shut. "Just tired." 

"You know you can talk to me about anything," Louis urged walking over and taking a seat on the bed. Harry sighed. 

"I'm just stressed with work, and bills, and school, and finals, and break coming up." He stated. 

"I paid the cable bill, by the way." Louis replied. "Did that this morning. You know, I was thinking, all we really watch is shows and movies on Netflix. What if we just got rid of cable and stuck with Netflix? It'd be cheaper and smarter since we literally never watch regular tv." 

"That's a smart idea." Harry said opening his eyes and looking up at him. Louis smiled at him. "We do rarely watch anything not on Netflix, which is only $10 a month. Why not." 

"You're sure?" 

"Are you?" Louis nodded. 

"Then let's do it. Save some money." Harry replied as he closed his eyes again. 

"I'll take care of it tomorrow." Louis said. 

"Thank you." 

"No need to thank me." He replied teasingly. "Want me to draw you a bubble bath, or something?" 

"No tha-"

"I'm gonna draw you one anyway." Harry couldn't help but chuckle to himself as Louis got up and walked into the bathroom. He smiled to himself when he heard the faucet turn on. A moment later Louis reentered the room. "I put in the lavender scented bubbles 'cause who doesn't love lavender." He teased softly, sitting down on the bed again. 

"Plus that's the only bubble bath we have." Harry teased back. 

"No, we still have vanilla left." Louis told him with a smirk. "And I set the temperature just right."

"So hot my skin will peel off my body?" 

"Of course." They both laughed. 

"Where's Scooter?" 

"He probably heard the faucet turn on and ran under the couch." Louis joked making Harry laugh harder. Louis sighed to himself contently. A few minutes later Harry stood up from the bed and went into the bathroom. He took off his shirt and dropped it to the floor. 

"Do you want to join me?" 

"For what?" Louis called back subconsciously. 

"For the bath." Harry answered with a small laugh. Louis' eyes widened in surprise. He got up and walked to the bathroom door. 

"Are you serious?" Harry gave him a smile and nodded. Louis still look completely stunned. "That isn't going to make you feel uncomfortable?" 

"We shower together-"

"Yeah, but taking a bath is different." He said. Harry shrugged, unbuttoning his pants before pulling them down to his knees. 

"If I thought I couldn't handle it, I wouldn't have asked." He simply answered. "But, you know, I want to take a bath with you." Louis couldn't control his smile. 

"We've never taken a bath together before." Harry smiled back at him, kicking his pants off his ankles. 

"There's a first time for everything." He replied with a small shrug of his shoulders. Louis simply smiled even wider than nodded. 

"Okay." Louis had his shirt off faster than Harry could even blink. Harry just smiled to himself as he took off his briefs and left those on the floor, stepping over to the tub. He stepped in before sinking down and leaning against the back of it. Louis removed his sweatpants to reveal he wasn't even wearing underwear, which made Harry laugh. 

"Did you go the whole day without any underwear?" He asked through his laughter. Louis smirked down at him, shrugging. 

"Maybe I did. Maybe I didn't." He stepped into the tub before turning off the faucet then wedging himself between Harry's legs. He laid back against him, his head resting on his chest, then Harry wrapped one arm around him, making him smile. 

"I love the smell of lavender." Harry said closing his eyes.

"I love the smell of you." Louis replied contently. Harry laughed softly, his breath tickling Louis' ear. 

"Aren't you sweet." He teased back. Louis just bit back his smile before shrugging his shoulders. "Excited for your birthday break?" Louis laughed. 

"You mean Christmas break?" 

"Same thing." Harry joked. 

"Well I am. I am excited. I'm looking forward to you meeting my family." 

"I'm so nervous." Harry admitted. "What if they don't like me? What if I fuck up?" 

"Babe, they're going to love you because I love you. It's that simple." Harry laughed. 

"I wish it was that simple, my worries won't be eased until after we've met. I'm not even sure if that'll ease them."

"What are you so nervous about?" Louis asked in amusement. 

"I don't know, I'm nervous about making a good impression. I want to make a good first impression. You only meet the parents for the first time once." Louis laughed. 

"You'll be fine. Don't worry, love." 

"Oh, I'll be worrying." Harry teased. 

"Then just don't worry too much, you don't want to tire yourself out." Louis teased back. Harry chuckled then he turned his head and pressed a kiss to Louis' temple. They laid there together in contentment, happy. Louis had even began to feel himself nodding off, that's how relaxed he was. After almost about an hour they got and just fell in bed together, warm and exhausted. And they fell asleep. 

The next morning Louis was up at 7:45 to get ready for work at 8 and Harry was up at that time to get ready to head over to the high school he'd be observing a class in. He was nervous as hell. 

"You're not actually student teaching yet, though, so I don't know why you're nervous." Louis was saying as they walked down to the parking lot together. 

"It's still nerve racking to me. I feel like all the kids are whispering about me." 

"Probably cause they think you're hot." Louis teased. He held open the main door for him. Harry rolled his eyes at him as he stepped through. 

"Thank you." Louis smiled and stepped beside him again. "And it's not because of that-"

"Oh please, when you start student teaching one of these kids is going to take a picture of you and post it online and it's going to be one of those memes like, 'if that was my teacher I'd never skip class', and you'll be internet famous." Louis exclaimed. Harry just tittered with laughter as he fished the garage door opener out of his pocket. 

"The likelihood of that happening is nonexistent." 

"You never know, you're pretty cute." Louis said nudging him in the arm. Harry simply laughed before they parted paths to their separate cars. "Well I hope you have a good day. You'll do fine." Harry smiled. 

"Thanks, babe. I hope you have a good day too, I'll see you tonight." And with that they got in their separate cars and left the garage before driving different directions. 

At 8:02 Louis was behind the desk in the office setting up his laptop when Luke walked in with a small, white, paper bag. Louis looked up at him before smiling. 

"You're a lifesaver." 

"I know." Luke smirked in pride as he took out a chocolate donut and handed it to Louis. "You're the only person I'd wake up at 8 in the morning for. Except for maybe Jude Law, or Ryan Reynolds." 

"Well I am so thankful for you bringing me breakfast." Luke leaned against the edge of the counter that wrapped around the area where Louis was sitting. 

"Don't think I'll ever bring you breakfast at the weather office."

"There's a break-room with food, so fuck you." Luke laughed softly, glancing around the room. 

"Gene here?" Louis shook his head. 

"He doesn't usually show up until 8:45 and Kris doesn't usually get here until 8:30." He explained. "I'm so exhausted." 

"You and me both." Luke stated. "So, finals week next week, who's excited?" He asked jokingly. Louis just groaned then rolled his eyes. 

"I'd rather die." He deadpanned making Luke laugh. "I wish we could just skip finals and just go on break." 

"Ah, yes, is Harry excited to meet your demonic parents?" 

"They're not demonic." Louis told him with a small laugh, although he was sure he was just lying to himself. 

"You know it's not gonna end well." Louis side-eyed him before sighing. 

"You never know. It's been two years, they've had plenty of time to get used to the idea that I'm in a relationship with Harry. I've sent them pictures and stuff, kept them updated-"

"But they don't know you live together or else they'd scalp you." Luke interrupted laughing. 

"Well, it's none of their business." Louis replied with a small smile. 

"Do you actually think it's going to go well?" Luke asked him seriously. Louis drew in a long breath before shrugging. 

"I am feeling optimistic. I'm hoping they'll have opened their minds a bit more and will at least act civil with him because this is a serious thing. I think maybe if they finally meet him they'll like him and be happy." Luke gave him a patronizing look. 

"Your expectations are way too high." He stated. "You have to have low expectations so if it ends in disaster then you aren't let down, but then if it goes amazing you're thrilled." 

"Wow, that is some spot on advice." Louis teased. "I'm so glad to have a friend like you." Luke smirked at him. 

"You should be." 

"And you have fun in Florida with all of your family, doing family activities, and just having some fun, close, family bonding time."  

"Ew, if you say 'family' one more time I might actually vomit." Luke said faking a gag. Louis laughed. "But if your parents end up sacrificing Harry in the middle of the night you can always come to Florida and keep me company." 

"I'll make sure to remember that." Louis said with a small laugh. Luke smiled, nodding. 

"Good." Louis yawned. "That reminds me, I'm going to go back to bed. I'll see you later. Try not to work too hard." Luke stood up and when over to the open door leading into the hallway. Louis smiled. 

"Oh, I'll try." He joked. "See you later." Luke just waved his hand at him before trotting off. Louis sat back in the office chair before sighing and closing his eyes. 

Across town Harry was sitting at a table top in a classroom surrounded by high schoolers. He had his little notebook open in front of him and was doodling in he margins, waiting for the class to begin. He kind of liked observing classrooms because it made him feel like a high schooler again, he felt young. But he also didn't exactly like high school. He still felt like everyone was scrutinizing him behind his back.

He sat through the first three periods. Fourth period was lunch and so him and the teacher, Ms. Damm, ventured through the cafeteria line before walking back to the classroom. They were sitting at one of the student table tops, chatting. 

"Honestly, you should've tried being a student teacher with the last name Damm. Even now, I'm never going to hear the end of it." Ms. Damm said with a laugh. 

"Oh, trust me. I haven't even started student teaching and I've already heard jokes about me becoming a hair stylist and just…it's awful. Kids are awful." She laughed softly, nodding her head in agreement. She was older, around 47, and had dark, brunette hair that fell just below her shoulders. "I surely have not missed cafeteria food." Harry said poking his fork through his rice and General Tso's chicken. It looked like dog shit, really. 

"Sometimes it's convenient when I'm too busy to bring something myself or too busy to go out and grab something." 

"That's true." Harry said with a shrug. 

"So, tell me about yourself." She said looking up at him. "When are you graduating? When did you get interested in art? Etcetera." 

"Well, I'm graduating this year. I've always been interested in art. When I was little I always loved drawing and doodling. Then I took art in middle school and just fell in love with it. My favorite medium is watercolor and ink." He said. "I'm so unorganized with all my art supplies, though." He then added with a laugh. "I turned an extra room in my flat into a little art studio and my boyfriend likes to tease me about how it looks like a war zone, or how a tornado went through the room." 

"That sounds exactly like me." Ms. Damm said with a laugh. "My husband always teases me about my disorganization too, he doesn't seem to understand that everything has its place." 

"Exactly. I actually cleaned up the room once too, but then I kept forgetting where I had put everything. It did more harm if you ask me." He replied making her laugh. 

"That's part of the joys of having a classroom, you have to keep it organized, but no matter how organized you are you're still going to have students asking you where everything is because they never listen." 

"Oh, how I can't wait for the day." Harry joked sarcastically. He spooned some of the rice and chicken into his mouth, cringing at the taste. 

"Have big holiday plans?" 

"Nothing big, I'd say. My boyfriend and I are going up to Donny for a few days so I can meet his family and then we're going to go visit my mum for a few days as well before we just head back home." 

"How long have you and your boyfriend been together?" 

"Over 2 years." 

"Wow, you've been together over two years and you're meeting the parents for the first time over holiday?" Harry nodded. 

"Yep." He stated. "And I am nervous as hell." 

"Is there a reason you haven't met them sooner?" She asked curiously, her fork remaining poised in her hand. Harry just shrugged. 

"I think…we've just always been in London, they've always been in Doncaster. I don't think they're really…supportive of him being in a relationship with another guy. I think they tolerate it, but they don't…really think we're serious." 

"Well, whatever the case, I wish you the best of luck. You seem like a very genuine young man, I can't imagine anyone not liking you." Harry smiled modestly. 

"Thank you, I appreciate that." She smiled back at him. 

"Anytime." They finished eating lunch before returning to classes. After the last period Harry packed up his notebook, thanked Ms. Damm, then headed home to get ready for work. So he worked from 4 to 11 before venturing back home, exhausted after a long day. 

"Welcome home, baby." Louis greeted when Harry walked into the bedroom. Harry smiled tiredly. He began to unbutton his shirt. 

"How was your day?" 

"Long. I'm glad your home. How was your day?" 

"Long as well. The restaurant was chaotic and I'm just glad I can finally sit." He threw his shirt and pants into the hamper before dropping down on the bed in his underwear. Louis rolled over on his stomach beside him, smiling down at him. 

"How was the school?" 

"It was alright. The teacher was very nice, the students are working on some really cool projects. I enjoyed it." 

"I'm glad." Harry smiled up at him. He lifted his head up and kissed Louis on the cheek, catching him by surprise. Louis' eyes widened at him. He smiled in surprise. "What was that for?" 

"Just…trying to show you my affection." Harry replied in a soft voice. Louis laid down, resting his head on Harry's shoulder. 

"So, tell me about these interesting projects the students are working on." And so Louis and Harry laid there in bed together while Louis listened contently to Harry talk about the art projects. He was content. He was warm. He was in love.


	8. Chapter 8

"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god." Harry physically had to fan himself to try and cool himself down as they pulled into Louis' parents driveway. 

"Honey," Louis laughed softly. He reached over and grabbed Harry's wrist. He linked their fingers together as Harry put the car in park. "Don't worry-"

"I'm not worried, I'm just...okay, worried! Honestly, you shouldn't have ever told me I would be meeting them until after finals. It was all I was thinking about. What if they don't like me? What if I totally fuck up and accidentally say something that offends them? Do they hold grudges? Or do they forgive easily?"

"Well, it depends. I don't think they'd hold a grudge against you, maybe just...I don't know, don't worry about it! They're going to like you-"

"But what if they don't? I'm their sons boyfriend, that just alone comes with the stereotype that parents don't like their child's beau." Harry pulled his hand away from Louis' and turned the car off. 

"Harry, you're building this up to be something it's not going to be." Louis smiled at him. 

"What do I call them? Just Mr. and Mrs. Tomlinson? That was a dumb question, obviously I shouldn't just call them by their first name, that'd be disrespectful."

"Harry," Harry looked at him. "Let's just go inside, yeah?" 

"My stomach is twisted into fifty different knots right now, I might just about throw up." Harry warned making Louis laugh. 

"We have plenty of bathrooms." Louis turned and opened the car door. He climbed out and walked around to the trunk. Harry took a deep breath and got out as well. Louis opened the trunk and took out their two bags. "Here, babe." Harry took a deep breath then rubbed his hands together and ran his fingers through his hair. Louis gave him a reassuring smile. 

"Don't worry, this will be fine!" Louis grabbed his wrist and dragged him up to the door. Louis rang the doorbell eagerly and Harry stood beside him, dreading the moment the door would open.

"My goodness, I'm so nervous." Harry wiped his forehead as Louis just beamed up at him. 

"Don't be, I won't let them bite you."

"Therefore implying that they'll try to bite?" Harry teased. Louis just laughed softly before reaching up and pressing the doorbell again. "Your house is huge by the way." Harry added looking up at it. 

"My mum is a gynecologist and my father is a litigator." Louis shrugged. 

"The ultimate power couple." Harry joked making Louis laugh. 

"One small thing, um, don't bring up that we live together, please? I don't know why that would ever come up, but just to be safe. My parents are very old fashioned and they say they're okay with my sexuality, but they still try to set me up with one of my mothers friends daughters and try and sway me to find a girlfriend and all...and I've never introduced them to my boyfriend before." Harry gawked at him. "And if they say anything offensive or insulting please don't take it personally."

"You said not to worry about anything!" Suddenly the door was pulled open and Louis' mum was smiling cheerfully in a festive dress. 

"Welcome home!" She greeted happily and pulled him in for a hug immediately. Louis hugged her sweetly before stepping back. Harry's heart was in his throat. 

"Hi mummy." She opened the door wider for them to step inside and standing in the foyer was his father and four little sisters. His father stuck out his hand. 

"Nice to see you, have a safe drive?" He asked as they shook hands. Louis nodded. 

"Well we're here, right?" Louis joked with a smile and he laughed dryly. Jay took the place beside Mark. 

"Ah, yes, you've brought a guest." Louis grit his teeth, but gave a thin smile. 

"Yes," He stepped back beside Harry. "This is my boyfriend." He said gesturing to him. 

"Hi, I'm Harry Styles, it's very nice to meet you." Harry smiled kindly and stuck out his hand. Mark and Jay just looked down at his hand tentatively then looked back up at him and smiled very thinly. Harry cleared his throat and shoved his hand in his pocket. Louis glared at them from behind Harry. 

"Likewise." Harry bit the inside of his cheek. "This is Charlotte, Felicity, Daisy, and Phoebe." Jay introduced kindly. Harry managed a small smile.

"Hi, it's nice to meet you guys. Louis talks about you all the time." He said making them all smile. They greeted him back kindly. 

"Well," Jay clapped her hands together. "Why don't I show you to the guest room. Louis I assume you'll just be sleeping in your old room." She walked towards the stairs. Harry walked over towards the stairs and followed Jay up to the second floor with Louis by his side. He wasn't planning on going anywhere here without Louis. The second floor was open and large. Harry was amazed. Jay led him to a thick wooden door. She opened it then stepped aside. 

"You can rest here for your stay. Please be careful if you touch anything-"

"Mother, we're 21." Louis interrupted. She was talking to him as if he were a rambunctious teenager! She simply disregarded him. 

"Dinner will be shortly and I've invited Tammi and Briana over as well." She smiled a very forced and fake smile before turning and walking back towards the stairwell. 

"Who are Briana and Tammi?" Harry asked softly. Louis grit his teeth, he couldn't believe his mother! 

"Tammi is my mums friend and Briana is her daughter, they've both been trying to set us up for years, I can't believe she invited them!" Louis exclaimed furiously. Harry just shrugged and stepped into the room. It wasn't large and was fairly basic. There was a window, a dresser, and a bed. That was it. Harry placed his bag down then walked over to the bed. He sat down yawning.  

"That's fine, after all I don't exactly feel threatened that you're going to leave me for her." He joked lightly. Louis managed a small smile. He stepped into the room, dropping his bag as well. 

"I know, it's just...this is so typical of my mum and dad. They can't just be happy for me! If something doesn't go their way then they make it go their way and-and...I just want these days to be perfect." 

"Perfection doesn't exist." Harry teased him softly. "But I'm sure they'll be fine, don't sweat it."

"Weren't you the one totally worried they weren't going to like you?" Harry chuckled. 

"Disliking me because of my personality is one thing, disliking me because I'm into guys, and with one, is another. I don't care about people who don't like me because of my sexual orientation." He said. "I was worried they were going to think I was a rude person, or annoying, or just simply think I'm not good enough for their son." 

"No one will be good enough unless they're female. That's literally all they care about." Louis scoffed apathetically. "I was hoping they'd have grown a little more opened minded." Harry just smiled at him. 

"Don't worry about it, sweetheart." Louis sighed softly. 

"I'll try." He glanced over at Harry. "Want a tour of the house?" 

"I would love one." They were both all smiles at they stood up then left the room. And so Louis showed Harry all around the house, adding a fond memory to their tour of every room they saw. After that they settled down in the den with Lottie and Fizzy, passing the time with stimulating conversation. It was easy to say Louis' sisters were much kinder and warmer than their parents. 

As dinner time got closer the doorbell rang and Briana and Tammi showed up much to Louis' dismay. So then while Tammi was in the kitchen with Louis' mother, Briana sat in the den with them. Louis wanted to kill himself. 

"Hi, I'm Briana." She introduced herself, sticking her hand out kindly towards Harry. 

"I'm Harry, it's nice to meet you." Louis rolled his eyes. 

"So you and Louis are friends from uni?" 

"We're boyfriends, where the fuck do you get your information from?" Louis snapped. Harry and Briana both looked at him in surprise. Harry reached over and squeezed his knee reassuringly. Louis exhaled. Briana just rolled her eyes at the floor in annoyance. 

"That's just what my mom said your mom said. She said your mom said you brought a friend from college to visit." She explained calmly. 

"Well, my mum is wrong. Harry and I have been together for over two years. I invited him here to meet my parents so they could get to know him because our relationship is very serious." He said. Harry tried to stop himself from smiling, but failed. 

"Okay, sor-"

"I wonder how long it is until dinner." Louis stood up, picking Harry up along with him before marching out of the room. He didn't even go to the kitchen. He dragged Harry to the front room where they sat until dinner was announced to be ready. 

They were all sitting around table munching on pot roast, mashed potatoes and gravy, stuffing, and mixed vegetables. Louis' father sat at the head of the table. On the right side of the table sat Louis' mother, Harry, Louis, Lottie, and Daisy. Across from them sat Tammi, Briana, Fizzy, and Phoebe. 

"Oh, Briana, your mother showed me the pictures of Freddie from Halloween dressed as a little pumpkin. He looked absolutely darling." Louis' mother raved. Louis was disgusted. 

"You know Harry and I actually celebrated our two year anniversary on Halloween." Louis stated proudly and the entire table was quiet. Louis grit his teeth and picked up his glass. He chugged down his wine. 

"Yes, well," His mother said dismissively. "Briana, what are you studying?"

"Cosmetology." She answered with a smile. 

"Oh, how nice." His mother gushed. "Maybe you can give Louis' friend here a haircut." She joked making everyone laugh but Louis and Harry. Louis face palmed himself. 

"Oh my god, mum, what the hell?" He mumbled taking a deep breath. "Harry has a name, and he's not my friend, he is my boyfriend. You know, like, as in we are in a committed relationship. Because I'm bisexual and also attracted to males. And his hair is perfectly fine, what you just said was not appropriate at all."

"Oh, lighten up Lou, it was only a harmless joke."

"It was ignorant and rude." Jay gave him a stern, knowing look. 

"Drop it." He just sighed and poured himself more wine. 

"Maybe you want to know what Harry is studying?" He suggested and everyone turned to him instead of actually asking him the question. He reddened. 

"Um, I'm studying art and education because I want to be an art teacher." Everyone turned back to their plates.

"How quaint." His mother said dismissively. Louis grit his teeth so hard he thought they might break. 

"He's also really good at art and likes to paint a lot, aren't you the least bit interested in getting to know Harry a bit more considering I brought him home to meet you guys for that reason...?" 

"There'll be plenty of time for that later, Lou." She dismissed and Louis wanted to drive his hand through the drywall. "So, do you guys have any plans for the holidays?" She asked turning back to Briana and Tammi with a warm, welcoming smile. Much different than the fake, cold one she was giving Harry. 

"Just our traditional family gathering. What about you guys?" Tammi asked in return. 

"The same, you know, just have a little get together, watch Christmas movies, go to mass...," She trailed off before smiling. 

"Yeah, and Harry and I are going to Holmes Chapel to visit his mum Christmas Day." Louis stated indignantly. 

"What about your father?" She asked obnoxiously and Louis wanted to stab her throat with his fork. 

"My parents are divorced." Harry explained sheepishly. 

"That's too bad."

"Not really, it wasn't really a healthy environment for us." 

"Why not?"

"Oh my God, mum, is that seriously any of your business?" Louis snapped. 

"I was just curious, he doesn't have an obligation to answer." His mother replied coldly. 

"It's okay," Harry assured and everyone turned to him. He swallowed thickly. "He, um, he just had some stuff he was dealing with and didn't exactly deal with it that well." He explained softly. 

"Like what?"

"Mother-"

"Addiction." Was all Harry said before swallowing thickly. 

"What kind-"

"Oh my God!" Louis shouted suddenly. "What the hell makes you think it is okay to ask something like that when he is obviously uncomfortable talking about it and getting upset?" He glared at his mother harshly. 

"He doesn't seem uncomfortable or upset-"

"Yes, he does, he's getting his big eyed look." Louis insisted. His mother just looked at him as if he were crazy. "We're done talking about this. Change the fucking subject." 

"Don't curse at the dinner table." She told him sternly. Louis just rolled his eyes. He was silent the rest of the meal, and Harry hardly even ever looked up from his plate. But after they were all finished, had said goodbye to Briana and Tammi, and had dispersed to different rooms, Harry found himself walking into the kitchen where Jay was washing the dishes. Harry wasn't sure where Louis had gone off to, maybe he went to he bathroom. 

"I can help with the dishes." Harry offered kindly making Jay smile. 

"Why that'd be lovely." She picked up her wine glass then walked out of the kitchen and down into the living room area with Mark and Louis' sisters who were searching through the Christmas movies. Harry stood there dumbfounded because when he offered to help he didn't think he'd be offering to help clean all the dishes by himself. He took a deep breath and looked around the kitchen. 

He stepped up to the sink picked up the first plate. A few minutes later Louis came back from downstairs and breezed past the kitchen before freezing and turning around. 

"Harry? Why are you washing the dishes by yourself?" He asked walking into the kitchen. 

"Well," Harry shrugged. "I offered to help your mum with the dishes and I think she misinterpreted it to mean that I'd do all the dishes." He placed the plate in the drying rack and Louis grit his teeth, his expression hardening with anger. 

"I cannot fucking believe this." 

"It's okay-"

"It's not okay!" Louis stomped his foot. "They've both been acting like complete jerks since we got here! I can't believe they're acting like this!"

"Louis, it's fine, really-"

"It is not fine for them to be disrespectful, down right rude, and inconsiderate towards you. They've been ignoring you, making snide remarks, and sticking you with the dishes! Don't say that's fine!" Harry just took a deep breath and shrugged. "C'mon, put the dish down." Harry placed the plate and sponge down then dried his hands. Louis grabbed his wrist. 

"What are we doing?"

"We're going to go watch the movie. You're not washing all these dishes. My mum can do them." 

"Louis-"

"We're going!" Harry smiled and trailed behind Louis into the living room where the movie was starting. It was The Christmas List. 

"You already finished the dishes?" His mother asked and Louis rolled his eyes. 

"No, and we're not doing them." He retorted. Harry just avoided her gaze and they plopped down on the couch. Harry sat on the end and Louis sat down on his lap, turning to the side and he was curled up against him. 

"What movie is this?" Harry whispered in his ear softly making Louis smile. 

"The Christmas List. It's about this woman who writes a Christmas list and then starts getting everything she wrote down." He responded quietly. Harry nodded and Louis smiled. He reached out and grabbed Harry's hand, pulling it into his lap. 

The movie couldn't have ended sooner. After the movie ended the night began to wind down to a close. Harry was in the guest room on his phone. Louis was knocking on his parents bedroom door, opening it to stick his head in. 

"Oh, hi Louis." His mother greeted walking out of the bathroom. Louis stepped inside. 

"Can we talk?" Louis asked and she nodded. He closed the door. 

"Of course, I was just coming to talk to you to actually." 

"I was wondering if we could talk about Harry-"

"That's exactly what I wanted to talk to you about because I'm worried about you, Louis." Louis furrowed his brows at her. What the hell was there to be worried about?

"Um, why?"

"Well, it's just that in a couple months you'll be graduating uni," She started and Louis nodded slowly. "Don't you think it's time to stop fooling around and actually be searching for someone you have a potential future with?" Louis blinked at her. 

"Are you joking?" He asked, but if he knew anything about his mother then she wasn't joking. "Mum, I'm not just fooling around. Harry and I have been dating for over two years. We're actually kind of serious and our future has potential-"

"Well of course, boys relate easily to other boys, but don't you think it's time to finally just move forward and look for a girlfriend?"

"This has absolutely nothing to do with relating to someone. I am bisexual, mum." Louis stated. Jay just scoffed as if such a thing wasn't true and Louis was merely joking. "I'm serious, I know you think it's all just a joke, but I'm bi. I'm interested in other guys and right now that guy is Harry." Jay looked at him dismissively. "Could you please make him feel a bit more welcome, also? You and dad have been completely inappropriate and disrespectful ever since he got here and he's been nothing but kind and gracious. I want you two to show him respect."

"Excuse me? We have been-"

"No, you haven't. When we arrived he reached out to shake hands and you completely ignored it. And inviting Briana and her mum for dinner? Are you joking? Even that was low for you. I invited Harry here because I really love him and I wanted you guys to meet him-"

"It's never gonna last, Louis-"

"It has lasted over two years, mother-"

"Men and women were not designed to be with the same gender. Sooner or later a problem is going to arise that leads to separation."

"That is not true. There are same sex couples who remain married longer than opposite sex couples." Louis stated furiously. 

"Listen to yourself Louis," Jay looked at him with a piteous expression that made Louis' blood boil. "Sooner or later, you and Harry are going to have a problem that will compromise your entire relationship and last two years of your life will have been a waste-"

"That can happen to any couple! Not just same sex ones!" He yelled startling her, her eyes widening in surprise. 

"Louis, I am your mother." Jays tone was full of  betrayal. 

"I don't care! Ever since I came out you and dad have just completely disregarded it to be something of unimportance! I bring home my boyfriend whom I've been with for over two years  and you still try to set me up with your friends fucking daughter! Can't you just embrace this? He could be your son-in-law someday!"

"Oh, don't say something as preposterous as that." Jay scoffed. 

"It's not preposterous!" He hollered. "It could happen! Why can't you just be gracious?" 

"Why can't you just listen to what I have to say?"

"Because it's not about you, it's about me!" 

"It's about your family-"

"No it's fucking not! It's about me! My sexuality, my relationship, isn't about the family! It's about me! It's my sexuality! It's my happiness!" He practically screamed, but Jay seemed unfazed. Suddenly his father popped his head into the room. 

"Mark, could you please talk to your son? He's being extremely irrational." Louis wanted to tear his hair out. 

"Do not talk about me like that when I standing right here!" Jay just gave Mark a knowing look and stepped aside. 

"What's the problem?"

"You and mum have been acting completely disrespectful and rude towards Harry!" He hollered. 

"I told him it was time he stopped fooling around, but he just won't listen-"

"Oh my god, you guys are the ones not listening! Why would I bring Harry here to meet you guys if I didn't think we had a serious future together!" He shouted. He was furious and so frustrated he just about wanted to slam his fist into the wall. 

"Look, Louis, you might think this is serious-"

"It is serious!"

"But Briana is a very nice and proper girl who could do you some good-"

"She's a fucking single mother who drinks with her friends more than she even takes care of her fucking son! You really want to set me up with someone as irresponsible as that?"

"You don't know how she raises her son-"

"Just take a look at her fucking Instagram, pops." Louis snapped back sarcastically. 

"We just want what's right for you, Louis." His mother spoke up again. "Do you know how hard it is to raise a child and know you won't ever see that child in heaven?" Louis scoffed, his anger reaching a new high. 

"Oh my god, I am not listening to this." Louis turned and stormed out of the room, stumping his parents. "Grab your fucking bag, Harry! We're leaving!" He yelled storming across the floor to his room. He threw open the door and pulled his bag up off the floor. Harry was standing in the doorframe of the guest room just looking discombobulated. "Let's go! We're not staying here. We're not welcome here. Come on!" Harry didn't hesitate or ask any questions. He just moved back and grabbed his bag before grabbing his keys and walking out of the room. His mother and father were standing outside their doorway. 

"Louis, this isn't something to be so overdramatic about. Put your bag back in your room." His father instructed calmly. 

"Fuck off, you inconsiderate twat." They both gasped and Louis just hurried down the stairs which Harry awkwardly followed. Louis stormed out of the house and Harry closed the door. 

The sun had set and the air was cold. They could see their own breath whenever they breathed especially hard. Harry unlocked the trunk and moved passed Louis as he opened it. Louis just threw his bag down angrily. Harry placed his down gently. He closed the trunk then turned, facing Louis. He opened his arms and Louis walked in to them, his anger transitioning into sadness as he sobbed into Harry's chest. 

"You gonna be okay, sweetheart?" Louis nodded and stepped back out of the hug and rubbed his eyes then wiped his nose. "Is everything alright?" He shook his head. 

"My parents are convinced that I'm just fooling around and that it's time to find a girl I can be serious with and they're convinced we're not going to last and are still trying to set me up with fucking Briana!" Louis exclaimed. "Not to mention they were completely disrespectful towards you and we haven't even been here for four hours and the trip is already ruined. I thought they would've been more opened minded by now!" 

"Honey, it's fine-"

"No it's not! I wanted them to like you and at least be civil!"

"I don't have to like your parents and they don't have to like me. Although it might be easier if they did and vice versa, all that matters is that I love you and you love me." Louis nodded and wiped his eyes. "C'mon, it's freezing outside." Harry turned and walked to the driver side while Louis climbed into the passenger seat. "Do you want to go home or just add a few days onto our stay in Holmes Chapel?"

"I don't care, I just want to sleep." Louis slouched down and closed his eyes. Harry started the car and pulled out of the driveway. With one hand on the wheel he pulled out his phone and dialed up his mother. 

"Harry!" She greeted happily. 

"Hey mum," Harry greeted with a smile. 

"Hi honey! How are you?" 

"I'm well," Harry glanced at Louis who sat sullenly in his seat. His arms were crossed tightly and his eyes were closed. "Is it okay if Louis and I arrive a few days early?" 

"You mean like tonight?"

"We're already en route so you can't say no." Harry joked lightly making Anne laugh. 

"Oh, well of course you guys are welcome, but the house isn't clean and I haven't been to the grocery store in a week and the sheets haven't been washed-"

"Mum, it's fine. We're probably just going to arrive then go straight to bed." Harry interrupted softly. 

"Is everything okay? I thought you were staying in Doncaster until Christmas Day."

"I can explain when we get there." Harry hung up the phone after saying goodbye then put it in the cup holder. The rest of the drive was quiet. There was a bit of tension. Whenever Louis was hostile things got a little tense. 

The music was soft and soothing. Harry put on some light piano music. Louis eventually ended up falling asleep and when Harry pulled in front of the garage of his mothers house he turned off the car.

"Louis," He whispered and reached over to gently touch his arm. Louis stirred awake. "We're here. C'mon, let's just go straight inside and I can come back and get our bags." Louis didn't respond with anything, he just nodded, then climbed out of the car. 

Harry got out and they walked up to the front door together. Louis yawned and rubbed his eyes tiredly making Harry smile at him fondly. Harry's mom threw open the door and greeted them with a big smile and open arms. 

"Welcome! Oh, I'm so glad you guys are here!" She gushed happily. Harry smiled and Louis managed a small one. He still looked sullen and sad. "Come in!" Harry placed his hand of Louis' back and gently guided him inside. "It's so nice to see you again, Louis." Louis smiled. 

"It's nice to see you as well, thank you for letting us stay." He replied. 

"Oh, you don't have to thank me. You're always welcome here." Louis nodded. He wished his parents could of been this kind and welcoming towards Harry. 

"Hi mum," Harry stepped forward and kissed her cheek. "Well, goodnight." He joked then took off his shoes. Louis followed suit. 

"If you guys need anything don't be afraid to ask, I'll just be out in the living room reading." Harry nodded. 

"Thanks mum," She just smiled a dazzling smile and turned, walking back into the house. "I'll show you my old room." Harry smiled and walked forward. Louis followed him through the one story house and into his old little room. It was pretty much stripped of its identity and the only things in the room was a few empty dressers and the bed which was made up. "You don't mind sharing, do you?" He teased making Louis laugh softly. 

"Luckily no." Harry laughed. 

"You can make yourself comfortable, I'll go grab our bags." Louis nodded and Harry turned, leaving the room. He went to the car, grabbed their bags, then went back inside. When he walked back into his room Louis was undressed and already under the covers. His clothes were neatly folded on the floor. 

Harry just placed their bags on the floor. Louis watched him solemnly as he took off his shirt then bent down to open his bag. He pulled out his gray joggers and then replaced his jeans with those. 

"Do you want anything? Some water or a snack?" 

"I'm a little thirsty." Louis said softly. 

"I'll get you something to drink." Harry turned and left the room. He walked through the house into the kitchen where his mom was pouring herself a glass of water. 

"So what happened to you guys staying in Doncaster for a few days before coming here?" She asked softly. 

"Well, we got to Louis' house and, you know, things were fine," Harry started, standing beside the kitchen island. "His parents were...nice-ish, they invited one of their friends and her daughter over for dinner which was apparently the same girl his parents had been trying to set him up with for years." Anne frowned. "Yeah, after dinner he and his parents got into this big, nasty fight because they aren't exactly that accepting of his sexuality and apparently his mother asked him when he was going to stop fooling around with me and look for a girl he had a potential future with and was saying that our relationship would never last...it didn't sound pretty at all."

"Oh my, that poor boy." Anne gasped softly. "That's so terrible. Is there anything I can do to help?"

"No, but thank you." He smiled. "Actually, maybe just make some tea? That'd be lovely, or I could make it too. I actually came out here to get him something to drink." 

"I can get it started right now." She told him with a smile. Harry smiled back. 

"You're such a gem." 

After almost 10 minutes Harry walked in holding the two mugs and noticed Louis had moved from the bed and was sitting on the ledge under his window, gazing up at the sky through the clear glass panel. He walked over. Louis looked over at him and Harry held the mug out to him. 

"Made tea. My mum actually made it. Well, technically she just boiled the water. I put it together just how you like." Louis turned, picking up the mug before he sat back with his back against the wall. Harry sat down across from him and cradled his mug in his hands, like how he'd cradle a diamond. Louis was quiet, but he wasn't a surprised. After a few sips he lifted his mug up onto the windowsill. "I know you're upset-"

"I'm not just upset, I'm fucking furious." Harry watched him and listened to him intently. He placed his mug on the windowsill as well. "My parents...my own goddamn parents. Why can't they just accept the fact that I'm bisexual and in love with a boy? Is that too hard? Am I asking too much of them by that?" Harry shook his head. 

"People just have different opinions and it's sad that some have to lead to strife and discord within a family-"

"It shouldn't have to lead to strife and discord!" Louis exclaimed furiously. Harry gave him a soft, sympathetic look. Louis took a deep breath and closed his eyes, counting backwards from ten slowly before he opened them again. "Shouldn't all parents just be accepting of their children despite their personal views? Why does it have to be a choice between your child's happiness and what you believe? They can still believe in man and women defining marriage and still, at the bare minimum, accept me for who I am, can't they?" 

"Apparently they can't." Louis scoffed. 

"I wish my parents were more like your mum. Your mum is so nice and she's so kind and warm and just welcoming! I'm just...I'm jealous of your mum. I wish she was mine." Harry laughed softly making Louis smile meekly because part of him was not joking.

"Just wait until I haven't cleaned the bathroom or taken out the trash. Suddenly her sweet voice isn't so sweet anymore." Louis laughed then turned his head and gazed out the window. The moon was high in the sky and shined brilliantly down into the room, washing them both in soft tones of grey and accentuating the curves and dips of their faces and bodies. 

"The stars accept me." He whispered softly. "Right?"

"How could the stars not accept their own?" Louis turned and gave Harry a patronizing look. Harry just smiled back at him like a giddy child on Christmas morning, hugging his knees tightly to his chest. 

"Are you calling me a star?"

"I'm calling you the whole entire universe." Louis just smiled shyly, sure for a second he was actually blushing, and turned towards the window again. He picked up his mug and sipped his tea. 

"The whole entire universe is sad then."

"I thought the moon seemed dimmer than usual." Louis nudged him in the ankle with his foot. 

"The moon is sad too." 

"Then I'm sad as well." Louis smiled softly. 

"And why are you sad?"

"Because the moon is sad. How can I be happy when the moon, or the whole entire universe, is sad?"

"Why is the moon sad?" He asked quietly. 

"Because the suns being a bitch." Louis laughed loudly. "It's not letting the moon shine to its full potential, or giving it any of the credit it deserves." He smiled at Harry softly. "But nevertheless, the moon is still loved. And always will be." 

"I love you too." Louis replied softly. Harry smiled at him. They both turned and looked up at the stars, a comfortable silence settling between them. They listened to the sounds of the night and each other's breathing. It was soothing. And soothing was all Louis needed.


	9. Chapter 9

The next morning Louis stumbled out of the room quietly and made his way to the kitchen. When he walked in he noticed Anne standing at the counter making coffee. 

"Oh, good morning, Lou. I didn't wake you did I?" She asked sincerely and Louis shook his head. 

"I didn't sleep that well, figured I'd just get up." He shrugged, rubbing his eyes. 

"Would you like some coffee?" She offered and Louis nodded. 

"Yes please." Anne smiled and opened the cupboard up above before pulling out another mug. She filled it with coffee then turned and handed it to Louis. He smiled, nodding graciously. "Thank you." 

"You're welcome." He took a sip then walked over to the table, taking a seat. "So, how are you feeling?" She asked solemnly and Louis shrugged. 

"Harry tell you about everything?" Anne walked over, taking the seat across from him. 

"Not everything, he just mentioned that your parents might've not acted that appropriate." Louis took a deep breath and nodded. 

"They were such jerks, I couldn't believe they were acting the way they were. Well, I guess I could believe it, but I thought that by actually coming home and bringing Harry with they would've acted civil and, you know, kind at least. Instead they were completely cold, and disrespectful, and rude, I was appalled!" He felt weird ranting to Harry's mom about this, but maybe the fact that he actually also felt comfortable talking to her about it said something. "Like, okay so they aren't the most accepting of different sexualities and they've been trying to set me up with my mums friends daughter since high school and they actually invited her and her mum over for dinner last night. I couldn't believe they were still trying to set me up with her! And with Harry there too! And they completely ignored him the whole time, I was so furious. And my mum made a joke about Briana giving Harry a haircut since she's studying cosmetology and I wanted to slap her! And then she tried to make him clean all of the dishes! I was so pissed!" Anne gave him a sympathetic smile. Louis just turned his head down then took a sip from his mug. 

"I'm really sorry they acted the way they did." Anne replied sincerely. "I'm sure they believe that what they're doing they're doing for your best interest. Even though it isn't. Although they're set in their ways, it's important to remember that they do love you, and you still have many more people who love you and accept you." Louis smiled bashfully. 

"You're so kind." He replied. "Really, you are so compassionate and down to earth. Harry is so lucky to have you as a mother." Anne smiled graciously. 

"I appreciate that very much. I think Harry is very lucky to have you as his partner." Louis smiled back shyly, blushing pink. 

"Why thank you very much as well." Anne just smiled and Louis took another sip of his coffee. "Well, I'm gonna head back to bed. See if I can catch a few more z's." He joked standing up. 

"Good luck." Anne joked. Louis laughed softly, giving her one last smile before walking out of the room with his coffee mug. Harry was still asleep when he returned to the room. He placed the coffee mug next to their empty tea mugs on the nightstand then laid down on the bed again, next to Harry. 

He was able to fall back asleep eventually. While he was sleeping, Harry got up and got ready for the day. He showered, dressed himself, then went out to a little coffee shop called Notes to get coffee with Gemma. 

"It was horrible. He was practically screaming at them and they just told him to calm down. I felt bad." Gemma made a frowny face, making Harry laugh. 

"What are you doing for his birthday?" Harry shrugged. 

"I don't know. He doesn't like his birthday, but I still want to do something special to show him how much he means to me." He explained. "I do have this one, not birthday related, idea I've been tossing around in my head, though." He then added as a small smile spread across his lips. Gemma gave him a curious look. 

"Oh?" She asked. "Do share what this idea is." Harry laughed softly before just grinning like a madman. 

"I've been thinking about...proposing." Gemma's jaw dropped. 

"Oh my God, are you serious?" She asked in shock. Harry nodded. 

"I mean, nothing serious really, I've just been thinking that sometime in the near future I might pop the question." 

"Have you got a ring?" She teased with a laugh. Harry rolled his eyes at her, laughing softly as well. 

"No." He stated. "I mean, we've been having a few problems recently so I wouldn't do it until those are resolved-"

"Which is smart. You can't build a home on a cracked foundation." Harry chuckled. 

"Exactly."

"What kind of problems are you guys having? Is it anything serious?" She asked in concern. "If you're comfortable with sharing, that is. You don't have to say anything if you don't want to, I'm just curious." She added making Harry laugh softly again. 

"It's fine." He replied. "I don't think it's anything too serious, it's just he's really into holding hands, and kissing, and wants us to have sex, but I'm just...not about any of the that. So that causes strife between us sometimes because he thinks I don't love him." He explained. "I'm trying to work on it, though. We both are." 

"Well that's good, I'm glad." Gemma replied with a reassuring smile. "Keep me posted, though. I wanna know what's happening!" She exclaimed making Harry blush and smile. "Does anyone else know?" He shook his head. 

"You're the first person I've told that I'm thinking about it, so don't go and blab to mum or anything. You know how bad mum is with secrets." 

"Trust me, I won't tell a soul." She teased. Harry smiled at her then took a sip of his coffee. "So how were finals?" 

"A shit show, but I got all B's so I'm content." He answered with a shrug. 

"Congrats."

"And how is married life? Tired of each other yet?" He teased. Gemma smirked at him spitefully, shaking her head. 

"It's great. We've been trying to find a house, and we found one we really like. It's small, quaint, the neighborhood seems good. We're thinking of putting an offer down on it." 

"Oh la la, look at you being an adult." He joked. She smiled proudly. 

"I'll say that same exact thing when you and Louis buy your first house." She teased. 

"Maybe we'll stay in a flat forever." She rose her eyebrow at him. 

"Okay then, have fun with that." Harry just laughed. He lifted his cup up to his lips and took a sip. The idea of him and Louis going house hunting seemed like something that would be so far in the future that it almost wasn't plausible...was it? God, he loved Louis so much and had just told Gemma he had contemplated the idea of proposing to him. House hunting with him should be plausible. Oh, how he'd love to own a home with Louis with a backyard and a white picket fence and a second story. 

All while Harry was talking with Gemma and half zoning out, thinking about Louis, Louis was awake in bed, surfing social media and texting Luke. 

louis: you were right 

luke: I know 

luke: about what 

louis: my parents. they were so rude and disrespectful towards Harry it was ridiculous. and then they invited tammi and briana over for dinner and then after dinner my mum wanted to talk to me because she's worried I'm spending too much time fooling around with Harry when I should be finding a girl I have a serious future with. I was beyond livid. I was literally screaming at her and my dad and then we left. we're in Holmes chapel now. 

luke: man that sounds rough im sorry they did that. 

luke: guess i should hop on the next flight to hc to support my best friend through this trying time

louis: oh, don't let me take you away from your family bonding time, I'll be fine :)

luke: i hope you die 

louis: ouch 

luke: i was hooking up with this girl last night and my cousin fucking walked in on us 

louis: don't you just love family

luke: i wanted to break her neck. 

louis: you'd be a murderer :o 

luke: she fucking made her leave after giving us both a talk about self respect 

louis: which cousin was it

luke: Brooke, she's 26 and is already married to her second husband, you came to the wedding with me 

louis: ah yes, she did seem rather prudish 

luke: SHES A BITCH 

luke: I HATE HER 

luke: SHES SO EMBARRASSING I LITERALLY WANTED TO DIE I WAS MORTIFIED WHEN SHE STARTED TALKING ABOUT ALL THAT SELF RESPECT SHIT AND SAVING SEX FOR MARRIAGE LIKE SHIT BROOKE YA KNOW WHAT YOU CHANGED US WERE BITH GONNA REVIRGINIZE OURSELVES NOW THANK YOU VIRGIN MARY I SEE THE KIGHR 

luke: im just still so pissed 

louis: i can tell

luke: my phones at 3% i gotta go 

louis: have fun with your family :)

luke: have fun not having sex with mr killyjoy styles :) 

louis: bitch 

luke: maybe if you're real lucky he'll look you in the eyes :) :)

louis: die

Louis turned his phone off then placed it on the nightstand. He turned over on his stomach, burying his face in the pillow. Harry returned shortly after. He miraculously convinced Louis to get out of bed and accompany him on a tour of downtown Holmes Chapel. So they drove around the streets, Harry pointed out random buildings and shares anecdotes from his childhood. They ended up in the little food store named Amazing Grains. It specialized with selling healthy, organic food options. At the back of the store they even sold sandwiches and smoothies. 

Harry was looking over one of the aisles while Louis just trailed aimlessly beside him, complaining that there wasn't anything good in the store. That only made Harry laugh. 

"The food here is meant for, like, vegetarians and vegans and health conscious people." He explained. 

"Well, last I checked you weren't any of those." Harry laughed, stopping at the end of the aisle. 

"Doesn't mean I can't come here." He retorted it's a grin. He walked around to the next aisle. Louis dragged his feet behind him before pausing, doing a double take towards the tables by the little restaurant. 

"Is that?" Louis gawked at the person across the room. "Say it ain't so." Louis hurried across the little shop before Harry stepped back to see what he was making a fuss about. "Ellie!" Louis threw his arms around her from behind. Eleanor cringed, rolling her eyes and the girl she was sitting with laughed in amusement. "Oh my God, what are you doing here?" He exclaimed dropping down in the third open chair. 

"Literally, what are you doing here?" She asked back, unamused. 

"Don't you know Harry is from here?" He retorted with a smile. "We're visiting for the holiday." 

"My friend, Johana," She gestured to the girl sitting across from her. "Has friends up here, I came with for the weekend." 

"We should all hangout-"

"You know, I think we're good-"

"Oh, come on Ellie, it's not everyday you run into your best friend!" Johana laughed and Eleanor forced a smile, shaking her head. 

"This is your best friend?" She asked in amusement. She started shaking her head. 

"Oh, yes. We've been best friends for forever. She's like my sister-"

"We're more like frenemies." She told her honestly. 

"She's secretly in love with me." 

"He has a boyfriend." Eleanor stated. 

"Which she's really sad about because it means she doesn't have a chance with me." 

"Wow, Eleanor, you never told me about this." Johana teased with a small smirk. 

"She's a little shy." Louis teased as well. Eleanor forced a smile, rolling her eyes. 

"Where's Harry?" 

"He's in one of the aisles." Louis gestured in front of them at the little aisles. "Harry! Come here!" He shouted loudly. Eleanor elbowed him. 

"Don't be so obnoxious." Louis rolled his eyes. 

"There's literally no one fucking here." He retorted. Eleanor just rolled her eyes back at him. Harry made his appearance. He walked over to the table and sat down next to Johanna, across from Louis. "This is my boyfriend Harry, the one Eleanor is jealous of." Louis stated. "Harry, Johanna. Johanna, Harry." He introduced. 

"It's nice to meet you." Harry said kindly. Johanna smiled back sweetly. 

"You as well." Harry looked at Eleanor. 

"I bet you're excited to see us." He joked softly. 

"I'm thrilled to see you." She said cheerfully. "Louis on the other hand? Eh." She added with an apathetic shrug. Louis smiled. 

"Oh, don't be coy! I know you love seeing me." Eleanor just picked up her smoothie, taking a sip from the bright pink straw. "She's so shy." He teased. Harry laughed loudly, louder than he meant to, but sometimes Louis was just so silly and Harry fucking loved it. He ate it up. 

"How long have you two been together?" Johanna asked them curiously. 

"Over two years." Harry answered proudly. Johanna smiled. 

"Oh, how sweet." She gushed. "How'd you meet?" 

"Our friends Liam and Zayn live together and they decided to have a pumpkin carving get together in their flat one year for Halloween," Louis started to explain. "And...so I was already there and while we were still waiting for people to arrive in walks Harry looking like a Greek god...that's when we first met."

"I sat beside him and...I usually keep to myself a lot, but we just talked the whole night, and he was so loud and funny, I knew I wanted to ask him out." Harry added fondly, smiling at Louis. 

"And you did!" Louis exclaimed. "And we had our first date on Halloween. The rest is history." They both laughed softly, smiling bashfully at each other. "Is there a bathroom here? I gotta piss." Louis then stated while looking around, making everyone at the table laugh. 

"There's one on the other side of the store." Johanna said. Louis nodded. He stood up then walked away. 

"How's holiday going?" Eleanor then asked Harry. 

"It's going well, but his birthday is on the 24th and I want to do something special, but I have no idea what to do and I was wondering if you had any ideas?" He asked in a quiet voice in case Louis were to return without notice. 

"Well, he's really into weather and space, maybe you could take him stargazing. Make that special somehow. He'd probably love that." Eleanor said. Harry smiled. 

"Thank you, I appreciate it." She smiled back at him. 

"No problem. Just remember to dress warm." She teased. When Louis returned he and Harry left. They went back to the house and vegged out in the living room: watching movies, talking, and snoozing. They had dinner with Anne that night. 

The next few days were spent with typical holiday traditions. Louis and Harry did some Christmas shopping. Gemma and her husband came over and they all watched Christmas movies together one night. After a heavy snow fall, Louis and Harry made a snowman on the front lawn and even had a snowball fight. They were the best days of Louis' life. 

On the night of the 23rd, Louis and Harry were settling down for the night. They had taken a shower before dressing down in their pajamas. Louis was sitting up on the bed, the covers over his legs, scrolling through his phone. Harry walked in with a joyful smile. 

"Hope you're excited for your birthday, got something special planned." He said closing the door. 

"Oh, really? Are we having sex?" Louis asked him sarcastically, jokingly. But Harry wasn't amused. He looked completely unamused. And when Louis looked up and saw his face he felt uneasy and immediately regretted saying anything. 

"You know what? Forget it." Harry deadpanned before turning and leaving the room. Louis sat their, regretting the last minute of his life. He expected Harry to come back within at least five minutes, but five minutes passed, and then five more minutes passed, and soon 30 minutes had passed and Harry still hadn't come back to the room. Louis sighed to himself then got out of the bed. 

He ventured out into the hallway. The lights were out except for one lamp in the living room. Louis found Harry lying on the couch under a blanket. He exhaled. 

"Harry, come to the room-"

"I'm good." Harry interrupted sternly. Louis took a deep breath. He walked over to the couch, standing behind it. 

"C'mon, I know you don't like going to bed mad." 

"I'm not mad." Harry replied. "I am...sad." He added. Louis walked around the couch, sitting on the edge by Harry's feet. "I feel like nothing I do will ever be enough for you unless it's having sex-"

"That's not true-"

"Well I'm not exactly reassured about that right now, am I?" Harry retorted bitterly. He kept his head on top of the pillow, staring up at the ceiling. 

"I shouldn't have said that." Louis said softly. "I don't know why I thought it would be okay that I did. It was just meant as a...joke. I had no intention to hurt you or make you feel as if nothing you do will ever be enough, so I'm sorry for that." Harry just shook his head, sitting up. 

"You don't just get to make these passive aggressive 'jokes' then say you're just kidding because you aren't." Harry said sternly. "I know you want us to have sex, I know you aren't joking when you make these literal jokes, but they make me feel like shit and I'm sick and tired of these little guilt trips your jokes are supposed to be making-"

"I am not trying to guilt you into anything." Louis interrupted seriously. 

"Well it feels like you are. When you make those snide little jokes I feel like you're trying to spite me because I don't want to have sex."

"I'm not trying to spite you!" Louis exclaimed raising his voice. "I just...you know I want to be intimate with you. I want to be intimate with you."

"I know that. Trust me, I fucking know that, I don't need your jokes, or anyone's jokes, to remind me." Louis felt tears water his eyes and all he did was blink to make them roll down his cheeks. He covered his hands over his face. Harry sighed softly. "Why are you crying?" 

"I don't know." He rubbed his eyes. "I feel like I'm being selfish."

"You're not selfish because you want us to be intimate. I feel like I'm selfish because I don't want to be intimate. And it has nothing to do with you. Literally all my life I just have not been able to picture myself doing anything vaguely sexual with anyone. I just...can't picture myself ever wanting to do that stuff." 

"Do you ever think it's just...because you haven't ever done it?" Louis asked sheepishly. Harry shook his head. 

"No, it's just...I just don't want to do it. I don't." Louis drew in a slow breath before exhaling. 

"I know." He said softly. It was quiet between them. "I'm really sorry for what I said." He then added. "I just...I wasn't even thinking. I didn't want to make you sad." 

"I know you didn't." Harry replied, managing a small smile. 

"I won't make snarky little jokes like that anymore. Boy Scouts honor." Harry laughed. 

"You weren't even a Boy Scout." Louis smiled. 

"I was a Cub Scout, that's basically the same thing." He explained. Harry smiled at him. "Are we good? Are you still sad?" He half teased. Harry chuckled, shaking his head. 

"No, I'm not." He lied. 

"And just so you know, I appreciate everything you do for me. I really do. Don't think nothing you do will ever be enough for me." Harry smiled. 

"Thank you." He said sincerely. Louis smiled back at him. 

"So...will you come back to the room?" Harry nodded. So they both stood up and walked back to the bedroom together. They crawled on the bed, under the covers, and laid beside each other. "Do you think Scooter is okay? Zayn doesn't like cats." 

"True, but he loves Liam and Liam loves him, so I'm sure he's doing fine." Harry replied. 

"He better be." Louis joked. He nestled himself cozily under the blankets then closed his eyes. He fell asleep shortly after and woke up alone. It was 11 in the morning. Louis rubbed his sleep eyes, blinking away the blurriness. He pulled the blankets back, standing up. He ventured out of the room, down the hallway, and into the kitchen/dining room area. On top of the table was a bouquet of flowers and three balloons. And sitting at the table reading a book was Harry. Harry looked up before immediately closing the book, standing up. 

"Good morning, sweetheart." Harry walked over to him, cupped his cheeks in his hands, then leaned in and gave him a tender kiss. Louis just blushed, looking up at him in surprise. "Happy birthday." Louis smiled up at him in awe. 

"Thank you." 

"How'd you sleep?" Harry asked him sweetly. 

"I slept well. How did you sleep?" 

"I slept well too." Harry replied happily. "I hope you're well rested, got some festivities planned for us." 

"Like what?" 

"It's a surprise!" Harry exclaimed. "So get ready." 

"I haven't even eaten yet-" 

"Up-bup-bup! Got it covered." So Louis got dressed before he was whisked away to a cute little bakery where they ate muffins, drank coffee, and Harry regaled Louis with the tales of when he used to be a baker. After that they found themselves outside an ice skating rink. 

"This is an ice skating rink." Louis stated looking over at Harry in confusion. Harry smiled, nodding. 

"Hope you brought socks." Louis smiled. 

"But you hate ice skating. You always say, 'I don't plan on breaking my neck now'." He mimicked in a deep voice that made Harry laugh loudly. 

"Was that supposed to be me?" Louis laughed, smiling so wide his eyes crinkled. He nodded his head. "That sounds nothing like me." 

"I think it was spot on." 

"I think you're a liar." 

"I think we should head inside so you can break your neck." Oh God, so they went in where Louis skated with ease and Harry was clinging to the wall the entire time he wasn't sprawled across the ice. But Louis was so happy. So happy! The entire day was spent with little treats, activities, and surprises. Louis never felt more special! 

Towards the end of the night Harry drove them back to the house. When Louis started walking towards the house, he paused when he realized Harry wasn't with him. He turned to find him and found him walking over to a pickup parked along the curb. He watched him wave him over with a smile. Louis walked over the pickup suspiciously. 

"Where did you get a pickup?" He asked. 

"Borrowed from a friend." Harry answered, climbing in behind the wheel. "C'mon!" 

"Why do we need a different car?" Louis asked walking over to the passenger door. 

"You'll see." Louis didn't like how mysterious Harry was being, but he went with it anyway. He got in the seat, buckled up, and sat back. 

"Where are we going?" 

"You'll see." Harry repeated, smirking at him. He started the truck and pulled away from the curb. So Louis had no idea where they were headed, but he surely didn't think it'd take 30 minutes to drive wherever they were going. They weren't going anywhere though! Harry had drove miles out town and down backwards streets until they were literally in the middle of nowhere. Harry stopped the car then sat back. He turned to Louis with a smile. 

"What are we doing out here?" Harry just shrugged. He opened the car then climbed out. Louis just sat there, looking around. 

"C'mon, babe." Louis heard Harry call out. Louis sighed, unbuckling his belt. He got out of the car, slamming the door behind him. He paused and looked up at the sky. 

"Wow." He was enamored. "It's beautiful out here." He said as he walked around towards the trunk, where Harry had gone. He popped open the trunk then rolled back the top to reveal a collection of blankets and pillows. Louis gazed down at it stunned. He turned and looked up at Harry, a soft smile on his lips. "What is this?" 

"It's stargazing." Harry answered. "In the winter under 10 pounds of blankets." Harry climbed up then reached his hand out to Louis. Louis grabbed his hand then climbed up onto the bed of the truck as well. Harry pulled back the blankets and climbed under them, sitting up. After Louis climbed under the blankets giddily, they both laid down and pulled the blankets up their chins. 

"This is fucking amazing." Louis blurted out. Harry smiled. 

"I got this idea from Eleanor." He admitted making Louis' jaw drop. 

"Wow, I didn't know she was that smart." He replied, making Harry laugh. "I can't believe how gorgeous it is out here." Louis then added breathlessly, his eyes wide at the sky. Harry turned on his side then wrapped his arm around Louis, nestling close to him. Louis turned to him, smiling brightly. "I love you." He whispered softly. 

"And I love you." Harry leaned in and kissed Louis softly. Unlike immediately pulling away as he usually did, he kissed him a bit longer. His glove was soft against Louis' cheek and their lips moved together gently. Was Harry actually trying to use a little tongue? Louis smiled into the kiss, laughing softly which then made Harry laugh. 

"We're kissing." Louis said contently. 

"Don't get used to it." Harry teased. Louis smirked, nudging him in the chest. "I'm just kidding." Harry added sweetly. "I mean, I am, but I'm not. I'm going to work on it. Like I've said before, but failed to follow through. I'm gonna…try to follow through." 

"Thank you." Louis replied. Harry smiled back at him. He leaned in and gave Louis one more quick kiss before resting his head against the pillows. Louis nestled against him cozily, feeling content. They laid there and gazed at the stars. Oh, it was so beautiful. Absolutely breathtaking. 

They didn't keep track of how long they were out there. They were reluctant to leave the warmth of the blankets and each other. Plus, it was just so peaceful out where they were, how could they leave? But eventually they had to leave. It was 1:26 when they got back in the car and headed home. Louis was warm and sleepy. 

When they arrived back home, all the lights were out except that of the tree. They quietly made their way back into Harry's old bedroom. Propped up on top of the bed was a large, rectangular wrapped gift with a bow. Louis stopped in his tracks once he saw it, turning over his shoulder to smile at Harry. 

"What else did you get me?" Harry shrugged smugly, dropping his jacket on the floor. "You spoil me too much." Louis walked over to the bed, sitting down on the edge then pulling the gift onto his lap. He could already feel it was a canvas. He tore away the paper to reveal a portrait of him. He gasped down at it. "You painted this?" Harry nodded proudly. 

"I did." He replied softly. "I took my favorite picture of you and figured, maybe, I'd paint it for you." 

"This looks fucking amazing, holy shit." Louis hadn't taken his eyes off the portrait. It was beautiful, it looked so lifelike! He felt like he was staring down at another photo. 

"I was hoping you'd like it. I worked really hard on it. Took me 7 months." Louis gawked up at him. 

"7 months? Holy shit. This literally looks so real. I don't know…I don't know how you paint like this. You are so talented." Harry smiled shyly. 

"Thank you." 

"You're gonna be the best art teacher in history." Louis told him with a smile. Harry laughed. 

"Well I appreciate the confidence, but I probably won't be the best in history." He replied. Louis looked back down at the painting. 

"I still can't believe you painted this." He said softly. "I'm gonna hang this hang when we get home, I hope you know that." Louis placed the canvas down, leaning it against the nightstand. Harry stood up off the bed. 

"Just hang it on our door." He joked pulling off his shirt. Louis smirked. 

"Maybe I will." He said before standing up as well. Louis started unbuttoning his pants. "Thank you so much for today." He said as he stepped out of his jeans. "For awhile I even forgot tomorrow is Christmas. Or technically it's already Christmas. Merry Christmas, baby." Harry laughed. 

"Merry Christmas, babe. And you're welcome, I wanted it to be your special day." 

"Well, I never felt more special." Louis told him happily. Harry removed his pants then got down on top of the bed. 

"Then I succeeded." Louis smiled down at him. He removed his shirt before getting down on top of the bed beside Harry. They nestled down under the covers together. Harry kissed Louis' forehead before lying down. "Goodnight, sweetheart." He whispered. 

"Goodnight." They were both smiles as they closed their eyes to sleep. They fell asleep peacefully, dreaming sweet dreams and feeling…happy.


	10. Chapter 10

"Who's ready to get shitfaced?" Louis sang merrily as he sauntered into the living room. Harry just glanced at him over his shoulder from the couch, giving him a disapproving look. Louis stood there with his arms crossed and a smirk on his face. "Ya ready to go?" 

"I was ready to go forty minutes." Harry said standing up. "And I won't be getting shitfaced since I'm driving." He told him with a smile. 

"I told you we could take an uber." Harry shook his head. 

"It's fine." He said as they walked to the front door. "I'm not a heavy drinker anyway." 

"But I am!" Louis exclaimed happily. Harry just nodded. He didn't like it when Louis drank. Whenever Louis got drunk he said and did stupid stuff and Harry didn't like dealing with the aftermath it always caused. Nonetheless Harry still drive them both to 44 Main, and they still met up with their friends, and there was still drinking. 

Louis, Luke, Liam, and Zayn were all standing at the end of the bar talking, sipping their drinks, while Harry stood with Eleanor, Danielle, and Sophia as they sipped their own drinks and talked. The music made the walls vibrate and dance floor was impossibly full. Every private booth had been rented out for the New Years. 

"So Harry, when do you start student teaching?" Eleanor asked as everyone turned their attention to him. Harry shrugged. 

"I think it's the 10th, but I'm not sure." 

"Are you excited?" Danielle asked. Harry responded with a coy smile before shrugging again. 

"Kinda, I'm kinda nervous too. I'm not ready to go back to high school." He joked lightly and they laughed. 

"No one ever is. I'm sure you'll do great, though, and be a great teacher!" Sophia exclaimed. Harry blushed, shrugging his shoulders yet again. 

"Did Louis like your painting of him? You did give it to him, right?" Danielle asked. 

"Yeah, he loved it. It's hung up in our living room now." 

"That's so cute." She replied before taking a sip of her drink. Harry just smiled modestly. 

"So you're really not going to have a single drink?" Eleanor then asked him. He nodded. 

"I'm driving." He stated pointedly. 

"At least have a sip of my Barbie Doll, it's delicious." She held out her glass and Harry just eyed it apprehensively. He shook his head. 

"No thank you, I don't feel comfortable even just taking a sip knowing I'm driving." Eleanor nodded. 

"Okay." She said with a kind smile. "But sometime we're gonna come back, and you aren't going to drive, and you are going to try a Barbie Doll. It tastes like bubble gum." Harry smirked softly, nodding his head. 

"Okay." He said just to humor her. She smiled triumphantly. Next to them Louis, Luke, Liam, and Zayn were all carrying on their own conversation. 

"She's checking out, you should go say hi." Zayn gave Liam a hesitant look, shaking his head. 

"Maybe she's checking you out. Or Luke. It's probably Luke." Everyone shook their head. 

"She's checking you out. It's you." Louis retorted. "So go say hi." He then teased nudging Zayn in the arm with his elbow. He sipped his whiskey sour quietly. 

"I can't. She's probably checking Liam out-"

"Too bad I'm taken." Liam interrupted with a smile. Zayn rolled his eyes at him. "Go say hi, the worst that could happen is she's not interested." Zayn look apprehensive. A moment later he closed his eyes and sighed. 

"Okay, I'll go over." They all offered him supportive smiles and looks as he made his way across the room. 

"So, Luke, ever think you might settle down and get a boyfriend or girlfriend?" Liam asked turning to him. 

"You kidding? I'm not like one of you breeders, how can you stand fucking the same person?" Luke sneered. Liam's eyes widened at him in disgust. 

"Are you kidding? You aren't going to be in your early twenties forever, you're going to have to grow up at some point." He retorted. 

"But that point is not now." Luke quipped back. Liam rolled his eyes. Luke knocked back the rest of his drink then turned back to the bar. He placed the glass down then waved the bartender over. He ordered a jack and coke. 

"How was yours and Harry's holiday? He met your parents for the first time, didn't he?" Liam asked Louis. Louis nodded. 

"It was great, until my parents treated Harry disrespectfully, invited over a girl they've been trying to set me up with and her mother for dinner, continued to condescend him, and then started telling me about how it was time I stop fooling around with him and find a girl I had an actual future with. We left after dinner and practically spent the whole time at Harry's mums." Liam frowned. 

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. That's unfortunate they'd act that way." 

"I told you to expect that. When have your parents ever been supportive of you being bisexual? You actually thought they had grown out of it? They're old and set in their ways, meeting your dull boyfriend wasn't going to change anything." 

"Luke, don't you think you're being a bit harsh?" Liam asked softly, as soft as he could over the blaring music. 

"I'm just being honest. There's no sugar coating it, and we're way past that stage in our friendship where we lie to each other. The only way his parents will ever be happy and supportive is if he brings a girl home. He might as well, Harry here is no prize." Louis slapped him in the arm. 

"Shut the fuck up. Harry's a total prize, the grand prize." Luke just fluttered an eye roll and sipped his drink. 

"Then why aren't you happy?" 

"I am-"

"No, you're not. You're not as happy as you could be." Liam swallowed thickly, beginning to feel slightly uncomfortable. 

"I don't think this is an appropriate conversation to be having right now." He simply said. Luke snorted. 

"C'mon, you agree with me right? I mean, we don't get why you're even with him. All you do is complain about how he doesn't like holding hands and won't fuck you, and he complains about how all you want is to hold hands and have sex. You guys should just break up-"

"Luke." Liam cut in sternly. Louis just chewed the inside of his cheek, tracing the tip of his finger around the rim of his glass. "Their relationship is none of your fucking business. Their feelings, their reasons for being together, are between them and only them. Not you. Their worlds don't revolve around sex like yours-"

"It's not even sex. They don't even kiss-"

"Luke." 

"I'm going to the restroom." Louis hastily downed the last of his drink before walking away briskly. 

"See what you've done? You ran him off, he's probably upset now." Liam tsked in annoyance. 

"Or he realized his relationship with killjoy Styles over here is going nowhere and never was." Harry caught wind of that. Out of everything from that conversation that's the one thing he heard. He turned away from the girls and faced Liam and Luke, a stern expression on his face. 

"What the fuck did you just say?" Liam took a deep breath. 

"He didn't say anything, he sa-"

"I said your relationship with Louis is like beating a dead horse. It's already dead, stop wasting your time when you could be with someone who actually makes you happy." Liam shook his head to himself. 

"Louis does make happy." Luke just broke out into grin, laughing loudly as if what Harry just said was meant to be humorous, or a joke. 

"Well you sure as hell don't make him happy." He muttered before taking a sip of his drink. Harry ground his teeth together. 

"Has he told you that?" 

"No, but it's obvious. I mean, you don't even kiss him. What the fuck man? And don't go saying you don't like it because it makes you uncomfortable. We are sexual human beings, we were basically put on this earth to have sex and procreate. You can't go against God, Harru." 

"You know who my relationship concerns? Me and Louis. That's it. Not you, not anyone else on this whole entire fucking planet. Just Louis and I. That's it. So why don't you just shut up for once. Why are you even so obsessed with our relationship?" 

"Because I don't think Louis is as happy as he could be with you, and I'm his best friend so I want him to be happy. And you don't make him happy because your killjoy Styles, the man who hates affection-"

"I don't hate affection-"

"So why won't you fuck him?" 

"Luke, what the hell did I just say?" Liam whispered turning into his side. 

"Sex and affection are two different things-"

"They're not mutually exclusive, though. You know that, right?" Luke quipped back, completely ignoring Liam. "Don't you realize all Louis wants after two fucking long years is to get fucked-"

"You don't have to be so vulgar about it-"

"I'm not being vulgar, I'm being honest-"

"In a vulgar way." Harry interrupted furiously. "And it's disgusting-"

"It's the truth! What do you want me to say? Make love? Okay, all Louis wants after two fucking long years is to get maked love." Harry rolled his eyes, shaking his head. "See? That doesn't make any sense. No sense. You understand why it doesn't make sense, Harru?" 

"Stop calling me Harru. And why are you so obsessed with sex? Honestly, it's revolting. You always turn things into something sexual, you're always talking about your sex life, and you're always talking about Louis' sex life-"

"Well thanks to killyjoy Styles he doesn't have one anymore." 

"Call me killjoy Styles one more time, I swear to god." Harry said shaking his head.

"Hey, that's your nickname." Luke said slyly. "What else am I supposed to call you? It suits you perfectly, you're the killjoy of the group. You are where fun goes to die." Luke had a smug smirk on his face, but he wasn't smirking for long as Harry pulled back his fist and punched Luke square in the face. Luke fell to the floor, unconscious, and Harry cringed at the pain in his knuckles. He shook it out. Everyone around him just stared at him with wide, stunned eyes. 

"Who's a killjoy again?" He shouted down at him furiously. Luke was barely conscious. Harry bent over him, grabbing the front of Luke's shirt and yanking him up. "Fuck you, you fucking bastard!" Harry punched him again in the face. Liam grabbed his arm and tried to yank him off Luke. "You're an asshole! A piece of shit! I fucking hate you with every fiber of my bei-"

"Harry!" Louis pushed himself through everyone and grabbed Harry's arm, pulling him back. "What the hell are you doing?"

"What the hell does it look like I'm doing? I'm standing up for myself!" Harry shouted back at him.

"No, that's not standing up for yourself, that's just being violent!" Louis grabbed Harry's wrist and pulled him away roughly. "If he had punched you first then it would've been standing up for yourself, or whatever, but he didn't. You just lost your temper and you acted like an idiot." Louis ranted as he dragged Harry towards the back of the building and into the dim bathroom. Harry was still fuming but said nothing as he stood in front of the sink. Louis pulled out a wad of paper towels then ran them under cool water. "Come here." Harry bent down and Louis placed the towels on the back of his neck. Harry pressed his hand against the counter. 

"Do you not care at all about what Luke was saying about me? Fucking to me?" Harry asked angrily, keeping his head down. 

"I didn't hear what he said, but of course I care if it upset you. He's not my main concern right now, though." Harry rolled his eyes. "You probably broke his nose." 

"Like I give a fuck." 

"Harry, this is serious."

"It's fine-"

"No, it's not. You fucking punched Luke in the face. He's unconscious, Harry." Harry just rolled his eyes again. He reached up and grabbed the cool, wet towels off his neck, straightening up. "That's not okay. It doesn't matter what he was saying. You can't just...hit people when you're mad." 

"I lost my temper-"

"Then maybe you should take an anger management class, or something." 

"It's not as if I've done it repeatedly-"

"Then we'll be making sure it never happens again-"

"It's not going to happen again."

"How can you know that?" Louis asked him. Harry just shrugged. 

"Luke is the only person I ever want to punch." He answered casually. Louis rolled his eyes. 

"How would you feel if I said that about your best friend?" 

"Well lucky for me I'll never know because you're my best friend." Harry deadpanned. Louis drew in a slow breath before exhaling sharply, unsure what to say. He should be thrilled Harry just called him his best friend, he should feel endeared, but instead he was just annoyed and irritated with the whole situation. 

"C'mon, we're leaving." Louis turned and went to the door, he pushed it open with his foot then waited for Harry to walk out. Once he did Louis stepped out and let the door close behind him. "I'll meet you in the car, I'm going to check on Luke." Harry just ground his teeth together then marched out of the club. Louis looked around the room before noticing Luke and everyone at the end of the bar. He walked over. 

Luke was sitting on a barstool holding a bloody rag to his bloody face. Eleanor, Sophia, and Danielle were standing near the wall talking and Zayn and Liam were standing beside Luke. 

"Where the fuck is he?" Luke exclaimed standing up from the stool. Zayn placed a hand on his shoulder and pushed him back down on the stool. "Where the bloody hell is that bastard?" 

"He's out in the car, he-"

"I'll fucking press charges against him if my nose is broken. I swear to fuckin' god, and I'm gonna beat the shit out of him the next time I see him-"

"You aren't gonna press charges-"

"Don't fucking test me, Liam. I'm not shitting you." Luke interrupted furiously. "God, my nose won't fucking stop bleeding!" Luke threw the bloody cloth down on the floor and the blood from his nose just dripped down his face. Zayn bent down and picked it up while Liam asked for another. 

"I'm sorry Harry punched you, but apparently you weren't exactly being kind to him-"

"I wasn't saying shit!" 

"Shut up, Luke. You were talkin' your usual shit." Liam said in annoyance, handing him the clean rag. Luke took it, glaring up at him, then pressed it to his face. 

"Well, I just wanted to make sure you were all right. We can talk about this later." Louis turned and started to walk away when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He stopped, turning to come face to face with Liam. 

"Is Harry all right?" 

"Well he's pissed, but I think he'll be fine." 

"Okay, I guess I'll just see you later." Louis nodded. 

"Happy new year." He said half heartedly before turning and walking away. Louis walked out to the car. Harry was sitting behind the wheel with a surly look on his face and white knuckles from how hard he was gripping the steering wheel. Louis climbed into the passenger seat. He buckled his seat belt. 

"How's Luke? I sure hope I didn't ruin his night." Harry grumbled sarcastically as he began to pull the car out of the parking lot. 

"Cut the shit, Harry. He was saying he's going to press charges against you if his nose is broken-"

"Like he's gonna fucking follow through with that." Harry snarked back. Louis rolled his eyes. 

"Whatever. Happy fucking new year." Louis turned to the window, resting his chin in his palm. He was quiet. Harry was just fuming as well. When they got back to their flat they were stomping in angrily after one another. 

"Well happy fucking new year, I'm sure you're ecstatic to spend another year with me." Harry grumbled as he stomped into the bathroom. 

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Louis asked walking after him. Harry just rolled his eyes, turning on the sink then holding his bruising hand under the stream of water. 

"I don't know, I'm just pissed right now. You just...you always take Luke's side-"

"No, I don't."

"Yes, you do. You do, you always make excuses for him. You always apologize for him. You don't hold him accountable for anything, especially not accountable for insulting me. Who's more important to you? Luke or me?" 

"You're both important to me in different ways and for different reasons." Louis simply replied, leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed. "He's my best friend and you're my boyfriend, please don't turn this into a situation where you make me choose between him or you." 

"Well I'd appreciate it if you'd stick up for me every once and awhile." 

"I stick up for you all the time. Just because you aren't present doesn't mean it doesn't happen." 

"Well maybe if you could stick up for me when he's actually insulting me directly in front of you I wouldn't be so pissed. It makes me feel like shit, Louis. Complete shit." He pulled his hand out from under the water and turned off the sink. He grabbed the wash cloth and dried his hand. 

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" Harry gave him an annoyed look. 

"Sorry, I didn't think I'd have to ask my boyfriend to stick up for me when his best friend is constantly slandering me." Harry brushed passed him out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. 

"Well I apologize for that. But he is not the only one who did something wrong tonight so I'm going to hold you both accountable for your actions."

"I'm fine with that then. Yeah, I shouldn't have fucking punched him, hold me accountable all you want, but it felt so nice." Harry stripped off his shirt and tossed it into the hamper. 

"Do you want to wrap your knuckles, or something?" Harry shook his head. 

"I'm fine." Louis just stood in the doorway again, watching as Harry stripped out of his pants, dropped those in the hamper, then climbed into their bed under the covers. He pouted, huffing in annoyance. 

"This isn't how I wanted to start out the new year-"

"You're right. You probably would've wanted me to kiss you before the clock struck 12, but I probably would've resisted and we'd still be sitting here having an argument." Harry snapped. Louis was at a loss for words, he had no idea what to say. 

"Sometimes I feel like we argue more than we don't." Louis told him timidly. "And it's not reassuring."

"Well if you want to break up with me then just get it over with now." Harry said looking over at him. Louis gawked back at him before he shook his head. 

"I don't want to break up with you-"

"You don't?" Harry interrupted raising his voice. "Well that's ironic considering how much you complain about me not showing you my affection the way you'd like. I-"

"Harry." Louis interrupted. "What is this about?" He then asked softly. Harry just took a deep breath, licking his lips. "This is obviously more then what happened with Luke, what's wrong?" 

"I don't know." Harry admitted. "I just have a lot going on right now, and I'm in that mood where just everything pisses me off. I just need to yell." He said. Louis walked over and sat down on the edge of the bed. 

"Well listen, I know we've had our ups and downs, but I don't believe in bailing on something just because things get tough-"

"Things don't have to be tough, though." Harry interrupted. "If you would just fucking put Luke in his fucking place, and if you would just understand that I fucking love you with all my heart even if I don't always show it, and if I would work on the whole hand holding, kissing, cuddling shit things wouldn't have to be hard. We wouldn't argue more than we don't-"

"I know that, but you always fucking say you're going to work on the hand holding, kissing shit but you never fucking do, do you?" 

"Ex-fucking-cuse me if I do not find holding hands and kissing and cuddling all that comfortable; I can't just change who I am." Louis rolled his eyes. 

"But this isn't just about you anymore, this is about us." 

"And you knew from the beginning that physical contact was not something I was very keen on. Did you think you were going to be able to change me, or something?"

"No, I thought maybe it wouldn't be an issue after we got more comfortable with each other-"

"I don't even like hugging my mother-"

"Well that's fucking great!" Louis shouted rising to his feet. "That's fucking great. I wouldn't have a problem with this, though, if you wouldn't make promises you don't follow through with. Don't tell me you're going to work on our relationship if that's only going to be for a day or two before you just give up-"

"I don't fucking give up, Louis. I just—things get tough, and I forget, and then I fall back into my old patterns and then we find ourselves having the same fucking argument every week." 

"How do you just forget! This is our relationship we're talking about!"

"You wouldn't fucking understand!" Louis rolled his eyes, crossing his arms with a huff. "You don't get it. No one gets it. I feel like I am completely alone on this-"

"You will always have me." 

"No, I won't. You're the reason I feel completely alone." Louis felt tears water his eyes. His throat had tightened and he couldn't even look Harry in the face. 

"I'm sorry I'm such a burden for you." He whispered hoarsely, trying not to let his voice crack. Harry shook his head. 

"That's not what I meant." 

"Well whatever you meant just made me feel like shit. If I'm the reason you feel completely alone then why are you even still with me?" Harry felt like he was about ready to explode. 

"Oh my God, this is what I'm talking about when I say you'll never understand!" He practically screamed after jumping up to his feet, out of the bed. "I feel alone because you're constantly asking me to hold your hand or kiss you and then when I say I don't want to because I'm fucking uncomfortable you get huffy and go off about how I never show you I love you or want to be physically affectionate! I am still with you because I still love you with all my goddamn heart and it's gonna take a hell of a lot more to change that! Plus I believe this is only a temporary problem in our relationship that will eventually be resolved and soon we won't be arguing about it constantly!" Louis just looked at him tearfully before swallowing. He walked over to the bed and grabbed his pillow. 

"I'm going to sleep on the couch." Was all he said before leaving the room. Harry exhaled deeply then pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes. He stepped out of the bed and walked out of the room, after Louis. 

"Don't sleep on the couch-"

"You were just screaming at me! You really think I want to sleep next to you tonight?" Louis had thrown the pillow on the couch and was standing in front the nearest arm with his arms crossed. 

"I wasn't trying to scream at you, I'm just...trying to get my point across!" 

"Well you aren't going to do that by screaming at me and making me feel like shit!"

"I just want you to understand things from my point of view!" Harry exclaimed loudly. "I just...I don't know, I'm going through some stuff right now. I'm trying, though. I'm trying real hard, and it might not seem like I am. It might seem like I'm not trying at all, but I am. I am 24/7 and it's really draining. It's really fucking draining." He explained solemnly. 

"Well I just wish it was obvious that you were trying." Harry gave him a somber look before turning away. 

"Goodnight." Was all he said before walking into the bedroom and closing the door behind him. Louis just dropped down to the couch, still wearing his clothes from the club, and threw his phone on the coffee table. He curled up with his pillow. They both cried a little bit that night before they slept. 

The next morning was extremely tense. Harry hadn't even gotten out of bed at 3 pm. Louis spent the entire day feeling tense as hell and pacing around the flat, wondering what the hell was going to happen when Harry would finally get up. 

It was 4 o'clock and Harry still wasn't out of bed. Louis put on his shoes and left the flat. He went over to Luke's flat. It was small, it barely had any room for even Luke. He made it work, though. Louis knocked on the crooked door. Luke opened it with a bandage over his nose and noticeable bruising. He glared at him. 

"This is all your stupid boyfriends fault." He said before pivoting around and walking inside. Louis stepped in, closing the door behind him. Liam was standing in the kitchen holding a water bottle in hand. 

"Oh, hi Louis, how's it going?" 

"I've been better." Louis told him honestly. "Harry and I had...probably one of our biggest fights ever and he hasn't even gotten out of bed today." 

"Is he alright?" Louis shrugged. 

"I mean, he was super pissed last night-" 

"About what? I'm the one with the broken nose!" Luke cried from the living room. He had dropped down on the couch, whereas Liam and Louis were standing in the kitchen. 

"It wasn't about you." Louis called back. "At least partially." 

"He's a jackass-"

"Luke, shut the fuck up." Louis snapped in annoyance. Liam smiled. Luke huffed. 

"Pardon me, Louis. I'm in extreme physical pain-"

"And Harry's in extreme emotional pain-" 

"Pussy-"

"Luke, I swear to God, stop being such a fucking baby, man up, and stop acting like Harry is the one in the wrong here." Louis reprimanded from the kitchen. "If you were talking shit you probably deserved it."

"Wow, aren't you supposed to be my best friend?" Luke asked him. "I'm demoting you. Liam, you're my best friend now."

"Pass." Liam walked out to the living room. Louis followed and cracked a smile when Luke scoffed. 

"Wow, rude." Luke crossed his arms. "May I remind you that my nose is broken?"

"Mention it again and your nose won't be the only thing broken." Liam took a seat on the armchair and Louis sat on the couch next to Luke. "This isn't just about you, you know." 

"Whatever. I don't see why any of you guys like him. He's like a fucking robot-"

"Harry is one of the sweetest, kindest, and funniest people I know." Liam stated eliciting a fond smile from Louis. 

"He is." He stated making Luke roll his eyes. "He is. And I need you to stop talking shit about him around me or you can kiss our friendship goodbye." Luke scoffed at him. 

"Are you serious? We've been best friends since we can even remember and you're going to pick your boyfriend of two years over me?" 

"Well if you just stop your shit talking and act civil around him, and I, then I won't have to." Luke glared at him questionably. 

"That's bullshit. You just don't want to admit I'm right-"

"You're wrong-"

"I am right. You're not happy with Harry, at least not as happy as you could be. You should be with someone who gives you what you want, not someone you're constantly arguing with and who refuses to compromise. He obviously only cares about himself, he's not willing to put your needs up there with his own-"

"A persons own needs should come first before anyone else's." Liam interrupted. 

"But when you're in a relationship sometimes your partners needs have to come before your own-"

"And what do you know about relationships, Mr. How Can You Stand Fucking The Same Person?" Liam retorted sternly. 

"I'm just saying. It's common sense, Liam." Luke turned back to Louis. "So if you want to go pick killyjoy Styles over your own best friend because you don't want to believe that what I'm saying is true, then go ahead. Just don't come crying to me when you two break up because he won't grow the fuck up." Louis swallowed thickly. He glanced down at his lap before slowly rising to his feet. Luke scoffed, gawking up at him in disbelief. "You're actually doing this? I'm your best friend, Louis-"

"Well you aren't exactly being a good friend." Louis interrupted. He pivoted around and Luke just watched him with disdain as he left the flat. His teeth were ground together tightly, he thought his teeth might actually break. Liam was just trying to contain his smug smile. 

"What the fuck are you smiling at?" Luke snapped. Liam pressed his lips together then shook his head, looking anywhere but at Luke. Luke just crossed his arms, sinking down against the couch with a scowl etched into his expression. 

-

Five days had passed. Louis was still sleeping on the couch and Harry still hadn't gotten out of bed. The only reason he did was to go to the bathroom. Louis brought him food and water which he hardly ate or drank. It hurt Louis to see him like this. He was concerned. 

"Harry?" Louis asked opening the bedroom door that evening. "Are ya gonna get out of bed? It's been almost 5 days and I'm getting worried." Harry simply lifted his hand up and waved him off. 

"I'm fine." His voice was muffled against the pillow. 

"Okay, but...I don't know if you're just missing work or calling in, but if you can't even get out of bed for work then maybe you should talk to someone. And you're hardly eating anything I bring you." 

"I'm fine." Harry repeated tiredly. "I'll be up tomorrow." Louis frowned at him. 

"Do you want to talk-" 

"I really just want to sleep." Harry interrupted. 

"You've been sleeping for 5 days, that's not healthy." 

"Louis, please just let me be. I'm exhausted as fuck." Harry still hadn't even turned over to look at Louis. Louis still frowned at him, turning his head down. 

"I love you." He said softly. He heard Harry sigh. 

"Love you too." Louis couldn't help but feel a twinge of sadness in his heart. He turned away and closed the door, leaving Harry be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Danielle is supposed to be Danielle peazer, not Campbell. that's who i thought of when i originally started this and needed characters, which was before Danielle Campbell ever made her debut appearance on Louis' arm.


	11. Chapter 11

"So how was your holiday?" Like Harry had said, he got out of bed the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that. Were things back to the way they were? No. Louis had returned to their bed, though. 

"It was great, my boyfriends parents hated me, we got into a fight the night before his birthday, on New Years Eve we went out with some friends to a club and I ended up punching his best friend in the face, we got into one of our biggest fights ever, and I didn't get out of bed for an entire week." The counselor couldn't help but chuckle lightly. Harry didn't see what was so funny about it. "What's so funny?" 

"Nothing, just the sarcasm in your voice made me laugh." Harry just pressed his lips together and shifted around in his chair, crossing his legs. "Why don't you start with telling me about the visit with your boyfriends parents." Harry sighed. 

"Well we arrived and they wouldn't even shake my hand, and referred to me as his guest. For dinner they invited over some girl they've been trying to set him up with apparently and his mother condescended me the whole time. She made fun of my hair, my major. After dinner I offered to help clean the dishes with her, but she took that as me cleaning all of them while the family watched a movie. Louis got mad, though, and made me leave the kitchen and go watch the movie. After that I was in my guest room, and him and his mother got into a huge fight because she thinks it's time he stops fooling around with me and find a girl he has a real future with." 

"Wow." 

"And that was only one evening. We left after that fight and drove to my mothers."

"And your mother is more supportive?" He asked. Harry nodded. 

"Yeah, she loves Louis." 

"Well that's good. How did it make you feel knowing his parents weren't supportive of you two?" Harry drew in an uneasy breath before sighing. 

"I mean, of course I want them to like me and support our relationship, but when it comes down to it I don't really care what they think. You know, my relationship with Louis doesn't concern them. Of course, it would make things a lot easier and a lot less stressful if they were supportive, but if they aren't that's not something I can do anything about." 

"How did Louis take his parents actions?" 

"He was livid. He was literally screaming at his mother and father before storming out of the house." 

"That must've made things pretty stressful." Harry nodded, pressing his lips together tightly. "Do you think the stress from that carried over through the holiday and might've sparked the fight you mentioned before Louis' birthday?" Harry huffed in response. 

"No. It was night time and we were getting ready for bed and I said, 'hope you're excited for tomorrow, got a surprise planned,' or something like that and he was all like, 'oh, are we finally going to have sex?' Like, why the fuck would he say that to me when he knows I don't want to have sex?" 

"What is it about sex that turns you off?" Harry just gave him a stern, confused look then shrugged. 

"I don't know? It seems gross? I just—I don't understand why he likes sex so much, or wants us to do it. He says he wants us to do it so we can be intimate, but aren't we already intimate? I mean, we live together, we sleep in the same bed, we eat dinner together, I tell him everything-"

"Does he know you're coming here?" Harry sunk back, his head sinking down a bit. 

"No."

"Does he know about your history with depression? And feeling suicidal?" 

"No." 

"You know, some symptoms of depression are things like lack of motivation and interest. Do you ever think that might be it?" 

"No, because it's not as if I was once interested and motivated. I have never been interested in sex, or kissing, or anything all my life. I don't like physical contact. I don't like being touched and all-"

"Why not?"

"Do I need a why not? That's just the way I am. I've never been a touchy feely person and I never will." Andy just looked back at him, thinking for a moment. 

"Have you ever thought it might just be because you never have had sex? And you're scared? Maybe if you just got it out of the way you'd have more of an understanding as to why Louis is so keen on you two being sexually intimate with each other." 

"No, it's not that." Harry deadpanned. Andy nodded. 

"Why don't you tell me about what happened on New Year's Eve." 

"We went out to 44 Main and Luke, Louis' best friend, started talking shit again about our relationship and all, saying that I don't make Louis happy, and he kept calling me killjoy Styles. I just snapped and I punched him in the face twice, I think I broke his nose." 

"How did you feel after punching him?" 

"It felt pretty good, pretty cathartic. But Louis was pissed at me and we went home, and we had a pretty big fight."

"And that resulted in you staying in bed for a week." Harry took a deep breath, feeling ashamed as he nodded his head. 

"Yeah." He said softly. 

"What compelled you to...not want to get out of bed?" 

"I was just...exhausted. I didn't want to face Louis. I just...I was so stressed. And now I'm even more stressed because I lost my job-"

"You lost your job?" 

"Yeah, I had four no call, no shows and they fired me, which only made me want to get out of bed even less." 

"Does Louis know?" Harry shook his head. 

"I haven't...told him yet." 

"So you are going to tell him?" 

"I mean, I guess I have too. I'm not just going to lie to him." Andy just nodded. Harry blew air through his nose, glancing around the room. 

"So, switching gears, what is it you wish to gain from coming here?"  

"I want to start feeling better, I want to strengthen my relationship with Louis, I just...I want to be happier." Andy nodded again. 

"I will do my best to help you accomplish that." He said with a reassuring smile. Harry just forced a small, awkward smile in return then sighed. "To you, what would be taking the first step towards accomplishing that?" Harry took a deep breath, shrugging his shoulders. 

"I don't know, maybe reducing the arguing between Louis and I."

"What's one thing you can think of to help reducing that?" Harry just looked back at him, shrugging his shoulders. 

"Isn't it your job to tell me that?" He asked making Andy laugh lightly. 

"Well I'm not going to be with you 24/7, am I? I'm trying to encourage you to think outside the box, think for yourself, be creative when it comes to making it through difficult times like this." Harry just blinked at him. 

"Well I don't know. I guess if I really wanted to reduce arguing I would have to kiss him more, and hold his hand more, and all that." 

"So is that what you're going to do?" 

"I'll try, but I always try, and then I stop because I forget, and then we argue. It's a cycle we're in." 

"So break the cycle."

"Why the fuck do you think I'm here?" Harry snapped. "I know I need to break this cycle, I've been trying to break the cycle, but I haven't and I can't. That's why I'm here. I need help. Tell me what to do-"

"I can tell you what to do all day, but in the end it's up to you and your follow through-"

"Wow, you're gonna go far with this major." Harry interrupted sarcastically. "You think I'm just not going to do anything? Why do you think I'm asking you what to do? I do have follow through, you wouldn't know that yet, though, because this is only my second time here and I'm getting quite pissed off." 

"What am I doing that is angering you?" Andy asked calmly. 

"Well for staters, you've been a little condescending when I talk about how I have no desire to have sex, and all that. Asking if it's because I just haven't ever had sex, or if it's because of depression, or because I'm afraid, and asking why I don't just have sex was...angering, you sound just like my condescending friends." 

"Well I apologize for coming across as condescending and angering you, that was never my intention." Harry just rolled his eyes. 

"Of course it wasn't, you're just like everyone else, though, just like my friends. They don't understand, no one understands." 

"I might not understand why physical contact makes you uncomfortable and you have no desire for sexual intimacy, but I can still try to help you with feeling better in general-"

"But I don't want to talk to someone who doesn't understand basically what the cause of all this is." 

"Well finding someone who does might prove to be difficult." 

"Well anyone would be better than you. I want to talk to someone else." Andy nodded. 

"I can transfer you to another colleague." 

"Thank you." 

Harry left the building feeling the utmost annoyed, but tried not to focus on it. He texted Louis he picked up pizza for dinner on his way home. He stopped by Dominoes and picked up a large half cheese, half pepperoni pizza along with some chicken wings. When he got home Louis had already gotten plates out and set the table. 

It was quiet between them as they filled their plates then sat down to eat together. Louis was just glad they were still eating together. They both sat down in their chairs and slowly dug in. It was still very quiet. 

"You know," Louis started. "Luke and I aren't talking. I don't...I don't know if we're really friends anymore." Harry just nodded, scraping his fork against his plate because he was the type of person who liked to cut their pizza up into pieces with a fork and knife. 

"I'm sorry to hear that, that's unfortunate."

"I know you don't really mean that-"

"But I do. I mean, yeah, I don't like Luke. But I know he's your best friend and losing a best friend can be devastating, I don't even know what I would do if I ever lost you. So, you know, I am sorry to hear you two aren't talking." Louis took a deep breath. 

"Sorry." Harry just took a deep breath, glancing up at Louis then looking away. 

"I lost my job, by the way. At The Ledbury." Louis gave Harry a shocked, but sympathetic look. 

"You did?" He asked softly. Harry nodded. 

"I didn't call in last week." He explained. "For four days, so they let me go." Louis sighed softly. 

"Harry-"

"I'm sorry."

"Why didn't you just call in and tell them you were sick?" Harry just shrugged his shoulders. 

"I don't know." He answered quietly. Louis drew in a deep breath, exhaling deeply. 

"Well, it's okay. You don't have to be sorry, I'm sorry they let you go." He replied softly. "It's not even that big of a deal, we'll make it through."

"I'll start looking for a new job." Harry said. "Thank you." Louis tried to offer him a small smile, but Harry was just looking down at his plate still. 

"I love you." He said. "Very much." Harry smiled down at his plate. 

"I know." He replied. "And I love you." 

"So how was your day today?" Louis asked him softly. 

"Um, it was kind of shitty, honestly." Harry told him. Louis frowned at him. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" 

"Not really." 

"Are you sure?" Harry nodded. 

"How was your day?" Louis shrugged. 

"It was all right. Normal." Harry just nodded again, still scraping his fork against his plate, creating an unpleasant screeching sound. "Are you sure you don't want to talk? About anything?" Yet again, Harry just nodded his head. 

"I'm just tired." He said sighing. "Really fucking tired." He added in a quieter voice. "I'm gonna clear my plate and get ready for bed." Without a word, he stood up with his plate in hand and walked into the kitchen. He placed his plate into the sink then left. Louis just watched him, then solemnly turned back to his plate when he disappeared. 

A few minutes later, Louis got up to clear his plate. He just placed it in the sink before venturing into the hallway, towards their room. He could hear the sink faucet running, but under that was the faintest sound of crying. Louis paused, stepping up to the door, and pressed his ear against it. And he was 99% sure he could hear Harry crying. He pressed his lips together into a frown, and contemplated knocking on the door for a second. He didn't, though. He just stepped away and went into the bedroom, sighing to himself. 

The next day Louis was with Liam in one of the dining centers eating lunch. They were sat at a small table next to a large window. Louis sighed lackadaisically, looking somber. 

"Everything okay?" Liam asked. 

"I could hear Harry crying last night in the bathroom-"

"Was he okay?" He interrupted in concern. 

"I don't know, I didn't ask." Louis said shrugging. 

"So you just listened to him cry?" 

"What was I supposed to do?" 

"I don't know, offer to comfort him? Ask him what the problem was? Ask him if he wanted to talk? Or have someone listen to him? You've been together for over 2 years and you just ignored him when he was crying?" 

"Why are you making me feel bad about this?" Louis asked him, voicing squeaking for a single second. 

"I'm not trying to, I just...feel like you shouldn't have just let him cry?" Liam said questionably. "Do you have any idea why he'd be upset?" Louis shrugged. 

"I mean, he lost his job. That could've been it." Liam gawked at him. 

"Are you joking?" Louis shook his head. 

"Cause he didn't call in for four of his shifts; he just didn't show up, he stayed in bed for the entire week." 

"So he spent an week in bed, lost his job, and was crying in the bathroom last night and you didn't think to ask him if he was all right?" 

"Obviously he's not, I don't know what I'm expected to do!" Louis exclaimed. "I asked him if he wanted to talk about it and he said no-"

"Of course he doesn't want to talk about it, why would he?" Liam replied, smiling. Louis sat back, leaving his plate untouched. "Maybe he needs to talk to someone at the counseling center." 

"How am I supposed to suggest something like that? He'd shoot it down in a skinny minute." 

"Maybe he'll go for it. You never know." Liam shrugged. "Just say 'hey, I'm worried about you and because I care for you and love you, I think it'd be in your best interest to utilize the free counseling center here and talk to someone'. Something like that." 

"Let's change the topic." Louis stated. Liam smiled at him, chuckling. 

"Are you and Luke still not talking?" Louis nodded. 

"Yep." He answered shortly. Liam gave him a smug look. 

"You know that's not gonna last. You two are gonna make up." 

"Well, he better start treating Harry better if that happens." Louis retorted, staring down at his plate. 

"You know," Liam said. "I was surprised you actually did that. I mean, he talks so much shit I'm surprised you never really said anything sooner-"

"I say stuff all the time-"

"But you don't give it a lot of effort. Then when you've had enough you just leave, like at the club. Or ice skating-"

"Liam-"

"I think a part of you agrees with him." Liam continued. "I think you agree with everything he says—well, not everything. But a majority."

"Do you have any fucking idea what it's like to go from having sex practically once a day to nothing at all for two fucking years? I'm fucking dying here-"

"You used to be having sex once a day? Wow." Liam remarked in amazement. 

"Typically." Louis replied softly. 

"Well, I can't imagine it's easy, but I also can't imagine basing the future of your relationship on sex-"

"Our relationship isn't-"

"But it is, Louis. Harry does not desire sex, you do, and it causes a lot of unnecessary strife and discord. We all know it." Louis was red with anger, and some embarrassment. 

"Okay, well, I'm not the one who promises to work on stuff, then doesn't."

"This isn't just Harry's thing, though. It's both of yours. You can't expect Harry to make changes while you just do nothing." Louis bit the inside of his cheek. 

"Well what am I supposed to do?" 

"Have you ever asked Harry that?" Louis exhaled deeply. "You love him, right?" Louis nodded. 

"Of course I do, I love him with my whole heart. I just...wish we shared the same desire to share sexual intimacy. It's discouraging. He says it's not about me, but I feel like it is." 

"If that were the case, I feel like he would've left you a long time ago." Liam said bluntly. "But it's not. Some people just don't experience sexual attraction, and it's totally normal. It's not because of a person, it's just the way they are, and they can't be so easily swayed." 

"But like...what if nothing ever changes? I can't never have sex again for the rest of my life." Liam looked at him, giving him an apathetical shrug. 

"I guess that's when you have to take a good look at yourself and realize what your priorities are, and what you have to do for your happiness." Louis frowned. 

"Hmph, well, thanks for listening and talking to me."

"Are you leaving? You haven't eaten a thing." Louis shoved a handful of French fries into his mouth then stood up. Liam grinned in amusement, watching him as he put his backpack on. 

"And I can carry this out with me." He added picking his burger up in his empty hand. 

"Bye Tommo."

"Bye Payno." Liam smiled as Louis walked off. He placed his plate on the motorized plate return then headed for the entrance. He watched as Harry walked through the door. "Hey babe." He greeted, mouth full of hamburger as Harry stopped in front of him. 

"Hey, how's it going?" He asked. 

"Good, rushing to eat 'cause I gotta get to the weather station, but only had, like, 15 mins for lunch. Liam's here, by the way. He's at a small table by the window." Harry smiled softly, nodding. 

"Thanks, I'll probably sit with him then."

"I'm sure he'd love the company." Louis teased. "I have to get going, I'll see you at home." Louis tiptoed up and gave him the quickest, faintest kiss on the cheek, he wasn't even sure if his lips had actually touched Harry's cheek. Harry smiled softly to himself as Louis rushed off. He continued forward, had the attendant swipe his student ID, then proceeded to walk over to the salad bar and make himself a salad. Once finished, he got a glass of lemonade then walked over to the table Liam was still sitting at. 

"Hey, Louis told me you were here, is it okay if I join you?" He asked. Liam nodded. 

"Of course, sit down, you're always welcome." He said with a smile. Harry smiled softly as well, then placed his plate and glass down. He took his backpack off and placed it against the chair leg. He sat down. "How are you doing?" Liam asked him softly. 

"I'm doing alright, my days going pretty well. How are you?"

"Doing pretty good as well, can't complain." 

"That's good." Harry picked up his fork and started mixing his salad around. Liam licked his lips, watching Harry. 

"So, I heard you lost your job-" 

"What?" Harry looked up at him indignantly. Liam faltered to find the right words. 

"I—um-"

"Louis told you about that?" Liam nodded hesitantly. 

"He mentioned it." Harry rolled his eyes, shaking his head. 

"I can't believe this-"

"Well, you know, he's just concerned." Harry rolled his eyes. "You know, have you ever considered talking to someone? The university has the free counseling center-"

"I'm fine, Liam-"

"There's no shame in going, Harry. Especially if you're finding it hard to cope with stress, and all-"

"I know you mean well, but I'm fine, Liam. I am. I had one bad week. I got this."

"Okay." Liam smiled. "I just...you know, I want you to know I'm here for you." Harry forced a small smile in return. 

"Thank you, I appreciate that." Harry kept his head down, keeping his eyes focused on his plate, his food, the table, anything so he wouldn't have to look at Liam. 

"How's field observation going?" Liam asked curiously, hoping to ease the tension he mistakably created. 

"I'm done with that, now I'm actually student teaching." Harry answered. "My first day is next Monday." 

"Are you excited?" Liam asked with a smile. 

"A little. I'm more so nervous." Harry said. "When do you find out if you get into the nursing program?"

"Should be within a few days. My advisor is feeling really optimistic, but I'm trying not to get my hopes up just in case."

"Oh, I'm sure you'll get in without a problem-"

"But they only let in 50 people a year." Liam cut in. 

"Yeah, but you're a male nurse and everyone knows that if you're male you basically automatically get in. You have nothing to worry about." Liam chuckled because it was true. 

"Yeah, but I still feel like I could be that one exception and I won't get it, and I have no back up plan! What am I going to do if I don't get into the program? I don't want to tack another couples years onto my graduation." 

"Well, you won't have to worry about it, because you're going to get it, and when you do we're all gonna celebrate and start calling you Nurse Payne." Liam laughed. Harry just smiled and turned his salad around with his fork. 

"Then I'll start calling you Mr. Styles." 

"Well then I will break my arm and make it fix it for me." 

"Oh yeah? Well I'll start a painting and constantly ask you for help with blending colors."

"Don't you dare." Harry replied in a low tone, amusing the both of them. Liam tried to suppress his smile. 

"I will dare." They both gave each other cold glares before breaking out into grins, and laughing. 

"I would love to see you paint something sometime." Harry remarked. Liam scoffed a laugh. 

"Are you joking? I can barely draw a stick man-"

"Everyone always uses that analogy to exaggerate their lack in talent, but if you honestly just put time and effort into it you could produce some amazing art. It all takes time. Practice makes perfect."

"I'll tell you what, if I paint something than you have to...watch a birthing video with me-"

"Yikes, I'm gonna have to give you a hard pass on that. How about we just go donate blood, or something? Something that won't make be simultaneously vomit and pass out?" Liam laughed heartily, making Harry smile. 

"Okay, it's a deal. I'll paint with you, and then you and I will donate blood together." 

"Fine, it's a deal." They both smiled at each other.

"I can't wait." 

"Neither can I." Liam chuckled again. He picked up some fries, dipped them in his ketchup, then shoved them in his mouth. Harry picked away at his salad. 

"So," Liam then started. "What do you think about Luke and Louis not talking? Think it's gonna last?" Harry snorted. 

"Of course not. They're practically attached at the hip." He replied. "They're gonna make up within a week, I'm sure of it." 

"Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised if they exceed two days." Harry just sighed, staring down at his salad solemnly, prodding his fork around it. "Do you want to talk about it?" He asked. "Like, I don't know, just about that night? Or something else?" Harry just exhaled, shaking his head. 

"Not really, it was a pretty shitty night." He said. "But it felt so fucking good to punch him." Liam smiled. 

"I'm honestly glad you did, maybe now he won't talk so much shit." Harry continued to stare down at his salad before looking up at Liam. 

"But he says it a lot." He said. "That I don't make Louis happy. He just...always has to make a point of that-"

"But, you know, he doesn't know you and Louis as a whole, and it's not up to him to decide what makes you or him happy, or if you make each other happy, or even unhappy. I think...he just wants Louis to be like him, like freshman year, when they both just...didn't give too shits about commitment. But then Louis met you, and you guys are committed to each other, but Luke plays it off like he doesn't care about ever having a boyfriend or girlfriend because he wants to be able to fuck whoever whenever, but I think the truth to it is that he's afraid he's being left behind, that we're all growing up and he's still stuck in freshman year. I also feel like he's afraid he's losing his best friend." 

"Well whatever the fuck his issues are he needs to take them out of my fucking relationship. I don't need his little seeds of doubt planted in me-"

"What are you doubtful of?" 

"Well, he makes me doubt that I actually make Louis happy, and that I'm a good boyfriend. You know, we've had our issues, we still do and we're trying to work through them, but...he makes it 10 times more difficult when he's made himself the devil on our shoulders telling Louis that he's not as happy as he could be, and telling me that I don't him happy and that you guys don't even know why we're together." Harry ranted. 

"He doesn't speak for us. He only speaks for himself." 

"So...you don't think Louis and I aren't, like, right together? Or meant for each other?" Liam smiled. 

"You know, I think you have a great smile, but the only times I ever really see you truly smile is when you're around Louis." And of course, Harry smiled softly. "I think you guys do have your own personal issues that you both have to work on together, but as far as I am concerned I think you guys are good together. Louis was just sitting here earlier telling me how he loved you with his whole heart." 

"He said that?" Liam grinned, nodding. 

"He did." Harry felt a familiar warmth blossom inside of him. 

"Aw." He said quietly then laughed. 

"You're blushing!" Liam exclaimed teasingly. Harry waved him off. 

"Whatever." He said rolling his eyes. "Enough about me," He continued. "How are you and Sophia?" And so they talked until they were finished eating, and talking, and decided it was time to head out. Harry headed to the library to study and work on homework. Liam texted Louis while walking to his car. 

liam: TALK to HARRY 

liam: also spilt the beans you told me he lost his job, he wasn't very happy 

louis: why the fuck did you do that payno 

liam: WELL i was going to say my friend who works at a lawfirm is looking for a secretary if he would've been interested!! 

liam: if he didn't want people to know yet you shouldn't have told me 

liam: your fault 

louis: flipping you off :)

Later that evening, once Harry had gotten home and kicked his shoes off, he found Louis sitting at the kitchen table on his laptop. Harry approached, wrapping his hand around the edge of empty chair perpendicular to him. Louis looked up at him. 

"Can you tell me why, why, why you told Liam I lost my job. Did you tell anyone else? I don't want all of our friends knowing I was fired. That's none of their business." 

"I'm sorry, I was just...talking-"

"Well how about you talk about anything but that I was fired and stayed in bed for a whole week? I don't want them to know that! I didn't even want you to know that!" 

"I'm sorry, Harry. I won't say anything." Harry drew in a slow breath. 

"I need you to not share the personal details about our relationship and personal stuff going on with me to our friends unless I myself feel comfortable enough to tell them myself." 

"Okay. I'm sorry, Harry." 

"I forgive you. Just please don't tell anyone else." 

"I won't." 

"Okay." Harry rubbed his temples. "Thank you." Louis just nodded. Harry exhaled. "How was your day? How was the weather office?" 

"It was good." Louis replied with a small smile. "I get to go in next week at 6am and 6pm every day to release the weather balloon. That should be fun." 

"Didn't you just have to do that?" Louis nodded. 

"A couple weeks ago. In the newbie, I get stuck with the fun jobs." He joked.

"What could be better than getting up at 6am to release a balloon into the sky?" Harry teased. He pulled out the chair and sat down. 

"Hey, it's a very important balloon. It carries the radiosonde that transmits data about the atmosphere to us."

"Oh, well I stand corrected." Harry teased. They both smiled at each other before sighing contently. 

"How was your day? Was it better than yesterday?" Harry nodded. 

"Yes, I had a good day today. Thank you." Louis smiled. 

"I'm glad to hear that." He replied. "Are you sure there isn't anything you want to talk about? Or just have me listen to you talk about? I heard you crying in the bathroom last night after dinner. You know, if you're upset about something I want you to feel like you're able to come to me and talk to me about it, no matter what it is over:" He assured. Harry swallowed thickly, nodding. 

"I appreciate that." He said before pausing. "Last night I was just getting overwhelmed with...you know, having lost my job, and now having to find a new one, and bills, and fucking student teaching now—I still haven't gotten my assignment yet, and graduation for Christ's sake, and just school in general, and...it just feels like it's all piling up at once and I don't even know what to deal with first. My mind is...constantly bouncing around different thoughts, and different scenarios, and different outcomes to those scenarios, and it's just...a lot to fucking deal with. It's a lot."

"Have you ever thought of talking to someone at the counselor for center? It's free and it might be helpful." Harry pressed his lips together tightly, nodding his head. 

"I have actually thought about that." Was that lying? "Maybe I'll look into it and set up an appointment." 

"Good." Louis said. "Because I care about you and I love you, and I don't want you to be getting so overwhelmed with the thought of all this stuff that it brings you to tears." Harry smiled at him softly, endeared. 

"Thank you." Louis smiled back at him. Harry leaned forward, raising slightly up from his chair, and kissed Louis very softly, and very quickly on the lips. Louis bit back his smile, feeling himself blush as Harry sat back down. "I love you." 

"I love you too." Harry smiled to himself. 

"You should...talk to Luke." Louis gave him a peculiar look. 

"What? You actually want me to talk to Luke?" 

"I mean, to a certain extent, yes. You guys are best friends, and I know you've been feeling down about not talking to him. I'm not sure what you guys talked about leading up to the decision to cut off all communication, but...maybe at least get some closure about it."

"It's only been two days." 

"Well, I'm sure it's felt like two years, right?" Harry teased lightly. Louis just laughed, shaking his head gently. 

"Maybe I will, I'm just...kind of done with him right now, done with all his shit talking." Harry nodded. 

"Hey, me too." He joked making Louis laugh again. "But...don't feel like you have to end friendships because of me. I never want you to be in a position where you feel like you have to choose between Luke or I, even if I've...kind of put you in that situation before." 

"Thank you, I really appreciate you saying that." Harry smiled. He pushed his chair back. 

"You're welcome." He replied before standing up. "What would you like for dinner?" He walked over to the fridge and opened it up. "Yikes, we have to go grocery shopping." He commented, and Louis laughed beautifully. He got up and walked into the kitchen beside Harry. 

"We could have a lettuce, bologna, and mustard wrap? With a side of grapes in a lemonade reduction."

"Have you been watching the food network?" Harry asked looking down at him. Louis grinned back up at him, trying to stifle his laughter. 

"How could you tell?" 

"What's a reduction?" Harry countered, a smug grin coming across his face as he crossed his arms. Louis reddened, laughing nervously. 

"Obviously it's when you...reduce...stuff." Harry laughed. 

"Exactly." 

"Chopped is a great show, okay?" Louis retorted. Harry just chuckled to himself as he closed the fridge. They ended up getting take out again, feasting like the kings they were on gourmet Chinese food. And Harry got a fortune that told him to treat himself to dessert three times that week, so we gave Louis another kiss.


	12. Chapter 12

Louis was sitting in the office of the department of art and design when he heard the sound of someone running quickly down the hallway. He looked up from his phone, waiting to see whoever it was blur by, as the sounds intensified. Harry ran straight through the door way and up to the desk, taking Louis by surprise. 

"Hey, are you okay?" He asked him hastily. Harry nodded, leaning against the desk tiredly, trying to catch his breath. "What is it?" Harry held up how finger to signal a minute. 

"I'm dying right now." He said barely able to breathe. 

"Then you shouldn't run." Louis teased. 

"I just got out of my printmaking class." 

"Well why did you run all the way here? What's up?" 

"I got my assignment!" Harry exclaimed joyously. Louis lit up with excitement for him. 

"You did! That's amazing! What school did you get?" 

"I haven't opened it yet, I'm nervous!" 

"Then how do you know you got your assignment?" Louis asked in amusement. 

"Because emails have subject lines, Lou. And the first few lines of the email. But I'm nervous to actually open it. What if I don't get a good school? What if I get put at a middle school or elementary school?" 

"Hun, you did all your field observations with high schools-"

"I know, but in Jane The Virgin she was gearing up middle schools and got assigned to a Catholic high school. What if that is me? What if I get assigned to a Catholic middle school?" 

"Babe, that's a fictitious TV show-"

"But what if I get put at a Catholic high school too?" 

"So what if you do?" Louis asked in amusement. "You'd just be teaching art, plus not everyone who attends a Catholic high school is actually Catholic, some people send their kids there just because the quality of education is better than public school." He explained. 

"But they're so preppy and arrogant-"

"Just open it so you can stop worrying." Louis interrupted, leaning forward. Harry turned his phone around in his hands, hesitating. 

"I can't. You open it." He held his phone out to Louis. Louis pushed his hand back, smiling up at him. 

"You can do this Harry, I have the utmost faith in you." Harry just looked down at him, then smiled back shyly. He took a deep breath. 

"You're right, I can." Louis watched him intently as he worked his phone, tapping on the email then scanning his eyes across the words. "I got Woodward High school!" He exclaimed. 

"Yay!" Louis cheered. "See? It all worked out." Harry smiled with relief, clicking his phone off then shoving it in his back pocket. Louis beamed up at him. "Congratulations, babe."

"Thank you, I'm so relieved." 

"When's your first day?" 

"Monday. Now I have that to worry about." Louis laughed. "How's here?" 

"Fantastic. No one has called yet and I'm hoping it stays that way." Harry chuckled, making Louis laugh with him. 

"You really hate answering phones, don't you?" Louis nodded. 

"Yup, people always call with questions and I'm just like 'sorry, I don't know anything', then hang up." Harry laughed, smiling at him fondly. He tapped his finger against the counter before stepping back. 

"Well, I gotta go now. I'll see you at home later?" 

"I'll be there." Louis said teasingly. Harry smiled again before turning and leaving. He spent the rest of the day getting a late lunch, then spending the rest of the afternoon job searching and submitting applications. After he had finished applying to various job openings, he went into his studio to work on some paintings. 

In the late evening Louis returned. They had chicken Alfredo for dinner together before Louis settled down on the couch to take notes for math, and Harry went back to his painting. 

At 10 o'clock, Harry ventured out of the room, wiping his hands with a cloth covered in spots of dried paint. He ran his fingers through his hair, leaning against the corner of the wall where the hallway and living room intersected. 

"I was gonna take a shower if you wanna...conserve water." He bundled the cloth in his hands. Louis glanced over at him, smiling at him from across the room then nodded. 

"Um, yeah." Harry laughed softly and Louis stood up from the couch. Harry walked into the bathroom with Louis trailing shortly behind him. Harry pulled off his shirt and dropped it to the floor. They both undressed and Harry stepped over to the tub, turning on the water then turning on the shower head. He waited until the water was the right temp to step in. Louis stepped in in front of him, the shower stream beating against his back. 

"I heard we're supposed to get a blizzard Thursday night." Harry said. 

"Really? Maybe I won't have to go into work the next morning then." Louis said with a smile. He titled his head back to rinse his hair. Harry grabbed the shampoo bottle and squeezed a small amount into his palm. 

"You're the sole bread winner now, I'd hope not." He teased rubbing his hands together then reaching out and massaging the shampoo into Louis' hair. Louis just smiled up at him fondly. 

"Soon we won't have any bread to feast on." 

"And you know how much I love bread." Harry joked back. 

"Every time I hear someone say they love bread, or even just mention bread, I think of that video of Oprah talking about how much she loves bread." Harry laughed. 

"I don't think I've seen that one." He formed Louis' soapy hair up into a mohawk, snickering to himself. "You should style you're hair into a mohawk someday." Louis laughed. 

"A mohawk? I bet I look ridiculous right now." 

"Oh, you do. But still super cute." Louis smiled up at him. He reached up and ran his fingers through his soapy hair, ruining the mohawk. Harry gasped in feign shock. "How dare you!" Louis laughed. He titled his head back and washed the suds away in the scalding water. 

"I need more blue pens-"

"There should literally be 5 in the kitchen drawer." Harry told him in amusement. Louis laughed. 

"The more the merrier, my dear Harold." He picked up the shampoo and squeezed a pool of it into his palm. "Plus, sometimes I lose my blue pens." He continued. "And I like to have lots of back up. Now lean down, ya gotta remember I'm short, pipsqueak." 

"Okay, pipsqueak." 

"Um, no. You're pipsqueak. I'm not pipsqueak." Harry titled his head down and Louis massaged the shampoo through his hair. "Call me pipsqueak again and I'll snip your hair off in the middle of the night." 

"You wouldn't dare." 

"I wouldn't doubt me, Harold." Harry chuckled. 

"You're right." Louis finished sudsing up Harry's hair before he rinsing it. They washed their bodies before turning off the water, pulling back the shower curtain, than grabbing their towels to dry off. The rest of the night was full of peace and quiet. The next day they followed their usual routines and the rest of the week went by with a breeze. 

On Saturday afternoon Harry was in the spare room painting, and Louis was sitting in the living room when there was a knock on the door. He climbed up off the couch and walked over to it, opening the door to Luke. 

"Are we done with this whole not talking thing?" Luke asked impatiently. "I'll stop all my shit talking, I'll try to be civil with Harry, just...come on. You're my best friend, you're the person I'm most closest too and not talking to you, pretending we're no longer friends, is killing me." Louis drew in a slow breath. 

"I'm not kidding when I say all your talking shit about Harry and our relationship has got to stop. I don't care if you think you're right, I don't want to hear it. Harry and mines relationship is between the two of us, and maybe it's my fault because I tell you a lot of stuff, but things have seriously got to change because I don't want you two feuding all the time, and I also don't want to choose between you two. That'd be ridiculous." 

"Okay, I promise I won't say anything-"

"And actually follow through." 

"I will." Louis took another deep breath before smiling. 

"The best apology is changed behavior." Luke cracked a smirk. 

"I'll show you up." 

"Why don't you come in for a bit. Maybe apologize to Harry." 

"He broke my nose." Louis rolled his eyes. Luke took a deep breath before nodding. "I'd love to." He stepped inside. Luke followed Louis down the hall to a door. Louis knocked gently before opening it wide. Harry glanced over his shoulder before turning back to his canvas, glaring at it. 

"I see the unholy terrors have reunited." He remarked. Louis forced a small smile. 

"Luke wanted to come by to say hi and apologize." 

"You can tell him I said to go fuck yourself." Louis cleared his throat. 

"He's standing right here, Harry." 

"Go fuck yourself." Louis frowned. 

"You're so funny." Luke replied sarcastically. 

"I'm not even fucking joking." Harry deadpanned. Louis walked over to him. 

"You're the one who urged me to reach out and talk to Luke. I might not've been the one to reach out, but still. He's here to apologize." 

"I said talk to him to clear the air, or get closure. I never said anything about me talking to him, or even wanting to see him." Harry whispered back sternly. 

"Suck it up." Harry rolled his eyes and Louis walked back over to Luke. "Well, I'm going to leave you two alone to talk things out." Harry rolled his eyes again as Louis stepped out of the room then closed the door. 

"You can apologize all you want, I know it isn't sincere." Harry spoke up, keeping his back to Luke as his eyes traced over the canvas. "And I know nothing is going to change." 

"Well I'm going to try to at least act civil-"

"That's not going to happen." 

"Well it could. It's important to Louis that we...get along, or at least not fight, so I'm going to try and do that-"

"The problem is that we don't fight. You just flat out insult me and I try to stand up for myself-"

"You broke my nose." 

"Well maybe you'll appreciate it more once it's healed." Harry snarked back sarcastically. Luke tried not to laugh. "I don't give a shit about what you say. Apology or not, I do not forgive you. You've made me feel like complete and utter shit ever since we met and I have no need for you to be in my life-"

"Well I'm Louis' best friend so as much as it pains the both of us we won't be able to avoid each other's presence forever." Harry rolled his eyes. 

"You call me killjoy Styles, I'll find a way." Luke snickered. "It's not fucking funny, that little nickname really hurt my feelings." 

"Well I'm sorry-"

"But you're really not. You're just saying that because you know that's what you want to be able to tell Louis you said. You're only apologizing to make people think you're the bigger and better person. You're not. You've insulted me, called me names, alienated me...you're not a good person. I feel like you would be the reason someone killed them self. I'm just surprised it hasn't been me yet." Luke exhaled. 

"Um, ouch." 

"Just being honest." Luke rolled his eyes. "You're not nice. I have no idea why Louis is friends with you." 

"Well I have no idea why Louis is even in a relationship with you-"

"We're in a relationship because we love each other, and our relationship does not center around sex, like your life. Yeah, we have our problems, but every relationship does and I don't want to hear whatever shit it is you have to say about that." 

"You don't even kiss him, or hold his hand, or cuddle-"

"I'm not a touchy feely person. I like my space. I don't like a lot of physical contact with other people, even my significant other. Could you let it be?" 

"I just want my best friend to be happy-"

"You and me both, chica." Luke rolled his eyes. "I don't care about what you claim to know about his happiness. You're not the one in a relationship with him, I am. I'm the one he says he loves-" 

"Well then just know this, I don't care if you're not a touchy feely person, Louis is. He always has been-"

"Whoop-de-fucking-do. Why don't you give him this same speech. Just say, 'I don't care if you're a touchy feely person, Harry isn't. He always has been'. It's a two way street, Luke. Why am I the one who's supposed to change?" 

"Because everyone on this earth is at least somewhat touchy feely with their significant other-"

"Why can't you just accept that I'm not that person?" 

"Because that's weird."

"You're weird, and disgusting." Luke rolled his eyes. 

"Well you're even weirder, and odd, and an unemotional robot of a human-"

"I'm also suicidal, don't leave that out." Harry snarked back. Luke was taken back. He just gawked at Harry, rendered speechless. 

"Wait, dude, are you serious?" He asked shocked. "Because that's, like, a huge thing." Harry sighed, keeping his back to Luke. 

"Partially." He answered softly. "I used to be. I still don't...want to be here, but I'm not going to act on that." He explained. "But what's the difference? You're still going to think I'm an unemotional robot who doesn't treat Louis right and is the reason he's, as you say, unhappy, and you're still probably going to call me killjoy Styles, and you're still going to knock our relationship until you take your last, dying breath." 

"Does Louis know?" Harry scoffed. 

"You really expect Louis to tell you everything about me and our relationship, don't you?" 

"He shares a lot. I figured if he's so keen on me being civil with you he'd mention that-"

"Why would he? Are you really going to change the way you treat me because you're afraid that if I do kill myself, you'll be the one to blame?" Luke gawked at him. "After all, that's the only reason things would change, right? Until you know what the possible outcomes are, you don't really care or realize the effect your words have on other people." 

"This is getting dark." 

"No, this is getting real." Harry retorted. "And if that's dark for you, then too bad." 

"I️...I️ don't even know what to say." Luke shifted around on his feet, his arms crossed across his chest as he just watched Harry's back. 

"Then leave." Harry said. "You can go tell Louis you apologized and that I️ was a cynical bastard, we'll pretend to act civil with each other, and continue to be the bane of each other's existences." Luke just licked his lips, nodding his head numbly. 

"Sounds good to me-"

"But if you ever call me Killjoy Styles again I️ will rip your tongue out of your throat and choke you with it." Harry threatened sternly. Luke swallowed thickly, nodding his head again. 

"Fine." He turned around and started walking to the door. "Jackass." When Luke stepped into the hallway, Louis eagerly emerged from the kitchen. 

"How'd it go?" 

"I'm surprised you weren't eavesdropping." 

"I️ wanted to actually give you two privacy." 

"It went...well. I️ apologized, we're going to act civil when we're around each other." Louis smiled in delight. 

"Oh good, that's good." He breathed a sigh of relief. "I'm glad." Luke just nodded. 

"Wanna hang out? I was going to go grocery shopping if ya wanna join. It's so boring by myself." 

"Sure, I have a few things I need to pick up anyway." They moved over to the front door, where Louis put on his shoes and jacket, and then they were off; the dynamic duo back in action. 

The rest of the weekend was wrought with uncertainty and despair. And on Monday morning, Harry was up at 6 am sharp to get ready for his first day of student teaching. He was finally student teaching! 

At 7:30 Louis joined him in their morning routines. Harry was already dressed and ready to go practically, Louis still had bedhead and was in his pajamas. They were in the kitchen. Harry was making coffee and Louis was leaning against the counter, watching him. 

"I still can't believe you cut your hair for this. You look like a completely different person." He remarked. 

"Well I wanted to look presentable. I'm nervous as fuck." Harry's hand was practically shaking as he tried to pour coffee into his thermos. "What if I fuck up? What if I totally mess up and get...fired, or something? Can they fire me?" He asked turning over his shoulder and Louis smiled at him. 

"You're not going to get fired. I feel like if anything, they'd just transfer you to a new school." He said hopping up on the counter. 

"I know, but I'm so paranoid I'm going to screw something up. What if the other teachers don't like me? Or approve of me? What if they're homophobic and find out that I have a boyfriend? What if they look down on me for living with you when we aren't even married yet? This is my first day practically, they could offer me a permanent position, you know."

"I'm sure if you need help they'll help you, and they're not going to look down on you for being pansexual, or living with your boyfriend." Louis said and Harry took a deep breath. "I know you're nervous you're going to screw up, but if you just take some deep breaths and remind yourself that all the teachers you're working with were once in your position too, things will go by with a breeze." Harry took a deep breath, nodding. 

"You're right, you're right. I just need to calm down and stop all my worrying." Louis smiled at him. He watched as Harry walked to the foyer and put his shoes on, then this jacket, then put his backpack on. "Well, here goes nothing." Louis hopped off the counter and walked over to him. 

"Have a good day, babe." Harry smiled at him. 

"Thank you, I hope you have a good day too." Louis smiled as well. Harry opened the front door. "Well, I'm off to high school."

"Don't let any bullies take your lunch money." 

"Louis, please, it's 2017. Everything is electronic." Louis laughed softly in amusement. "I'll see you later."

"See you later." Louis replied contently. He watched sullenly as the door closed behind Harry. Louis sighed and turned back around, walking off into the kitchen. He started to get ready for his day. 

Harry was sitting at a chair beside the teachers desk preparing for the day as the kids for first period began to wander in. His heart was in his throat, and he was worried you could see pit stains from how much he was sweating. When the bell rang he actually jumped. 

"Welcome back everyone," The main teacher greeted cheerfully. "I hope you all had a great break and are ready to get back to classes." Everyone just stared at her blankly, eyes already glazed over. "As you can see we have a guest today. His name is Harry Styles, you are to address him as Mr. Styles, and he's going to be your student teacher for the semester." Harry swallowed thickly. "So, that being said, I'll let him take over from here." She smiled at him as she sat back down. Harry cleared his throat, nodding his head slightly as he stood up. 

"Yes, hello, I'm Mr. Styles, or you could just call me H, or Mr. H, I don't really care." He said nervously. "Um, I'm a senior at the University of London, and am hoping to become an art teacher." 

"Are you married?" Someone asked as they rose their hand. Harry shook his head. 

"No, I am not." He answered shortly. 

"Are you seeing someone?" Someone else asked.

"Yes I am, but my personal life is my personal life so why don't we start talking about your next project, yeah?"

"Why can't you tell us about your personal life?"

"All the other teachers usually show us a power point about themselves."

"That way we can get to know them and create a stronger bond between the student and the teacher. After all we're going to be seeing you every day for the rest of the year and working with you. It's not reassuring when a teacher is so secretive." Another said and Harry sighed. His heart was beating violently in his chest. 

"Okay then, I'll tell you a little bit about myself." He said. "My names Harry Styles, I'm 21, I grew up in Cheshire and live here in London now. I've been interested in art my whole life. Some of my favorite artists are Frida Khalo, Monet, Andy Warhol, and Rembrandt. I love painting in my free time, and my favorite medium is pen and ink, watercolor, and acrylic." He clasped his hands together. "Any questions?" 

"So, do you have a girlfriend?" Someone blurted out and Harry sighed. 

"I've been with my boyfriend for over two years, we met in uni." 

"What does he do?" 

"He's going to school to get his degree in meteorology."

"What's his name?" 

"Louis." Harry said with a small laugh. "Now that we've got that cleared away, let's talk about your first project of the new semester." He looked down at the desk and picked up a stack of papers. "So, for this assignment, you're going to be taking old vinyl records and using those to create a piece of art based on a song." He walked over to first row of tables. "Here's the rubric." He passed those out. "So, the idea is to pick one song, any song, a school appropriate song, and illustrate it on a record. It's a multimedia project, so you can paint on it, make a sculpture, anything you want or need." 

"Are there any requirements?" 

"Yes, if you look at the rubric it will tell you what you need to include, such as using 2 or more mediums, and incorporating lyrics from the song in your art." 

"What if I want to use a song without lyrics?" Someone else asked. 

"Well, that might be a bit more difficult; but I'm sure it's doable. We could always adjust the rubric slightly if you are to pick a song that doesn't have lyrics." He explained. "So, for the rest of class you can take your time to pick a song and start brainstorming ideas for your project in your sketchbooks. And if anyone has any questions I'm here to help." Everyone started pulling out their sketch books and pencils, and talking with their neighbors. 

Harry sat back down, breathing a sigh of relief, and looked around the classroom at the kids as they worked. He could still feel his heart in his throat. The teacher beside him, Mrs. Castle, leaned over towards him. 

"How ya feeling?"

"Like I need a Xanax even though I only did 5 minutes of talking and passed out a rubric." She laughed softly, and he forced a small smile in return. 

"Only six more classes left until sweet salvation." He laughed. 

"Was that okay to, like, talk about my personal life like I did? Should I have not answered the questions?" 

"Not unless you didn't feel comfortable. They were right, many teachers here actually make a little PowerPoint about themselves and show it to their classes at the beginning of the year so the kids can get to know them a little bit. It makes you more personable." 

"Do you do that?" She nodded. 

"I do." She smiled. "Plus, they probably think you're cute which is why they wanted to know your relationship status." 

"Do they know they're all minors and that I'm 21 so it'd be illegal for anything to even happen?" He asked with a small laugh. 

"In their worlds they're already 25, thinking they're adults and that they run the place." 

"I sure don't miss high school." Harry joked softly. 

The rest of his day went along swimmingly. He was surprised he made it to the end of the day without stabbing his hand with a scissors, considering some of the students made him want to do that. 

At 5:45 he arrived back at the flat. He kicked off his shoes and threw his backpack against the wall. He dragged his feet to the living room, falling down on the couch. Louis poked his head out from the kitchen.

"Welcome home, babe. How'd it go? How was your first day of student teaching?" Harry sat up, giving him a tired smile. 

"It was...a lot. I really enjoyed it, though." He said. "Their project is to pick a song and illustrate it on an old vinyl record and this one kid asked if he could do the song Face Down by Meek Mil and the lyrics are literally 'face down, ass up, that's the way we like to fuck'. Like, do you really think that's a school appropriate song? No, it's not." Louis laughed in amusement. "And fifth period these two girls just sat there and talked the entire time. Not about the project, literally about anything but that. It was so frustrating. I gave them plenty of time to start drafting sketches and picking out a song, and they do nothing." 

"Well, that's high school." Louis teased. He walked over to the couch, taking a seat on the end. "I'm glad you enjoyed it, though." 

"Yeah." Harry smiled, nodding his head. "A lot of the kids wanted to know my relationship status." He then said with a grin. 

"Oh really?" Harry nodded again. 

"I told them I was single and ready to mingle." He teased. Louis scoffed, shoving him in the arm. Harry laughed. "I'm kidding! I told them I've been in a 2 year relationship with the best guy in the world." 

"Oh, aren't you sweet." Louis joked, rolling his eyes. 

"The sweetest."

"What do you want for dinner?" 

"What do we have?"

"There's a frozen beef and broccoli noodle dish in the freezer I could make." Harry nodded. 

"That sounds good, let's do that." 

“I’ll get it started.” Louis smiled happily and hopped up from the couch, heading back into the kitchen. Harry laid back down, closing his eyes. 

“When are we going to catch up on Greys Anatomy? I’m going to start watching it without you.” Harry called out. He could hear Louis actually gasp from the kitchen. 

“Don’t you dare. If you watch ahead without me I will skin you in your sleep.” He threatened, making Harry laugh. He sat up, rubbing his eyes, and stood up. He walked into the kitchen, where Louis had a skillet on the stovetop with some oil in it. Louis was standing at the counter, trying to rip open the bag. Harry stepped up directly behind him, placing his chin over Louis’ head. Louis started laughing. “Can I help you, pipsqueak?” 

“Just measuring how tall you are. Yup, you’re still short.” Harry stepped back, a grin playing on his lips. Louis turned over his shoulder, glaring at him in feign anger. 

“I’m not short. You’re just taller than me. That doesn’t mean I’m short.” Harry just gave him a smug look, nodding. 

“Yeah, okay.” 

“Shut up, I’m not short.” Louis snapped. Harry just laughed. 

“Of course you’re not.” Louis slapped him in the arm. 

“Do you want dinner?” Harry laughed loudly, nodding his head. 

“Fine, fine, I’m going to go change.” He started walking out of the kitchen. 

“But you look so handsome all dressed up.” Louis called out to him. Harry just went into the bedroom and changed into sweats and a tee shirt. 

Louis finished cooking up their beef and broccoli noodle dish and Harry set the table for the both of them. They ate together happily, talking about their days. The rest of the night was spent with watching Greys Anatomy, taking a shower, then getting ready for bed. They slept peacefully, warm under the covers and dreaming sweet dreams.


	13. Chapter 13

After climbing the stairs to the second floor of Jefferson Hall, Harry had to take a breather to catch his breath. Still breathing like he had run a marathon, he walked around the hallway until he found the door leading into the counseling center. He walked up to the desk. 

"Hello, how can I help you?" 

"Um, hi, I have an appointment at 3 o'clock today." The lady behind the desk turned to her computer. 

"Your name?"

"Harry Styles." She pressed a few keys before turning back to him. 

"I'll let Elena know you're here if you want to go wait in the waiting area." Harry smiled, nodding. 

"Thank you." He turned and walked over to a little room with chairs along the wall and end tables with tissues and magazines. It was empty as he sat down in the first chair he saw. He pulled out his phone and kept himself busy with that. 

"Harry?" He looked up at a young girl with long, brown hair. She smiled at him, waving him into the hall. He stood up with his backpack and followed her down the hallway. "I'm Elena, it's nice to meet you." She introduced herself as they walked down the hall. 

"You're another graduate student?" Elena smiled, laughing. 

"Yes, I am." She opened a heavy door to her office and walked in. "You can sit in the chair by the desk." In the back corner of the room was her corner desk. Harry took a seat in the chair, placing his backpack at his feet. "So, what brings you in?" 

"Can't you just...read my file, or something?" 

"Well yeah, but I want to hear it from you." 

"Well, I've had a history of depression, and my boyfriend and I have been having some problems because he's a very sexual person and I am not. Like, I don't want to have sex and I don't like physical contact, but he does so, like, that causes a lot of arguments typically. I feel like something is wrong with me, but I don't know what. I don't even know how to explain how I feel. Like, I don't know why I feel the way I do. I even went to a doctor to see if my hormones were maybe out of balance, or something, but the doctor said everything was fine. So...I don't know, I just feel really...confused and lost." He explained. "And my boyfriend has a stupid ass best friend who's, like, the most sexually active person I know, and he always says that I don't make Louis happy, and that Louis isn't happy, and just slanders our entire relationship, it's annoying." 

"How does it make you feel not understanding why you feel the way you feel?" She asked him softly. 

"Really shitty. Because, like, my boyfriend will talk about how he wants us to be sexually intimate, or that he wants me to touch him more, like hold his hand, cuddle, kiss him, and I just...don't like that stuff, and I don't want to have sex because it just looks...gross and seems unnecessary. Then he wants to know why I feel that way, he'll think it's because he's not physically attractive enough to me, but it's just...because that's how I feel. Like, I don't know, I just feel that way. I don't know why everyone is so obsessed with sex." 

"Yeah, it really feels like everyone is obsessed with sex these days, don't you think?" Harry nodded. 

"And don't go telling me there are plenty of people out there who feel the same way as me, and who don't like sex, and who 'remain virgins their own lives'. I don't want to hear it. I've heard that from everyone." He crossed his arms and his legs, sitting back in the chair in annoyance. Elena still sat up, smiling at Harry. 

"So have you talked to your friends about your feelings?" 

"Kind of. I haven't really...talked about them at great depth, but they know I don't desire sex and all." 

"How did they react to finding that out?" Harry shrugged. 

"I don't know, I guess they don't really understand, but they...humor me." He said. 

"Humor you?" 

"Yeah, like, try to tell me that there are people out there who feel the same way. That kinda shit." 

"That must feel patronizing." 

"It does." Harry exclaimed. "It really fucking does, I hate it." 

"How do you usually respond to those comments?" He shrugged. 

"I don't know, I usually just say it doesn't feel like that, or that it's hard to believe. I have yet to meet one person who understands me." 

"That sounds very counterproductive." She simply said. Harry just shrugged, then nodded. 

"Sure, I guess?" 

"How serious are you and boyfriend?" 

"Well, you know, we've been together for over two years, we live together, I've thought about proposing to him, actually." Harry told her. He uncrossed his arms, sitting up a bit straighter. He crossed his legs. 

"And this isn't something you'd end your relationship over?" Harry sneered at her. 

"What? No. I just...I believe this is only a temporary rough patch. I wouldn't break up with him because...he wants to have sex and I don't." 

"Would he?" She looked at him intently, and Harry just sat there silently because he didn't have an answer. He had never thought Louis would break up with him over his lack of desire to have sex. That unsettled him. 

"I...I don't actually know. I mean, I've never thought about it. I'd like to think he wouldn't. But...I don't know, the fact that I don't know is unsettling to me. I'd like to be able to say confidently that he wouldn't, but...I mean, what if he does? I don't want sex to be the thing that makes or breaks our relationship." 

“What have your past relationships been like?”

“Short and centered around sex. I had about…four previous relationships before Louis, and two of them ended because I was cheated on, specifically because I don’t like physical contact or want to have sex, and the other two ended because I don’t like physical contact or want to have sex.” He explained. 

“Oh, so you also don’t like physical contact?” He nodded. 

“Yep, I’m not a fan of holding hands, or hugs, or cuddling really. I just…I like personal space.” 

“Is that something you’d want to work on? Why would you like to gain from coming here?” She asked him thoughtfully. Harry shifted around in his seat. 

“I mean, it’s never been a problem to me, but Louis is a touchy feely person and I’ve made the promise that it is something I’d work on so…yes. And I want to…I want to start feeling better, happier, and I want to work on my relationship with Louis.” Elena smiled, nodding her head as she turned towards her computer. 

“Well I will do the best that I can to help you in feeling happier and reassured about your relationship.”

When Harry left it was 4:10. He had an interview at 5 with another restaurant for an open position as a waiter. He ran home to the flat and changed into a nicer, more formal, clothes. 

The interview was shit to say the least. Harry fumbled with every question he was asked, he called the manager interviewing him by the wrong name, he felt he couldn't do a single thing right. 

Louis had texted him asking how the interview went, but he never got a response. Louis didn't think much of it, he figured Harry was busy driving. But it had reached 8 o'clock and Harry still wasn't home without a word. Louis texted him and called him, but got 0 responses. He was starting to get worried. 

He was practically on the verge of calling the police until he finally heard the fumble of keys outside the door. Louis practically jumped off the couch and hustled over to the foyer. The front door flew open and Harry stumbled in, holding a plastic bag. 

"Oh thank god." Louis breathed a sigh of relief. "Where have you been? Why didn't you answer any of my texts or calls?" Harry just clung to the wall as he removed his shoes then spun around to face Louis. 

"Oh hey!" He shouted startling Louis. "Hey, hey, hey I got you a present while I was out." Louis gave him a questionable look. 

"Are you drunk?" 

"I only had 3 or 4."

"3 or 4 what?" 

"Maybe 5." 

"5 what, Harry?" Louis asked impatiently. 

"Here is your present, I think you're really gonna like it." Harry threw his arm out in front of him, a plastic bag dangling from one of his fingers. Louis felt wary. He reached out unsurely and took the bag. 

"I didn't think you drank." He said instead of opening the bag. Harry rolled his eyes at him. 

"I can let loose every once and a while, can't I?" 

"Well, yeah, but I've never even seen you drunk before."

"Are ya gonna open your present or not? I got it especially for you!" He exclaimed. Louis just took a deep breath. He untied the bag then reached in, pulling out a packaged dildo. He swallowed thickly, his eyes darting up at Harry who was falling against the wall with laughter. "Get it?" He said through his laughter, practically unable to breathe. "It's a dildo. Now you can, as you guys say, get fucked." Louis' eyes were already brimming with tears. 

"Fuck you, asshole." Louis threw the sex toy at Harry, who was still trying to control his maniac laughter, then dropped the bag. He turned around and stomped to their room. 

"That's the point! It's for your asshole." Harry said stumbling after him. "Since I won't fuck you, or don't, then why don't you just fuck your self?" Harry was hanging off the doorway as Louis turned to look at him tearfully. 

"What the hell, Harry?"

"What the hell, Harry?" He repeated. "Well you want to have sex so badly, isn't that the next best thing?" Louis rolled his eyes, shaking his head. He wasn't sure if he was shaking it in response to Harry or in a wave of self pity. 

"That was a dick move. You're supposed to be my boyfriend, you're supposed to love me, not bring me some fucking dildo as a joke to say fuck yourself." 

"Ya know, you whine...all the, all the, all the time about me loving you, and showing affection, and wanting to fuck you...let's just do it right now." 

"Do what?" Louis asked him despairingly. 

"Have sex. Let's just fucking do it-"

"No, we can't and we won't. You're totally drunk right now-"

"So? This is probably the best shot you're ever gonna have-"

"It's wrong, Harry. It's amoral and wrong. You can't give consent when you're drunk-"

"Well what the fuck do you want from me then?" Harry shouted at the top of his lungs. "Do you want to have sex? Do you not want to? What the fuck is it! I'm gonna pull my hair out here, Lou!" 

"Of course I want to, but not like this!" Louis shouted back at him. "Not because you're drunk and don't know what the fuck you're doing-"

"I know what I'm doing."

"You're highly intoxicated, Harry. You do not know what the fuck kind of decision you're making right now." Louis snarked back. "I want you to want to do it, not feel like it's some chore or obligation you just want to get over with. I want it to be slow, and intimate, and sweet, and passionate, and...just all that mixed together!" 

"Horse shit!" Harry shouted back. "Ya just...ya want something I don't think I'd be comfortable giving. Like, sex? Is it really that great that you're so gung-ho about having it? It looks gross, it looks uncomfortable, it looks pointless. Ya want intimacy? Look at our fucking lives, Louis. You still know me in a way no one else does, I've given you a part of me I've never given anyone, and you didn't even have to touch me." 

"You know, I think the problem is our beliefs vary too vastly, and neither one of us is willing to consider the other side-"

"The other side? I've considered the other side, I decided to say fuck that. I'm just going to be a virgin till death."

"Really? You're going to remain a virgin you're whole life because you think sex is pointless and looks gross?" Harry nodded. 

"Hey, maybe I'll even start a blog about it. I can make my avatar a picture of the Virgin Mary." Harry burst out laughing. Louis just stood there, completely unamused. "Get it? Cause she died a virgin. I'll be the Virgin Harry, it even rhymes!" He laughed harder. "Like, fuck that Killjoy Styles bullshit, just call me Virgin Harry!" Louis rolled his eyes. 

"This isn't funny." 

"I think it's pretty funny—hey, maybe I could start a line of dildos that people could send to their enemies, or sex obsessed significant others, as a way to say fuck yourself; both metaphorically and literally." 

"You're being such a fucking jerk right now." Louis mumbled.

"Right? This would be the perfect time to have hate sex." Louis scoffed, but couldn't stop himself from laughing a little. "Eh? See? I got you to laugh. You still love me." 

"I do love you, but I don't like the way you're acting or who you become when you're drunk." 

"I'm—still me. Still me, I am." 

"You're fucking drunk, which is weird considering you never drink." Louis said with a huff. 

"I can let loose every once and awhile, right? You get drunk all the time and yell at me." Louis uncrossed his arms, looking at Harry with hurt in his eyes. "Hey, do you wanna watch some Greys?" Harry turned and walked into the hallway. Louis followed him, watching him stumble against the wall once before carrying himself to the couch. He turned on the tv and maneuvered through Netflix. "You know what, I want to watch The Office. Can we watch the episode where Jim impersonates Dwight? I love that episode." Harry started laughing to himself. "Bears, beets-"

"Harry." Louis grabbed the remote from his hand and turned the Tv off. "This isn't funny." 

"Battlestar Galactica. I love it!" Louis glared down at him. "And then Dwight impersonating Jim at the end!" 

"Harry!" Harry wiped the tears of laughter from his cheeks and sighed contently, looking up at Louis. "Maybe you should just go to bed." Harry just blinked at him before shaking his head. 

"Nah. Now, The Office?" He reached his hand out for the remote. Louis exhaled, shaking his head. 

"No, I think you should go to bed-"

"No, no, I'm good, I'm good." Harry said. "I don't need to go to bed-"

"Yes, you should. You should drink some water and lie down." Louis said. 

"No, I want to watch The Office." 

"You can watch The Office tomorrow-"

"I want to watch it now, give me the remote." Harry shook his hand out at him. Louis shook his head. Harry glowered with anger and rose up to his feet quickly. He stumbled, falling forward but catching himself on the coffee table. He stood up, dusting himself off. 

"You're literally falling over, it's time to go to bed."

"I just stood up too fast." Harry said. 

"Harry, it's time to fucking go to bed." 

"No."

"This isn't a negotiation. Bed. Now." Harry shook his head. 

"No, no. I...no. I want to watch The Office. Why...don't you want me to watch The Office?" Louis took a deep breath. He tried to calm his nerves, his anger. 

"Harry, please, how about you watch The Office tomorrow? Okay? We can go lay down for a little bit, get some shut eye, and then when we wake up we can watch The Office? We can watch every episode you want, starting with the one where Jim impersonates Dwight." Harry just stood there, staring back at Louis vacantly, blinking a few times. He started to nod his head. 

"Okay." 

"Yeah?" 

"Yeah." Louis nodded back. He set the remote back down on the coffee table. He grabbed Harry's hands gently then pulled him down the hall. He guided him into the bedroom and sat him down on the bed. He went back out and turned out the lights before returning to the bedroom. 

"C'mon, let's get you ready for bed." Harry nodded, crawling over to his side of the bed and plopping down on his stomach. "Haz, babe, c'mon, you shouldn't sleep on your stomach." Louis walked around the side of the bed, helping Harry turn over. He untied Harry's shoes and pulled them off, dropping them to the floor. He helped sit him up afterwards and helped him remove his jacket. "I'm going to unbutton your shirt now." 

"It's almost like we're about to have sex, but we're not, because I'm shitfaced and can't even undress myself. If I throw up on the floor will you be mad? I'll try not to. No promises. I'm fuckin...seeing double right now." 

"You sure are chatty when you're drunk." Louis said in amusement, pulling Harry's shirt off his shoulders. 

"'M sorry about the dildo. I thought it'd be funny. It's not that funny. I can't believe I even went into an adult toy shop. They have some...really weird shit there. Like, stuff I didn't even know their use for. Then again, I don't know about anything aside from dildos and vibrators." 

"You've had quite the adventure tonight, haven't you?" Louis unbuttoned Harry's jeans and started to yank those down. 

"Why are you taking off my pants?" He asked in confusion. 

"I'm just trying to make it more comfortable for you to sleep. Do you want your sweats?" Harry just blinked at him before shaking his head. Louis carefully removed Harry's jeans from around his ankles. 

"I want to sleep." He turned over and laid down on his side. 

"No, Harry, you have to sleep sitting up." 

"Fuck that. I want to sleep on my side." 

"If you throw up in your sleep you might choke on it."

"Then I won't throw up." 

"You can't control that." Harry groaned loudly then sat himself up. He gave Louis a patronizing look. 

"Are you happy?" 

"Elated." Louis replied with a smile. Harry just crossed his arms and threw his head back against the headboard. 

"Fuck." Louis snickered. He gathered up Harry's clothes and dropped them in the hamper. After that, he dressed down in his own pajamas, an oversized shirt. He went to his side of the bed, and laid down on top of the covers. Harry turned on his side again, facing him, and Louis just turned his head towards him. 

"Please tell me you didn't drive home drunk." Harry shook his head, taking a load off Louis' back. 

"Uber." Was all he said. Louis smiled in relief. 

"Good, I'm glad. I can take you to get your car tomorrow." Harry nodded, closing his eyes. "Did you...come up with your whole stupid dildo joke before or after you went to a bar?"

"After. I took two Uber's." Louis wasn't sure if that made it any better or not. "They had a make-your-own-dildo kit there." Harry then stated. Louis laughed. 

"Ooh, that could be exciting." He joked softly. Harry just moved even closer beside him. Louis took a deep breath, looking at Harry who stared back intently at him. Louis wasn't sure if he was hallucinating or not, but he could've swore he saw Harry actually leaning in closer. The moment their lips touched he knew it wasn't a hallucination. 

Harry was actually kissing him, and Louis was too stunned to even react at first. After the shock faded, he wrapped his arm around Harry's neck, pulling him close. Harry rolled over slightly, cupping Louis' cheek with his hand. Louis felt like he was on cloud 9, was he really not dreaming? God, he could feel his dick turning over, he was actually getting hard! 

They kissed deeply. It was probably the longest time they ever kissed, a whooping three minutes. 

When they pulled away to catch their breaths, Louis trailed soft kisses down Harry's jaw to the base of his neck. Harry moaned softly. Louis suddenly pulled away. He unwrapped his arm from around Harry and pushed himself away from him. Harry gave him a confused look. 

"This-This is wrong. You're drunk. I-I can't take advantage of you like that." He said shaking his head. Harry just blinked at him. "I—I'm going to go take a quick shower. You should sleep." 

"What's wrong? Isn't that what you want?" 

"Yes, but I don't want it under these conditions. You're completely wasted. You don't know what you're doing. It's not right." Harry still just stared at him blankly. Louis got up from the bed and walked around to Harry's side. He started pulling the blanket up over him. He dragged the wastebasket to his bedside. "If you have to throw up the wastebasket is right here. Stay upright. I just...I need to take a shower real quick." 

Louis left the room. He went into the bathroom and turned on the shower, holding his hand under the stream of water until the temperature was right. He took off his shirt and briefs, dropping them to the floor as he stepped into the tub. 

He took a short shower. He dressed back in his briefs and tee shirt before walking back into the bedroom. Harry was passed out on his back, snoring softly. Louis turned out the overhead light, then walked around to Harry's side of the bed. He hefted him up a bit so he wasn't flat on his back. He walked back around the bed and climbed under the covers. He curled up on his side and closed his eyes, falling asleep peacefully. 

The next afternoon, Louis gave Harry a glass of water and Advil for his splitting headache, and changed out the trash bag in the wastebasket considering Harry might've gotten sick in the morning. 

He met up with Luke at an iHop for a late brunch. They were seated across from each other in a booth. Luke had ordered some blue berry pancakes, eggs, and toast and Louis ordered a cheeseburger and fries. 

"So Harry sent me some interesting texts last night, was he okay?" Luke asked trying not to smirk. Louis groaned, rolling his eyes. 

"He came home so fucking drunk." He answered shaking his head. "What'd he text you?" 

"You can read them." Luke slid his phone over to him, the message thread already up on the screen. 

killjoy styles: FUXK YOUUUUUUU

killjoy styles: like i resllty ficking hate you 

killjoy styles: SO MUCH 

killjoy styles: ya know what o think 

killjoy styles: I think you're attracted to Louis and feels threahened by me 

killyjoy styles: yup 

killjoy styles: that's fucjin it 

killjoy styles: but he's MINE

killjoy styles: MINe

killjoy styles: so back the guck off 

killjoy styles: it'll be a cold day in hell thrvday I let you come between Louis and I 

killjoy styles: ok butch

killjoy styles: butch 

killjoy styles: BITCH 

Louis smiled down fondly at the phone, feeling warm and endeared. 

"Aw." He said lifting his head up to look at Luke, who was pulling his phone back. "Can you send me a screenshot of that? Just the part where he says, 'he's mine'." Louis requested happily.

"Isn't it cute when guys claim you as property? Goals A-F." Louis gave Luke a patronizing look, chuckling. Luke just grinned, taking the screenshot then texting it to Louis. "So, What kind of drunk is he? I picture him as a really sloppy one." 

"I don't know, he wasn't sloppy, he was...very giggly and kind of annoying. He bought me a dildo." Luke burst out into laughter. Louis just forced a small laugh, nodding his head. "So I fuck myself." 

"Oh my god, did he actually say that?" Like asked through his laughter. Louis nodded. "Damn, my respect for him might've just left the negatives, sitting at a solid 0." 

"Shut up, it was...insulting." Louis said softly. Luke took a deep breath, looking over Louis. Louis had his chin in the palm of his hand, staring down at the table solemnly. 

"Did he mean it insultingly?" Louis shook his head, but then shrugged. 

"I mean, I don't think so, it seemed like he meant it as a joke, but...it still hurt my feelings. Like, he gave it to me then said it was so I could fuck myself, since he won't." 

"Yikes, that's brutal." Louis nodded. 

"Yeah, it was a...difficult night." 

"Do you want to talk more about it?" Louis shook his head. "Well, I mean, I think I did something kind of bad too." Louis admitted sheepishly. Luke looked excited. 

"What'd you do?" He asked leaning forward, closer to Louis. 

"Well, you know, Harry came home super drunk and I got him to lay down in bed, and I was in bed laying next to him, and-"

"For the love of God, this is the only time I want to hear that you didn't have sex. Please tell me you did not have sex." Louis rolled his eyes at him. 

"Who do you think I am? Of course I didn't have sex with him." Luke breathed a sigh of relief. 

"Good man, so what did you do?" 

"Well, he started kissing me and we just made out for a few minutes. I just feel guilty because I feel like I should've stopped it as soon as it happened, but...I didn't." 

"Well, that doesn't seem too bad to me."

"But he was so drunk, and he was only doing it because he thought that was what I wanted-"

"But that is what you want."

"Well yeah, but not when he's fucking hammered and thinks it's a chore. I want him to want it too." Louis just sighed to himself. "Even though he probably never will." Luke sighed now. 

"Louis," He looked up at Luke. "I want you to be happy. And I know I said I'd stop my shit talking so I'm not gonna shit talk, but just say what I'm observing, you are not as happy as you could be." 

"Can we seriously not talk about this now?" Luke had to bite his tongue to stop himself from bursting out into a rant. He simply forced a smile and nodded. "Enough about me, what have you been up to?" 

"Workin', studying, fuckin'. The usual." Louis smiled. 

"Ever think about actually ever actually dating someone?" He asked. Luke sneered then scoffed. 

"Why would I want to do that?" 

"I don't know, it's just we're graduating soon, and you're still go about life as if you're a freshman." 

"Or I just don't care about intimate relationships, or want to be in one. I know we're graduating, I know we're not freshmen, if I wanted to be in relationship then I would. But I don't." Louis just gave him a passive look, nodding to humor him. "Hey, don't give me that look." 

"What look?" 

"The look where you don't believe me, or think you know something-"

"Look, it's just...I know you're parents had a hateful marriage and I feel like that skewed your perception of relationships. What are you gonna be doing when you're 30? 35?" 

"I'll figure it out as I go along. Thanks for the worries, but I'm fine and I'll be fine." Luke assured. Louis just held up his hands, nodding. 

"Okay, okay." Luke smiled, then glanced around the restaurant. 

"Where the fuck is our food?" He asked loudly. "I'm starving." Louis nodded in agreement, picking up his coffee and taking a sip. 

"Eat the sugar packets." 

"I'd rather eat ass." Louis chuckled, shaking his head at him. 

"You could pour the sugar packets on the ass." Luke pursed his lips together, shaking his head. 

"No, it wouldn't stick to the skin. It'd fall straight to the floor. Plus, sugar doesn't come across as an aphrodisiac to me. Now, switch it with, like, chocolate and we're in business." Louis sighed contently, shaking his head slightly. 

“What I wouldn’t give to have Harry lick chocolate off my body.” Luke laughed. 

“You can only dream.” Louis narrowed his eyes at him. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding.” Louis smiled again. Their food was brought out moments later, and they ate like kings until they finished. They parted ways outside, each heading back home.


	14. Chapter 14

The next day, Louis and Harry were both home tending to their responsibilities. Louis was in their room, reading for one of his classes, and Harry was playing with Scooter in their living room. Neither of them had really talked about the other night, other than the profuse apologies from Harry. 

"Incoming!" Harry came running into the room, Scooter in his hands as he carried him over to Louis, dropping him on his lap. Louis let out an oof, dropping his book and wrapping his hands around Scooter. "He said he wanted to see you." Harry said standing beside the bed. Louis smiled, glancing up at Harry. 

"Oh he did, did he?" Harry nodded. His arms were crossed and he smiled down at Louis cuddling Scooter. Louis looked up at Harry, his gaze lingering. 

"I wasn't giving him the attention he wanted, kept meowing at me after I got up to do the dishes." Louis laughed in amusement. "Which I still have to finish. I'll leave you two be." 

"Enjoy the feeling of soggy food." Louis teased. Harry flipped him off from behind his back as he left the room, leaving Louis snickering. Scooter curled up in the space beside him, and instead of picking up his textbook Louis picked up his phone. 

louis: hahaha oh my god I need your help 

luke: yes you should break up with him 

louis: Shut the fuck up 

luke: fine fine what do you need help with 

louis: okay well Harry is just sauntering around the flat in his underwear and a long sleeve black button up with only two buttons buttoned and his hair is all soft and flat and he looks hot as fuck and I'm horny as fuck it's killing me 

louis: so what are some fun and unique ways to get off aside from the basics 

luke: oooh okay well what you should do is hang a vibrator from the ceiling and tie your hands behind your back while you just lay there as the vibrator swings around your cock and you come untouched 

louis: Wow 

louis: maybe I'll try that the next time he's out of the flat

luke: use the dildo he bought you ;)

louis: i can't give him that satisfaction 

luke: he'd be flattered 

louis: ill figure something out 

luke: happy masturbating :) 

Louis sighed to himself, setting his phone face down on the night stand. He took a deep breath then tilted his head back against the headboard, closing his eyes. He took a 5 minute mental nap before opening his eyes and looking back down at his book. The sound of the bedroom door hinges squeaking a moment later made him look up. 

"Hey," Louis looked over at Harry who was standing in the doorway. 

"What's up?" 

"I was wondering if you wanted to, like, make out." Louis' eyes widened at him. 

"What? Y-You actually want to kiss?" 

"Well I did it the other night drunk, I want to...I want to try it sober." Louis smiled at him. 

"Okay." Harry forced a small smile in return, staying by the door. "Do you want to come to me, or for me to come to you?" Louis asked in amusement, sitting up. 

"Oh, right, duh." Harry walked over to the bed, sitting down on the edge. Louis scooted closer to him, his heart already racing. "I don't...how do you start this? Do I just lean in and kiss you?" Louis laughed softly, nodding. Harry started leaning in, and Louis reached up his hand, touching it to Harry's cheek gently. 

"Is this okay?" He asked softly. Harry nodded. "We can stop whenever you want." Harry smiled, nodding again. 

"Thank you." Louis smiled. Harry swallowed thickly. His heart was racing so fast he thought he might actually be having a heart attack. His entire body felt warm and clammy. 

"I ever tell you how hot you look right now?" Louis said eliciting a shy smile from Harry. "Like, I'm serious. With your hair all soft and flat, and your black shirt which is barely buttoned up, and you don't even have any pants on...you could be a model. You really could." Harry laughed softly. 

"Oh please, if anyone could model it'd be you." Louis smiled up at him brightly. 

"We'll model together." Harry nodded. 

"Together." Louis leaned in and kissed his cheek softly. Harry smiled a little nervously. He didn't know why, but his nerves were through the roof. He could feel his own heartbeat before he could feel anything. 

Louis faced him and their faces were so close together that Harry could feel the heat of Louis' breath. Harry took a deep breath, and when Louis closed his eyes and started leaning in, Harry's eyes widened and he didn't even know what to do. When Louis pressed his lips against Harry's it was warm, and wet, and soft, and just felt weird. It always did. 

Louis parted his lips slightly as he actually started to kiss Harry, and Harry started kissing him back, but still hadn't closed his eyes. His hands were wrapped around Louis's waist loosely, and he eventually closed his eyes, but he just couldn't seem to get into the swing of things and all it did was make him wonder when he could pull away without hurting Louis's feelings. 

Louis held Harry's cheek in his hand, tilting his head slightly. But he could feel Harry's hands loosen around his waist and could tell that Harry just was not into it. He didn't know why he would expect anything different. It hadn't even been a minute and Louis was the one to pull away. 

Harry looked down at him, wiping his mouth with the sleeve of his shirt. Louis sighed softly, gazing up at Harry. 

"Not into it?" Harry swallowed thickly, nodding. 

"Not really." He said. "It's...slobbery." Louis glanced down at his lap. 

"Do you..." He looked back up at Harry. "Do you ever see us being physically intimate?" He asked him quietly. Harry drew in a long breath before giving him an apprehensive look. 

"Honestly?" He shrugged. "I don't know." Louis's heart sunk. "It's all so confusing because sometimes I'm like, 'hey, maybe sex wouldn't be that bad', but then other times I'm like, 'wow, I can't ever picture myself having sex' and...it's just really confusing and draining to think about." Louis nodded his head numbly. 

"And...it's not because of me." Harry shook his head. 

"Oh my god, no, Louis, please. It has got nothing to do with you, please don't believe that." 

"I'm sorry, I just don't know what else it'd be." Harry blinked at him. It was quiet. 

"Maybe it doesn't have to be anything." 

"Right." Harry frowned slightly. He took a deep breath, trying to think of something say he hadn't already said a hundred times before. He couldn't think of anything. He just shrugged his shoulders again. 

"I'm sorry." 

"You have nothing to apologize for, you didn't do anything wrong." Harry still felt uneasy, but he didn't know how to fix that. He just stood up off the bed and took a few steps back. Louis just looked up at him before moving back onto the bed, going back to his books. Harry turned and left the room, and they let it be. 

-

It had been a month. Louis was getting lunch with Liam in the student union in between classes. Louis had gotten the stir fry, but wasn't eating it. He just twirled the noodles around with his fork and pushed the vegetables around. 

"Ok, what's up with you? Are you and Harry in another argument?" Louis shook his head. 

"No, I just...," He trailed off, glancing up at the ceiling as he thought about how to word what he wanted to say. "I think...I think I might...I don't know, tell him we need a small break." Liam's eyes widened at him, shocked. 

"Really?" Louis nodded. "Why? I thought things were actually going pretty well between you two." Louis let his head drop, and he rubbed the back of his neck. 

"Because...well yeah, things have been going pretty well, but...that's because I'm tired of fighting and arguing, so I've just stopped...you know, picking a fight? Not picking a fight, I don't know what to call it. I just feel like maybe some time apart could be helpful." 

"It could, but does taking a break mean breaking up to you?" Louis shrugged helplessly. 

"I don't know. I just...I just need space to think about our future and time to figure out if...if I do want to stay together. So, I guess it wouldn't mean breaking up...at first. I just...I seriously don't know. I'm so confused." Liam nodded. He wiped his lips with his napkin, then tucked it under the edge of his plate. He took a deep breath, looking at Louis. 

"Well, it makes sense that it would be. I mean, you've been together for over two years. It's not an easy decision to come to." Louis groaned loudly, closing his eyes as he let his head drop back in despair. "Is it about the sex thing?" Liam asked in a quieter voice. 

"Isn't it always? He literally said he couldn't ever see us being intimate. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want me-"

"But Louis, he does. I mean, if he didn't I can't imagine he would continue your relationship and living together. He just doesn't want you sexually. He doesn't want your body." 

"Well why not?" Liam cracked smile, laughing, and Louis started to laugh too. After their laughter faded, Liam sighed contently and Louis just took a deep breath. 

"Is having sex really that important to you?" 

"Um, would you like to never have sex again either?" Liam shrugged. 

"I mean, probably not. But...it isn't just about sex, is it?" 

"I mean, it's pretty much about that and that he doesn't like a lot of physical touch. And it drives me up a wall that he won't tell me why that is."

"I thought he didn't even know himself?" 

"But c'mon Liam, there has to be a reason. And he says it's not because he doesn't find me attractive, but I don't know what else it would be."

"But that doesn't make any sense for him to find you unattractive but continue a relationship with you and all. If he didn't want to be close to you, why would he stay?"

"I don't know, that's what I'm saying!" Louis exclaimed loudly. "I just...I don't know, I do not know. Exactly, he says it's not that but, but I don't know what else it could possibly be. I mean, I know there are some people who like their space and all, but...I don't know, to not even want to be close to your own boyfriend?" Liam just gave him a helpless look before shrugging his shoulders. "You should talk to him-"

"Louis, I am not going to be put in the middle of yours and Harry's relationship drama." Liam interrupted and Louis pouted at him. Liam just smiled back, laughing slightly. 

"But I'm not putting you in the middle, I'm just asking you to talk to him about how he's feeling-"

"Which is awkward and intrusive. I'm not going to ask him about his sex life-"

"I didn't mean asking about sex, just me in general." Louis interrupted. Liam gave him a patronizing look and Louis huffed in annoyance. 

"Louis, I'm not going to do it. This isn't middle school. We're literally graduating in four months." 

"That means nothing-"

"That means it's time to mature, and man up, and talk to Harry yourself. Tell him about how you're feeling. Communicate for gods sake." Louis just rolled his eyes at him, blowing air through his nose. 

"We communicate all the time." He mumbled to himself. He stabbed a piece of broccoli with his fork then just dropped the fork, sighing. "I think I'm gonna tell him we need a small break." 

"Okay." 

"Actually I don't know." Liam groaned, closing his eyes momentarily. Louis mimicked his groan before chuckling. "I'm sorry, I just don't know what to do!"

"Well...sleep on it or something. I don't know either." Louis just sighed, placing his chin in the palm of his hand. 

"What are you doing this weekend?" 

"Eating, sleeping, studying." Liam answered making Louis chuckle. "What about you?" Louis shrugged.

"Not a lot. Gemma's coming up today, I think she's already here actually, and staying until tomorrow evening. We'll probably do stuff together." 

"Fun, fun. I'm gonna go to the library Sunday afternoon if you want to join." Louis nodded in agreement.

"Ooh, yeah. I definitely have stuff I need to work on." He laughed. "Just text me what time you're going and where you are, because I probably won't show up before you." 

“I will.” Louis smiled, still stirring his noodles around. Their conversation carried on about random things before they parted paths—Liam headed home and Louis headed to the weather station. 

That evening, Harry was with Gemma sitting in their living room. They had been talking, catching up with each other while Louis was at work at the weather station. Harry was seated on the couch and Gemma was in their arm chair, perched promptly on the edge of it. They had been talking about school and work before a small silence fell over them. Harry smiled to himself as he thought about something, then looked over at Gemma.

"What?" She asked suspiciously.

"I want to show you something." She gave him a curious look. "Wait here." Harry stood up from the couch and walked out of the room, disappearing down the hallway. She should heard shuffling around in his bedroom before he came walking back down the hallway, something hidden in his hands. She smiled in anticipation for the big reveal. Harry sat back down and opened his hands, revealing the black velvet ring box. Gemma practically squealed in excitement.

"Oh my god, you got a ring!" She exclaimed. Harry nodded, opening it up. He was grinning ear to ear. It was a simple, silver ring with small crystals embellished in the metal. "Do you have a plan yet? Like, when or how you're going to do it?" Harry shook his head. 

"I don't even know, it was an impulsive decision really. I was just at Michaels a couple weeks ago getting art supplies and Kay's is literally right across the street, so I thought I'd step in and just look. And then I was leaving with an engagement ring." Gemma smiled at him, happy for him. 

"It's a very nice ring, must've cost a pretty penny." Harry laughed. He closed the ring box and slipped it back into his pocket. 

"I've been saving up for awhile now." 

"Do you have a plan for when you're gonna propose?" He shrugged. 

"I literally have no idea. Maybe sometime soon? I haven't thought about it. I don't want to do anything extravagant, just something small and intimate." Gemma was still smiling. 

"So I cant' be there to film it?" Harry was blushing. He just laughed, shaking his head.

"No, I don't want it to be...some big thing. I feel like it'd be more special if it were small, just the two of us. It's more intimate that way. Like, I thought maybe one way I could do it is to, like, take him out stargazing because he loves doing that and just doing it there, somehow. Like I said, I haven't given it much thought. I had also thought about doing it over spring break, but we haven't actually made any plans to go anywhere yet." 

"Well, you'll have to call me as soon as it happens." Harry laughed in amusement, nodding his head slightly. 

"Of course." He replied sarcastically. He smiled happily to himself, glancing down at his lap, and Gemma gave him a peculiar look. 

"Are you wearing a clear coat?" He nodded. 

"Louis got me some nail polish for my birthday."

"How cute." Harry smiled fondly again. 

“Yeah, he’s sweet.” Gemma nodded her head slightly. “How’s married life?” 

“You know, it’s been over 4 months and you still ask me that as if it’s only been a week.” 

“Just curious as to how it’s going.” He simply replied with a grin. Later in the evening Louis returned home and they all went out to dinner. The weekend was spent with eating out, and going to a movie, and other miscellaneous outings. 

On Monday, Liam was strolling across the basement of the union when he spotted Harry sitting at a table in the study area by himself. He walked over to him. 

"Hey Harry," He greeted. He pulled out the chair adjacent to him and sat down. 

"Oh hey," Harry greeted back with a smile. 

"You don't mind if I join you, right?" Harry shook his head. 

"Nope, just studying a little bit."

"Don't you have student teaching?"

"Theres no school today, so I have it off." Liam nodded. "How's your day been?" 

"It's been all right. Tiring, but I passed my exam I had this morning." Harry smiled at him. 

"Hey, congrats! That's amazing." Liam smiled back humbly, nodding his head slightly. 

"Thanks, I appreciate it. How's your day been?" 

"Pretty good. I woke up early and couldn't fall back asleep so I decided to come here to study. Louis and I are getting lunch in a little bit." 

"Ooh, how is it going with Louis?" 

"Pretty good. I think at least, I don't know, did he say something to you?" Harry asked hastily and Liam shook his head vigorously. 

"Oh, no, no, I was just asking in general and all." 

"Oh." Liam nodded, and Harry just pressed his lips together. "Well, like I said, things are going pretty good. He's so cute. I came home from work the other night late because I was there until close, and when I got home Louis was all curled up on the couch asleep and Scooter was curled up on his chest asleep too. It was adorable. I took a picture." Harry picked up his phone and pulled up the image, showing it to Liam. Liam smiled at it, endeared. 

"Aw, that is a cute picture. How sweet." 

"Yeah," Harry sighed contently. He looked at the picture one last time before setting his phone down again. "It's my home screen now." 

"Well I can see why." Harry smiled before glancing down at the table. It was quiet between them for a little. Harry took a deep breath, glancing up at Liam who glanced back at him. 

"How young do you consider too young to get engaged?" Liam furrowed his eyebrows together in confusion at first before his eyes widened at Harry. 

"Are you talking about, like, proposing to Louis? Oh my god, are you going to propose?" Harry's face began to grow hot, and he shrugged his shoulders. 

"I got a ring-"

"Oh my god, are you serious?" Harry nodded. "When are you going to do it?"

"I don't know." He replied anxiously. "I really don't. I haven't planned anything out. I hadn't even planned to buy a ring, I went out to Michaels and decided to stop in Kay's just to look and ended up buying one." He explained. 

"But still, buying a ring is a big thing. You really want to spend the rest of your life with Louis?" Harry furrowed his eyebrows at him, looking the slightest bit offended. 

"Yeah, why wouldn't I?" He retorted. Liam thought he was about to choke. "It's not like we've been together for over two years, live together, have basically started to create a life together or anything." Harry added sarcastically, rolling his eyes. 

"Oh, well, I just...I know you guys have had your differences about, like, sex and physical affection and all." 

"What about that?" Now Liam was turning red. 

"I don't know." He swallowed thickly. "I was just...talking." 

"Hmph, well, regardless of our differences between that, I do still want to marry him. I can't picture my future with anyone else." 

"Aw," Liam cooed, grinning at Harry in excitement. Harry smiled shyly. 

"Don't tell Louis. I'm serious, don't say a thing."

"But-"

"Are you kidding? But nothing! Say nothing to no one." 

"Are you at least going to ask soon?"

"I haven't really thought about it. I figured maybe closer to graduation? Maybe spring break. I haven't really planned anything out."

"Well how do you expect me to keep this secret for that long?" 

"I really don't want to have to worry about you ruining this for us, so seriously do not tell anyone else. No one. Cero personas." 

"All right, all right, you have my word." 

"Good." 

“Good.” 

“Good.” Harry smiled. 

“Good.” They both started laughing. Liam sighed contently, and Harry closed his laptop. 

“I gotta head over to Wilkerson now to meet Louis. Been a good talk, remember your promise, not a word!” He said as he put his laptop in his backpack then zipped it shut. He stood up from his chair and put his backpack on his back. 

“I know, I know, my lips are sealed!” Harry laughed softly, pushing his chair in. “Have a good rest of your day, I’ll see you later.” 

“You too, I’ll see ya.” Harry lifted his hand in a small wave as he walked away. He left the union and made his way over to the dining hall. He texted Louis that he was there and that he was going to get them a table, since Louis had replied he wasn’t there yet. 

Harry got his plate of food and sat down at a square table in the middle of the room. He texted Louis where he was seated at then set his phone down. He got a country fried steak with mashed potatoes and some green beans. He poked at the green beans, eating them slowly as he waited for Louis. When his eyes did land on Louis walking his way, he smiled. 

“Hi," He greeted eagerly, smiling up at Louis as he sat down. 

"Hi pipsqueak," He greeted back teasingly. "So look," Harry's heart started beating faster. "I ran into Luke—" Harry groaned, rolling his eyes. "And I invited him to sit with us."

"What? Why? This was just supposed to be the two of us." 

"I know, but his class was cancelled so that's why he's here and he asked if I was already sitting with someone, and I told him I was meeting you but that he was welcome to join us." Harry just gave him a stern look. "And you and Luke said you guys were going to be civil with each other so I expect nothing less of that." Harry rolled his eyes again, turning his head down at his plate. "I'm sorry." 

"You owe me another lunch." Louis smiled, nodding. 

"Maybe I'll come visit you at the high school." 

"That would be nice." They both smiled before Luke approached the table and dropped his tray of food down. He pulled out the chair at the head of the table and sat down. 

"You know, it's really awkward when a girl you fucked and promised to call, but never did, is at the pizza station and all you really want is pizza. Now I'm stuck with this nasty ass pasta." 

"Why didn't you wait for her to leave?" Louis asked glancing at him. 

"No, like, she was working there. I wasn't about to wait however many hours for her shift to end just for some pizza." 

"Woe is you." 

"Yes, woe is me!" Luke exclaimed in feign dismay and they both laughed. "Oh, and I ran into Eleanor and invited her to sit with us." Harry rolled his eyes to himself, and Louis broke out into a grin. "How are you Harry?" Harry glanced up at him before looking away. 

"I'm well, how are you?" 

"Aside from my pizza debacle, I'm doing good as well." 

"That's good." 

"You guys got any spring break plans?" Louis and Harry both glanced at each other before looking back at Luke. 

"No." 

"Well," They both said at the same time, looking back at each other. Louis rose his eyebrows at Harry questionably. Harry took a deep breath, rubbing the back of his neck. "I was...I was gonna ask you if you wanted to go somewhere for spring break, just the two of us." Louis opened his mouth to speak, but Luke spoke up before he could mutter a sound.

"Hold that thought, Louis. One of my friends dads is a pilot, and he said that he was allowing him to take some people to Bora Bora for only $200, that's covering the flight there and back. We could go to fucking Bora Bora for spring break."

"Okay, well who is it? Do we know them? Are they really just going to let some strangers on their spring break trip?"

"It's Josiah, he was my little brother last year." 

"Oh, I remember him." Luke smiled in excitement, nodding his head. 

"Exactly, so if we get the green light that's what we should do." 

"I'd be down." Luke grinned happily, and Harry gave him a look of disbelief. It was as if Louis didn't just hear him say he wanted to go somewhere just the two of them.

"Louis," He said softly, and Louis glanced at him. 

"Oh," He shook his head. "Um, actually, we'll let you know tomorrow, or something, if we'd want to go." Harry noticed Luke's not-so-subtle eye roll, and ground his teeth together. Louis just forced an apathetic smile and turned his head down at his plate. Luke just ate away at his pasta chipperly. 

A moment later, Eleanor approached the table and set down a bowl of salad, a little cup of fruit, and a glass of water before pulling out the fourth and final chair. 

"Oh my god, Eleanor, hi, is that Gucci you're wearing? So chic." Louis greeted. Luke and Harry both laughed, whereas Eleanor just forced an annoyed smile, sitting down in the chair. 

"Oh my god, Louis, hi, is that Goodwill you're wearing? So brave." 

"Jokes on you, the Goodwill actually has decent clothes, and there's nothing wrong with buying from there." She just gave him another thin smile before picking up her fork and mixing her salad up. 

"How's everyone else doing?" 

"Amazing. Also, clear your spring break plans because we're going to Bora Bora because my good friend Josiah has a pilot for a father who's willing to fly some people down." 

"Who else is coming?"

"Louis and Harry-"

"We haven't agreed yet." Louis interrupted. 

"And I still have to mention it to Sophia, Liam, and Zayn." Luke continued. 

"I'll think about it." 

"What's there to think about? It's fucking Bora Bora." 

"Yeah, but that also means one straight week with you." 

"That's so funny because you make it sound like I'm straight." Luke replied sarcastically and Louis started to laugh. Harry, on the other hand, was not amused and hadn't even taken a bite of his food yet. His appetite had vanished. He just stared down at his plate, or gave Luke a look of disdain. 

"How's your day going, Harry?" He looked up at Eleanor, who looked back at him intently. 

"It's going all right, how's your day?"

"It's stressful, but I'm making it through." She replied with a small smile. "If you'll excuse me, I actually really have to go to the bathroom." She pushed her chair back and stood up, turning around and walking away. 

"And I'm going to go check on the pizza again because this pasta is crunchy, which disgusts me." Luke pushed his chair back as well, before standing up and walking away. Louis and Harry both looked at each other. 

"Well, what do you think about Bora Bora?" Louis asked. 

"Um, I don't want to go. I...I was thinking spring break could just be us-"

"Well what if we go away for another weekend just the two of us? It's Bora Bora, Harry!" Harry sighed, placing his chin in the palm of his hand, glancing down at the table lackadaisically. 

"Well, if you want to go then you should, but I'd probably just stay here. Maybe I'd visit my mom."

"Why not?"

"Because I just want to go somewhere with you, not everyone else. Especially Luke. I feel like spending a whole week with all of our friends would just be so draining. I'm not exactly as extroverted as you, or Luke, or anyone else really. I get really tired even after just a couple hours of all being together. Wouldn't want Killyjoy Styles to make an appearance." Louis frowned.

"Harry, I don't want you to not want to go just because you think being introverted is going to make you a killjoy. It's fucking Bora Bora, white sand beaches with crystal clear blue water. We'd still have a lot of time together, just the two of us." Harry just sighed, and Louis took a deep breath. 

"I really do not want to go." He said firmly. "But I think you should since you do. Don't stay back because of me, but also don't try and get me to change my mind because I won't." 

"But I'm gonna feel bad leaving you here for a week-"

"Well why? It's not like I want to go, but can't. I don't want to go, I don't think I'm going to be missing out on anything too extreme. Just make sure to bring me back a souvenir." Louis smiled. 

"What do you want?" 

"I want a jar with sand, water, and some shells." 

"You can count on me, cutie." Harry laughed. “Plus, who knows, maybe it won’t even happen.” 

“Maybe.” Luke returned to the table with pizza and story about his awkward interaction with his one night stand. Eleanor returned a few moments later as well, and the day continued on as it normally would.


	15. Chapter 15

Another couple weeks had passed and life was as it always was. Everyone went to their classes, their jobs, did their work, and prepared for graduation as anyone would: by drinking to numb the pain of reality. It was already March! The months were dwindling down, and as the idea of starting real life grew into focus, Louis had begun to wonder if what he had was what he wanted. 

It was a Friday night, and he was sitting behind a monitor on the forecasting floor at the weather station. He had been antsy all week because he had finally come to the decision to tell Harry they needed a break. He had been thinking about it nonstop, formulating what he was going to say, how he was going to say it, when he was going to say it, the whole lot. He had set on that night actually, and he just watched the second hand of the clock go around and round with a racing heart. He was startled when his phone lit up with a text from Harry. 

harry: do you want to go out to dinner tonight after you get off work 

louis: why 

harry: what do you mean why 

harry: issa date 

louis: unplanned and on a friday night?

harry: what are you confused about 

harry: is going on a date on friday night unheard of?  

louis: it is for us 

harry: you've been inhaling too much weather balloon helium 

harry: I'll see you at 7, hibiscus 

louis: im tired 

harry: how about Saturday 

louis: friday could work 

harry: just wanna reiterate that friday is tonight 

louis: okay 

harry: so I'll see you at 7? :) 

louis: sure 

harry: wanna meet there or have me pick you up 

louis: well I drove here so I can just meet you there 

harry: yay :) 

So at 7 o’clock Louis found Harry waiting outside of Hibiscus all dressed up nice and with a smile on his face. They went into the restaurant, were sat at a nice table, and had a very lovely dinner together. At least Harry thought it was lovely, and Louis enjoyed it too, but the apprehension of what was to come was keeping him from fully being there. 

Afterwards they walked out to a large fountain, misting those who got close enough. They got close, standing in front of the ledge surrounding it. Harry looked up at water flying high up into the sky, a smile on his face, and Louis had to keep reminding himself to smile. He stared down at the pool of water, picking at the skin around his nails nervously. He was rigid with nerves. 

"It's so beautiful out." Louis didn't say anything. His heart was pounding, his throat was tight, and his palms were beyond clammy. Harry glanced at Louis with a smile and Louis didn't even look at him. "Should we go home?" The word 'home' made him physically cringe, but Harry didn't notice. "Or I know this really cool spot down south that's a few miles away from town where there isn't any light pollution. We could go watch the stars." Louis was still quiet. He kept his gaze trained down at the ripples in the water. Harry didn't seem to notice. He just kept gazing around at the view, his smile almost actually hurting his face and he felt so giddy. 

"I think we should take a break." The weight was lifted off of Louis's shoulders and placed on Harry's. His entire body went rigid and his breath actually caught. His eyes were already bleary because did Louis seriously say he thinks that they should take a break? 

It was silent. Harry squeezed the small velvet box in his pocket so hard he thought he might actually create a small dent. He opened his mouth to speak but all that came out was choked cough. He covered his hand over his mouth and took a deep breath, rubbing his eyes. 

Louis finally turned and looked at him. That was a bad idea because tears were already rolling down Harry's cheeks. He let out another ugly noise, making Louis cringe before clearing his throat. 

"Ross Geller type break, or Rachel Green?" Harry's voice cracked and he cleared his throat again. 

"Harry-"

"Well it's a fair question, is this supposed to be the gentler way of breaking up with me? Where we say we're gonna give it a week or so, but then just never get back together? How many fucking relationships do you know that didn't end in actually breaking up?" 

"Because...I don't want to officially break up. I just...I need time and space to think about our future and...if this is what I want." Harry's mouth dropped open at him. Another wave of tears watered his eyes. 

"You have to think about if you want to be with me?" Louis felt himself tearing up now. "Why? Did I do something?" Louis's throat was so tight. He licked his lips then shook his head with a look of disbelief. 

"Are you joking? It's what you don't do." Harry's eyes widened at him as his sadness transitioned into anger. 

"I swear to motherfucking god, if this is seriously about sex-"

"Well it is, isn't it always?" 

"Oh my god, are you being serious right now? You really want to end our relationship over sex?"

"No, I don't, I really don't, Harry. But...you know, that's what I want! I want us to be physically intimate, that's what I desire." Harry scoffed, shaking his head to himself. 

"Why, though? Why do you care so goddamn much about it that you're going to make it the thing that makes or breaks our relationship?" 

"Because I like sex!" Louis practically shouted. "I like having sex, I enjoy it, I'm not ashamed to say it. And I miss it, it's been, like, literally over two years. I crave that close human contact, or intimacy, with another person and I want so much for that person to be you. I really want it to be you, I want you, I've wanted you since we first met, but I know you don't want me and...it's disheartening."

"Why do you place so much focus on just sex-"

"Because we already have everything else!" Louis exclaimed. "Almost. It's just...you don't even kiss me a lot, or ever hold my hand, or cuddle a lot, and I like that stuff. I love being affectionate, and touchy-feely, and just...a couple." 

"You don't need those those things to be a couple-"

"Don't you? We might as well just be two best friends-"

"But we're not!" 

"Well sometimes it feels like that!" Louis shouted. "And I don't want to feel like that. I want there to be a defined line between my best friend and my boyfriend." Harry was quiet. He rubbed his eyes and stared out at the water. 

"Well I would've appreciated it if you would've given this whole speech before dinner, because now I just feel embarrassed and foolish knowing the whole time I thought we were having a good time you were planning on breaking up with me afterwards." His voice cracked again and he cleared his throat. Louis reddened. He almost felt a little guilty. 

"Well...I said take a break." He admitted sheepishly. Harry sniffled then wiped his nose with the edge of his hand. 

"It doesn't sound like you have any intention of staying together."

"That's not true." 

"It's totally true. Just say it, say we're broken up so you can go to Bora Bora and fuck every hot guy or girl you see without guilt." 

"My god, Harry, what the hell? I'm not gonna let you make me feel guilty for simply wanting to have sex, or be intimate with you. It's fucking human nature! Why do—just why? Why?"

"I do not fucking know, that's just the way I am."

"There has to be a reason though, there's a reason for everything." 

"I don't know what the hell is wrong with me, okay!" Harry practically screamed. Louis was quiet. "I don't know why I don't care about holding hands, and kissing, and sex, and all the other shit everyone else in this world seems to be so keen on. I just don't give a shit about it, okay? I don't know why, I just don't. I've tried things in the past and it always felt weird, or I just wondered when it was going to be over. It doesn't seem important, or essential, or necessary. It just all seems like...some extra thing that isn't necessary for a relationship-"

"You really think sex and physical affection isn't necessary for relationships? The whole concept of relationships is being with someone you can kiss, and hold hands with, and cuddle, and all that shit-"

"There is no rule sheet that outlines what every relationship has to be like, or do, or follow. You guys always make a point of saying there are other people out there who feel the same as me, what about their relationships? Are they not real? Are they not valid because of the way they feel?" 

"Oh my god, Harry, we're not talking about everyone else out there. We're taking about you and me, and the matter of the case is that I want to have sex and you don't, and I don't want you to do anything you don't want to do, but I also don't want to never have sex again. I just...that's what I want. That's all I want. And to be more physically affectionate. And I know we've tried to compromise and work on it together, but nothings changed." 

"That's because we don't work together. It's all on me to change, and be mindful of whether or not I've been affectionate enough, and all that shit, but nothing I do is ever enough for you, at least it won't be unless we have sex, but...I don't know, sex just looks weird and pointless." 

"But...I just...I don't get why you still wouldn't want to do it, like, with me." Harry glanced at Louis. "Like, even if you thought sex was pointless and weird in general, why wouldn't I be different? Why would you still think having sex with me would be pointless?" 

"Louis, it has nothing to do with you. I swear. I love you with my whole entire heart, you make me so happy it's indescribable, and you make me a better person. And...you are, like, the handsomest, cutest, most beautiful guy I've ever met. I'm serious, anytime someone new asks if I'm with anyone I tell them all about you and make sure to add just how good looking you are." Louis blinked and tears just rolled down his cheeks. "But sex...with anyone, is just not something I've ever really wanted to do. I can't picture myself having it. It's not a thing I've ever wanted to do and nothing and no one could change that, I feel." 

"Not even me?" Louis mumbled under his breath because he wasn't sure if that was something he actually wanted to say out loud, or have Harry hear. But Harry groaned loudly leading Louis to believe he hadn't mumbled his words incoherently enough. 

"Oh my god, it's not you, it's me!" He exclaimed loudly. He scoffed, shaking his head. "I can't believe I just said that." It was quiet between them. "But it's not all about you, Louis and to make me feel like I'm the bad guy-"

"I never tried to make you feel like the bad guy."

"Well you kind of did with all this sex stuff, acting like I was the only one who had to change, or work on things, also...getting mad at me about it. You never really thought to ask me how I was feeling or doing otherwise, it was always just 'why don't you want to have sex'. I...I don't know, I'm just human and I have stuff I'm going through, and life is stressful, and the last thing I really need is to feel like I'm not good enough for you. I already worry about that without all this." Louis blinked and tears rolled down his cheeks. "But I do love you. I really do. And...I didn't think we were in that bad of place. I thought things had actually been going really well." 

"Things had, but...I don't know, I was tired of arguing so I just stopped." Harry bit the inside of his cheek, looking down. 

"Oh." 

"I think we just need some time and space from each other-" 

"Just say you want to break up." 

"No, because I don't-"

"So what? You think time and space is going to fix this and after a week or so we can go back to the way things were?" Louis just rubbed his eyes, shrugging his shoulders. 

"Or, you could think of it as taking time to process our feelings, what we want, and how we can collaborate on making it work." Harry just shook his head slightly. 

"We've been doing that for over a year-"

"Well what do you want then! Do you want to break up?" 

"Of course not, but you haven't exactly reassured me that you don't want the same-"

"I don't! I've literally said that multiple times!" 

"Fine, fine, we're just on a break." Harry said angrily. "Define a fucking break." He looked at a Louis sternly. 

"Um, I don't know, just...a break. I'll—I can stay somewhere else for the time being, probably shouldn't...text unless necessary, I...-"

"Just say break up."

"No-"

"Well if you seriously need to take time and space to think about if you really want to be with me, to think about if we really have a future, to be so unsure if I'm what you want then just break up with me now because I don't want to have it dragged out for a week, or two, or three only to be broken up with after those weeks of stress induced hell. Don't give me false hope." 

"But Harry-"

"Fine, how about I say it. We're..." Harry's eyes filled with tears again, and his chin quivered. When he blinked they rolled down his face, and Louis's tears fell as soon as he blinked too. "We're done. We're broken up."

"Harry-"

"If you need a place to stay the flat is still welcome to you until you find somewhere if needed." He forced himself to say. "I don't assume you'd want to stay there, though, so tomorrow I'll be out of the flat from noon to four so you can get your things, unless you want to get them tonight, or a different day. You don't have to worry about paying your half of the rent this month either." His voice was so choked and soft, Louis grit his teeth. 

"I-I'll probably bunk somewhere else tonight and get my clothes and stuff tomorrow." He said softly. 

"Okay." Harry's voice was barely above a whisper. He stood up straight and stretched his back. Louis just kept his lips pressed together unsure of what to say or do. Harry reached into his pocket and took out the small, velvet box. Louis's eyes widened at the sight of it and his mouth dropped open.

"Oh my God." He gasped. "Th-That's why you asked me out to dinner and...suggested star gazing." His eyes glossed over with tears and he covered his hand over his mouth. Harry just nodded sadly. 

"Guess when you dodge a bullet it keeps going until it strikes someone else." He looked up at Louis. "Well, I—I'm sorry I wasn't able to make you happy. I—yeah." It was quiet. "Here, you can keep this." He grabbed Louis's hand and placed the ring box in his hand before curling his fingers around it. "Because I have no purpose for it." Louis jut stood there in shock. "I'm sorry I wasn't enough for you." Harry turned and walked away towards the parking lot. 

Louis’s jaw was dropped open and he gawked at the ring box before looking back up at Harry who was getting further and further away. 

“Harry!” He called out. Harry just kept walking. So, Louis ran after him. All the way into the parking lot. “Harry, seriously, stop and talk to me.” 

“We talked, were done talking. It’s done.” 

“You can’t just hand me a fucking engagement ring then walk away.” 

“Well, I did.” Harry took his car keys out and unlocked his car, opening the driver side door. 

“Harry-”

“What else is there to say? Nothing, there is nothing else to say, so I’m going to go home, I’m going to crawl in bed, and I am going to cry. Okay? Can I do that?” Louis clutched the ring box tightly, staring up at Harry who stared back at him before he got in the car and slammed the door. Then he started it, and left Louis in the dust as he drove off. 

-

When Luke heard a knock on his door, he wasn't expecting it to be Louis, but he greeted him with a smile nonetheless. Louis just forced a small smile in return, placing his hands on the edge of the doorframe as he leaned in a bit. 

"You got plans tonight?" Luke shook his head, furrowing his eyebrows at him curiously. 

"No."

"Good, lets go out. Let's go to Citizen." 

"Okay." Luke said without any hesitation. "Let me change out of my joggers first, though." So Louis waited in the foyer as Luke changed, then they smoked a cigarette outside the entrance of the building as they waited for an Uber. 

Once the Uber arrived, they made it to the club, got inside after paying the cover charge, and made their way back to the bar along the back wall. 

"This is so weird coming here sober. If you had texted me beforehand I would've pregamed as much as I could." 

"Sorry, it was kind of a last minute decision." Louis replied with a shrug, leaning against the bar after having fought through the masses of people to get there. Luke eyed him closely. 

"Everything all right?" 

"Yeah, just was bored and wanted to do something." The bartender had made his over and took their order of two shots and two whiskey sours. 

Those were downed pretty quick. Louis told Luke he was going to go to the bathroom, and Luke stayed at the bar, ordering another round of shots for them both, but he waited for Louis. Even though Louis was taking a long time. 

Luke sighed to himself and turned his back to the bar, glancing around the crowded room. His eyes glossed over the people around him until they landed on Louis, or at least someone who looked like Louis. He actually took a couple steps away from the bar, squinting his eyes as if that would help him see better, and yet he was able to determine that the man he was looking at was Louis. Nothing out of the ordinary, he was just talking to another guy. 

But the moment Luke saw Louis kissing the guy he was with, he did not hesitate to walk over and pull Louis away. 

"Hey-"

"What the hell are you doing? You said you were going to the bathroom." He said sternly. The guy Louis had been kissing walked away. 

"Well I was making out with a really cute guy-"

"No, you were fucking cheating on Harry. I'm not about to let you be a fucking dumbass, Louis. You know he's already been cheated on twice in the past."

"Well it's not cheating if we're broken up." Luke gawked back at him, stunned. He furrowed his eyebrows together in confusion, his grip on Louis's wrist loosening. 

"What? You guys broke up? When?"

"Um," Louis pulled out his phone and looked at the time. "About 45 minutes ago." 

"What?" Louis just nodded his head. His eyes had started watering again, and when he blinked they rolled down his cheeks. "Oh my god, come on." Luke grabbed his wrist again and pulled him through the crowds, back outside. "You guys broke up and you weren't even going to tell me?" 

"Why? So you could celebrate?" Luke exhaled. 

"I mean, I know I wasn't the biggest fan of your relationship, or Harry in general, but breaking up after two years is big and can still be upsetting, and I still want to be there for you." 

"Well, all I want to find a really hot guy or girl to fuck, so...," Louis shrugged his shoulders helplessly then pivoted around, but Luke grabbed his shoulder. 

"We're going back-"

"We already paid the cover charge."

"Well, I'll reimburse you for it. I don't think now is a good time to get shitfaced and end up doing something you'll regret." Luke pulled out his phone to order an Uber. 

"Seriously, Luke, it's fine. I'm fine. I'll get over it-"

"You are so full of shit it's ridiculous. You were literally just crying, don't say you're fine. I've known you my whole life practically, so I know you're not fine. I got us an Uber, should be here soon." Louis scoffed, shaking his head because the last thing he wanted was to be alone with Luke and talking about Harry. They stood there by the curb silently. 

"Let's just go back inside and have a good time-"

"No matter what you do you aren't going to have a good time. All you're going to be doing is trying to numb a feeling , which will only make you think about it more, and you'll have spent the entire night thinking about the exact feeling or memory you were trying to numb." Luke interrupted. Louis just rolled his eyes, crossing his arms stubbornly. 

They waited in silence until the Uber arrived, and then the entire drive back to Luke's apartment was also silent, and it was just completely silent between them until they were both sitting in Luke's little living room. Louis was at the end, and Luke was beside him. It was quiet. 

"So, do you want to talk about it?" 

"Not really, nope, rather not." Luke nodded. 

"Well," he started. "Is there anything you do want to talk about?" 

"Not really. Kinda just wanted to drink. That's why I came to you." 

"So you only came to me to go out and party with?" Louis nodded. "Don't even want to talk to me, just get shitfaced and black out?" 

"Basically." 

"Cool, thanks." Louis scoffed. 

"What do you want me to say, Luke? You've branded yourself as the 'I give no fucks' party guy-"

"But you're my best friend, that doesn't mean shit-"

"You talked shit about my relationship from the moment I told you Harry and I had a date!" Louis shouted, rising to his feet as he glared down at Luke. "You talked so much shit, you gave me shit, you gave Harry shit, and for what? Why?"

"Because you weren't happy with Harry!"

"And that just gives you the right to shit talk? How the fuck are you supposed know how happy I am with him?" 

"Are you joking?" Luke asked, furrowing his eyebrows at him as he slowly stood up as well. "Everyone in our friend group knows how rocky your relationship was, we all know why, but we still don't know how you two haven't figured out you're better for other people. You talk about your arguments with Harry all the time, is it really a surprise when I say you weren't happy with him?" 

"So because we hit a rough patch I'm automatically not happy with him? Never have been, never was?" 

"Your entire relationship was a rough patch!" Luke shouted. "And it's all been leading up to this moment, I'm surprised it took you guys so long to get here. It's about fucking time." 

"You really are a hateful piece of shit, okay? You are so fucking cynical that it drives me up a wall. I was happy with Harry. I really was, whether you believe it or not, he made me so goddamn happy, but our problems run much deeper than that. They have to do with him not wanting to ever sex and me feeling like I'm not good enough for him, or just enough for him in general, it's got nothing to do with fucking happiness."

"But I can't imagine not feeling good enough for fucking Killjoy Styles of all people made you real happy, right?" Louis just rolled his eyes. When he blinked tears rolled down them. He lifted his hand and wiped them dry with the edge of his palm. "You want to be happy with some unhappy moments, not unhappy with some happy moments." 

"I was happy. I was with him. It's just that I feel like we have a chance to get through this. Our entire relationship hasn't been rough, but being in a relationship takes a lot of understanding, and forgiveness, and knowing that your partners not perfect and accepting that and knowing that they are going to let you down and vice versa. It's a lot of working together and forgiveness. Not that you would know anything about what it means to be in a relationship." Luke just rolled his eyes. "And I'm not even the one who broke up with him. I told him I thought we should just take a break, get some time apart to think about things, process stuff, and think of ways to work it out, but he just kept saying, 'just say it, say we're broken up' but I kept saying that that's what I didn't want, that I just wanted it to be a break because I didn't want to officially broken up, but then he was like, 'fine, I'll say it,' and then he said that we're done, we're broken up." Louis's eyes watered with fresh tears. "And then he took a fucking engagement ring out of his pocket and handed it to me. He was going to fucking propose to me. But...then we broke up and he handed it me saying, 'you can have this because I have no purpose for it' then he said, 'I'm sorry I wasn't enough for you'. And then he walked away. He fucking walked away." 

"Holy shit, he gave you the ring?" Louis didn't say anything, he wasn't even sure if he could, and just reached into his pocket and took out the ring box. He tossed it to Luke before sitting down on the couch again, his head in his hands. 

Luke just gawked down at the ring. He glanced at Louis, closed the box, then sat down next to him again. He took a deep breath and brushed his thumb against the velvet. 

"I didn't want to be broken up." Louis said, breaking the silence. "At least not yet. Not without...giving it one last shot." 

"Look, I know...it's hard right now, like, really fucking hard. But the bright side is that there's no where to go but up. It'll take time, but this'll ease and you'll get over it, and we can look forward to graduation and fucking Bora Bora. We're literally going to Bora Bora in a week and a half, get excited about that!" Louis forced a small smile, wiping his eyes. 

"I know, but right now...right now it's hard to look on the bright side. It's hard to even think that there is one." 

"Well," Luke blew air through his nose, shrugging. "I'm really shit at, like, trying to be supportive, but I'm here for you, Lou. Despite all that was said, I still am and I'm not going anywhere." 

"Thank you." Luke smiled. "Sorry I called you a hateful piece of shit." 

"Hey, a little displacement is no sweat off my back." He replied happily. "And if you need somewhere to stay, you can totally stay here. I guess I don't know who's staying in the flat, if either of you-"

"I wouldn't want to put you out."

"No, Louis, seriously? You're not putting me out, I literally just offered. You're staying here. My couch is a pullout. It'll be like one long, indefinite sleepover." Louis just laughed, turning to look back down at his lap and he rubbed his eyes once more, then dried his cheeks. He still wasn't sure what the bright side was. 

-

On Monday morning, at 8am sharp as Harry was sitting in the hallway with his phone pressed to his ear. He chewed on the inside of his lip as as the ringing seemed to get louder and louder the longer it lasted. 

Louis had come and collected most of his clothes and some other belongings, most school related. Harry wasn't sure if he had stopped crying since Friday night, and he felt like when he did stop all it took was the drop of a hat for him to start crying again. Like he had finally seemed to calm himself, but then when he pulled open the kitchen drawer and saw all the extra blue pens he had gotten for Louis gone, he started crying again. 

"University of London counseling department, this is Karen, how may I help you?" 

"Is Elena there?" 

"She is, would you like me to connect you to her if she isn't busy?" 

"Yes please." The line went silent for a minute before it got picked up again. 

"Hello, this is Elena." She greeted formally. 

"It's Harry." He said hoarsely. 

"Oh, hi Harry, how's it going?" 

"Not well. I've been wanting to get in touch with you all weekend, and I didn't know who else to talk to." Elena felt her stomach drop a little. 

"What's wrong?" 

"I just...Friday night I was planning on proposing to Louis, and we went out to dinner, and there was this fountain we sat by, and...he told me he thought we should take a break and then we just ended up breaking up." 

"Oh no," She gasped softly. 

"And I'm just...I'm trying real hard to see a silver lining here, but I can't. And I just...I just really don't want to be here right now. I really don't. Nothing is ever going to get better. I keep thinking one of these days will be a good day, but...it's just one bad day after the next. I thought I was at rock bottom, but then the floor gave out." 

"Harry, what are you doing right now?" 

"I'm sitting in our hallway." He answered with a sniffle. "Didn't even show up to my student teaching, I called in sick." 

"What are you feeling?" 

"I don't know." He mumbled. "I just...swallowing some pills and taking a nap right now is sounding pretty good-"

"Harry, if you disclose to me that you're planning on killing yourself I am legally obligated to breach our confidentiality agreement and contact someone." Elena informed him. Harry sighed. 

"I said it sounded good, not that I'm going to do it. I don't even have any pills." 

"Are you with someone right now?" 

"No."

"Do you want to come in at 2 today?" 

"Yes." 

"Okay, I can pencil you into my schedule." 

"I'll see you then." Harry sighed loudly. 

"Is there anything else you want to talk about right now? I don't have my first appointment until 9." 

"No, no, I'll let you be if I'm coming in later. I'm just...I'm just going to sleep for a bit." He rubbed his eyes, but the skin around them were raw enough as it was and Harry was sure he was beginning to just rub off the skin completely. 

He set an alarm for 1:30 because he knew that if he didn't he would sleep right through 2 o'clock. He still almost did that even with the alarm, though. He woke up at 1:53 and hurried out of bed to his car. He made it to the UCC right on the dot. He ran up the stairs, down the hall, and tried to control his breathing as he walked calmly to the front desk. 

"I have an appointment at 2 with Elena, my name is Harry Styles."

"I'll let her know you're here. In the meantime you can wait in the waiting area." She gestures to the collection of chairs off to the right and Harry just nodded, walking over there as he dropped down in a seat. He slouched down, his arms crossed sullenly below his chest. 

Elena showed up 2 minutes later. She walked him back to her office, where he took another seat in a chair across the room from her desk. She took a seat in her desk chair, turning around to face him. 

"I notice you're sitting farther away than you usually do." She noted out loud. "Can you tell me about that?" 

"Okay, I took RHS 200 sophomore year, I know what you're doing and I don't need you using immediacy on me." Harry deadpanned, eliciting an amused smile from Elena. 

"Okay then, why'd you still choose a different chair?" 

"So you can't see me cry as well." He replied. "In fact, that's all I really want to do. I'm not too ashamed of it, and I really don't want to talk. What's there to talk about? We broke up. We're done." 

"How did you feel when that happened?"

"I felt very fucking sad, and mad, and it only reassured me that I'm never going to be good enough for anyone and I'm going to die alone." 

"Tell me about how it feels to not feel good enough." 

"It feels so shitty. I already felt that way with Louis, his best friend Luke didn't make it any better, he made it worse. I mean, a part of me felt good enough, but another part was like, 'you'll never be good enough for him, nothing you do is ever good enough' and I tried so hard to be better and work on things, but...it didn't work."

"What kind of things did you work on?" 

"Well...I tried...," He hesitated. "I don't know, I tried to do what he asked, like being more affectionate and shit." 

"And were you?" 

"Well I tried." 

"Define tried." 

"I don't know." Harry snapped. "Maybe Louis and I have different definitions of try. Maybe I didn't try as hard as I could've, it's just...I don't know, am I selfish?" 

"What makes you think you're selfish?" 

"I don't know, I feel like this whole thing is because Louis wants me to do these things and I don't want to do them, so I don't do them." 

"And-"

"But it's not like we're talking about doing the dishes, or changing the cat litter, it's, like, sex, and cuddling, and kissing, and I don't really like that stuff. And it's hard because he doesn't understand, but I can't help him get it if I don't understand it myself! I don't understand it! I don't know why and I feel like I don't know who I am. Who am I?" 

"It sounds like you're definitely dealing with a lot of stress, and a lot of uncertainty right now-"

"Yeah, no shit, Elena. My whole entire fucking life has been one huge, long, stressful identity crisis." Harry took a deep breath, feeling like he had finally taken a breath after being under water, and sunk back in his chair. Elena didn't say anything, she just sat back, staring at Harry. 

"I have a friend who reminds me of you a lot actually, in that she too doesn't desire sex or close relationships." Harry just nodded.

"Cool."

"With your permission, I was wondering how you'd feel if I brought her in to talk to you. I feel like you might get a lot more out of talking to her than you do me." 

"I guess...that'd be fine. Yeah, sure." Elena smiled, nodding. 

"And just for your reassurance, I have not told her about you or anything. I was just thinking about it today because we got lunch. I wouldn't share any information with her other than the fact that I have a client whom I feel would benefit from speaking with her."

"That's fine."

"Good." It was quiet again. "So, do you want to talk about what you came here to talk about?" Harry's eyes were already glossing over with tears. He just stared down at his lap and shook his head as he shrugged his shoulders. 

"Not really." 

"Well we'll only talk about what you want to talk about." 

"Well, if we want to get technical, I broke up with him." A confused look came across Elena's face. 

"What? You're the one who broke things off?"

"Okay, no, I mean...okay, so I had invited him out to dinner and then afterwards we were by that big fountain by Hibiscus, because that's where we went, and I had suggested going somewhere to look at the stars together, to pop the question, and then he just blurted out that he thought we should take a break. And of course I got upset and then we started arguing because he was saying he needs time to think about if this is what he wants, and if I'm who he wants to be with, which to me already says no if he has to take time after 2 years already to contemplate it. It didn't sound like he had any intention of staying together so I was like "just say we're broken up" because that's basically what he was saying, and I wasn’t about to just sit around in anguish for the next week or two wondering if Louis was going to stay with me or not. And so when he wouldn't say it, I did." 

"And how did that make you feel?" 

"So horrifyingly shitty. I was mad, and sad, and embarrassed, and...I just felt surprised by it really. And I feel foolish, here I was...ready to spend the rest of my life with him, and he wasn't even sure if he wanted to spend the rest of the week with me." Elena frowned slightly. 

"I can see how that would make you feel pretty bad." 

"Pretty bad is, like, the biggest understatement ever." Harry replied flatly. "Like, you feel pretty bad when someone else's relative dies, or when you didn't get the job you had been hoping for. When you're boyfriend you were planning on proposing to turns around and says he wants a break because he's not sure if he wants to be with you anymore, and then you actually break up, is...devastating, it's infuriating, it's depressing. It's really goddamn depressing when one of the only people you've ever loved falls out of love with you."

"You mention a lot of the times that you don't understand the reasoning behind the way you feel, is there something to understand?" 

"I mean, I think so, there has to be something. It can't just be "oh, that's just the way it is, nothing more to it" type shit. I feel like there's something. Its caused too much turmoil in my life to have it just be this." 

"How do you think things would differ if you were to come to this understanding?" 

"Well it'd nice just to know. I seriously prayed it was just a hormonal thing." 

"Implying you want to fix it?" 

"What? No. I don't think there's anything to fix. I'm not, like, broken." Harry said shaking his head. "I just...I feel like I'm not going to feel better unless I know why I feel this way, why...why I'm not just like everyone else who doesn't have relationships end because you wouldn't give a blowjob." 

"Well, I'm sure that with time things will gradually start to get better. Until that time comes, all we can do is try our best to make it until then, just taking the weeks day by day." Harry just nodded. He still felt numb, and horrible, and all he wanted to do was go him and cry until he fell asleep. 

And that's what he did.


	16. Chapter 16

Harry barely made it through the week. He barely made it to spring break! But he did, and he was so relieved to have some time off. He packed up his sorry ass and made his way to his mothers for the break. He arrived Friday afternoon. 

"Hi mummy," He had greeted her with a tight hug. His bag sat beside his leg and she greeted him back with a warm smile. 

"I'm so glad you decided to come home!" She exclaimed joyously. She stepped back into the house and Harry picked up his bag, moving from the doorstep into the foyer before setting it down again. "How have you been? How's school? How's Louis?" He took a deep breath. 

"Schools going well, I've been student teaching at one of the high schools and it's a blast. I'm really enjoying it." 

"Well that's good, you'll have to tell me all about the students and the projects they're working on." She said happily. Harry just forced a small smile in return. He sighed softly. "What's wrong?" He didn't answer immediately. He cleared his throat then drew in a deep breath. 

"Louis and I broke up. We split about a week and a half ago." Her face dropped with sadness. 

"Oh no, what happened? Do you want to talk about it?" 

"Um, not really. We just...we just had some issues we'd been dealing with for awhile and...it got the best of us."

"I'm so sorry to hear that." Harry just shrugged. 

"It is what it is." Anne gave him a sympathetic look. “I’m gonna put these in my room.” She moved out of the way as Harry picked up his bags, then walked towards the hallway to his old bedroom. 

Memories of Christmas break flooded his mind. He closed the bedroom door behind him, set his bags on the floor, then dropped down on the edge of the bed. He just stared at the floor, then laid down on his back, staring up at the ceiling. All he thought about was how much he missed Louis, and how idiotic he was. He was so stupid, and irrational, and just stupid. 

That’s all he could think about. He replayed his and Louis’s fight in his head 24/7. He thought up hundreds of different ways it could’ve gone, of all the things he could’ve, or should’ve, said differently. But he let his emotions take control, and situations with that never ended pretty. 

His spring break didn’t seem like much of a break. It passed by in the blink of an eye, and all he did was lie in bed sleeping, or lie in the living room watching tv, or convince his mother that he was fine and didn’t want to talk about it. He was living the life. 

Louis, on the other hand, had made it to Bora Bora. He was with Luke, Liam, Zayn, Eleanor, Sophia, and some other people he didn't know. He had finished eating lunch with Luke, Eleanor, and Luke's little brother Josiah from their fraternity. 

They headed back to the beach to meet up with the rest of the group. Everyone was either sprawled out on the white sand, or wading in the clear blue water. Louis was off at a table under a line of trees far where the sand started. Luke sat down across from him. 

"You're not going to mope around the whole time are you? We're at the fucking beach, and you're sitting at this picnic table wallowing in selfpity." Louis rolled his eyes. 

"I'm not wallowing in selfpity, I'm just not exactly in a big party mood, or a mood to be surrounded by everyone else."

"It's been almost 2 weeks, Louis. This is exactly what you need. You need to relax, and meet new people, just have a fun and casual time now that you can. Ya see Lincoln over there?" They both turned their heads to look at a tall guy standing next to Eleanor by the the shoreline. "Totally down to fuck, so you should get in there and get laid since you haven't in over two years." 

"I don't even want to have sex anymore. And even if I did, I'd probably last not even 30 seconds, so I'm gonna save myself the embarrassment." 

"So you do want to have sex, you're just worried you'll embarrass yourself by coming too early." 

"No, I just—"

"That's literally what you just said." 

"I said I don't want to have sex, but if I did I'd be worried of embarrassing myself for that reason." 

"There's always going to be an excuse to not do something, Louis. If you don't want to have sex, then that's fine. I don't think that's the case, though. I think you do want to have sex, but not with just anyone. You want to have sex with Harry because you're still hung up on him. Would you be reluctant to have sex with the worry of ejaculating too soon with Harry? Maybe, but I also feel like it wouldn't deter you from having sex entirely. Also who gives a shit about coming too early? Just do it again." Luke exclaimed. "And just...let all your worries go and loosen up a bit. I'm not saying completely forget about Harry now, take the time you need, but...you guys didn't work out, and it's not fair to yourself to let him hold you back from having a good time when he's not even here." Louis's eyes glistened with tears. "So, you know, have a good time. Get drunk, get high, get laid, and most importantly get over it." Luke stood up from the table, readjusting his swim trunks. "And talk to Lincoln. Heard he's amazing in bed." 

"You haven't fucked him, have you?" Louis asked him, a glimmer of amusement in his expression. 

"Nah, just sucked him off. Wish I had, though. You know how much I love big, black cock." 

"I'm sure your father would love to hear you say that." Louis joked, earning himself the finger. Luke smirked, raising his middle fingers up in the air. 

"Fuck that biphobic, racist piece of shit. He can go die in a hole." Louis just laughed. "Going back to the water. You should join when you're ready." Luke walked off and Louis just sighed to himself, placing his chin in his hand as he slumped over. 

He eventually got up from the table, jointing everyone on the beach. He tried not to give off the vibe that he was still moping over his breakup, he wasn't sure if he had succeeded. He remembered getting wasted one night and breaking down into tears. He wasn't sure who took care of him. 

He did enjoy the week, though, to a certain extent. It was basically a combination of beach, booze, clubbing, and sex. On their second to last day there, Louis got up early and joined Liam for breakfast in the hotel they were staying that. 

They were seated across from each other at a little table in the lobby. Louis just had peanut butter toast and juice, and Liam had French toast, cereal, and an orange. Louis picked away at his food slowly, his shoulders curled forward tiredly. 

"So, how was your night?" Liam asked looking up at him. Louis just shrugged. 

"It was all right." Liam laughed. 

"Heard you and Lincoln have been having some fun." Louis turned bright red, covering his hands over his eyes, praying he would just melt down into a pool of nothing. He groaned loudly. 

"Shut up, did Luke tell you?" Liam nodded. "The bastard." Louis cursed, lowering his hand. "Why is he telling you about my sex life?" 

"I think he was just excited you were having sex." Liam joked lightly, but it wasn't really a joke at all. It was serious. 

"Yeah, well...," Louis shrugged apathetically. "Doesn't mean anything." Liam watched him intently. Louis just had the edge of his jaw in his hand, and he stared down at the corner of the table solemnly. Liam wiped his lips with his napkin, tucking it under the edge of his plate. 

"You doing okay?" He asked quietly. "Ya know, with Harry and all?"

"I don't know." He sighed somberly. "I know a lot of our problems was because I wanted to have sex and he didn't, but now that he broke up with me I just...have no interest in sex anymore. But like...even after it happened, I was like, 'well hey, now I can go out and have sex', but...I didn't, and I thought that when I would I finally would have sex again it would feel amazing and I'd feel renewed, or some shit like that, but...it's been really unsatisfying and I feel like nothing has even changed. I really wanted my next time having sex to be with Harry."

"Yeah, well, it's still soon after it happened. It'll probably take some time before things start feeling normal, and good, again." 

"Feels like it's going to last forever. Like, he was going to ask me to marry him, Liam. Marriage!" Louis exclaimed loudly. 

"Yeah, that was some bad timing. I'm surprised he waited so long. He had the ring for awhile." Louis's eyes narrowed at Liam quickly. His face got redder and redder as his anger flamed and he glared at Liam furiously. 

"You knew he was going to propose and you didn't tell me!" He practically shouted, reaching across the table to slap Liam in the arm. Liam flinched, grabbing the spot Louis had slapped him. 

"I didn't know you were going to tell him you guys needed a break or when he was planning on doing it!" Liam shouted back. "I probably would've told you if you had told me you were going to do that, but you didn't. You hadn't mentioned it in awhile, I figured you had decided against it so I most certainly wasn't going to tell you that Harry had bought you a ring and was planning on asking you to marry him!" Louis sat back, his eyes big and full of tears. "Would you have even said yes? With all the disagreements you two had?"

"I don't even care anymore. I've spent this whole week missing him, and wishing he were here, and just thinking about him." Louis sunk back against his chair, crossing his arms across his stomach. "I hate everything." Liam gave him a sympathetic look. 

"It'll get better." Louis rolled his eyes. "Just...give it some time. Soon you'll only hate a couple things." Liam joked, trying to lighten the mood. 

"We'll see." It was quiet between them. 

"Would you ever get back together with him?" 

"I mean, he dumped me so why would I even think about that?"

"Well, I mean, you're the one who initially brought up the idea of a break—"

"That didn't mean breaking up." 

"Okay, but...," Liam trailed off before closing his mouth. Louis looked at him suspiciously. 

"What? What were you going to say?"

"Nothing—"

"You can't just say 'but' then trail off, what were you going to say?"

"I was just going to say that I think taking a break is a stupid idea. Not about you guys, but in general. How is it any different than breaking up?" 

"I just thought some space between us could've been helpful, getting some time apart, but not actually breaking up because I don't want him seeing anyone else, and I don't want to see anyone else. That's the difference."

"But how else did you expect him to react? What did you seriously think was going to happen?" Louis's anger was boiling again. 

"Well I didn't think we were going to break up, that's for sure." 

"But you had to have seen it putting a lot of strain on your relationship. Did you even think about Harry at all?" 

"No, Liam, obviously I didn't think about Harry at all." Louis snapped sarcastically. "Of course I fucking thought about him. I knew that bringing it up was not going to be pretty, and that it would cause a lot of mixed feelings and tension, but I figured it would ease over with time and once we, like, came back together to talk about it—"

"But talk about what? And how long would that have taken? How long did you plan for the break to last?"

"I don't know, just...however long it'd take—"

"So you expected him to just go along with an indefinite break?" 

"What the fuck, Liam?" Louis asked sternly. "I suggested taking a break to just get some time away from each other, clear our heads, and, like, try and think of ways to work on our relationship since we obviously were getting nowhere with what we were already doing." Liam just stared back at him before turning his gaze down to his plate. "What, are you, like, on his side now?"

"Don't turn this into a picking sides thing. You and Harry are both my friends, I'm not picking sides." Louis rolled his eyes. "I just...I don't think you handled it as well as you could've, or thought it through thoroughly. How are you two supposed to work on your relationship, or think of ways to, if you're not doing it together? You go to couples counseling for that." Louis didn't even know what to say. Couples counseling hadn't even ever crossed his mind. For some reason he figured that was only for married couples who were just trying to give it on last shot. "But I know you're hurting, and...I don't know, maybe you should talk to Harry, or something." 

"And say what? How am I supposed to even face him?" 

"Like a man." Liam said before chuckling. "Even if it's not about reconciling, maybe talk to him just to clear the air, get some closure. It might help you feel better." 

"He probably never wants to see me." 

"Well I guess you'll never know until you try." Louis groaned, closing his eyes as he sighed. Liam tried to give him an encouraging smile, but Louis just stared back down at his food. He sat up, picking up his plate and cup. 

"I'm not hungry, I'm going to go back to my room." Liam didn't say anything, he just watched as Louis stood up then walked off to the trash can, dumping his trash before leaving the lobby. 

He muddled through the last remaining days of spring break, still moping around as he had been the entire week. 

-

A week after spring break ended, Harry was at the flat holding Scooter in his lap, petting him softly as he watched Grey's Anatomy. That was his Saturday. That had turned into the regular, everyday routine when he wasn't student teaching. 

He heard a knock at the door and just sighed to himself. He removed Scooter from his lap and stood up, walking over to the foyer to answer the door. The second Harry saw it was Luke who had been knocking, he slammed it shut immediately, but before he could lock it Luke shoved it back open and forced himself inside. 

"Well, well, well, isn't this an interesting visit, right?" Harry rolled his eyes, taking a step back. 

"What the hell are you doing here?" 

"I don't know, to talk to you? To tell you about how much of a piece of shit you're being?" Harry scoffed a laugh, nodding his head slightly as he turned and walked out of the foyer. 

"As if I'm going to listen to you." He called back from the hallway. He walked into the living room, pausing the tv he had been watching. 

"Yeah, well, if there was ever a better time to listen to me, it's now." Luke walked into the living room, practically already in a stand off with Harry. "Why are being such an ass?" 

"What the fuck are you talking about? I haven't even seen or spoken to Louis since we broke up-"

"But he didn't want to break up, you dumb fuck. And then giving him the engagement ring? What kind of fucked up, self righteous type shit is that? He didn't have to know about that, you didn't have to go out of your way to hand it to him and say you had no purpose for it. You could've still had a purpose, had you listened to Louis and not broken up." 

"Like he had any fucking plan on staying together. It sounded like he had practically already made up his mind-"

"But he hadn't-"

"Well him not knowing doesn't make me feel the greatest! I don't want to just sit around waiting to find out if my boyfriend still loves me and still wants to be with me." Luke exhaled deeply. 

"Oh my god, it wasn't about him figuring out if he still wanted to be with you. He still wanted to be with you, he wanted you two to get some time apart to process feelings and to think of ways as to how to make your relationship work because obviously you guys weren't doing something right, and being at each other's throats made it hard to focus on ways to preserve the relationship. Did you listen to a single word he said?" 

"I did, I listened to all the words he said. I listened to him say we needed a break so he could think about if this is what he wanted, if I was what he wanted." 

"And then you still heard him tell you that it wasn't an official break up yet. It was just a break. It happens all the time. Sometimes space is all a couple needs." Harry just sighed, raising his eyebrows slightly as he shrugged his shoulders at Luke. 

"Well now we have plenty."

"How can you be so fucking passive aggressive about this? Cut the sarcasm, cut the bullshit, stop being such a little bitch." Luke snapped, already having lost his patience before he had even knocked on the door. 

"I'm being a little bitch?" Luke nodded. "How am I being a bitch? You're the one who stormed in here to yell at me. I haven't even fucking talked to any of you guys since it happened anyway." 

"And why not?"

"Because I don't want to talk about it. I'm sure they've all gotten the sob story from Louis, I don't want to pile on the drama." 

"Well there you go, being a little bitch again. You're a bitch. And I'm not just saying that because I don't like you, I'm saying that because it's true. You're an actual asshole. You act like you don't give a fuck about them, or assume they don't give a fuck about you. You're just...you are so emotionless. The only emotion you ever show is annoyance or hostility, except towards maybe Louis. You're so mean. All the time."

"I'm mean?" 

"Yeah, you are." 

"You-"

"I am different than you. We are not the same." Luke interrupted. "You don't talk to people, anytime we're all in a group, you sit there and look surly, or just don't do anything. You don't even pay attention, I'm sure. Remember pumpkin carving last October? You got all pissy, and blew up, and stormed out, before that you hardly said anything to anyone, just focused on your stupid pumpkin." He took a breath. "And I mean, sometimes you talk to Louis, or Eleanor, or Sophia, but you don't do much than that. I'm not speaking for myself, but they all tried to make you feel included in the group when you and Louis first started dating, but you just never really grew out of the whole 'these are Louis's friends not mine' stage. Yes, we were all friends before you came along, but that doesn't mean we never considered you a friend. Liam, Zayn, Sophia, Eleanor, everyone all considered you a friend. Maybe not a good one considering you didn't exactly treat them the best, but that title was still there. They wanted you to be included. So stop marching around with your little pity flag wailing about how Louis has all of us, and you have no one. You have people, you just don't want them. And what for? I don't know, maybe you just have too much pride."

"Yeah fucking right, you all considered me a friend? You all barely talk to me-"

"You seriously make me want to punch a goddamn wall. We all hardly talked to you? Did you ever talk to us? Start a conversation? Even try? You just said you haven't talked to any of them since you broke up, which was almost 3 weeks ago. Throw away your self pity and realize that friendship is a two way street, and the expectancy effects will end. I'm serious. You can't just sit here and think, 'oh none of them like me, they're just Louis's friends' as you sit with us silently and surly, and don't even try to hold a conversation with someone when they start one with you, thinking it's them taking pity on you." Harry just blinked back at him, trying to process all Luke was saying, and still just stood there speechless. "And you didn't treat Louis much better. All he wanted was for you to show more that you loved him, and for you to be like, 'oh I already do that' is oblivious and selfish because obviously you weren't if Louis had to ask you that. Like, if he has to ask you to show more affection, for more validation of the love you claim to have for him, then you're obviously going about it all wrong. I don't give a shit if physical affection is not your cup of tea, there are so many other things you could've done for him. But there are things he could've done too, I know a lot of your arguments are about sex too and that's not something that falls on just your shoulders, it falls on both of yours." 

"Name 3 things." Was all Harry said, crossing his arms. Luke rolled his eyes. 

"Are you seriously so fucking preoccupied with sex and physical affection that you can't think of one single thing to do to show him you love him? God, hide sticky notes around the flat and in his things with cute little messages, surprise him with flowers, take him on a spontaneous date, send him pictures of clouds, literally anything to show him that you're thinking about him. That's all he wanted-"

"He also wants sex."

"Who doesn't?" 

"Me." 

"But why not? Is sex really that bad for you? Or scary?" 

"I don't know, but I don't have a huge urge to do it. It's not that I'm scared, or literally anything, I just...I just don't care for it." 

"But Louis does and you can't just disregard that."

"So I can't disregard him enjoying and wanting sex, but he can disregard me saying I don't want to have sex?" Luke gave him the most patronizing look ever. 

"You are...literally...the stupidest fucking person I've ever talked to." Luke said, and Harry felt a twinge in his heart. "You know, you're both so preoccupied with what you want, or don't want, and you don't even give an effort to understand the others point of view, or feelings. Like, I'm not just talking about you. I know Louis didn't do a good job at compromising, or trying to see things from your perspective, or use a different mindset. He has a fixed mindset, or has kind of a closed mind, he sees things from one perspective and one perspective only really. Agreeableness and openness are not personality traits he scores particularly high in. I'd venture to guess you wouldn't either." Harry still didn't know what to say. He just stood there, glancing around the apartment, anywhere but at Luke. "I don't know why you two are so fucking stubborn, but if you love him like you say you do, if you were seriously going to ask him to marry you, then I'd like to think you wouldn't just give up this easily." 

"Are you joking right now? What are you trying to accomplish here? You shit on our entire relationship from the beginning. You always talked about how unhappy he was, and how I didn't make him happy, and how you have no idea what Louis sees in me, or why we're together-"

"Well I'm not here for me, okay? I'm here for Louis. This isn't about me, or us, or how much I can't fucking stand you. It's about you and Louis, and just because I don't think you didn't make Louis has happy as he could be, does not mean I don't think you could." Harry rolled his eyes. "I mean, you guys must have...something special if you lasted as long as you did, and Louis spent the entire time in Bora Bora fucking crying about you, it was annoying as shit." 

"So what exactly do you want me to do?"

"Become more self aware, goddamnit." Luke snapped immediately. "You're so un-self aware it's ridiculous. So do that, maybe lighten up a bit as well. Look back on the past two years and think about if that was really the kind of person you wanted to be, were you even happy? Like, at all? Because you literally seemed so unhappy all the time. Did Louis even make you happy?"

"Yes, Louis made me happy. He made me really happy-"

"Well good!" He interrupted. "But work on everything else. Louis can't be the only thing to make you happy. You need more than that, much more. And if we aren't good enough friends for you, then go out and make some goddamn friends or something too. But still maybe apologize, or something, to, like, Liam, and Zayn, and all, because like I said, we all tried to make you feel included, to make you feel like you were more than just 'Louis's boyfriend', and you kind of shit all over that. You wouldn't even come to Bora Bora, and it's fucking Bora Bora. People put going there on their bucket lists." He said. "And... also think about Louis. Like...actually sit down and think about it, and him, and whether or not you really want sex to be the reason yet another relationship of yours has ended." 

"But I don't know how to fix it. To fix our problems. They're always going to be there-"

"You know, I really don't give a fuck what you decide to do, just do something. There has to be something out there. Go talk to someone professionally. Go see an actual doctor. Are you really going to never, ever, ever have sex with your boyfriend, or girlfriend, or significant other just because you don't think sex is necessary?" 

"Should we have a little talk about consent for a second?"

"Oh my god, Harry, you're so fucking infuriating it's ridiculous. I feel like I'm about to burst a blood vessel." Luke closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. "It's not like we're talking about someone who just bought you a drink in a bar, or someone you've gone on 2 dates with. We are talking about the man you've been in a long term, committed relationship with. It's not about consent—I mean...obviously it's about consent if you're not going to consent to sex, but...you know, it's about making sacrifices to make your partner happy; and if having sex is that sacrifice, is it really that horrible? Do you really detest sex so much that you are never going to have it? It's not even like he's a top and you'd be the one taking it up the ass, your resistance would make a little more sense if that were the case. And, like, I mean seriously, never? Who knows, maybe you'd love it."

"Don't think I will."

"Well how would you know if you've never had sex?" 

"Because I know, Lucas." Harry replied sternly.

"Well is there any circumstance where you would have sex? Even if it was just to please Louis. Like, you're not even doing the thing you don't want to do, which should make you happy, but you still aren't happy. Is having sex with Louis really going to make you so miserable? I mean, you said you just think it's unnecessary and pointless, so it's not like you're repulsed by it, right? Plus, I mean, it only lasts, like, 5 minutes. Although I'm sure if you guys did have sex, it'd only last a minute, if even." Harry rolled his eyes before shrugging his shoulders and shaking his head. "But, you know, the best thing about sex is that you can make it whatever you want it to be." 

"I don't...I don't know. I don't know why I feel this way, or why I don't want to have sex as much as everyone else, or anything. I don't understand fucking anything."

"Un-self aware." Luke stated under his breath. "Whatever, well, I can't think of anything else I wanted to say so fuck you, still can't fucking stand you, and does Killjoy Styles make a little more sense now? I'm out." Without even waiting for Harry to say or do something, Luke stomped down the hallway, into the foyer, and out the front door, slamming it shut behind him. 

Harry stood there stunned, still feeling caught off guard. Eventually he find his way back to his couch, though. He picked up Scooter again and played the TV. He just continued what he had been doing. 

-

He spent the entire week mulling over all Luke had said. He almost wished he could have recorded it just so he wouldn't forget a single detail. He was currently on his way to the counseling center again for an appointment with Elena after the high school had got out.

It was the regular routine. He checked in, waited in the waiting area, then Elena walked out a couple minutes later and he followed her to her office. 

When Elena opened the door, Harry went and sat at his usual chair and Elena sat in her desk chair. She moved a couple papers off her keyboard, then spun around to face Harry. 

"How's it going, Harry?" She greeted with a kind smile. 

"All right." He shrugged apathetically. 

"Well that's good, that's better than shitty." Harry forced a small smile, nodding before taking a deep breath and looking at Elena. 

"Luke stopped by the flat the other day."

"Luke, Louis's friend who you don't like?" Harry nodded again. "Ooh, how did that go?" 

"I don't know." He answered truthfully. "He just...made me realize that maybe I was a little selfish, or just...self absorbed. And also...didn't exactly treat Louis, or any of my 'friends', the best because of that." 

"Do you feel you didn't treat them well?" 

"I mean, I didn't think I did, but I guess I also...didn't really think about them a lot, or their feelings. I never really felt truly included, but I think that was because I didn't let myself feel that way. I was so absorbed in...some feeling of self pity that I just felt like...I was just 'Louis's boyfriend' to them even though they did, like, include me and try to be my friend, but I was kind of a shitty friend." 

"What was going through your mind when he was saying that stuff?" Harry shrugged. 

"I mean...I don't know, felt kinda shitty, he wasn't exactly kind about it. But...made me realize maybe I have a lot more to work on than I thought I did, and that...it's not just, like, myself I have to work on, but...you know, my relationships with other people." 

"And what do you think is the first step to making that happen?" Elena asked him thoughtfully. Harry just stared back at her, shrugging his shoulders once again before blowing air through his nose. 

"I don't know, maybe working on myself first before throwing other people into the mix." She nodded. 

"And to you, what does that look like?" 

"I don't know, isn't it your job to tell me that?" He said jokingly, and Elena smiled. 

"Do you want me to tell you what to do?" 

"Kind of. Like, you know, I'm here because I don't know what to do, and the things I've tried haven't been working, so...I just feel lost." 

"Well, do you think things have changed now that you and Louis are broken up?" Harry shrugged again, sighing. 

"Well I still need to work on, like...on my depressed mood and all. And...I still want to work on becoming more self aware—that's the one thing Luke had said I really needed to do and...he's not wrong." Elena nodded. "Wasn't your friend, or whatever, supposed to come in?" 

"She'll be in the next time we meet." She replied with a small smile. 

"And she's coming in again because...?" 

"Well, she reminds me of you a lot, and I felt you might benefit from talking to her. If you've changed your mind, though, just let me know." 

"I mean, what harm can it do?" Harry said carelessly. 

"That's the attitude to have." Elena teased and Harry smiled, laughing. "Here's an idea of something to focus on until the next time we meet. Have you ever thought of journaling? I know it's kind of a cliche idea, but it really can be helpful and give you an opportunity to reflect on yourself and look back on things that happened during the day. I'm not going to ask you to answer right now, but I think it's something you should think about, see if it's something you'd like to try. And if you think it's a good idea, maybe get a journal and start journaling every night. And if not, we can explore other options."

"What am I supposed to write about?" Harry asked curiously. 

"Well, the good thing about journaling is that you can write about whatever you want. You could just write about your day, write about different cognitive distortions you experience and recognize—"

"What are cognitive distortions?" Harry cut in. "I'm sorry for interrupting you, I didn't mean to." He quickly added sincerely. 

"You're fine, and they're inaccurate ways of thinking that reinforce negative thinking and emotions. Some examples are filtering, which is when one takes a negative details and magnify's it while ignoring the positive aspects of a situation. Another is emotional reasoning where one believes that the way they feel is true, such as if someone feels bored, they contribute that feeling to the idea that it's because they're a boring person." Harry nodded lightly, scratching his head. "I can print out some things on it, and journaling, if you'd like." Harry nodded. 

"Yeah, yeah, I'd appreciate that." So Elena turned back to her computer and printed out at least 6 sheets of paper regarding cognitive distortions, and journaling, and writing prompts to get him started. 

They set up their next appointment, then he left with the papers folded in his backpack, not sure if he was ever actually going to look at them again, but figured he had to start somewhere, and if journaling was that start, then so be it. It was time he work on making a change.


	17. Chapter 17

It was a couple days after the end of spring break, and Louis and Luke were lying on the floor of Luke's apartment staring up at the ceiling at 3 in the morning, drunk. 

"I miss Bora Bora." Luke broke the silence. 

"It's been, like, three days." 

"Are you saying you don't miss it?" Louis just shrugged, sighing softly to himself. "Lincoln's been asking about you, I think he's interested." 

"Ew." Luke turned his head to the side, sneering at Louis. 

"Ew?" He repeated. "You literally fucked him, like, three times." 

"It was meaningless." Louis shrugged it off. "Not that good either." 

"Are you saying that because it's true, or because you're still moping over Harry and therefore wasn't able to actually enjoy it? Actually be there?" 

"Shut up." Luke snickered. 

"I'm right."

"I hate that you're a psych major." 

"What does this have to do with psychology?" 

"You just know things." Luke smiled happily. 

"Well good, the last thing I want is to change majors for the fifth time two months before graduation." 

"Holy shit we're graduating." Louis whispered in disbelief. Luke laughed softly, nodding his head. 

"The next job we get will be the one we have for the rest of our lives practically." He added. "Welcome to the rest of your life." 

"The rest of my life is lying on the floor with you at 3 am?" Luke nodded his head again. "How am I supposed to work the same job for the rest of my life? What if I lose interest? What if I grow to hate it? What if 20 years down the line I realize I made a mistake?" 

"What if you don't? What if you get a job you really enjoy, with coworkers you get along with, and a quaint family to go home to at the end of every night?" 

"That could've been Harry." 

"Okay, real talk." Luke turned over on his side, resting his head in his hand as he looked down at Louis. "If he ever came to you and was like, 'oh, I made a mistake, I shouldn't have broken up with you, I want to work on our relationship', would you get back together with him?" Louis's eyes narrowed at Luke, not in an angery way, but in a thoughtful way. He was thinking. 

"I mean, yeah, probably, if I knew he was serious about actually doing that."

"And how would you know?" 

"I just would." Luke hummed back in response before rolling back down on his back. 

"And how would he know you were serious to?" Louis turned his head to the side, furrowing his eyebrows at Luke curiously. 

"What?" Luke looked back at him. 

"I mean, come on, Louis. You always griped about all the stuff Harry didn't do, what about the stuff you didn't do?" 

"Like what?" 

"Like this, right now, the fact that you can't list the efforts you gave to help make things easier between you and Harry. You just expected him to change, did you even think to try and meet in the middle on things? Or think, that just maybe if you gave half the effort you expected from him, we wouldn't be here having this conversation right now?" 

"What the hell, Luke?" Louis replied in a soft voice. 

"What? You're my best friend, and like I've said, I'm not going to just let you be a dumbass, I'm not just going to let you slide on things, no matter how much I can't stand Harry." 

"Well, where was this speech at all in the last two years?" 

"Well, how come in two years you still haven't realized how one sided you pitted Harry against himself?" 

"Since when have you been such a big advocate for Harry?" Louis asked him seriously. Luke rolled his eyes, scoffing.

"I'm not advocating for Harry, I'm just...seeing things from a different perspective. And if you're as upset as you are over this breakup, then you need to realize that you're both at fault here. Like, I feel like you could've done a lot more than you did to try and make it work with Harry, but I think the reason that didn't happen was because you didn't see the need for you to change, just Harry. And...even if he's not as touchy feely as you are, and doesn't want to have sex—which is still really weird to me, but whatever—doesn't mean it's just on him to magically change himself so he does want that stuff. Like, even if you two for some reason get back together, he's not going to magically want sex as much as you do, no matter how many steps you take to get there. And you're going to have to take a lot of steps, you can't expect him to just change in a couple days. You need to take the steps too, this is not just on Harry. Like, you two needed to work together, and I don't think you did that, which puts a lot of pressure on him, and I can't imagine he felt good after feeling as though he failed you. But, even after all that, he was still ready to ask you to marry him."

"Thank you for the reminder." Louis muttered. Luke smiled, giving Louis a rather patronizing look. 

"I mean, come on Louis, did you do as much as you could've?" Louis sighed loudly and deeply. 

"Probably not." He replied reluctantly. "I mean, you're right. As I look back on it all I guess I did kinda see Harry as the one who needed to change, or just...you know, work on showing physical affection, to be more like me, but I never...I never thought it was something we had to do together. And, like, he would always say he didn't understand why it was he felt that way, and I always thought he just...lying really, but I never really gave much of an effort to help him, or try to understand myself, or help both of us come to an understanding and now...now I just feel really shitty. I was a shitty boyfriend." 

"I don't think you were a shitty boyfriend. I think...you both were just too headstrong and unsure of how to go about things, but lacked the motivation to do that so you pinned it on each other to do it for the both of you. But Harry even said you made him really happy, so I can't imagine he thought you were shitty either." 

"Since when you are so soft on Harry? Aren't you the one who always said how he didn't make me happy and encouraged me to leave him?" Luke shrugged. 

"I don't know, maybe I just...decided I should take it somewhat easy on him. And you've been upset for the past three weeks about him, so he must've made you somewhat happy. Still don't think he made you as happy as you could be, but...that doesn't mean I don't think he can." Louis smiled softly. 

"Well you've been acting rather mature a lot lately." He teased. 

"Shut up." Luke slugged him in the arm. It was quiet for a couple moments before anyone spoke up. 

"Want to tour a flat with me on Wednesday? Found a pretty cheap one bedroom." Louis said. 

"Sure, what time?"

"It's at 1." 

"Sounds good." There was a lull in the conversation, and they both stared up at the ceiling, sighing contently. 

"If you could be married to anyone in the world, who would you choose?" Louis asked, breaking the silence. 

"Can I still sleep with other people?" He elbowed Luke in the arm. 

"No, you're married." 

"Fine, if I had to pick a guy, Pierson Fodé because that dude is literally the hottest motherfucker I've ever seen. I would pay him to let me ride him into oblivion. Or Shawn Mendes, I bet he takes a dick like a champ and I feel like he likes having his neck squeezed. Not choking, just a light squeeze, there's a difference." Louis started laughing, making Luke smile. 

"Please stop saying squeeze."

"Or Brandon Flynn, dude is as cute as a button. I'm jealous of Sam Smith." 

"I said one, not three." Louis said. 

"Well, I'm listing my options I'd choose from." Luke replied with a laugh. "And if I had to choose a girl...Brianna Hildebrand, Negasonic Teenage Warhead from Deadpool. She is so fucking cute. Have you seen her in the Deadpool 2 trailers? I'm only seeing it just for her." He explained. "And then Pierson, Shawn, and Brandon would be my side pieces. Your turn."

"Okay, my guy choice would be Sebastian Stan. He's basically the love of my life. Him, or Jude Law." Louis answered. "And my girl choice would have to be...Zendaya. I'd wife her up real hard." 

"Ooh, good choice." 

"Thanks." They both laughed before sighing contently. They stared up at the ceiling, talked a bit before, then both of them fall asleep on the floor. 

-

A week later, Harry was on his way back to the counseling center again for an appointment with Elena. They had started to have weekly appointments ever since the big break up, and Harry was actually finding it quite helpful to have someone talk things through with for once. 

It went just as it always did. He checked in, waited in the waiting area, then Elena walked out a couple minutes later and he followed her to her office. 

When Elena opened the door, Harry saw another girl with strawberry blonde hair sitting at one of the chairs. Harry furrowed his eyebrows together, turning to Elena in confusion, but then remembered their last visit when Elena mentioned bringing in a friend. He didn't say anything, and sat down in his usual spot. 

"This is my friend Alice." Elena explained sitting down at her desk. "She's the one I mentioned at our last session about coming in to talk to you." 

"Oh yeah, I forgot about that." Elena just smiled, glancing over at Alice. Harry looked to her as well. 

"Hi, I'm Alice." She reached her hand across the space, and Harry shook it politely. 

"Harry." He simply said. 

"Do you maybe want to explain to Alice what's been troubling you?" Harry narrowed his eyes at Elena. 

"You want me to just tell everything to this complete stranger who is your friend?" He asked a bit sternly. Elena took a deep breath, shaking her head. 

"Only what you want to share." 

"Well how I am supposed to know what to share if you brought her in for one reason?" 

"Okay," Elena said, trying to get her bearings and think of how to guide the conversation. "How do you feel about sex?" 

"I really don't want to talk about sex." Harry simply replied.

"And why not?" 

"Why would I? It's stupid, and pointless, and I don't know why everyone is so obsessed with it." He snapped. 

"I totally agree with you, Harry." Alice said, speaking up for the first time since she introduced herself. Harry sat back, feeling the slightest bit lighter as he looked at her curiously. 

"You do?" 

"Yeah," She said. "I don't think sex is important in a relationship. It's just...it just seems gross to me, and I honestly can never picture myself ever actually having it." 

"Oh my god, really? Are you being serious?" She smiled, laughing softly. 

"I'm being serious." She nodded. "I am repulsed by sex." 

"Oh my god, me too. I mean, I wouldn't say I'm repulsed by it, it just seems pointless to me, and kinda gross too, I don't know why everyone is so obsessed with it. Even my boyfriend—or ex boyfriend—was so keen on us being sexually intimate and I didn't get why it was so important to him, and he didn't get why it was so unimportant to me." He exclaimed. The happiness he felt finally talking to someone who felt the same way he did was insurmountable. 

"I've gone through the same thing in past relationships. You see, I am a sex repulsed asexual." She explained slowly. Harry pumped the brakes. He furrowed his eyebrows together in confusion, and even Elena looked somewhat intrigued. 

"What do you mean by asexual?" 

"Asexuality is a sexual orientation within the LGBT+ where a person does not experience sexual attraction." Harry just blinked back at her, still a bit confused. 

"I've never...I've never heard of that before."

"Yeah, a lot of people haven't. Some even believe it shouldn't be apart of the LGBT+, but it is."

"I'm still a little fuzzy on what this means." 

"Well, it sounds like you might be asexual, Harry." She simply said. "Would you say you experience sexual attraction?" Harry's eyebrows furrowed deeper and he glanced back at Elena, as if for help, but she just sat back with a smile. 

"Um, I mean, I guess not. I haven't ever really met anyone I wanted to sleep with." 

"Exactly, so, based on what you've just told me, I'm led to believe you simply don't experience sexual attraction to other people, which is why you believe sex seems pointless and unnecessary. You know, a analogy I've heard a lot is saying it's like pie. There are some people who do not like pie, or want to eat it, and they don't. Others don't want pie, but can and will eat it and enjoy it. There are some people who don't usually want pie, but will eat a pie they've had before or know a lot about. And there are some people who want pie. There's even more than that." 

"And pie means...?"

"In this analogy pie means sex, or sexual attraction." Alice replied with a smile. Harry just nodded, trying to remember all the analogy's she had just said five seconds ago. 

"So, like, using that analogy, I don't like pie and I won't eat it, I think, and my boyfriend loves pie, and he wants me to try it real bad." He said slowly. "And he thinks my not wanting to eat pie is because it doesn't look good, or...you know, like, he thought it was because he wasn't attractive enough for me." Alice sighed, nodding her head sympathetically. 

"Yeah, relationships between an asexual person and a sexual person can be difficult, but it can be done. Asexuality is a spectrum, from demisexuals to grey asexuals, like the people who don't want pie but will eat ones they've had before, and those who will only have pie once or twice, rarely. But there are sex positive aces as well. Just because someone is asexual does not mean they can't have sex, like people who don't want pie, but will still eat it and or enjoy it. Some do it because they like it, some do it just to try it, and others do it to please their partners."

"I had...no idea that anything like this existed. This is really a thing?" She nodded her head. 

"It is. There's a site you can go to, asexuality.org, that will give a lot more information than I can provide. They even have a forum so you can communicate with other aces, or even just read some of their stories." Harry reached down to his backpack he had brought with him and unzipped it. Alice and Elena watched him intently and he paused, glancing up at them. 

"I'm just taking out my laptop to look up that website." They both just nodded. Harry took out his laptop and set it on his lap, opening it up and turning it on. 

They waited in a bit of an awkward silence while Harry's laptop took its merry time booting up and loading the site. He hunched over in his chair, scrolling through the main page of the site before clicking on the FAQ page. He read through it all. 

"Oh my god, this is exactly me." He exclaimed. "'Asexuals feel love as strongly as anyone else does; it simply isn't connected to sex for them.' That is literally so true. That's literally what I tried to Louis all the time. And how it says your partner may feel confused and alienated from you because they do not understand how important sex is for you and why you desire it, that's literally how I felt!" He was shouting. "I'm reading the FAQ for sexuals by the way." He informed them, his eyes flicking across the screen rapidly. "And it says some asexuals don't like any physical contact at all. That's me!"

"How do you feel right now?" Elena asked softly. Harry, who couldn't even read his screen because his eyes were full of tears, glanced over at her. His tears began to fall. 

"This is me." He said looking back at the screen. "All these FAQ's and these forums, the stories people have posted, are me. Well, most of them." Elena placed the tissue box closer to him. He smiled softly, grabbing a handful and holding them to his face. "I spent so many years feeling lost, and alone, and misunderstood, and just, like...detached from myself. And...to finally have my answer, to know that there actually are people out there who feel exactly like I feel is just...it's really enlightening. It really is." 

"I'm so glad to hear that." Elena replied, smiling happily. She sat back as Harry continued scrolling through the site. After he was done with that, and had put his laptop away, he and Alice talked together for awhile while Elba just sat back and listened. 

Eventually Alice left, and it was just Harry and Elena as usual. Harry was sitting there with a smile on his face, and Elena was more than enthralled to see him so happy. 

"So," Harry started. "How come you waited to bring her in? How come you didn't just...tell me about it, like, two weeks ago and still bring her in?" 

"I didn't know she identified as asexual." Elena explained. "Never had even heard of it either, I learned something new today too. We were friends when we were undergrads, and I had remembered her talking about how she too never had any real desire for sex, and was grossed out by my friends who would talk about their sex lives. I thought it just might've been nice for you to talk to someone who actually did feel the same way as you." 

"Oh." He sat back. "It never came up?" 

"I mean, we only talk every so often. Trust me, if I had known, I wouldn't have waited to bring it up, or introduce the idea to you." Harry just nodded, taking everything from the past hour in. "How are you feeling?" 

"I'm feeling really...happy. Like, I feel a lot lighter, like this albatross that's been around my neck has finally been lifted off. Like...I know now. When people ask why I don't like sex, or want to have it, or whatever else they might say, I can say it's just because I'm asexual. That's all it is." 

"Are you going to tell anyone?" He nodded. 

"Uh, yeah, I'm going to tell my mum, and my sister. An-And probably some of my friends too. Maybe Louis even. I'll probably tell him, I feel like I owe it to him. I wonder what he'll think."

"Do you think he'd be supportive?" Harry shrugged. 

"I don't know. I don’t even know if we’re still considered friends." He answered truthfully. "What if he's one of the people who think it doesn't really exist? Belong in the LGBT?" 

"How would it make you feel if he did feel that way?" 

"Kind of shitty." Elena just smiled. It was quiet between them. 

"Well, should we set up the next appointment?" Harry nodded, and Elena turned around to the desk, jostling her mouth to the computer lit up. "Same time as always?" 

"Yeah, yeah." Elena scheduled their appointment before turning back to Harry. He stood up, strapped his backpack on his back, and moved to the door. Elena had stood up as well, pushing her chair in. "I think this is a real turning point." Harry said, looking down at her. "Like, I don't know, now that I've kind of had this cleared up I can really focus on the other reasons I came here, because I feel like that kind of overshadowed everything, but now that I have my answer, it's...I don't know, clearing up a bit." 

“I’m really glad to hear that, Harry. I think this really is the beginning to the road of getting better.” Harry smiled softly. 

“Yeah.” He nodded. “Well, I’ll see you next week.” They parted with goodbyes, and Harry went home. 

That night, well for the next couple days actually, Harry researched everything he could about asexuality. He read countless articles, watched a marathon of YouTube videos, searched its tag on Pinterest, Tumblr, everywhere really. And it only confirmed for him that he was asexual. 

Two more days later he texted his family. First he texted Gemma. 

harry: BITCH GUESS WHOS ASEXUAL 

gemma: IS IT YOU?

gemma: what's asexual? 

harry: issa sexual orientation where people don't experience sexual attraction 

harry: that's me!!!!!!

harry: im ACE 

gemma: yay!!! 

gemma: omg stop using "issa" 

harry: finna not do it 

harry: like everything makes so much more sense now, I literally feel so enlightened, it's like this huge weight was finally lifted off my shoulders 

gemma: aw I'm so happy to hear that you're happy :) 

harry: still trying to figure it all out, understand it more. Literally had never heard of it until like a couple days ago. 

gemma: think you're ever going to tell Louis?

harry: yeah probably 

harry: don't know how or when but 

harry: ya know 

harry: confrontation 

gemma: how do you think he'd take it?

harry: you know, I'm not really sure. 

harry: kinda frightens me. 

harry: but another part of me is too happy to give a shit. 

harry: he finna be shocked 

gemma: I'm finna reach through this phone and slap you 

harry: ion think you'd do that 

gemma: what? 

gemma: what does that even mean 

harry: I don't think you'd do that 

gemma: how the hell does ion translate to I don't 

harry: ion know  

gemma: goodbye

 

Then he texted his mother. 

harry: hi mummy :)

anne: Hi Harry! How are you?

harry: I’m doing really good, actually! How are you? 

anne: Just fine as well, hows school? Getting excited to graduate?

harry: schools going great, student teaching is going amazing, and I’m super excited to graduate and finally leave this campus 

anne: I remember how eager I was to graduate and leave too, then I got a letter telling me I had to start paying off my loans!

harry: haha yeah, not excited for that part 

harry: anyway, I have something I wanted to tell you 

harry: so I’ve been dealing with a lot of stuff, as you know, and I’ve been seeing a counselor at the center here, and the other day she brought in a friend who introduced me to the idea of asexuality, which I’ve determined is something I really did identify with, and so…well this is me coming out to you (again) as asexual :) 

harry: it just means that I don’t experience sexual attraction, so I’m not pansexual, but panromantic and asexual. I know you know I’ve dealt with depression a lot in the past, a lot of it actually stemmed from me not understanding why I didn’t desire sex like everyone else, and all my passed relationships have ended over that in one way or another, even Louis too, and so I’ve had a lot of inner turmoil I’ve been battling with for the past couple years. It caused a lot of problems in my life, me not knowing why I don’t like a lot of physical contact, or physical intimacy, stuff like that and I just felt so lost and misunderstood and hopeless even, like I’d never understand. But now I do, it’s all just because I’m on the asexual spectrum :) 

harry: and I really think this is the beginning of things getting better, and finally looking up. I don’t think I would’ve ever been truly happy if this had never been brought to light, so now I focus on other things that’s caused for my depression and all, and focus on finally understanding myself more and who I am. 

anne: Harry, that makes me so happy to hear! The only thing that matters to me is your happiness, and to hear you speak so optimistically fills me with so much joy. Thank you so much for sharing this with me, you know I’ll always love and support you, I couldn’t be more proud of you. 

harry: thanks mum, I really appreciate it, I love you :) 

anne: and I love you too!

And relief washed over Harry as he set his phone down, laid back in his lonely bed, and closed his eyes, falling asleep with a smile on his face and dreaming sweet dreams.


	18. Chapter 18

Another week had passed and things were going along swimmingly. For once Harry was actually smiling throughout the whole day. The days seemed to pass by in the blink of an eye, as opposed to drudging on for hours and hours as it used to feel. 

He didn't go into the high school that Thursday, and after a meeting with his advisor and a trip to the bookstore, he stopped in the dining hall to grab lunch. He filled a tray with Mac and cheese, a salad, and some French fries then made his way over to the seating. He scanned across the room for an open table when his eyes landed on Liam, sitting by himself. He took a deep breath then walked over to the table. 

"Hey Liam," He greeted cheerfully. Liam looked up and smiled at Harry. "Mind if I join you?" 

"Not at all, sit." Liam said gesturing to the empty chair across from him. "Always enjoy eating with friends than by myself." He joked lightly. Harry just set down his tray then pulled out the chair. "I haven't seen you in awhile. I...I heard about you and Louis. How have you been?" 

"You know," Harry started, setting his place. "I have actually been really good." Liam was surprised to hear that. "Don't get me wrong, I'm actually...I miss Louis like crazy, and I was a fool to be the one to do the break up, but...you know, I don't know, at the time I wasn't in the best place and I don't really think before I say or do things. But...since then, I've gotten a lot better. Like, a lot. I discovered I'm asexual." Liam gave him a curious look, setting his fork down then taking a sip of his lemonade. 

"What does that mean?" 

"It just means I don't experience sexual attraction." Harry explained. "Which...is exactly it, exactly me. You know how...a lot of the stuff between Louis and I was about sex and whatnot, and I never knew why I didn't feel the same as him and it's just because I'm asexual." 

"Well that's awesome, I'm glad to hear you've finally found a way to help describe yourself, and I'm so glad to see you so...I don't know, happy." Liam said supportively, making Harry smile. 

"Thanks, I really appreciate that. It's really nice to finally, like, have my answer so I can finally stop saying 'I don't know'." Liam smiled sweetly. 

"I bet. Have you told anyone else?" Harry nodded. He picked up his fork and began to mix around his Mac and cheese. 

"I've told my mom and sister." He said. "And now you." 

"Well I am honored to be the third person you've come out to." Harry smiled back at him, laughing softly. 

"Enough about me, how have you been?" Liam shrugged in response. 

"I've been doing pretty well. Itching to get to graduation." Harry nodded his head in agreement. 

"Fucking hear that, I can't wait to be done and actually start teaching, like actually have my own class." 

"I bet. I can't wait to move on to a new hospital, get some different scrubs for once. I'm tired of forest green." Harry laughed. 

"It really brings out your eyes, though." Liam laughed back, shaking his head. 

"I've been wearing the same two pairs of scrubs for the passed two years." He said picking up a crouton and popping it into his mouth. 

"They sell the scrubs at the bookstore."

"Those are expensive, though!" Liam exclaimed, making Harry laugh. "I bought mine discounted for, like, $10. You can't get better than that."

"Apparently not." Liam just laughed. He poked his fork around his dry mashed potatoes, chopping it into squares then mushing it back together. "Remember when we made that deal that we were going to donate blood and paint together?" Liam looked up, nodding his head as a smile spread across his lips. 

"I do."

"Well, would you want to go to BioLife Saturday afternoon then have a little Bob Ross paint along afterwards?" 

"Um, fuck yeah I would." Liam said with a wide grin. Harry smiled back happily, nodding his head again. 

"Awesome." He said. "You should drive to BioLife, though, because I'll probably pass out afterwards." 

"I can do that." They both laughed.  They continued to eat lunch and talk before inevitably having to part paths later on. Liam headed to his lecture, and Harry headed to work for the evening. 

He pretty much worked all weekend, but still found himself finding in enjoyment in all the little things. Even one of his coworkers had mentioned how much more enthusiastic he seemed, and Harry just replied with a big smile and said 'yes, I've been feeling pretty happy lately'. 

After a really good appointment with Elena that following Monday, Harry spent the next couple days formulating what to say to Louis, how to say it, when to say it...every single minor detail he could've forgotten about, he didn't. He thought of everything, and yet he still didn't feel ready. He knew the moment he'd see Louis, everything he had prepared would vanish. 

He wasn't sure where to find Louis, and he was too much of a coward to text him and find out: that was his last resort. He started with Luke's flat. Luckily another person was entering when he arrived, so he didn't have to deal with buzzing in. The last thing he wanted to talk to Luke more than he had too. 

He made it to Luke's door and froze. He just stared at the wood, and the number nailed onto it, and wondered if he was making the right decision to try and see Louis without even any warning. What if Louis didn't want to see him? It had almost been an entire month and he hasn't seen him at all since they had broken up. He was beginning to sweat. 

But nonetheless he built up the courage to knock on the door, and the sound of people from inside the unit moving around sent his nerves flying. He started to wonder if he was even at the right door. 

Luke opened the door only to roll his eyes then slam the door in Harry's face. Harry frowned, getting ready to knock on the door again, but then it was pulled open quickly, and in front of Harry stood Louis. 

"Louis." He said in awe, looking and sounding as if he had finally found the one person he had gone on some great adventure to find. Louis stared back up at him, feeling actually stunned. The last person he expected to be at the door was Harry. 

"Hi," He replied quietly. "What are you doing here?" 

"I thought you might be here." Harry said, still smiling in awe and happiness. "I'm asexual." He then blurted out. "That's it. That's all it is. That's why I don't have any desire for physically or sexually intimacy, and think sex is pointless and all. It's just because I don't experience sexual attraction, I'm asexual." He explained. Louis furrowed his eyebrows together as he gave Harry a bit of a confused look. 

"So asexual means you don't experience sexual attraction?" Harry nodded.

"Yeah, that's it. That's literally all it is. It has nothing to do with whether or not I found you attractive, even though I very much did, I just...just the sexual attraction was lacking." Louis nodded slowly. "Apparently it's a whole spectrum so I'm still trying to figure out exactly where I fall on it, but I know I'm on it so I'm just going to use the term asexual for now, maybe forever. I'm ace." He said with a grin, making Louis smile back in amusement. "I just...wanted to share that with you. Also, just in case you were wondering, not experiencing sexual attraction doesn't mean ace people can't or don't have sex. Some do it because they enjoy it, others do it to please their partners, and some do it just to try it. There's also, like, sex repulsed asexuals, or neutral ones, or even sex positive. I think I might be more sex neutral, but...it's all still so new to me and I have so much more searching and reading to do."

"I'm really happy for you. It makes...so much sense to hear that. I'd never even heard of asexuality before." Louis replied. "How'd you figure that out?" 

"Um...my counselor at the center brought in one of her friends who is asexual, she told me about it and how she thought that might be something I identify with." Louis nodded, a little surprised to hear Harry had been seeing a counselor, he had no idea. "I had never heard of it before either, though." Harry added. "I wish I had known about it sooner." Louis nodded his head awkwardly. Harry took a deep breath. He glanced at Louis, then over at Luke who still hadn't said a word, then back at Louis. "Can I talk to you in private, also?" Harry asked gesturing to the hallway. Louis nodded then followed him out into the hallway, closing the door behind them. "I just wanted to...explain myself a bit more."

"What else is there to explain?" Louis asked curiously. 

"Um, well...," Harry swallowed thickly, reaching up to scratch his head then rub the back of his neck. He felt his throat start to tighten. He cleared it, glancing down at Louis who stared back up at him intently. "Sorry, it's just...it's hard to talk about." He said sheepishly, obviously choked up. 

"That's okay, take your time. Or, if you want, we could talk about it another time?" Harry shook his head. 

"No, it's okay, it's just...I...I have some things I never told you about and I'm trying to be more open and honest." Louis nodded his head, looking up at Harry intently, a million different scenarios playing through his head about what Harry was going to say. "Well, here goes, so I have actually suffered with...depression for, like, four years." Louis's jaw dropped. "I never drank because I was on antidepressants so I couldn't, and I know that one night I came home drunk was a disaster. I hadn't drank in years before that night." Harry forced a soft smile before taking a deep breath. "I also...I also dealt with...um, with suicidal thoughts and feelings, even when...even when we were together. It all got a lot better right around the time I met you, but it had been starting to go back down hill for awhile now." Now Louis was getting choked up. Harry cleared his throat again, rubbing his eyes. "I think a lot of my depression stemmed from me feeling like I didn't know who I was and for how I've been treated. You have no idea the pain that can grow from waking up each morning and not having a single clue as to who you are. I've spent a great deal of time explaining that I don't like a lot of physical contact or desire sex, but I could never explain why because I didn't know. I had no fucking idea why I wasn't just like everyone else and it ate me away. I became so preoccupied with myself that I began to neglect you, and our relationship, and just...everyone else too practically. I tried to work on it with you, you know, but I just got so tired and distracted that I usually forgot and just went back to my old ways. But...I know who I am now. When people ask why I don't desire sex or like a lot of intimate contact I can say it's because I'm asexual. I found my explanation. I found...myself. And I couldn't be any happier."

"Why didn't you tell me about this? Why didn't you tell me you were suicidal? We could've gotten you help, I could've helped, I-"

"Because I felt like I was a big enough burden as I was for you and it wasn't anything I would've acted on." Harry answered honestly. "Plus, at the time, talking about it was the last thing I wanted to do. I didn't want to put any attention on it. But I'm not suicidal anymore. I'm happier. I've been working with a counselor on campus, I'm getting better." He told him with a smile. "And I know who I am now. I don't feel lost, or confused, or hopeless anymore."

"Harry, you were never a burden. I'm so sorry you were dealing with all that and I didn't even know—"

"I didn't give you the chance to know, so you don't have to apologize." Harry interrupted softly. "I didn't want you to know about it, so I hid it." 

"Well I'm still sorry." Louis replied. "Not even just for that, but for everything. I...I realized I might've put a lot of blame and pressure on you, as opposed to trying to work together and all. You know, instead I kinda just...told you what I wanted you to do and got annoyed when you didn't do it, which is unfair and selfish to you. It's also ignorant on my part to think I had nothing to work on, or to not even try to understand things from your perspective. I guess...I don't know, I guess I thought...I don't know what I thought, or am trying to say." Louis said with a small laugh. "What I'm trying to say is that I'm sorry I was selfish and stubborn." Harry smiled. 

"And I'm sorry I didn't exactly treat you the best, or anyone really. I guess...I had, probably still have, a lot of repressed anger in me, and it...found its way out in unconventional ways." 

"Well, I accept your apology and I forgive you." 

"I forgive you too." They both smiled at each other. "Oh, and I'm sorry about the things I said and did when we...broke up. I tend to act on emotions first before I even think and just...just end up regretting it." 

"It's okay, I'm sorry about some of the things I said too." Harry just nodded. It was quiet between them, and they just looked at each other before glancing around the hallway. "I have your jar of the ocean if you still want it." 

"I do." Harry said smiling. "How was Bora Bora?" Louis swallowed thickly, shrugging his shoulders. 

"It was all right. Not all it's cracked up to be." Harry frowned and Louis just shrugged his shoulders. There was another lull in the conversation. 

"I know...," Harry started, then trailed off silently. "You aren't seeing anyone, are you?" Louis's heart rate skyrocketed and he felt a rush of adrenaline surge through his body. 

"No, no, I'm not seeing anyone, no one." He answered maybe too eagerly, hoping this was going to lead to what he thought it would. 

"Well, I know...I know you had said you didn't want to break up, and I was a jackass and said it anyway, but I was wondering how'd you feel about really trying to give it another shot. You know, I was thinking maybe we could go to the counselor center together, or something, just, like, once to kind of talk things out. I know you probably still have...you know, your desire for close physical contact and sex, and hearing me say I'm asexual might not be reassuring, but...if you say you want to work on our relationship together I think it might be a good starting place." Harry explained. "And who knows, since I've been feeling happier and once I truly come to terms with my sexual identity, anything could happen." Harry said. "I mean, that's not to allude to me, like, wanting to have sex a lot, but, I mean, you know, being less resistant, doing it to...to please you." Louis laughed softly, smiling up at him in endearment. "I'm sorry, I feel like I just put my entire foot in my mouth. You haven't even said yes or not yet—"

"Yes." Louis cut in giddily. "I mean," Harry's heart sank a little. "I just...I want to make it clear right now that I do not want a sexless relationship." Harry nodded. 

"I hear you say that, I everything I've said still stands." He said with a smile. 

"Really?" Harry nodded. "Then yes, 1,000 times yes. I want to get back together with you. I wouldn't mind that at all, going to the counselor center. I think that's a really good idea. It's always nice to get a non biased perspective." Harry smiled, nodding. 

"Really?"

"Yeah." Louis answered happily. "Bora Bora was horrible because all I did was basically cry and mope about you." He admitted hastily. 

"Oh, I'm...I'm sorry to hear that." Harry replied with a laugh. Louis smiled, shaking his head. 

"No, no, it's fine. I just...I don't know. Never mind." They just laughed, standing there and smiling at each other. Suddenly the front door was yanked open, and Luke stepped into the doorway, looking at them suspiciously. 

"What'd you guys talk about?" Harry rolled his eyes, already looking annoyed, and Louis scoffed a laugh, raising an eyebrow at Luke. 

"Are you serious? Could you be any more nosy?" 

"Well it's hard to hear through the door, and you guys talk quietly." Luke replied. "So either speak up and I'll close the door, or just tell me now." 

"Luke—"

"You're just going to tell me later, so it's either here with Harry or after he's left." 

"Well what do you want to know?" Louis asked, and Harry gave him a threatening look. "Obviously I'm not going say everything. I think what you want to know if we're back together or not, and the answer is yes." Luke didn't look amused. He just glanced back and forth from Louis and Harry. 

"You fucking serious?" 

"Luke—"

"He says he's fucking asexual and you think that means you should get back together?"

"You think that's a reason not to?" Louis retorted sternly. Luke just looked at Louis, taking in his growing hostile expression. 

"You know what I mean." He exhaled deeply. "Y'all better get your shit together, I'm serious. No more of this fucking...headstrong, neither of you will budge, bullshit. But, if it does stay that way, then I don't want to hear about it. No one does. Seriously. Patience is a virtue." Luke looked at Harry. "I don't think I'll ever like you." With that said, he slammed the door, leaving Louis and Harry to burst into boisterous laughter. 

"What is he on?" Harry asked as his laughter frittered away. 

"I'm not sure, I think he might actually be sober." They laughed softly before sighing contently. 

"Would you...would you maybe like to go out to dinner tomorrow night? Around 7?" Louis nodded his head. 

"I'd enjoy that." 

"Pick you up here?" Louis nodded. 

"I found a one bedroom, though. I'll be moving in in, like, a week and a half." 

"Well that's good, if you need, or want, any help moving, I'd always be willing to help." 

"Yeah, that'd be great. I'll probably...text you about it." 

"Sounds good." They shared a bit of an awkward goodbye, before parting paths. Harry left down the hallway, and Louis waited until Harry was a few feet down before opening the door and walking into the flat. 

Luke was standing in the foyer, his stance wide and his arms crossed. He raised his eyebrows at Louis, who closed the door with a resigned sigh. 

"What?"

"What do you even know about asexuality?" Louis rolled his eyes. 

"What do you know?" 

"I don't know anything, but it doesn't exactly sound like the best dynamic for a relationship, if you ask me—"

"Well no one fucking asked you, Luke." Louis cut in, walking past him to the tiny living room. 

"Louis—"

"Luke, seriously, I don't want to hear it." 

"Don't want to hear what? That he doesn't experience sexual attraction, and still thinks sex is a pointless and meaningless, and has no further desire for physical or sexual intimacy than he did for the last 2 years?" 

"Well you left out the part where he said that because of those feelings he discovered he's asexual, and it's still something he's exploring and learning about, and it's something I'm going to start learning about, so we're going to try and make it work. I already told him I didn't want a sexless relationship and he said everything he had told me still stood. We're going to see a counselor at the university center. We're both actually going to put in an effort. Is that what you didn't want to hear?" Louis exclaimed. 

"It's not going to last. You guys are probably going to see a counselor once, you say you're going to work on things, and nothing is going to change because you won't follow through."

"Oh my god, just the other week you were telling me how I didn't do enough, and should've done more, and shit—"

"Yeah, I was speaking in terms of your whole relationship, as to what you two both should've done from the moment things got bumpy, I wasn't saying here's what to do now if you two get back together—"

"No, that's what you literally said. You literally said that if we were to get back together for some reason, that it was going to take a lot of steps to get back to a good place, or whatever."

"Well I'm going to be honest, I didn't think you two were going to get back together at all. People don't change, Louis, their behaviors do, and sometimes that's not enough." Louis inhaled deeply, exhaling slowly. 

"You need to...seriously pick one stance and stick with it. One minute you're saying this, the next you're saying that, totally contradicting yourself. Do you detest me and Harry together or not? Do you hate him or not?" 

"I think just because you two love each other doesn't mean you're good together. You can love someone, and they can make you happy, but still not be a good match, so I don't detest you and Harry, but I don't think it's going to last. I do hate Harry, I can't stand him, but that's not to say he's the only I'd point fingers at ever when he isn't the only one at fault." Louis rolled his eyes. 

"Fine, feel that way, but I don't want to hear about it, Harry doesn't want to hear about it I'm sure, so you better stick to acting civil around him and vice versa. And I don't want you knocking, or making any jokes about him being asexual—"

"Are you fucking kidding me, Lou? When I ever been one to knock on someone else's sexuality?" Louis just shrugged. 

"Just making sure." Was all he replied, and they both went on with their days. 

-

A week later, after two really good dates together, they had an appointment set up at the counseling center with a different counselor and were both eager, and somewhat nervous, as to how it would go. 

They waited patiently in the waiting room until they were called back by an older man named Stevie. They both sat in separate chairs facing the man. They made their introductions before getting down to the nitty gritty. 

"So why don't you tell him what made you guys decide to see a counselor?" Louis and Harry both glanced at each other. Harry started. 

"Well, we had been together for two years before we broke up because...we had a lot of problems regarding sex, mostly him wanting to be sexually and physically intimate, and me just...not returning the same feeling because I don't really like a lot of physical contact, which I recently found out is because I'm asexual. So, while we were broke up for about a month, I finally found that out and...I feel like it's really enlightened a lot and so we got back together, and we really want to try and make it work." 

"Can you elaborate on the problems that arose between you two due to the unrequited desire for intimacy?" 

"I wouldn't say it was an unrequited desire for intimacy, we just...had different definitions of what we consider to make a moment intimate, and for Louis a lot of it was about having sex which was something I was not interested in, and I guess for me it was just...living our everyday lives, and so we fought and argued a lot because I wasn’t giving Louis what he wanted." 

“But I also wasn’t really listening to Harry, or working with him, rather against him. I kind of unfairly pinned blame on him, and so when he wouldn’t do the things that just I wanted we would get into the arguments and all about how I want him to be more physically affectionate and sexually intimate, and he would not want to do that stuff because he’s ace, so he doesn’t experience the sexual attraction that I do. Which, you know, we know now.”

"Okay, so, Louis, how would you describe intimacy?" 

"I don't know," Louis shrugged. "Like, having or forming a close and private bond that you don't share with anyone else." 

"What are some acts you would describe as intimate?" 

"Like, I guess sex is a big one." He said. "And, like, you know, just...couple stuff." 

"And Harry, how would you describe intimacy and what are some things you would say establish it?"

"I guess I always saw intimacy as, like, you know, having that close bond and knowing your partner in a way no one else does, getting to see a side of them that they choose to only show to you. And to me, I feel like things that establish that is, like, living together, sitting down to eat together every night, sleeping in the same bed, watching him study on the couch while I clean the dishes, just...picking up on his little quirks and knowing just these tiny details about him that you'd only really know if you were in my shoes. Like...to me intimacy is driving to a store almost, like, 30 minutes away because it's the closest one that sells his favorite shampoo, and buying crunchy peanut butter, and knowing he hates how loud the dishwasher gets so you run it in the afternoon, as opposed to at night because our room was right across from the kitchen, and it's always having an extra blue pen on hand because using any other color pen would be blasphemy. Like...those things. They might not seem intimate to others, but they do to me. It's like...that's my way of showing you I love you, of solidifying the intimacy we already share in our day to day life." 

"So it sounds like you guys both have a somewhat similar definition as to what intimacy means for you guys, but that it's established in different ways. Working with one who is asexual and one who is sexual is probably going to take a lot of trial and error, and figuring out what works for the both of you, especially, Harry, if you're still figuring out where you fall on the asexuality spectrum and where you stand on having sex." Stevie explained. "Have you two ever try any forms of sexless intimacy?" Louis and Harry both glanced at each other doubtfully. 

"We tried...cuddling." Stevie chuckled. 

"Are you aware of any ways to create intimacy with a partner without having sex?" They both shook their heads. "Well, a lot of people seem to place a lot of focus and importance on sex as being the only way for two people to share physical intimacy, but there are many other things you can do to fulfill that desire that don't need sex. It can be as mild as just sexless forms of physical contact like the cuddling, or giving a back rub, or even playing with their hair. Those are some great ways to express to your partner that you care. And those activities are things you can do wearing anything. You could be clothed, half clothed, naked, just anything." He said with a small laugh. "Because sometimes even just being naked in front of your partner, being exposed and open to them can be a great exercise in trust and vulnerability." 

"Yeah, yeah, we...we kinda did that." Harry said awkwardly. "Like, um, we'd take showers together. So...so I don't think we're uncomfortable around each other...naked."

"You are so red right now." Louis said laughing. Harry just forced a smile, nodding his head. 

"Yeah, I feel very warm." They both laughed. 

"That's okay, there's nothing to be embarrassed about, or feel awkward about." Stevie said. "That's also another great way to kind of create that form of intimacy without needing to have sex. Baths are another great thing too. It might also help to set the stage a little, maybe light some candles, sprinkle some flower petals around, get some perfume to spray in the air. There is so real definition for what is it isn't define as an intimate moment. Intimacy is whatever you two decide to make it. Whether it includes sex or not." 

"But Harry is like...he doesn't like physical contact, so he's never really been into hand holding, or a lot of cuddling, bath time, whatever else is out there." Louis said.

"What kind of thoughts and feelings occur when you touch another person, or are touched?" 

"I don't know, I just get uncomfortable and feel, like...an itch to pull away." 

"Is that the same feeling for everyone? Or does it vary between strangers, family, and partners?" Harry shrugged. 

"Um, I don't know, it's pretty much the same with anyone. Since I don't really like it, I never really engaged in it." He explained. "But like...even though it's the same feeling, like, the extent of it varies I feel. Like, I feel a lot more uncomfortable with strangers, or people that I don't know that well. It's a little bit better with, like, my family and friends, but I still don't like it. I get hesitant even hugging my mother. If you look at any group picture I'm in, I either have my hands to myself, or if I have my arm wrapped around someone my hand is, like, hovering over them." He explained. 

"Well like I've said, the best part about creating intimacy is that you two get to do it however you want. A lot of people place a lot of importance on sex as the only way for two people to have an intimate bond, but that's not true. For you two, it might be starting out with small things and gradually working your way up bigger things that might put you outside your comfort zone. You should never do something you don't want to do, or feel pressured to, but if a close and physical bond is what you two are here to work on, and strive for, than that's what it's going to take, it's going to take stepping outside the box, trying new things, pushing your limits just a bit." Stevie explained. "And Harry, with not liking physical contact, trying to habituate to it might be something that could help. That's not saying you have to make yourself enjoy it, but kind of blurring that like between feeling uncomfortable and just...feeling all right with it. And Louis, realizing that Harry isn't one for it, and working with him to make sure he's always comfortable, and maybe reassuring him with your words is something that could help as well. Relationships are about collaborating, not compromising." Louis and Harry both nodded. "And so maybe now that we've discussed different ways to create intimacy without sex the emphasis that had once been placed on it can now be transferred over to focusing on you two as a whole, and creating the intimacy you so desire. I can type up my notes once we’re done quick and print them out for you if you’d like. I know I’ve said a lot and it can be hard to remember.”

“We’d really appreciate that, yeah.” Harry said as Louis nodded in agreement. Stevie smiled, nodding back. 

"Have you two ever heard of the 5 love languages?" They both shook their head. "Well, a guy by the name of Gary Chapman wrote this book titled 'The Five Love Languages', and it basically breaks down the ways in which people feel and express love. They say we each have our own love language, and it may be different between two people in a relationship, but knowing what each other's love language is and understanding yours and your partners, you are better able to communicate and build a more intimate and fulfilling relationship." Louis and Harry both nodded. "Now I'm not going to ask you two to both read the book, but before the next time we meet, there is actually a quiz online that you can take that will tell you what your love language is. I would like for both of you to take it, and then we can talk about it and both of your experiences with taking it and finding out your results. That sound all right?" 

"That sounds perfect." Louis said. “We just google ‘5 love languages test’ then?” Stevie nodded. 

“Yeah, just that and it should be the first link that comes up, should have ‘profiles archive’ in the title.” 

“Okay.” Louis and Harry both said. Stevie smiled back at them graciously. 

They’re meeting continued for the remainder of their time left, and once it had ended and they set the date for another appointment two weeks in the future, they left with a paper with helpful advice and tips, and lists of different forms of sexless ways to establish intimacy. Their assignment was to take the 5 love languages quiz, and have one night devoted to just them exercising a different sexless form of physical contact. And boy, were they excited. 

 

-


	19. Chapter 19

The following week went well. Louis and Harry took the love languages quiz to find out that Louis's love language was physical touch, and Harry's was quality time, and they were planning on continuing to work with Stevie to better understand that, and each other. 

Harry was also still working with Elena, and had just entered her office after rushing to the campus after the high school had got out. They were meeting on a Friday, as opposed to their usual Monday. 

"So, Harry, hows your week been?" She asked him kindly. 

"It's been great. Student teaching is going amazing, Louis is amazing, everything is just...so much better than before. Last weekend Liam and I went and donated blood together, and then we went back to my place and painted along to Bob Ross. It took us literally almost 3 hours just to get through a 25 minute episode. It was a lot of fun." Harry was smiling wide, eliciting a happy grin from Elena as well. 

"That's so good to hear." She said. "How was yours and Louis's second appointment with Stevie?" 

"It was really good. We took that love languages quiz and so for a majority of it we just sort of talked about, like, what it was like taking the quiz, how we felt taking it, how we felt when we got our results, and just what those meant and how we can use those to strengthen our relationship and better understand each other. It really helped me learn that the way you receive love is also the way you express it. So, you know, Louis's top one was obviously physical touch and so that's how he expresses love, is through that, and that's how you can express love back to him. And mine was quality time, so, you know...yeah. It was all really interesting." 

"I'm glad that it ended up being a positive experience for you. It sounds like you'll really be able to utilize that information to better understand why Louis's strong desire for physical affection was so important to him. And hopefully he can now understand why it wasn't as important to you." 

"Yeah, I think it was really helpful for the both of us. We also talked about sexless forms of intimacy which was really nice, because I feel like sex is, like, the only thing perceived to establish intimacy. But we talked about that, and then before our second meeting we were supposed to have a night where we...tried a sexless form of physical contact, and so he came over and we had a night in. It was really fun, we ordered pizza and just ate it in bed, and we cuddled and watched Greys Anatomy, and after we turned it off we just cuddled in the dark and talked." 

"How was that for you? The cuddling?" Harry shrugged. 

"It actually, like, wasn't bad. At first I was really tense and it's all I was focusing on for awhile, it took me quite a bit to actually relax. After awhile it felt kinda nice, and calming. After we had turned off Greys Anatomy, he was kind of turned into my side, and he had his arm across my stomach and his head turned onto my chest, and he was really warm, I really liked that." 

"I'm glad that night was also a positive experience for you." Harry smiled happily. "Did he spend the night?" He nodded. "How was that?" 

"It was good. I mean, we've spent the night together before." He laughed. "I guess it just feels kind of weird though, because I feel like we're in this weird stage of our relationship where we're not really sure where we are. Like, it was weird helping him move into his new flat, and just...it's like we're still early into our relationship, but we're really not."

"Well, that could be something to talk about with Louis, setting up boundaries, discussing what those are and just talking about what you want out of your relationship right now. Are you saying you'd want him to move back in?" 

"I mean, no, not now, but...it's just weird I think." Elena smiled reassuringly, and Harry just scratched the back of his neck. He took a deep breath, inhaling slowly and exhaling deeply. 

"I think a little time is all you need. You're both still adjusting and adapting, you only just got back together. The pieces of the puzzle will begin to fit, you just gotta figure out which piece goes where." 

"So poetic." Harry teased, and they both laughed. "I've been journaling like you mentioned, and I actually really love it."

"Oh yeah? That's great to hear. What kind of experiences have you had with it so far?" 

"Um, good ones? I don't know. At first I wasn't sure what to really write about, so I just started writing about my days, but I like it because it's kinda of nice to, like, reflect back on what happened and...I don't know, some things I thought." 

"I'm so glad it's something you've found helpful." Elena said cheerfully. Harry just smiled modestly, shrugging his shoulders slightly. "Have you come to realize anything from your experiences with it?" He shrugged again. 

"I don't know, I, like, think a lot of those cognitive distortions, but I don't really realize I've thought them until I'm writing about it." 

"Can you give me an example?" And so Harry gave her an example he could think of, and they used up their one hour of time. After they had set up their next appointment for two weeks into the future, Harry left and went home to relax. 

-

Across the city, Louis was entering Luke's flat complex. Luke had texted him to come over, that he wanted to show Louis something, so since his Saturday afternoon was free, he went straight over. 

Louis just walked right in to the flat before shuffling to a stop, his eyes stopping on Luke who was sitting on the couch with his legs resting across the lap of a man he didn't recognize. 

"Hello there," He said slyly, as a grin slowly spread across his lips. "Who's this?" Luke looked over at him before groaning, making Louis laugh. 

"This is Booker." Luke said flatly. 

"And you guys are...?"

"Friends." Luke said at the same time as Booker said, "boyfriends". Louis's eyes widened in surprise. 

"Boyfriend?" He repeated curiously. Luke shot him daggers. 

"No, no," He said pointing a stern finger at Booker. "Friends." He confirmed. "With benefits." 

"Boyfriends." Booker repeated to Louis. Louis just smiled in amusement as Luke glared at Booker. 

"Friends." 

"We're basically boyfriends." Booker teased. 

"No, we're not."

"We've gone on dates." 

"Um, getting food we buy separately and fucking in the car is not a date." Luke deadpanned. All Booker did was laugh. 

"It was a date."

"You're so annoying." Louis laughed at them. 

"So...you're friends with benefits who are actually together and go on dates?" Booker nodded as Luke shook his head. 

"I don't do relationships, so we're not together, we're not boyfriends, I only fuck you because you're a great prostate massager." 

"That's all I am to you?" Booker asked in feign disheartenment.  

"Yep—"

"Yet you're still cuddled up here with me on the couch." Booker said, wrapping his arm around Luke and pulling him closer. 

"Ew, no, stop." Luke pushed himself away and got up from the couch, walking over to the kitchen where Louis was still standing, looking amused. "Shut up, we're not together."

"Okay, yeah, sure." Louis said nodding. 

"Seriously," Luke said, walking over to the refrigerator. "Stop thinking you know something. There's nothing going on. Just fuck buddies." Booker got up from the couch and made his way over to the kitchen. 

"So what's this thing you wanted to show me?" Louis asked, turning to Luke. Luke dropped a bottle of lemonade down on the counter and pivoted around quickly. 

"Oh yeah." He exclaimed. "Booker, go in the hall." He instructed, walking over to the island.   
Booker rose his eyebrow at him, giving him a challenging look. "Go in the hall." 

Louis was just confused, and Booker sighed, not saying anything as he stomped over to the front door, and stepped into the hall.

"What the fuck? Why does he have to go in the hall?" 

"Because I don't have anything to show you, I just wanted to tell you something."

"Okay, well you could've said that instead of lying." 

"Well, would you have come?" Louis furrowed his eyebrows at him, nodding his head slowly. 

"Uh, yeah, I would've. Why do you think I wouldn't have?" Luke shrugged. 

"Because we've been bickering a lot lately—"

"Because you keep running your mouth about things I don't want to hear. You don't always have to be telling me how you feel about my personal relationship." Louis interrupted. Luke's eyes rolled up at the ceiling as he groaned. 

"And I want to apologize about that." He said. "I just...I don't know, maybe I have some control issues. But whatever it is regardless, I'm sorry for not actually keeping my mouth shut, and just...for being an annoying bastard. I'll keep my opinions to myself, most of them." Louis gave him a skeptical look. 

"You've said that before, though. Remember when you said you'd stop your shit talking?"

"That was under different circumstances, but this time I promise I'll actually try." Louis crossed his arms, he still looked skeptical. "You know me, I'm a loud mouth." 

"Whatever, Luke, I just don't want to hear you say anything about negative about Harry, or our relationship, got it? Is that actually something you're going to be able to do?" Luke nodded his head. 

"Promise." 

"Really?" 

"Yes." He said. 

"Like, seriously though?" 

"I'm being serious." Luke reassured. 

"Are you really, though?" Luke groaned loudly before it turned into laughter. 

"Oh my god, Louis, I'm being serious, okay? I am." He exclaimed. "Just...make sure you're happy is all, don't settle. That's all I'll say. I'm done." 

"Are you truly done, though?" 

"Louis, I am truly done." Louis smiled. 

"You fucking better be. I swear to god, if I hear one bad thing come out of your mouth, I'm not going to talk to you."

"Yeah, I know, you've done it before. I'm being serious, just believe me, I'll prove it." 

"Okay." 

"Okay."

"Good." Louis said. 

"Good." Luke repeated. There was a lull and Louis and Luke just stood there in silence. 

"How come you had to send Booker in the hall to do that?" Louis then spoke up. 

"Well I can't have him thinking I'm some sort of softy, can I?" Luke replied, making Louis laugh. He sighed contently then furrowed his eyebrows, narrowing his eyes at Luke. 

"You guys really together?" He asked suspiciously. Luke groaned. 

"Literally, don't listen to shit he says. We're just friends with benefits." 

"Really?" 

"Really, really." Luke walked out of the kitchen and over to the front door. He pulled it open to see Booker leaning against the wall, on his phone. "You can come back in." 

"Thank you for being so gracious." Booker replied sarcastically, strolling back inside. "Well I'm Booker, don't think I ever actually introduced myself." He said, holding a hand out to Louis. 

"Nice to meet you, I'm Louis." 

"You look kinda familiar, have we actually met before?" Louis just gave him an unsure look, shaking his head. 

"I don't think so, you don't look familiar at all to me." Booker crossed his arms, his eyes narrow on Louis as he looked him over, concentrating on his face. 

"Do you know Harry Styles?" Louis immediately smiled. 

"He's my boyfriend, you know him?" Luke had joined them in the kitchen and was just looking bored at the mention of Harry, biting his tongue to stop himself from saying anything. 

"Yeah, I'm a BFA major so we've had a ton of classes together, we're good friends." Booker said. "You're a lot of his subject matter." 

"I am?" 

"Yeah, he draws and paints you all the time." Booker explained. "He's been finalizing his pieces for his exhibition, and a lot of them have you in them. They're phenomenal." 

"He's having an exhibition?" Louis asked, surprised. 

"Yeah, it's two weeks before graduation." 

"Really? How do you know?" Booker shrugged his shoulders. 

"Um, he mentioned it once and there's postcards in the department office." 

"Oh, god, I haven't been in the office in so long." He murmured to himself. He had felt a little disappointment that Harry hadn't mentioned anything about his exhibition to him. And he wondered if Harry ever would, or if he should approach him. 

"Do you—"

"Okay, this is boring." Luke interrupted loudly, creating a long, awkward silence between the three of them. 

"Hm," Louis hummed. "You know what would be fun?" He said, a smirk spreading across his lips. Luke and Booker gave him a curious look. "If we all went on a double date, you and Booker, Harry and I, it'd be a great time." 

"That sounds amazing!" Booker exclaimed enthusiastically, and Luke just glared at Louis in annoyance. 

"Um, no, because Booker and I aren't together, so it wouldn't be a double date. Plus I'm not hanging out with Harry, so it's a no. Absolutely not, sorry." He said insincerely. 

"It's okay, I'll text you later about the details and you can relay them to Booker, since you're always together." You could practically see the steam rolling out of Luke's ears. 

"Goodbye Louis, don't you have errands to run?" 

"I get it," Louis said, stepping over to the door because he actually did have other errands he had to do. "You want to be alone, I won't overstay my welcome." 

"I'm going to shoot you." 

"I'd thank you." Louis just gave them both one last smile before exiting through the door, and closing it behind him. 

-

The next day, Louis was headed over to Harry's. He knocked on the door, and Harry answered it with a happy smile. 

"Hey," He greeted cheerfully. He stepped aside to let Louis in, and once he was, Harry shut the door. He started to reach out to give Louis a hug, but froze and pulled himself back. Then he leaned back in and gave Louis a quick, one armed hug. 

Louis smiled in endearment, welcoming the hug joyfully. It was a hug, it was something. 

"How are you?" 

"I'm doing well, you?" 

"Pretty good as well." 

"I have Greys Anatomy all queued up and ready to go." Harry said with a grin. Louis kicked off his shoes then they both walked into the living. They sat down on the couch, close beside each other. Harry picked up the remote, but before he could press play, Louis spoke up. 

"So," he started. Harry paused, looking at him. "I heard you're having an exhibition in the gallery in a couple weeks." Louis said slowly, watching Harry carefully to gauge his expression. "Were you...were you going to tell me about it?" 

Harry just drew in a long breath before shrugging his shoulders. 

"Um, no." He didn't even sound apologetic. 

"Why not?" 

"I don't know, because it's a small show and requirement for my BA major. I didn't want to make a big deal about it, and I also didn't even want to put it on. So...I haven't told anyone, the only postcards I mailed were the ones I had, and those were just to different universities and high schools within the county." 

"Oh." Louis's head sunk down, he stared at the couch space between them. 

"But, I mean, I guess you could come if you want." Harry spoke up. 

"Do you even want me to come if you were never going to tell me about it in the first place?" 

"Come on, Louis, it's just an exhibition, every art student has to have one. It's not like this is some huge, big achievement or something." Harry said a bit sternly. 

"I guess, but still. I want to be able to support you and your art. I can't do that if I don't know about it." Harry sighed. 

"Then come. Come to the reception, look at all my really shitty art, and I promise I'll tell you about any exhibition I'm in in the future." Louis smiled softly. 

"You promise?" Harry smiled back. 

"I promise." He laughed. 

"What's your, like, theme? Does it have one?" 

"It's titled '100 Ways To Say 'I Love You''." 

"Aw, it sounds cute." Harry laughed softly. 

"Thanks." He replied bashfully. Louis just smiled at him fondly, endeared by the blush in Harry's cheeks. "How did you even find out about it?" 

"Booker told me about it." Harry raised his eyebrow at him. 

"Wait, you know Booker?"

"No, but Luke does because they're fucking. I stopped over there yesterday and he was there with Luke." Harry's eyes widened in shock and a look of disappointment soon followed. 

"No," he whined. "No, no, no, are they seriously fucking?" Louis smiled insincerely. 

"Yeah, they are." Harry groaned loudly. 

"Nooooo," He moaned. "I can't have one friend without them being affiliated with Luke." Louis laughed softly. 

"Hey, it's not like you ever have to hang out with Booker and Luke together." 

"I know, but still." Harry said, sinking back against the couch. "Stupid Luke." Louis laughed. "Has he just been with everyone on campus?" 

"I wouldn't be surprised." 

"Hey," Harry said, changing the subject. "Do you want to go out to dinner tonight? I was thinking Hibiscus would be a good place to go." 

"Tonight? How spontaneous." 

"I made the reservation last week." 

"And you didn't even tell me?" Louis asked, still smiling. Harry nodded, smiling back at him. 

"I wanted it to be spontaneous." He simply replied. 

"Well what if I was busy? Or didn't want to go?" 

"Then I would've either cancelled or invited someone else." Louis laughed. "Do you want to go?"

"Of course I do, I love Hibiscus. What time?" 

"7 o'clock." 

"Perfect, I'll put on my finest slacks." They both laughed together before sighing contently. "How's work going, by the way?" 

"It's going pretty well. I had this huge table the other day and I dropped the entire tray of their food when I was bringing it out, though. I was so embarrassed." 

"Oh no, that's horrible. Were they mad? What'd you do?" 

"Well, the cook had to remake all their meals, and I had to clean up the food and broken ceramic, but luckily they were really nice about it, and not mad. It was still super embarrassing, though, I was so red." 

"Aw, well I'm glad they were nice about it. Waitressing looks difficult enough as it is, I don't know how do it." Harry laughed softly. "I'm serious, I mean, dealing with people face to face? I would not be able to keep my composure if any customer showed me the slightest bit of attitude, or made some rude comment." 

"Yeah, you'd be a horrible waiter."

"I really would." Louis agreed. "I would probably drop food all the time, and forget what everyone ordered so I'd set the plates down in front of the wrong people." 

"Well, that part gets easier the more you do it. When I first started, I had troubles remembering peoples drinks, even small tables, and now I can wait on a table with 10 people and remember all their drink orders without having to ask twice." 

"Are you kidding? How can you possibly remember that much? The short term memory span is seven plus or minus two."

"Simple, I exceed psychology." Harry replied before laughing. Louis smiled at him happily, endeared. He turned into the couch, curled up in the corner of it. 

"You're a medical anomaly."

"Don't tell anyone, or else I'll be locked in a laboratory with wires connected to my head as I'm asked to find my way through a maze." Louis laughed loudly. 

"You're not a rat—" 

"But I metaphorically could be, if some mad scientist is to find out about my incredible ability to memorize drink orders." Harry interrupted. 

"Well, what if they're not a mad scientist, but a...level headed scientist?" 

"Would they still make me complete a maze with wires in my head?" 

"They might still make you complete a maze, but I'm sure they'll axe the wires." 

"Okay, well, maybe I'd go along with it if I got paid." Harry said, and he and Louis both laughed again. Harry smiled at Louis, feeling so gleeful to be with him, just to be around him. 

"You could make psychological history." Louis said. 

"You'll have to keep me grounded, stop the fame from going to my head." 

"Hey, I'm not going to take the blame if you turn into a diva." 

"Well I can't promise I won't turn into a diva, but I promise to try." 

"That's all I need." Harry smiled at Louis. "Oh hey," Louis then said, sitting up right. "I wanted to give you something." Louis opened his jacket and pulled out a tiny ziplock bag from an inner pocket. 

Harry watched him curiously as he took out the shiny, black ring and held it out in his palm to him. 

"What is this?" Harry asked in confusion. 

"It's an ace ring." Louis explained. "I...well I was searching up stuff about asexuality and I read that a big symbol for it is wearing a black ring on your middle finger. I know you like rings, I thought it might be a nice addition." 

"You were actually researching asexuality? And you got me a ring?" Harry asked, touched. 

"Well duh," Louis replied with a smile. "I don't really know anything about it, and since you're ace I want to understand it as best as I can. I don't just want to be ignorant about it." 

"You're amazing." Harry slid the ring onto his finger and admired it happily. "Wow." He whispered. "I love it." 

"You do?" 

"Of course I do, that was so thoughtful of you." 

"I'm glad you like it." Louis said, endeared by the blush in Harry's cheeks. Harry just smiled down at the ring, before smiling back up at Louis. 

"You're so sweet." Now Louis was blushing too. Harry leaned in slowly and jerkily, like he wasn't sure if he should do what he was about to, but the smile on Louis's face, and the motion of leaning in as well, eased his worries. He leaned in and gave Louis a short, sweet kiss on the lips. 

"You're sweeter." Louis whispered back. "Okay, picture this, we're on the couch, tv is on, but we're not watching Greys."

"What are we watching?" 

"Brooklyn 99." Louis answered with a smile. "It looks really funny, and good, would you maybe be up to watching that instead?" 

"Yeah, I see screenshots of that show all the time on Tumblr, it does look good. Is it on Netflix?" 

"It's on Hulu." Harry picked up his remote, and pressed the green 'Hulu' button. 

"Perfect." 

So, they watched Brooklyn 99 together, spending more time talking and laughing than they actually did paying attention to the show. But it was all right, because they were still having a good time. 

At 7 o'clock, after Louis had returned home to change, Harry picked him up and they went to Hibiscus for dinner. It was quiet and romantic, just as Harry was hoping for. 

After dinner and dessert, Harry drove Louis back to his flat and walked with him to his door, like the fine gentleman he was. 

“Tonight was fun,” Louis remarked halting to a stop outside his door. Harry stopped in front of him, smiling down at him. 

“I’m glad you thought so, I enjoyed it too.” He replied. 

“What are you doing tomorrow?” 

“Well, I have student teaching, then I work from 4 to 9.” Harry said. 

“What days don’t you work?” 

“Tuesday and Wednesday.” 

“Do you want to do something Wednesday?” Louis asked him. 

“Like what?” 

“I don’t know, anything. We could go on a bike ride.” 

“That’d be fun, I haven’t gone biking since last fall.” 

Louis grinned happily. 

“Biking it is!” He exclaimed. He fidgeted with his keys he was holding, the keys jingling quietly. “Well, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow. Thanks again for tonight, I had a great time.” 

“You don’t have to thank me.” Was all Harry replied. They both just smiled at each other before laughing softly. Harry took a step back and Louis turned to his door, sticking the key in the lock. 

Even with his back turned to Harry, Harry stepped back closer to him, and leaned around to kiss Louis’s cheek. Louis turned, pleasantly surprised, and Harry just turned back, walked towards the stairs at the end of the hall. And Louis went inside to his bedroom, where he fell asleep with a smile and dreamt sweet dreams.


End file.
